FairWarning
Footballguy
If you are on FB, what I did was post a recent pic of my mother and said prayers needed, she’s going thru a rough time. You’ll be surprised how many people will reach out. It really helped a lot.
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Caring for our elderly parents (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Hooper31
- Start date
nirad3
Footballguy
I am, but not sure if I want to do that. I don't know if my Mom would want the info out there. I did ask my pastor friend to pray for my Dad and his family.
Reply much later....
Photographs did wonders with my grandma before she passed. It would "bring her back to the present"
TLEF316
Footballguy
Read a couple of pages of this but definitely will go back and read more. Lots of awesome posts here.
Starting to realize that this day is coming closer and closer for me. My grandma is 97, full blown Alzheimer's. Also probably has pancreatic cancer (they're like 90% sure but we didnt want to put her through an invasive procedure to diagnose). She's been in memory care for like 5 years now (after a few years of at-home). The place is nice and the people do a good job...but man that's a rough profession. The whole process has been hell on my mom. Finally got the approval approval for medicaid a few months back when the $$ ran out (would have ran out a decade ago but my grandmother's long time "boyfriend" left her a big chunk of scratch when he passed). She visits as often as she can, but its real hard on the bad days.
Which brings me to my eventual situation. Neither of my parents are close to anything like what ya'll are talking about in here, but I'm sure it will come sooner than I think. My dad is 72 and has been in great health (other than constantly having to remove semi-cancerous stuff from his skin a couple of times a year. Consequences of Irish heritage and a childhood neglecting sunscreen). But the past year, he's has a couple of issues. They caught a 90% blockage in an artery over the summer which required a stent and now today he had surgery to cut out a cancerous mass under his armpit (after a few months of successful immune therapy to shrink it down). He's fortunate in that A) He's very well off and will always be able to afford the best care and B) my brother-in-law is one of the nation's leading cancer researchers and can get him into see whoever he'll ever need to see at Sloan Kettering.
My mom, on the other hand....I'm worried. She's single and I dont see ever getting re-married. (she's a wonderful person but incredibly picky and a PITA to be with, I'm sure) and has HORRIBLE spending habits. So even though she has a good job and some assets, I worry that eventually cost of care will be a problem (if she lives into her 90's like her mother currently is). And with no spouse in the picture, the burden will fall on my brother and I. Obviously that's part of the job of a son, but man....its gonna be hard to handle in more ways than one. Dreading when that day comes.
All the best to everyone dealing with this stuff. Just an impossible situation that we as a society (I think) make WAY worse by pumping seniors full of WAY too many medications.
Starting to realize that this day is coming closer and closer for me. My grandma is 97, full blown Alzheimer's. Also probably has pancreatic cancer (they're like 90% sure but we didnt want to put her through an invasive procedure to diagnose). She's been in memory care for like 5 years now (after a few years of at-home). The place is nice and the people do a good job...but man that's a rough profession. The whole process has been hell on my mom. Finally got the approval approval for medicaid a few months back when the $$ ran out (would have ran out a decade ago but my grandmother's long time "boyfriend" left her a big chunk of scratch when he passed). She visits as often as she can, but its real hard on the bad days.
Which brings me to my eventual situation. Neither of my parents are close to anything like what ya'll are talking about in here, but I'm sure it will come sooner than I think. My dad is 72 and has been in great health (other than constantly having to remove semi-cancerous stuff from his skin a couple of times a year. Consequences of Irish heritage and a childhood neglecting sunscreen). But the past year, he's has a couple of issues. They caught a 90% blockage in an artery over the summer which required a stent and now today he had surgery to cut out a cancerous mass under his armpit (after a few months of successful immune therapy to shrink it down). He's fortunate in that A) He's very well off and will always be able to afford the best care and B) my brother-in-law is one of the nation's leading cancer researchers and can get him into see whoever he'll ever need to see at Sloan Kettering.
My mom, on the other hand....I'm worried. She's single and I dont see ever getting re-married. (she's a wonderful person but incredibly picky and a PITA to be with, I'm sure) and has HORRIBLE spending habits. So even though she has a good job and some assets, I worry that eventually cost of care will be a problem (if she lives into her 90's like her mother currently is). And with no spouse in the picture, the burden will fall on my brother and I. Obviously that's part of the job of a son, but man....its gonna be hard to handle in more ways than one. Dreading when that day comes.
All the best to everyone dealing with this stuff. Just an impossible situation that we as a society (I think) make WAY worse by pumping seniors full of WAY too many medications.
fatness
Footballguy
Photographs did wonders for my mom when I'd visit her in the dementia unit in the years before she died. I'd go see her every Saturday, and for periods of time she'd be angry or unresponsive or confused, mostly angry. It was hard to find workarounds that would let us connect for awhile. I learned that never asking her questions, giving family news, bringing up old family stories, and taking her photographs would open up conversation. When she died in December and it was time to clean out her room there were folders and folders of photos I had taken to her; I didn't realize how many there had been. And most of them opened up conversations which continued for a bit, and she could be my mom and I could be her son.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
I would suggest medical power of attorney for you or your brother. You will then be able to review her meds with her, just in case. When I put my mom in care, they did a medication review. She was on synthroid and prescription Vitamin D. That's it. They were pretty surprised. Having long-time, consistent care really helps.
FairWarning
Footballguy
Harry Frogfish
Footballguy
Dealing with assisted suicide now, and much, much more, for my Mom's best friend. It is absolutely brutal and that is only a small part of all of that's transpired in between. Without much family -- and with the family she does have seemingly pushing the "suicide", for financial reasons I presume -- you get to see the ugly side of people. And it ain't pretty.
My family has taken more time to visit and enrich her life this last year than her entire family combined. And it's not close. Hell, her grandson, the Executor, in Spain, has yet to come and say hi or goodbye. But I bet he'll be here to pick up half the estate. And yes, he's been in the US of late, twice, during all this. But wouldn't make the extra trip. Mind-boggling.
I don't blame her for setting up the assisted suicide. When that will happen, she's doesn't know, but she doesn't want to go through the process when things go south and suffer for weeks prior. Smart. But I'm pretty sure I know who will, and will not, be there, when she decides to drink the potion.
Stressful. Consuming. Sad.
My family has taken more time to visit and enrich her life this last year than her entire family combined. And it's not close. Hell, her grandson, the Executor, in Spain, has yet to come and say hi or goodbye. But I bet he'll be here to pick up half the estate. And yes, he's been in the US of late, twice, during all this. But wouldn't make the extra trip. Mind-boggling.
I don't blame her for setting up the assisted suicide. When that will happen, she's doesn't know, but she doesn't want to go through the process when things go south and suffer for weeks prior. Smart. But I'm pretty sure I know who will, and will not, be there, when she decides to drink the potion.
Stressful. Consuming. Sad.
TLEF316
Footballguy
Mostly a rant here....because the system absolutely sucks.
My grandmother (mentioned a few posts up) passed on Sat night/Sunday morning. She had been deteriorating the past 5-6 months and it appears her heart just stopped and she died in her sleep. That was one of my mom's greatest wishes (that she would just pass peacefully rather than any sort of long ordeal) so we're all "happy" about that. Best case scenario for a 98 year old woman and the end of a long battle with dementia/Alzheimer's.
Sunday was the 30th.....obviously the end of the month. My brother and I were down at my mom's for the day (previously planned, so good timing. She needed us) and obviously we spent some time discussing the logistics of what needed to be done. My mom's understanding was that we would have 7-10 days to empty her room at the nursing home. The room was paid for monthly on the 1st of each month. (her own $$ until it was depleted, medicaid for the past year or so)
Turns out...because TODAY is now august first.....they "needed" us to clean out the room by yesterday......the day after she died. Otherwise they would start charging us daily for the room (I believe it was like $350 a day) until it was empty. Medicaid benefits evidently cut off right away (since she has passed) and she had exactly $47 left in her checking account....so the burden would have fallen on us.
Because of this, my mom and brother had to take a day off from work (I couldn't' on such short notice) drive an hour+ to the facility and clean out her belongings (hired a company to take the furniture and donate it). Apparently the room smelled like death (they had left all the linens on the bed and just opened a window) and it was just an awful experience. Just totally classless and greedy BS from a huge nation-wide company (Brookdale) that we've paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to over the past 6 years.
I get that its a business and the timing was just bad luck with their policy (if she had passed 2 days later.....medicaid would have paid for another month and we would have had more time) but come on. Have a little damn sympathy. For the most part, they took good care of her (so our overall experience was positive) and this has just completely soured us on the entire experience. They could have had a satisfied customer and instead, they're now gonna get an absolute earful from my mom once she has it a little more together.
Bad business and bad humanity.
My grandmother (mentioned a few posts up) passed on Sat night/Sunday morning. She had been deteriorating the past 5-6 months and it appears her heart just stopped and she died in her sleep. That was one of my mom's greatest wishes (that she would just pass peacefully rather than any sort of long ordeal) so we're all "happy" about that. Best case scenario for a 98 year old woman and the end of a long battle with dementia/Alzheimer's.
Sunday was the 30th.....obviously the end of the month. My brother and I were down at my mom's for the day (previously planned, so good timing. She needed us) and obviously we spent some time discussing the logistics of what needed to be done. My mom's understanding was that we would have 7-10 days to empty her room at the nursing home. The room was paid for monthly on the 1st of each month. (her own $$ until it was depleted, medicaid for the past year or so)
Turns out...because TODAY is now august first.....they "needed" us to clean out the room by yesterday......the day after she died. Otherwise they would start charging us daily for the room (I believe it was like $350 a day) until it was empty. Medicaid benefits evidently cut off right away (since she has passed) and she had exactly $47 left in her checking account....so the burden would have fallen on us.
Because of this, my mom and brother had to take a day off from work (I couldn't' on such short notice) drive an hour+ to the facility and clean out her belongings (hired a company to take the furniture and donate it). Apparently the room smelled like death (they had left all the linens on the bed and just opened a window) and it was just an awful experience. Just totally classless and greedy BS from a huge nation-wide company (Brookdale) that we've paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to over the past 6 years.
I get that its a business and the timing was just bad luck with their policy (if she had passed 2 days later.....medicaid would have paid for another month and we would have had more time) but come on. Have a little damn sympathy. For the most part, they took good care of her (so our overall experience was positive) and this has just completely soured us on the entire experience. They could have had a satisfied customer and instead, they're now gonna get an absolute earful from my mom once she has it a little more together.
Bad business and bad humanity.
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Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Good lord, that's awful. I'm so sorry your family had to go through that so needlessly. What schmuck thought that up?
My condolences on the loss of your grandmother.
TLEF316
Footballguy
Appreciate it. She lived a long life and we basically "lost" her 3-4 years ago when she lost any ability to recognize us. Thankfully my mom visited her on Thursday, so she has some closure.
A weird feeling losing your last grandparent (my mom's dad died over 60 years ago and my dad's parents both passed 15-17 years ago right after I graduated college). This, combined with me turning 40 in the fall definitely has me feeling old now.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Wait 'til you turn 60. Such joy.
Was she getting Hospice Care? If so, I think they would've helped in some way, cause they offered grieving support when my mother and grandmother died.
Quality of life is so important, for both sick people and their caregivers. Take care of yourself now and it may pay some benefits when you get older. You may inherit some longevity genes.
So sorry you had to go through this.
TLEF316
Footballguy
Yes, she was technically in hospice care (that's who called....the hospice provider. He was on the way to the facility to officially declare her deceased). I think it was technically for the dementia but we also suspected she may have had pancreatic cancer (didn't put her through the necessary procedure for an official diagnosis but they were fairly confident)
While I certainly get why some people would want to live as long as they can.....that just doesn't appeal to me. Dont get me wrong....I take care of myself.(never smoked, dont really drink, exercise, decent diet) But if I only make it to 85 (like my dad's parents) instead of 98....I'm more than ok with that.
Appreciate the kind thoughts. Honestly....the years where she was just starting to really lose it were way worse than the last couple (at least for us. My mom took it a lot worse at times). The actual process of seeing someone slip away is more devastating than the finished product.
Max Power
Footballguy
My wife and I are struggling to grasp what is going on with my Father-in-Law currently. He's only 64, retired, and a widower. He does spend a lot of time alone, but isn't isolated. We live next door to him and he comes over to say hello almost daily and he'll take his grandkids to events often. He's a member of several clubs and volunteers regularly.
Over the last couple months his behavior is getting more odd and extreme. He's always been quick to get angry, but it's getting worse and now he's even yelling at his granddaughter (which he's never done before). We're all noticing things piling up that fall in the weird category.
He has historically been a hypochondriac and that issue is only getting worse. Everything is killing him in his mind and any symptom he is experiencing is equated to the worst possible outcome. This part is especially frustrating to my wife as she wants to take care of him, but its hard to measure how serious each issue really is. He'll go to his primary care doctor, but does not trust going to a hospital.
Compounding these issues is the fact that he is getting extreme with his spending habits. Again we knew this was never his strong suit and we worried internally about it, however he recently admitted to my wife where his numbers are and it's worse than we thought. He's mentioned wanting to enjoy his money, but he's almost not long term planning anymore.
He has confirmed there is nothing we don't know about health wise and initial conversations with him over these things have been dismissive. We're wondering if this is early signs of dementia or something we should just leave be for now. How do you know when its the right time to step in?
Over the last couple months his behavior is getting more odd and extreme. He's always been quick to get angry, but it's getting worse and now he's even yelling at his granddaughter (which he's never done before). We're all noticing things piling up that fall in the weird category.
He has historically been a hypochondriac and that issue is only getting worse. Everything is killing him in his mind and any symptom he is experiencing is equated to the worst possible outcome. This part is especially frustrating to my wife as she wants to take care of him, but its hard to measure how serious each issue really is. He'll go to his primary care doctor, but does not trust going to a hospital.
Compounding these issues is the fact that he is getting extreme with his spending habits. Again we knew this was never his strong suit and we worried internally about it, however he recently admitted to my wife where his numbers are and it's worse than we thought. He's mentioned wanting to enjoy his money, but he's almost not long term planning anymore.
He has confirmed there is nothing we don't know about health wise and initial conversations with him over these things have been dismissive. We're wondering if this is early signs of dementia or something we should just leave be for now. How do you know when its the right time to step in?
BroncoFreak_2K3
sucker for Orange
64 is young. He has a lot of years left. Hopefully you all can narrow this down and he gets the help he needs and can begin enjoying life. Positive thoughts your way GB.
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Andy Dufresne
Footballguy
Those sound an awful lot like the symptoms my 83 year old dad has had for the last 15 or so years. And yes he has dementia and is in a nursing home (that if not for his VA military benefits would be bankrupting my parents).
Particularly the anger issues. For example: He and my mom, for reasons, have had my nephew living with them for about the last 20 years and my dad would yell at him for the oddest things.
He's also always been a bit of a hypochondriac but it got worse.
Coincidentally, I just finished reading this article ten minutes ago.
If possible, it would be my suggestion to him to at least have some tests done. Catching it early can mitigate things greatly. A slow decline, OTOH, really sucks.
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Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Could be a ton of things wrong, even something as odd as a reaction to a medication he's taken for a long time. He needs to see a doctor.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Max Power
Footballguy
Thanks. I like the idea, but worried because he doesn't agree that anything is different about him lately. I'm not sure what he would disclose to the doctor.
Andy Dufresne
Footballguy
My dad would always insist that everything was fine. Even just last year, when his driver's license was taken away, he insisted that he didn't have dementia.
I'm not trying to be alarmist and/or definitive. It just sounds like there are things that he should have an honest discussion about, just to at least have a few things checked out.
It's so weird how mental health is dealt with. If we had signs of heart disease or cancer we'd rush to the doctor for preventative help. But when it comes to the brain there seems to be so much resistance.
Max Power
Footballguy
Interesting article. I didn't know they could blood test for dementia indicators. Sounds promising and worth reading up on.
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
Which is why you call the doctor in advance. He can't discuss his patient with you (unless you have medical PoA), but you can alert him to problems you see.
Rand al Thor
Footballguy
Both my parents died when I was young. That was it's own special kind of hell. But when I read these posts, I am selfishly grateful that I don't have to deal with the horrors that you are all dealing with as you and your families go through this. Best wishes to all.
Edit to add: I can't admit this anywhere else and you all can judge me all you want, but when I see people my age taking care of their elderly parents in public, and it's painfully obvious that the parents need help to do the bare minimum like walk into the grocery store or wipe their mouths at Chili's, I am grateful and disgusted with myself for feeling that way and knowing that I will never have to deal with that because my parents are already dead. Ain't none of it easy and we all just do the best we can.
Edit to add: I can't admit this anywhere else and you all can judge me all you want, but when I see people my age taking care of their elderly parents in public, and it's painfully obvious that the parents need help to do the bare minimum like walk into the grocery store or wipe their mouths at Chili's, I am grateful and disgusted with myself for feeling that way and knowing that I will never have to deal with that because my parents are already dead. Ain't none of it easy and we all just do the best we can.
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Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
No judgment here. Watching my mother go through Alzheimer's when I couldn't do anything about it was very unfun. I was fortunate to have a really good care facility to take her. And it wasn't just me. One of her best friends admitted that she just couldn't visit because it was too hard to see her like that. I was right with her.
We are going through this right now with my 84 year old MIL. She has had dementia for years, but was able to live by herself and take care of her basic needs with our help. She fell and broke her arm in October 2024 and needed to go into a nursing home for rehab. We thought she would be able to come home, but the dementia accelerated and she is now in the memory care unit. There are good visits and bad. A good visit is watching TV, looking at pictures, watching funny animal videos and just talking. A bad visit is her asking where the car is to leave, yelling and screaming or yelling for her dad or mom. We go at least 5 days a week and it's hard to see some of the others that never have a visitor. We go hoping for a good visit and that if it is that at least she was happy for a couple hours even if she does not remember it the next day.
fatness
Footballguy
In the years of visiting mom at the nursing home as she declined through dementia, that's what saddened me the most --- people with no visitors. My mom had it rough; her life just kept getting worse for her and no one could stop it and it was awful to watch. But at least she had visitors, faces she'd recognize some of the time as family who loved her. Other people there have no one, and they're going through the same awful decline my mom went through, and they're doing it all alone. All alone, while watching others get visitors. It's slow-motion horrifying. Just a "hello" or simple eye contact would make a world of difference to some of them, and I could usually manage that and sometimes a couple minutes of talk. But at the same time I just wanted to get the hell out of there because it was overwhelming for me, just made me want to cry, and crying and running was not my job. My job was to fake it, smile, laugh, tell stories, take mom pictures to discuss, remember past events, anything. Anything to try to find an opening to some happiness for her. And she did have some happy times with me there. But some other people had no one.
The Longtime Lurker
Footballguy
Important post here. My wife is an administrator at a long term care facility and this is far to common. They're always on the lookout to bring in entertainment, young people, groups to just come in and say a few kind words and maybe listen to a story from residents. Please if you find yourself visiting loved ones if you can do like @fatness and make an extra minute to say hello to those you pass. I go and visit often (raised by my grandparents and lost them both, one ending up in a long term care facility) and know how awful it is, but the glimmer of life these residents get from simple small talk can't be overstated. Not all of them will have there full mental faculties, but it's easy to tell who needs a kind word. Breaks my heart everytime i go in and see these people all alone, but the smiles make it worth the while.
We know all of the residents names and interact with them frequently. There used to be a guy originally from Puerto Rico who was starting to speak more Spanish as his condition progressed. I would use the little Spanish I know from high school and make small talk. He would get a kick out of it. The toughest interactions are when they ask to leave or how to get out. Breaks your heart and we just try to get them off the subject which doesn't always work.
Senor Schmutzig
Footballguy
Has anyone looked into medical alert bracelets for their parent(s)? We recently lost my dad so my mom is living alone now, about an hour away from me. My dad was a rather large man and wasn't very mobile. He moved around the house, heavily relying on his walker. He fell a couple of times (and only told me about it after the fact) in the last few months of his life because his legs weren't strong enough to support him. They had to call the local EMT's both times to get him back up. There is a lady who lives in their complex and lives alone, fell in the bathroom, and wasn't able to get up or move for 2 days before her children were able to break into the house and find her.
Now, my mom is freaking out about being in the same situation someday and has been talking about getting one of these medical alert bracelets in case she ever finds herself in a similar situation. There are quite a few on the market, but she's on a fixed income so I'm trying to find something that is a good balance of fitting what she is looking for without a ridiculous upfront or monthly cost. Most of the options I am looking at are a couple hundred dollars upfront and $25-$40/month.
Now, my mom is freaking out about being in the same situation someday and has been talking about getting one of these medical alert bracelets in case she ever finds herself in a similar situation. There are quite a few on the market, but she's on a fixed income so I'm trying to find something that is a good balance of fitting what she is looking for without a ridiculous upfront or monthly cost. Most of the options I am looking at are a couple hundred dollars upfront and $25-$40/month.
Does she have a landline?
Senor Schmutzig
Footballguy
No. Just a mobile phone.
My MIL had the Logicmark Freedom Alert. It worked well, but takes a landline.
Hooper31
Footballguy
My journey with this has come to an end. My mom passed this past month.
The past year I made the trip twice a month to see my mom in a memory care unit. She was slipping quickly and it was noticeable. I could just see it in her eyes. A doctor warned me that psychotropic drugs were going to kill her, but it would keep her wild hallucinations from causing her to be in a constant state of fear. At the worst moments she was convinced she was covered with bugs. That was heartbreaking to see.
There was some good and bad. I learned a lot about dealing with the memory loss over this past year. All my visits this year started with me introducing myself and saying that I was here to watch a movie with her. She remembered me some of the time. Other times she was just glad to have a visitor. We watched old musicals that I know she enjoyed. I've got the Gene Kelly catalog covered now. The connection of song and music to memory is strong. She could remember a lot of the lyrics and couldn't stop herself from singing along quite often.
Best advice I can give to anyone going through something similar with a parent is to be careful with questions and tests. It's hard not be curious about where they are at, but putting them in situations where they don't know something, but know that they should can be really upsetting. Asking, "do you know who I am?" is the worst one. Its best to assume they don't and try not to make them feel awful about it.
The past year I made the trip twice a month to see my mom in a memory care unit. She was slipping quickly and it was noticeable. I could just see it in her eyes. A doctor warned me that psychotropic drugs were going to kill her, but it would keep her wild hallucinations from causing her to be in a constant state of fear. At the worst moments she was convinced she was covered with bugs. That was heartbreaking to see.
There was some good and bad. I learned a lot about dealing with the memory loss over this past year. All my visits this year started with me introducing myself and saying that I was here to watch a movie with her. She remembered me some of the time. Other times she was just glad to have a visitor. We watched old musicals that I know she enjoyed. I've got the Gene Kelly catalog covered now. The connection of song and music to memory is strong. She could remember a lot of the lyrics and couldn't stop herself from singing along quite often.
Best advice I can give to anyone going through something similar with a parent is to be careful with questions and tests. It's hard not be curious about where they are at, but putting them in situations where they don't know something, but know that they should can be really upsetting. Asking, "do you know who I am?" is the worst one. Its best to assume they don't and try not to make them feel awful about it.
Rand al Thor
Footballguy
Jesus, man, that's horrible. I'm sorry for your loss.
The Z Machine
Footballguy
Mrs. Rannous
Footballguy
I'm so sorry. I'm glad you had that time with her.
My stepmother is 85. Although she's in good shape, we still worry that living alone nobody would know if she fell and couldn't get to a phone. We've set up a group text for her + me + my two step-siblings. She texts us every morning. If she doesn't text, we text her to see what's up. If we don't get a reply with a few hours, we call. If we can't reach her by evening, we would either contact someone in her building or go visit to see what's up. Haven't had to do that yet. Definitely gives some peace of mind that if she falls, she'd never be stuck for much more than 24 hours. We've had a couple of instances of elderly relatives in the past who spent 2+ days stuck after falling and only survived because they happened to have people who they were supposed to meet at that point.
Senor Schmutzig
Footballguy
Same here. My brother is in Minnesota, my sister is in New York, and I'm about an hour away from my mom in Florida. She usually starts the morning out with a group text to all of us, so that's one way that we can see she is up and about. She will also text periodically throughout the day, so if 24 hours went by without getting some sort of communication from her, it would be cause for concern. Regardless, she still wants peace of mind that a medical alert bracelet could provide. I'll report back what I find and whatever solution we decide on.
You could get an Amazon Alexa with a screen that would give you the ability to drop in on her if you had not heard from her. We did this with my MIL. She would have to be comfortable with the invasion of privacy, but it was a great help for us.
beer 30
Footballguy
Ah Shick! I'm sorry to hear this bud. I was just wondering the other day what you were up to since I don't have a daily blog to follow along with. I'm glad her suffering is over but sad for your loss, hope you are well besides the obvious.
fatness
Footballguy
This is awesomely good advice.
Please help - I need to get both my parents into assisted living. Like yesterday. They both have Alzheimer's disease and are getting worse by the day.
When researching living facilities, why do all these facilities seem like extremely overpriced scams? Won't Medicare pay some of these costs?
Please help me not get scammed and find a good place for my parents. How do you go about this?
When researching living facilities, why do all these facilities seem like extremely overpriced scams? Won't Medicare pay some of these costs?
Please help me not get scammed and find a good place for my parents. How do you go about this?
I don't know much about this topic, but I assume that for people with Alzheimer's disease, you'll want to look into 'memory care facilities', not just standard assisted living
General Malaise
Footballguy
I have an 80 year old dad who is mentally sharp but declining rapidly physically. He fell and ruptured his spleen a week or so ago, was in the hospital for 8 days and is home now. I've been staying with him but it's not going well. I've cleaned up more poop in the last few days than I ever did as a father of five. This sucks. The end. Full stop. This. Sucks.
He refuses to talk about moving into assisted living. He refuses to talk about somebody coming to stay with him. He gets angry at everything. I don't know what to do. He wants to drive and he shouldn't. There's a PT coming to his house tomorrow and he's going to make it look like he's totally fine. He's not. I'll be there for this appointment and will be the bad guy who tells them he's not okay.
I'm not okay. I'm struggling hard. I want to do right by him but I don't know how to go about that.
He refuses to talk about moving into assisted living. He refuses to talk about somebody coming to stay with him. He gets angry at everything. I don't know what to do. He wants to drive and he shouldn't. There's a PT coming to his house tomorrow and he's going to make it look like he's totally fine. He's not. I'll be there for this appointment and will be the bad guy who tells them he's not okay.
I'm not okay. I'm struggling hard. I want to do right by him but I don't know how to go about that.
DA RAIDERS
Footballguy
Love ya bud. Stay strong.
Max Power
Footballguy
Sorry to hear that man. You're doing the right thing by taking care of him and getting the correct information to the PT. He's lucky to have you.
When my father declined the final stages were difficult for me as I needed to be the caregiver and help him take care of himself in ways I never imaged I'd have to. Roles entirely reversed from when I was little. I like to think he appreciated it, and I know if that time ever comes for me, I'll appreciate my children doing the same for me.
The Longtime Lurker
Footballguy
I've mentioned this here and there, but my wife is an administrator for a long term health facility. If there's specific questions that can help anyone out let er rip and I'll see if i can get an answer.
General Malaise
Footballguy
Ask her how somebody can convince a stubborn old Texas boy that he needs more help than I'm able to provide.
beer 30
Footballguy
I feel for you all that have to go through this. As the youngest by a ton in my family, I've been blessed to avoid most of this with my family because my sister and middle brother took care of my mom. She was the same spot although she was never angry, just tired but wouldn't leave the family home. She just slept all the time. My oldest brother went through this on his own in CA a few years ago. We have no family out there but he had a solid friend base that found him after they hadn't heard from him for a week. Fallen and couldn't get up, house filled with nastiness. All in the middle of COVID making it even more difficult. He had some intestinal or stomach cancer, never really knew because he refused to go to the hospital because he knew they would keep him and would die alone. So he stayed and passed in his home that he loved. I walked in the door as he passed away so again was spared.
I can't provide support or even relevant advice but having seen most all of my family pass away I can say that no matter how bad they get, in their heart, they are that person you will remember them being. Show them love and muster up all the patience you can because this is only for a short time and having celebrated my mom's passing last week, after 15 years it's amazing how much you still miss them. I tell anyone that will listen, spend as much time with your family as you can, even during the bad times. You only have so much sand in the hourglass and then it's over.
Good luck on your journey GB, I know it sucks and life doesn't prepare you for this kind of stuff. There are just some things in life where a man needs to step up and get it done. Do what you can but at some point you will raise the white flag and he will be mad mad about it. He's not going to disown you, he's not going to not see you if he transitions to assisted living. He'll be mad but **** it, sometimes you gotta make the hard decisions. Do you have medical power of attorney?
