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Brother hasnt spoken to parents in a year (1 Viewer)

fruity pebbles

Footballguy
Brief overview. My brother is married to a truly beastly woman. She left him once before and he was a wreck. They have been back together for 3 or so years. They live one town over from our parents who are 70 years old. I live 400 miles away. We have never been close but have always been friendly, hes three years younger than me. We probably didnt have the best upbringing in the world but it was better than the upbringing my parents were afforded.

Last Christmas my wife and i called our parents and told them we were having a second child. She posted the news on facebook to let everyone else know. My brothers wife was pissed that they didnt get a personal call ( we seldom talk to them except at family gatherings). She posted her feelings on my moms facebook wall or whatever its called. My mom erased it which pissed her off even more. She then posted that the family has been broken apart ever since july 6th 2011 and they wwant nothing to do with any of us any longer. July 6th was the birth of our first child. 

Its been a year and theyve lived up to the promise. No contact whatsoever. I had already sent a Christmas gift before this all went down, Celtics floor seats and received no response. No gifts for the kids last Christmas or their birthdays. My mom in particular has called, emailed, went over there and they wont acknowledge any of it. I could care less but the thing that breaks my heart is my parents went to his house a couple weeks ago when they knew his wife was out of state visting a friend. It was a 20 degree night. My mom knocked on his door. She saw him look at the window, he turned the lights off and apparently went to bed. Left her out there banging on the door for twenty minutes until my dad picked her up off his stairs and put her back in the car. Shes now writing him a letter a week just to keep in touch. 

Anything i can do? Anything i should try and do?

 
That sucks, sorry. Seems like your brother has made his choice aligning with his wife. Which is what you'd expect him to do. 

I guess if it was me I'd just try a last ditch effort saying your parents want to have some semblance of a relationship with him, and is...LITERALLY...leaving your mother out in the cold when she reached out something he really wants to be thinking about one day when she's gone? If he truly doesn't care, or doesn't have the balls to make it clear to his wife that he wants a relationship with his family even if she doesn't want him to have one, well you tried your best. 

 
Is it worth sending him an email letting him know just how destructive hes being or am i wasting my time. Funny thing is, it was my parents who took him in for six months when she left him before.

 
Nothing you can do. I'd write my brother a brief and direct letter and let him know if he doesn't respond we are no longer brothers. 

 
Is it worth sending him an email letting him know just how destructive hes being or am i wasting my time. Funny thing is, it was my parents who took him in for six months when she left him before.
:shrug:  What would it hurt?

Of course if his wife has poisoned him this badly already you probably won't convince him of anything.  I'd just do it to be "on the record".

 
Brief overview. My brother is married to a truly beastly woman.

My mom knocked on his door. She saw him look at the window, he turned the lights off and apparently went to bed. 
With all due respect he sounds pretty beastly as well.

Not sure exactly how I would handle it but kicking his a** would be high on my list of options.

 
:shrug:  What would it hurt?

Of course if his wife has poisoned him this badly already you probably won't convince him of anything.  I'd just do it to be "on the record".
Send it to him at work so his wife doesn't intercept and destroy it.  What an uber ####.

 
Your brother is an ####### who lost his balls to his See You Next Tuesday wife.  Jump in his #### with both feet and smack him around like Don Corleone did to Johnny Fontaine in GF1..."YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN!"""....

 
Nothing you can do. I'd write my brother a brief and direct letter and let him know if he doesn't respond we are no longer brothers. 
Not sure why you'd add that last part.

You should communicate your thoughts and feelings to him. Since it sounds like you have reached out to him many times, you could say that this is your last attempt to reach out. If he wants to reach out to you, you're there for him. If he doesn't, that's up to him. But I wouldn't say "we are no longer brothers."

 
I cant kick his butt. He had a lot of health issues as a child, premature almost didnt survive. He was always the picked on kid, always acted really weird.  Hes small 5'6 maybe 130. His wife is a house, she prolly goes 3 bills. 

 
No idea. Jealousy, im thinking perhaps they cant have kids. She thinks my mom has favored us ever since.
Well, she probably has to someone who is looking for an issue. Most people would see it as grandparents being excited about grandkids. Not everyone is afforded common sense. 

 
Had this happen in my family. Went 5 years of people not talking together due to some family drama. Finally last year I told everyone we are getting together in one room and we are all going to apologize and move on. No more arguing, no discussion of the issues, just apologies and move on.

It actually worked, and things have been better since. 

 
just send him an email asking how he's doing, happy holidays and all that. add a bit at the end that you haven't heard from him in a bit- is he really breaking off all contact because the wife didn't get a personal phone call about #2? 

 
Or maybe ask him some questions without passing judgment. Let him tell you why. Maybe you don't know the full story?


just send him an email asking how he's doing, happy holidays and all that. add a bit at the end that you haven't heard from him in a bit- is he really breaking off all contact because the wife didn't get a personal phone call about #2? 
exactly.

he's your only brother- life's too short for this immature bs.

 
Not sure why you'd add that last part.

You should communicate your thoughts and feelings to him. Since it sounds like you have reached out to him many times, you could say that this is your last attempt to reach out. If he wants to reach out to you, you're there for him. If he doesn't, that's up to him. But I wouldn't say "we are no longer brothers."
I'd add it bc my letter would be direct that he is destroying our parents and I need a response, if he doesn't want to be involved with myself or our parents who are in their 70's he can go #### himself and I'm done with him - that's just me, YMMV.

 
Sadly it sounds like she is the one pulling the strings and of course it is easier for her to walk away from the in-laws.  

Your brother is in a tough spot.  I'd try to communicate with him via email and ask what you can do to mend the relationship, lives too short, etc., but I'd be shocked if he'd respond if you haven't spoken to him in over a year.  But at least you can clear your conscience.  

 
This chick is ruining your family. She's the problem. I'd be willing to bet dollars to donuts you separate hildebeast from the picture and he'd revert back to whatever is his normal over time.

 
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Sadly it sounds like she is the one pulling the strings and of course it is easier for her to walk away from the in-laws.  

Your brother is in a tough spot.  I'd try to communicate with him via email and ask what you can do to mend the relationship, lives too short, etc., but I'd be shocked if he'd respond if you haven't spoken to him in over a year.  But at least you can clear your conscience.  
This. :sadbanana:  

Life is too short for this stupid drama.  One day they're both going to be gone and he's likely going to regret all of this.

 
My relationship with both of my sisters deteriorated rapidly after the birth of my second child.    They both think my parents favor me.   One sister lives in Florida, the other is childless in KC.

It's not the point of no talking, but it's a relationship that's significantly declined and I know no really good way of repairing it.   Frankly, I've got too much to worry about now with 2 little kids, so I decided not to bother.   Frankly, there's just not enough time in the day for drama.

 
3 bills and a bad personality...never a good combo (unless you're a d-lineman)...unfortunately it seems like your brother may be mentally ill and his skank wife is pulling the strings...really feel for your family on this one...my guess is she's the type of person who thrives on controversy and negativity and probably enjoys this situation as it gives the two of them something to discuss...at some point you and your Dad need to get him alone and lay it all on the line...if that doesn't work than you know you tried your best and your brother will have to live with the consequences...and his fat skank wife...

 
It seems utterly insane to me that grown-### adult siblings would expend any energy worrying about who Mom and Dad "favor." Just seems bizarre to me once everyone's out of the house and has their own lives.

 
My relationship with both of my sisters deteriorated rapidly after the birth of my second child.    They both think my parents favor me.   One sister lives in Florida, the other is childless in KC.

It's not the point of no talking, but it's a relationship that's significantly declined and I know no really good way of repairing it.   Frankly, I've got too much to worry about now with 2 little kids, so I decided not to bother.   Frankly, there's just not enough time in the day for drama.
I think that's the key. I can only begin to imagine the level of insanity and acting out on it that would ensue for a married woman who can't have children in the presence of other family members with kids to share and love with the grand parents. It's not the GP's playing favorites, they're caring for the kids that are around. It's the absence of their own kids to balance that's a constant reminder to women like your sisters that "they're lacking." Guess who gets to deal with the fallout of that insanity? The male of her home. You know how that goes when it turns to picking a side if it goes there, too. Fall in line or...else.

 
One other piece. Her father died unexpected 3-4 years ago, right around when she left him. Left her a million dollars, she was an only child and they were very close. Shes blown through most of that.

 
Brief overview. My brother is married to a truly beastly woman. She left him once before and he was a wreck. They have been back together for 3 or so years. They live one town over from our parents who are 70 years old. I live 400 miles away. We have never been close but have always been friendly, hes three years younger than me. We probably didnt have the best upbringing in the world but it was better than the upbringing my parents were afforded.

Last Christmas my wife and i called our parents and told them we were having a second child. She posted the news on facebook to let everyone else know. My brothers wife was pissed that they didnt get a personal call ( we seldom talk to them except at family gatherings). She posted her feelings on my moms facebook wall or whatever its called. My mom erased it which pissed her off even more. She then posted that the family has been broken apart ever since july 6th 2011 and they wwant nothing to do with any of us any longer. July 6th was the birth of our first child. 

Its been a year and theyve lived up to the promise. No contact whatsoever. I had already sent a Christmas gift before this all went down, Celtics floor seats and received no response. No gifts for the kids last Christmas or their birthdays. My mom in particular has called, emailed, went over there and they wont acknowledge any of it. I could care less but the thing that breaks my heart is my parents went to his house a couple weeks ago when they knew his wife was out of state visting a friend. It was a 20 degree night. My mom knocked on his door. She saw him look at the window, he turned the lights off and apparently went to bed. Left her out there banging on the door for twenty minutes until my dad picked her up off his stairs and put her back in the car. Shes now writing him a letter a week just to keep in touch. 

Anything i can do? Anything i should try and do?
The upshot is, his life is misery.  He ####### deserves it.  

 

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