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Martz's Mind Always Turning - Two QBs At Once?

Source: Matthew Barrows, Sacramento Bee

For those of you out there who have been wondering if it will be Alex Smith or Shaun Hill to win the starting job for the 49ers, Mike Martz has apparently given us the answer.

Yes.

In an effort to always be a cutting edge coach, Martz plans on employing a new formation this year that uses not just one but TWO QBs on the field at the same time. Dubbed the "double barreled shotgun", it looks like a one-back shotgun formation but has both Smith and Hill lined up seven yards back of the center. The 49ers were spotted at OTAs working on the details of motioning Gore to the slot or splitting Vernon Davis out wide, but the center has the option of snapping the ball to either quarterback based on verbal and visual signals from Smith.

"It takes some getting used to," Smith said, "but Martz has been successful in producing good offense, so who is to argue?" Martz later commented that "laterals are still legal plays, and expect that to be in the mix."

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I'm not sure if I have ever seen this before, but it is interesting. We may see for the first time two quarterbacks on the field at once - and neither may get up after the same play. J.T. O'Sullivan better stay loose, and Trent Dilfer should keep his caller ID on for his cellphone.
:bag:
 
Dal - Owner Jones To Decide WR Glenn's Fate

Source: Calvin Watkins

Jerry Jones will decide today whether Terry Glenn lives or dies says an unnamed source

inside the Cowboys organization. "Jerry's going to give the thumbs up or down anytime

now", said a source who wished to remain nameless. Glenn, of course, is recovering from

knee surgery, and while he says the knee is good to go the team isn't so sure. Jones has

reportedly left all options on the table. "I think Jerry's still looking at all his options...he's

open to a trade, but is considering lethal injection as well", a source close to the owner said.

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I say it everyday...things move fast around here. Two years ago Glenn was a top-ten fantasy

WR, now he's this close to being put down. I'm pulling for Glenn, but you can bet that Jerry's going

to do what's best for the team here. Good luck to Glenn in whatever is next for him (in this life, or

the next).

 
Cedric Benson given superpowers. Not sure if he wants to use them

Source: The Daily Planet

Cedic Benson encountered a strange glowing rock while on his boat the other day, which have given him the powers of super speed, super strength, and limited invulnerability, making him the worlds first person with superhuman powers. However, when reached at his Texas home, Benson was unsure as to his future in crime fighting. "All I have is limited invuerability. Bullets still hurt a bit, and my knee gets sore from too much super speed. Anyhow, we haven't even worked out compensation, and I am not sure if I want to help out law enforcement after the way they treated me last month." There is hope however, in that Benson's camp has contacted Jay-Z to work on a theme song because "every hero needs to have a theme song".

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While it is cool that someone has superpowers, it is just our luck that it had to be someone like Cedric Benson. While we hope for the future of mankind, I am not sure this is the solution.

 
Atlanta FBI investigates Terrorist Plot

Source: Atlanta Free Press

Head coach Mike Smith was found codling his fragile players outside the Georgia Dome early this morning as the FBI was called in to investigate a terrorist plot against the troubled franchise. "I'm proud of my players hanging in there through adversity", said coach Smith. The trouble all started in the early morning as players were taking part in there assigned off-season condiontion program. Most of the WR corps lead by now veteran WR Roddy White decided to get some pitch and catch time in with the new face of the franchise #3 Draft Pick Matt Ryan. After a few minutes, Ryan was able to connect with White on a 50 yard post pattern that White had to lay out for. It was at this point that White discovered that the end of the stadium has been covered in a strange white powder. "We all thought it was Anthrax" said White. "That's when we decided to call in the FBI" said Coach Smith. "We are not taking the lives of our players in our own hands". After a few hours of investigation the FBI was able to determine that this white powder was called "The Goaline", something the Falcons are still quite unfamiliar with.

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We are happy to hear that everyone is OK after this scare, but all the players in Atlanta might as well be considered dead from a fantasy standpoint, so honestly what's the difference?

 
NFL - Roger Goodell Arrested at local golf course

Source: New York Moon Daily.

Rodger Goddell, the public face of Football in America and the NFL Commissioner was arrested while golfing at the Hollar Crook private course today. Reports confirm that he was booked for indecent exposure, disturbing the peace and public intoxication. NFL spokesman Greg Aiello contends that his Boss was in no ways publicly drunk. Greg however offered no explanation as to why Rodger was nude. An undisclosed source reports that Mr. Goodells foursome included Sebastian Janikowski, Adam Jones, and Kid Bro Sweets.

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UH… wow! I, um… well... wow!

 
Falcons’ Brown Hopes to Remain Nickname-Free

Source: Atlanta Journal-Constitution

Thomas Brown, a sixth-round selection of the Atlanta Falcons in the 2008 draft, hopes to make an impact at running back despite the team’s commitment to off-season acquisition Michael Turner. But he hopes to do it without a nickname.

“Look, my name is Thomas Brown. I’ve never had a nickname. Didn’t need one,” Brown said. “I know that fantasy football players like to hand out nicknames. I feel badly for ADP, LT2, MBIII and SJax. I know that ‘The Burner’ isn’t happy, either. But I have to worry about myself. I just want to be Thomas Brown.”

Brown hopes that the generic qualities of his name help deflect any potential nicknames fantasy owners might bestow. He also plans to live in the Atlanta suburbs, as moving “downtown” might invite an unwanted moniker.

[ [ [ [ [Our view] ] ] ] ]

While Brown holds little fantasy value at this point, a lack of a nickname could help him fly under the radar during the season. Fewer fantasy owners will talk about him, and he should be available on the waiver wire. Keep an eye on this promising young player.

 
Successful Beavers Meet for Reunion

Source: OregonLive.com

Oregon State University hosted a who’s who of NFL talent on Saturday evening. The list of current NFL players and former Beavers in attendance included Derek Anderson, starting QB of the Cleveland Browns, Chad Johnson and T.J. Houshmandzadeh, wide receivers for the Cincinnati Bengals, and Steven Jackson, the St. Louis Rams star running back. The evening centered around a 15 minute monologue from Chad Johnson, where the flamboyant receiver presented his top 3 techniques for a successful touchdown celebration. “If all Beavers were able to generate as much publicity as I do, Oregon State could be the next USC” stated Johnson. With the success of the inaugural event, the second annual event is said to already be in the planning stages.

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Wow, that is a lot of star power coming from the Beavers of Oregon State. It is good to hear that all these players took the time out of their busy schedules to generate some good press for their oft-forgotten alma mater. Word out of Corvallis is that next year Houshmandzadeh will be the keynote speaker and the event will include a charity spelling bee – better get your tickets now.

 
CIN - Millionth Message Board Thread Triggers 'Out' Clause - Ocho Now A Free Agent

Source: Drew Rosenhaus Imagination Factory

Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson is now a free agent according to his agent, Drew Rosenhaus. Rosenhaus cited a little-known clause in Johnson's contract which was triggered when user ZOMGIMNEW posted a thread titled "Chad Johnson Update?!?!?" on the footballguys.com message board. The Bengals are disputing the claim by Rosenhaus that the "Millionth Thread" provision had been triggered. Coach Marvin Lewis was quoted as saying "Chad will be a Bengal this year. We know for a fact that 858,585 of these threads had the same title "Chad Johnson Update?!?!?" and that per FBG rules are supposed to all be condensed into one thread. On top of that, at least 100,000 of the other threads were in fact posted by 7 users with links to the militant group 'Friends of Steely McBeam'. I'm getting too old for this..."

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Chad Johnson's status is certainly a welcome subject at the footballguys.com message boards (though it runs a 2nd distant to our favorite subject: Patriot bashing). As for Chad's fantasy status this news will actually have zero impact whatsoever.

-QG

 
Marshall details emerge

Source: Denver Post

Brandon Marshall was arrested in March for assaulting his girlfriend, but there have been past incidents, according to the Denver Post. The newspaper says they have received reports that Marshall previously "punched his girlfriend, cut her leg with a knife and threw a rock at a car in which she was a passenger." Her companion that night and the driver of that car was subsequently identified as Marshall's ex-teammate Travis Henry.

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That explains everything! In light of this it would be surprising to us if Roger Goodell decided to implement any form of discipline on Marshall.

 
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Tiger Woods signs with Cowboys ready to take the helm.

Source: “It’s in the Hole!” fake sports network

What Jerry Jones wants Jerry Jones gets. Woods reportedly received a one year, 126 million dollar contract from the Dallas Cowboys, matching his PGA winnings as well as making Tiger the highest paid player in the NFL.

Woods plans on attending camp later on this month. “I feel good...” quoted Woods earlier today at a press conference, “my knee feels fine, surgery went well, I will be ready to play.” Tiger also told sources he has always wanted to play in the NFL and this is the perfect time in his career to make the switch.

Woods has scheduled a press conference for this Friday during which we expect him to announce his formal retirement from the PGA tour. “I’ve done all I really want to do in golf. My goal now is a Super Bowl Championship.”

Tony Romo was not available for comment (full story)

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No secret here, Jones is paying Woods to play and win, injury and experience aside we expect Woods to start week one. Obviously there was some sort of fallout between Jones and Romo, sources speculate that it may have been on an extremely personal level.

With Woods leading Americas Team the speculation switches over to where Romo will land. The Titans seem like a good fit considering Tony’s relationship with Country singing sensation Carrie Underwood.

Jason Wood, as we speak, is posting Tigers Player Spotlight in the Shark Pool. Wood expects Tiger to appear at QB3 on most rankings and recommends dropping Romo accordingly on your rankings until he is picked up by another team.

 
Adam Jones, formerly "Pacman", Now Asking to be Called "Galaga" Jones

Source: David Lightman, Dallas Area Gamer news service

Adam Jones (formerly "Pacman" Jones) asked to be called "Galaga" Jones during a press conference today with his agent Manny Arora. The request comes just a month after he asked to be known as simply Adam Jones, dropping the nickname Pacman he had since childhood. His mother gave him the nickname saying he would drink his milk as fast as the video game character Pacman.

"Pacman doesn't make sense any more," Jones said. "I haven't had a glass of milk in 15 years. Also in Pacman you eat dots and ghosts and stuff like that. Where are the dots? Where are the ghosts? And why would I eat them?" Agent Manny Arora said they came up with the new nickname after chance visit to a local Dallas arcade. "We were going watch shopping and I thought instead of blowing thousands buying one, why not try to win a comparable timepiece in that arcade claw game. So we're walking through the arcade and Pac sees Galaga and immediately loves it because the object is to shoot bees (and other insects)and Pac is allergic to bee stings. Even better is the game is played in outer space and involves firing weapons. Ain't no outer space in the game Pacman and I've never seen (arcade) Pacman shoot anything." Jones agreed, "It all just clicked."

He left the press conference giving reporters his new trademark "double gun" salute and exclaimed he was excited to be "entering a new challenging stage in his career".

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We like it. For starters this instantly helps his hit-miss ratio. The new name could strike fear in the opposition as now the imagery that goes with it involves being shot or blown up instead of being simply chewed or eaten. The only drawback may be that his movement is seemingly affected as he can't go up and down the field as Galaga only allows you to move side to side. Even so other players won't get near him until the later stages of the game as he can now shoot them.

Special thanks to stat wiz Doug Drinen who notes Jones still has never gone by a first name that contains a vowel other than "A".

 
Party thrown by Jones Turns Fatal

Source: Associated Press

Thousands of young children are awakening this morning to tragic news. Adam Jones, former bad boy, now Dallas Cowboy trying to resuscitate his image, must face this nation's youth and take responsibility for the latest casualty of his partying lifestyle. It began innocently enough, and one cannot fault Mr. Jones's effort to be a positive influence to kids in his new home town of Dallas. He rented out a local Chuck-E-Cheese restaurant and invited kids from around the city to come celebrate with him. Other Cowboys, Jerry Jones, and Commissioner Roger Goodell were in attendance, talking with parents, posing for pictures, and bringing smiles to every child there. It seemed that Adam Jones was doing all the right things, and in the presence of the Commissioner no less.

Then, things went down hill, and the laughter died…quickly. Adam got on stage and said he had a special surprise, he introduced a guest comedian he had flown in just for the event, known everywhere by young and old alike, Fozzie Bear from world famous Sesame Street.

The children cheered as Fozzie took the stage. He proceeded to tell one of his well-known bad jokes, and as if in slow motion, he was pelted with round after round of tomatoes, each hitting their mark, deadly accurate. He fell motionless, the place in complete silence. One lone child's voice could then be heard "Mommy is he...dead?" Yes, my anonymous innocent, Fozzie Bear is dead. Paramedics worked on him and he was swiftly flown to the nearby medical center where he was pronounced dead. The Doctors said no man, woman, or bear could survive that much salmonella at one time. They assured everyone that he did not feel anything, and he "was dead before the final tomato hit."

Lifelong friend, Kermit the Frog spoke to the press shortly afterward, "It’s...it’s just a shock. I have not felt this shocked since I saw these two girls on youtube sharing a….well it’s just a shock. "

Adam Jones has declined to comment on his ill fated party that left over forty of Dallas's future traumatized. In a statement from Michael Jackson, he offered to invite any child that witnessed the event to his ranch to help them cope.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Adam Jones may have thrown his last party as a NFL player. But, he certainly has a part in the upcoming remake of "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes". This one is for you Fozzie: "Wocka Wocka Wocka".

 
Party thrown by Jones Turns FatalSource: Associated PressThousands of young children are awakening this morning to tragic news. Adam Jones, former bad boy, now Dallas Cowboy trying to resuscitate his image, must face this nation's youth and take responsibility for the latest casualty of his partying lifestyle. It began innocently enough, and one cannot fault Mr. Jones's effort to be a positive influence to kids in his new home town of Dallas. He rented out a local Chuck-E-Cheese restaurant and invited kids from around the city to come celebrate with him. Other Cowboys, Jerry Jones, and Commissioner Roger Goodell were in attendance, talking with parents, posing for pictures, and bringing smiles to every child there. It seemed that Adam Jones was doing all the right things, and in the presence of the Commissioner no less. Then, things went down hill, and the laughter died…quickly. Adam got on stage and said he had a special surprise, he introduced a guest comedian he had flown in just for the event, known everywhere by young and old alike, Fozzie Bear from world famous Sesame Street. The children cheered as Fozzie took the stage. He proceeded to tell one of his well-known bad jokes, and as if in slow motion, he was pelted with round after round of tomatoes, each hitting their mark, deadly accurate. He fell motionless, the place in complete silence. One lone child's voice could then be heard "Mommy is he...dead?" Yes, my anonymous innocent, Fozzie Bear is dead. Paramedics worked on him and he was swiftly flown to the nearby medical center where he was pronounced dead. The Doctors said no man, woman, or bear could survive that much salmonella at one time. They assured everyone that he did not feel anything, and he "was dead before the final tomato hit."Lifelong friend, Kermit the Frog spoke to the press shortly afterward, "It’s...it’s just a shock. I have not felt this shocked since I saw these two girls on youtube sharing a….well it’s just a shock. "Adam Jones has declined to comment on his ill fated party that left over forty of Dallas's future traumatized. In a statement from Michael Jackson, he offered to invite any child that witnessed the event to his ranch to help them cope.[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]Adam Jones may have thrown his last party as a NFL player. But, he certainly has a part in the upcoming remake of "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes". This one is for you Fozzie: "Wocka Wocka Wocka".
Shoddy journalism here. Fozzie was on the muppets, not Sesame Street. :popcorn:
 
Party thrown by Jones Turns FatalSource: Associated PressThousands of young children are awakening this morning to tragic news. Adam Jones, former bad boy, now Dallas Cowboy trying to resuscitate his image, must face this nation's youth and take responsibility for the latest casualty of his partying lifestyle. It began innocently enough, and one cannot fault Mr. Jones's effort to be a positive influence to kids in his new home town of Dallas. He rented out a local Chuck-E-Cheese restaurant and invited kids from around the city to come celebrate with him. Other Cowboys, Jerry Jones, and Commissioner Roger Goodell were in attendance, talking with parents, posing for pictures, and bringing smiles to every child there. It seemed that Adam Jones was doing all the right things, and in the presence of the Commissioner no less. Then, things went down hill, and the laughter died…quickly. Adam got on stage and said he had a special surprise, he introduced a guest comedian he had flown in just for the event, known everywhere by young and old alike, Fozzie Bear from world famous Sesame Street. The children cheered as Fozzie took the stage. He proceeded to tell one of his well-known bad jokes, and as if in slow motion, he was pelted with round after round of tomatoes, each hitting their mark, deadly accurate. He fell motionless, the place in complete silence. One lone child's voice could then be heard "Mommy is he...dead?" Yes, my anonymous innocent, Fozzie Bear is dead. Paramedics worked on him and he was swiftly flown to the nearby medical center where he was pronounced dead. The Doctors said no man, woman, or bear could survive that much salmonella at one time. They assured everyone that he did not feel anything, and he "was dead before the final tomato hit."Lifelong friend, Kermit the Frog spoke to the press shortly afterward, "It’s...it’s just a shock. I have not felt this shocked since I saw these two girls on youtube sharing a….well it’s just a shock. "Adam Jones has declined to comment on his ill fated party that left over forty of Dallas's future traumatized. In a statement from Michael Jackson, he offered to invite any child that witnessed the event to his ranch to help them cope.[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]Adam Jones may have thrown his last party as a NFL player. But, he certainly has a part in the upcoming remake of "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes". This one is for you Fozzie: "Wocka Wocka Wocka".
Shoddy journalism here. Fozzie was on the muppets, not Sesame Street. :popcorn:
I humbly withdraw my entry. :goodposting:
 
Big Brown seeks redemption; race against Ocho Cinco proposed

by Henry "Railbird" Jones - Covington Coupon-Clipper & Gazette

Troubled and controverisal trainer Rick Dutrow has propsed a tune-up race for later this month for his horse Big Brown. Dutrow has asked the Cincinnati Bengals to allow Chad Johnson to race against the former Triple Crown candidate at a race at Churchill Downs on July 23rd.

Johnson, who was vacationing in the Bahamas, welcomed the challenge. "Heck, I nearly lost to a decent horse a couple of years ago. I don't see any reason why I can't smoke a glue factory candidate like Big Brown." He sneered, "'What can Brown do for you?' "He can only hope and pray I don't beat him too bad."

"Just so I don't make that plow horse look too bad, I'll ask my good buddy Housh if he wants in, too. I figure if Big Brown can keep his shoes on and takes a shot of 'roids, maybe, just maybe he can beat Housh."

Dutrow, who flew into town on Wild Turkey Airlines to promote Big Brown's next race against other horses, declared it was a "lock" that Brown would win the propsed race. He was flanked by his good friend Johnny Walker as well as Walker's pals, who only identified themselves and "Blackie" and "Red".

The Bengals had no comment.

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Ocho Cinco never ceases to amaze. If you're holding your draft in the next few days, I'd keep my eye out to see what happens to Bengal receivers after this race. A couple of pulled hammys could put you in serious danger at WR. Make sure you have good depth if you draft either top Bengal WR.

 
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Kansas City Chiefs to Ban Standing up at Stadium - NFL = No fun league

Source - Yahoo Sports, Shutdown Corner

The Kansas City Chiefs have a "Fan Code of Conduct," which is essentially a list of rules that fans have to follow when they're attending a game at Arrowhead. In theory, it's not a bad idea, as you'd like your stadium to provide a friendly atmosphere for families and people who aren't drunken hooligans.

In practice, though, it might not be such a great idea, especially if the person responsible for coming up with the rules is an 85-year-old woman who teaches the 2nd grade and regards standing up as one of the evil things that young whippersnappers often do. Seriously, standing erect is the No. 2 item on the list of things that are prohibited:

• Standing and/or obstructing the view of other fans

Not only that, Pro Football Talk points out how seated fans can anonymously tattle on their upright counterparts:

The Chiefs also have set up a text-messaging system that allows fans who might be offended by behaviors like standing to report the situation to the powers-that-be.

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Awesome. I hear they're even taking the extra step and including bed pans with every seat, so no one has to get up to use the bathroom. They're going to make the beer and peanut vendors crawl through the stadium on all fours. Also, as soon as you get to your seat and sit down, an usher's going to come by and inject you with a temporary paralytic.

Maybe I'm overreacting. The anti-standing policy might only be temporary. Maybe they'll lift the ban when the Chiefs can field an offense that might actually score a touchdown every now and then and might give fans a reason to stand. Maybe this is only the policy until Brodie Croyle improved or is replaced.

This would be a great fake one, but horribly it's true over at yahoo-

http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_...n?urn=nfl,91291

 
Patriot Assistant Found Entombed Next To Visitors Locker Room

Source: Boston Globe

The Body of assistant strength coach Matt Cavanaugh was found entombed next to the visitors locker room, after a maintainence worker noticed a weird smell the other day. Mr. Cavanaugh was apparently buried in there with a tape recorder, a walkie talkie, 300 D batteries, a faucet for drinking water, and 800 cans of spaghettios (which were all empty). There was a small vent in the tomb that was acoustcally engineered to hear into the coaches area of the locker room. "While we are awaiting the coroners report, It seems that Mr. Cavanah starved to death." While rumors are rampant, one person who is familiar with the patriots said "I believe that once Spygate came out, the team wanted to distance themselves from any wrongdoing. In doing so, they evidently forgot that they left Matt there." League Commissioner Roger Goodell said "Spygate and everything associated with it has been asked and answered, and we will not delve into this any further." Police Commissioner Ed Davis had this to say when asked in Coach Bill Belichick may have to answer for the death of Mr. Cavanaugh: "Bill Belichick has brought 3 superbowl trophies to the city of Boston, and almost gave us an undefeated season. As far as I am concerned he can kill almost anyone in this city otehr than Tom Brady, anyone on the Red Sox, or Anyone on the Celtics and I have no problem with that."

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While it seems rather callous, it seems that the Patriots will have to deal with more cheating alligations (in the court of public opinion), but no murder charges or additional fines from the league. Our hearts go out to Mr. Cavanaughs family.

 
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Brad Meester Named NFL's Dirtiest Player

In a recent poll conducted by NFL.com, Brad Meester of the Jacksonville Jaguars was named the NFL's dirtiest player.

"He just flat out stinks" said teammate Maurice Jones-Drew. Meester has battled shingles, gout, and crotch-rotch over the past season due to his poor hygiene.

Jones-Drew continued, "I'm not surprised he has been voted the dirtiest player, we've tried everything with him. I've left Gold Bond powder in front of his locker, bars of soap, and hotel shampoo samples."

The Jaguars have hired special staff members that are responsible for hosing down Meester before he enters the locker room with and industrial sized fire hose. Coach Jack Del Rio commented, "it's similar to when you go to the zoo and see an elephant that just shat himself being hosed off by park employees."

When asked for a comment in the Jags locker room, a naked Meester simply turned around, lifted one leg and farted in our general direction and said "There's your comment."

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Meester's viewpoint on personal hygiene catapults David Garrard into the upper tier of linemen as any opponent would surely be turned off enough by his unholy stench that they would purposely give up on pursuing the Jacksonville quarterback and run in the other direction.

 
Matt Walsh To Come Forth With New Video

So far, Bill Belichick has come out of spygate relatively unscathed, but that's all about to change. Matt Walsh is about to unleash the Bill Belichick sex video that will be exclusively available on his website. The graphic video features a nude from the waist down Belichick, wearing only a ratty old sweater, having sex with Sharon Shenocca , a married woman. Those who have seen the video have said that Belichick left early, and did not even give Mrs. Shenocca as much as a handshake when he was done. When confronted about the video Belichick didn't have much to say other than to state he didn't break any league rules and his focus was on the upcoming season. "It's business as usual for the team. I have no regrets, I was just trying to gain an advantage over my sexual opponent, clearly within the rules of the NFL"

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

It's clear that Bill Belichick is obsessed with video taping everything he can. How much of an effect this will have on the team is unknown as of now, but we can't help but think there will be some players that will view their coach in a different light after viewing the video of Belichick doing the dirty deed. We'll have to see how the preseason shakes out before we downgrade any Patriots players.

 
MIA - Fields Takes Early Lead In Miami Holder Battle

Source: www.placeholdertimes.com

Incumbent Brandon Fields has taken an early lead over Chad Henne and John Beck in the fierce competition for holder on kicks in the upcoming season. New Dolphins VP Bill Parcells gave rare praise to Fields for his willingness to tough out a cracked cuticle while taking all but one of the first team kicking snaps during minicamp. A known horse racing aficianado, Parcells has taken to nicknaming him "Big Bran" after the Kentucky and Preakness winner.

"I can't say enough good things about Brandon Fields. This kid isn't like some of the prima donna holders I've had to deal with in recent years.", said Parcells in a thinly veiled swipe at Cowboys Holder Tony Romo. "I know it's early in his career, but this kid has the potential to be really great, perhaps even better than Tupa" he said, comparing Fields to the legendary Tom Tupa. "Not to put the pressure on him, but if Tupa doesn't get there first, this kid might just be the first holder to enter the Hall of Fame."

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Considering that Tuna throws around compliments about as often as he downs a salad, this is high praise indeed. Still, with Fields only in his 2nd year and already showing a troubling injury history (in addition to the cracked cuticle he endured a nasty paper cut during his senior year at holder-factory Michigan State) we aren't quite ready to jump on his bandwagon just yet. In leagues that weigh holder points heavily, he should go off the board after the first few stud holders are already gone (about round 9 in a typical 10-team league). If for some reason he's still available in dynasty leagues, however, he definitely is worth a first round selection for those of you looking for a productive holder with tremendous upside.

-QG

 
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WR Fitzgerald, Unhappy With NEW Contract, Skips OTA & May Not Report To Training Camp

Source- NFL Network

Arizona Cardinals wide receiver Larry Fitzgerald said on Tuesday that he has not decided whether he will report to Training Camp. Fitzgerald is unhappy with his current contract which is less than four months old. "I honestly can't say at this point," Fitzgerald said. The Arizona Cardinals and Fitzgerald agreed on a four-year, $40 million contract, in March of 2008, making him the highest paid WR in the NFL. Fitzgerald is scheduled to make $33 million through the first three years and is guaranteed $30 million in all. He will earn $17 million this year, including his $15 signing bonus and $2 million in base pay. The bonus, however, is spread out over the duration of the contract in terms of cap hit.

Despite signing a new contract in March, renegotiating the deal appears to be a top priority for Fitzgerald and his agent as the Cardinals prepare for training camp. Rumblings of frustration are growing within the organization and Cardinals GM Rod Graves acknowledged that he was "...more than a bit surprised to hear that Fitzgerald already feels he is underpaid and believes the contract he signed less than four months ago should be considered irrelevant." a more realistic "window" (for renegotiating the renegotiated contract) is some time this fall. Cardinals officials remain confident that Fitzgerald will report to camp on time and not subject himself to fines of $14,000 a day.

"He's under contract, and we expect him to honor that agreement," Graves said, "and as we said, we'll continue to work with him."

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Wow, that has to be some sort of record. So Fitzgerald doesn't know if he will be reporting to camp on time or not, huh? We spent the whole spring watching this situation unfold, and had assumed the conflict had been resolved. But now it seems Fitzgerald has grown unhappy with his brand new $33 million contract after a matter of weeks. To be fair, we do not know if time and space behave the same for the ridiculously rich as it does for us. Plus gas prices were still under $3.25 a gallon in the Phoenix metro area at the time he signed the contract, and we know those Hummers aren't gonna fill up on their own. Best of luck Larry...

 
Al Davis signs Floyd Mayweather, Jr to 4 year deal to Play WR

In a move that shocked the Raider Nation, Al Davis has signed Pretty Boy Floyd to a 4 year contract to play Wide Receiver. Financial terms were not made available. Davis is quoted as saying "I was gettin crunk up in Tryst a couple weeks ago, and my new signee Javon Walker was there. He was throwing some cash around, Spraying Crystal on the crowd, and acting like a hotshot. Then out of nowhere Money Mayweather ups the ante and drops $100K on a round of Dom for the entire club. It was amazing! That is the kind of leadership we need on the Raiders offense. I am very excited about the potential this gives us. Besides that, did you guys see Wrestlemania? He kicked the poop out of the Big Show!"

Javon Walker and his agent both declined to comment on the signing.

[[[[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]]]]]

While stranger things have happened, I can't think of one offhand. Floyd Mayweather has neither the size nor the strength to compete in the NFL. He makes Wayne Chrebet look like David Boston. We knew Davis' grasp on reality was slipping, but this is just embarrassing. Keep your eyes on this one..I'm setting the over under at about 26 minutes of playing time before we see a career ending injury. Floyd better eat his Wheaties.

J.

 
MIN - Latest Vikings Stadium Proposal To Include Provision for PUL's

Source: www.whizzinator.com

Minnesota Vikings owner Zygi Wilf introduced a plan today to defer some of the costs of a new stadium via Personal Urinal Licenses. Wilf stated "With salaries a constant drain on resources, we believe that PUL's are the only way that we will be able to achieve the kind of revenue stream that will allow sufficient money to trickle down to our scouting and other football-related operations. Flush with these new funds, we should be able to compete in the Super Bowl in the near future. Our marketing whizzes really have floated a great idea this time!" The licenses will only apply to urinals in the stadium. The surrounding parking lots will still be a license-free zone.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

No real fantasy news here of course, but we thought we'd pass along this innovative idea to extract more money from the average fan. We figure a Turd Tarriff can't be too far behind.

-QG

 
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MIN - Latest Vikings Stadium Proposal To Include Provision for PUL's

Source: www.whizzinator.com

Minnesota Vikings owner Zygi Wilf introduced a plan today to defer some of the costs of a new stadium via Personal Urinal Licenses. Wilf stated "With salaries a constant drain on resources, we believe that PUL's are the only way that we will be able to achieve the kind of revenue stream that will allow sufficient money to trickle down to our scouting and other football-related operations. Flush with these new funds, we should be able to compete in the Super Bowl in the near future. Our marketing whizzes really have floated a great idea this time!" The licenses will only apply to urinals in the stadium. The surrounding parking lots will still be a license-free zone.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

No real fantasy news here of course, but we thought we'd pass along this innovative idea to extract more money from the average fan. We figure a Turd Tarriff can't be too far behind.

-QG
Can we get this deleted before any NFL Team Exec's see this?
 


Giants, Shockey and Burress living it up with Her Majesty's Secret Service and receive the Royale treatment.

Reported by Ms. Havascoop Fleming of the Mayfair Observer.

Jeremy Shockey and Plaxico Burress decided to celebrate their Super Bowl victory together in an effort to bury any remnant of animosity or skeletons of the past.

I ran into them as they were enjoying their martinis at the newest hot spot; Double-O-Seven in the lower East Side of Manhattan. It turns out that as they planned their little celebration, Jeremy said to Plax, “you know what, let’s rent a limo so that we don’t have to worry about transportation and so we can hop from club to club more easily”. Apparently Plax replied, “that’s a great idea, and while were at it, let’s agree to only bring $50 each for various tips and such and we’ll use our credit cards for everything else”. Jeremy thought this over a bit and then responded with something like “You know, let’s do it and let’s switch who buys from one club to the next so that we split the cost evenly throughout the night”.

When we met, they had quite a large female entourage with them. Including ##### Galore, Honey Ryder, Plenty O'Toole, Mary Goodnight, Holly Goodhead, Amy Goodenough, Octo#####, and Xenia Onatopp. I did not want to intrude in their fun so after 20 minutes or so I said my farewells, but I’m sure that much was shaken and a few things stirred.

[[[[[[[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]]]]]]

Having harmonious receivers working together like this should make Eli’s job a whole lot easier this coming year. Perhaps a repeat will be in order. Also, who would have thought that a football player could go out and party, not get a DUI, not get mugged and loose $10,000’s of cash, and still get the girl.

 
BAL - Live birds to be used at home games

Source: Matthew J. Darnell, of Yahoo! Sports

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is unhappy about the Baltimore Ravens plan to have live birds flying around at their home games. PETA issued a statement saying that the bright lights, screaming fans and loud noises such as air horns, music and sound systems could be terrifying for the birds. PETA also stated that the plan to have the Ravens fly around would be frightening, disorienting and dangerous to the birds.

[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]

If PETA gets their way, Coach John Harbaugh will have to resort to more traditional means of sending signals in from the sidelines. Oh, wait. They were talking about mascots? Never mind...

 
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Brett Favre to Unretire? - Attempts To Break Madden Curse

Reported By - Chris Mortenson

James "Bus" Cook; Favre's agent, has told ESPN that John Madden is pressuring Brett Favre to return to football in an attempt to break the Madden Curse. Favre is entertaining the idea, as this "would add to his legacy".

Sources close to Packers coach Mike McCarthy have confirmed that Favre has contacted management and expressed his desire to re-join the team. Madden has put together an undisclosed "bonus" if Favre was to return to the NFL and have a successful campaign. Many insiders from EA Sports have expressed concern over the last few seasons, as elite athletes continue to turn down the opportunity to grace the Madden Football cover.

[[[[[[[[[[[[ Our View ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

This is an opportunity that Favre will not pass on. The sad truth is that he will only be tarnishing a great career in his pursuit of breaking the curse. Expect great things from Favre in the first few weeks, but add Aaron Rodgers for depth because the dreaded knee or ankle injury is guaranteed to come. Draft him late and trade him to the Packers homer before the injury occurs.

 
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Chief’s new policy prohibits fans in stadium during games

The Kansas City Chiefs announced a new policy that prohibits fans from being in the stands during games. The announcement came at an afternoon press conference. “The fans are so noisy and make such a mess. Have you ever seen the urinals after a game? Disgusting!” said Chiefs President Carl Peterson.

When pressed on the issue of Personal Seating Licenses, Peterson confirmed that fans would still be required to purchase them although they could not sit in the seat during the game. Said Peterson, “PSLs are a great in terms of the revenue generated for the team. It would be irresponsible for us to not tap that resource. If we had thought if this last year, maybe we could have signed Jared Allen instead of trading him.”

Reaction in the locker room was mixed. Said quarterback Brodie Croyle, “Sometime the fans boo me and say bad things after I fumble or throw an interception. Removing the fans removes the negativity and can let me be the best quarterback I know how to be”. However, back up linebacker Mickey Pimentel had a different opinion. “That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard. No fans? No noise? We thrive off the noise! Man, that’s just wrong.” Former Chiefs great Neil Smith was reached for comment but his reply is currently being translated to English.

In other news, the Chiefs waived LB Mickey Pimentel.

[[[[[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]]]]

At least fans won’t have to suffer through watching Croyle attempt to quarterback the Chiefs in 2008. And who the **** is Mickey Pimentel?

 
NEP - Patriots file for Trademark 'Spygate'

Source: Matt Walsh, Amateur Golf Weekly

On February 4, 2008, just one day after the New England Patriots lost to the New York Giants in Super Bowl XLII, Patriots' Owner Robert Kraft reportedly filed a trademark application for “Spygate". Kraft previously had filed two trademark applications for “19-0″ and “19-0 The Perfect Season”, but the New York Giants 17-14 win over the Patriots put an end to that. Thanks to Senator Arlen Specter though, it is unlikely that Spygate will vanish as quickly as the Patriots perfect season did. When asked why the Patriots Organization now wants to trademark "Spygate", Kraft answered that it is just a sound business decision to embrace it instead of fighting it. Belichick was a little more vocal on the subject though. "Why not earn a little extra coin off of it? Every time someone says Spygate to me now, all I will be hearing is CHA-CHING!"

The Patriots' attempt to trademark "Spygate" may not be successful though. Senator Arlen Specter reported that he filed his trademark paperwork first. This is probably the real reason Specter will not let the Spygate issue die. Specter would like an independent investigation into the trademark matter.



[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

As if 3 Super Bowl wins due to the Patriots' videotaping practices was not enough, now the Patriots want trademark royalties too. Has the * already been trademarked?

 
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Portis Assaulted at Movie Theater

Source: The Washington Post

Clinton Portis, the 26 year old star running back of the Washington Redskins, was assaulted on Friday during a showing of Grindhouse at the Director's Hall Theatre in Los Angeles. The assailant is reported to be still at large, and an LAPD spokesperson said that a massive manhunt is now underway.

According to several eyewitnesses in the theater, the altercation began right after the credits when the suspect, seated next to Portis, began verbally assaulting the running back with incoherent phrases, such as “no difference maker”, “where were you in week 11?”, and “ ####er cost me a playoff spot”. It is not currently known just what the suspect was referring to, and apparently Portis attempted to ignore the heckler. The situation escalated about 20 minutes later when Portis opened a can of tuna fish and began making himself a sandwich. It was at this point, witnesses confirm, that the suspect went ballistic, pummeling Portis for a good two minutes until fellow movie-goers pulled him off. The man was last seen fleeing the theater, continuously yelling “The FFA will vindicate me!!!”… “The FFA will vindicate me!!!”

Portis’ condition is reported as being stable at a local hospital. His availability for the Redskins’ upcoming training camp is not yet known.

[[[[[[[[[[[[ Our View ]]]]]]]]]]]]

This is quite an interesting turn of events. Obviously, this puts a big question mark on Portis’ fantasy status for the upcoming season. More on this later, but right now I have to go pick up long-time shark pool contributor Ministry of Pain at the train station. He seems to be in a bit of trouble. Thanks to Footballguy Mr. Furley for bringing this one to our attention.

J

 
T.J. Houshmandzadeh Officially Changes Name

Source: Adam Schefter NFL Network

After many years of hearing his name mis pronounced at thousands of FFL Drafts each year TJ has decided to change his name to "TJ WHOSYOURMAMA" to make it easier for people to say his name in Drafts. Quote from TJ "After seeing and hearing the commercial on the NFL network countless number of times I thought it was about time to make a change for the owners out their in Fantasy Football Land" This name change will go into effect starting Aug 1st so it will be ready for the last set of drafts leading up to KickOff Weekend in September.

<<<<<<<Our View>>>>>>>>>>

Well it was about time, man how many different ways do we have to hear this guys name mispronounced every year at every draft. At least everyone can say WHOSYOURMAMA. Thanks again TJ for your help on this, the FFL world is now your biggest fan

 
joffer said:
Portis Assaulted at Movie Theater

Source: The Washington Post

Clinton Portis, the 26 year old star running back of the Washington Redskins, was assaulted on Friday during a showing of Grindhouse at the Director's Hall Theatre in Los Angeles. The assailant is reported to be still at large, and an LAPD spokesperson said that a massive manhunt is now underway.

According to several eyewitnesses in the theater, the altercation began right after the credits when the suspect, seated next to Portis, began verbally assaulting the running back with incoherent phrases, such as “no difference maker”, “where were you in week 11?”, and “ ####er cost me a playoff spot”. It is not currently known just what the suspect was referring to, and apparently Portis attempted to ignore the heckler. The situation escalated about 20 minutes later when Portis opened a can of tuna fish and began making himself a sandwich. It was at this point, witnesses confirm, that the suspect went ballistic, pummeling Portis for a good two minutes until fellow movie-goers pulled him off. The man was last seen fleeing the theater, continuously yelling “The FFA will vindicate me!!!”… “The FFA will vindicate me!!!”

Portis’ condition is reported as being stable at a local hospital. His availability for the Redskins’ upcoming training camp is not yet known.

[[[[[[[[[[[[ Our View ]]]]]]]]]]]]

This is quite an interesting turn of events. Obviously, this puts a big question mark on Portis’ fantasy status for the upcoming season. More on this later, but right now I have to go pick up long-time shark pool contributor Ministry of Pain at the train station. He seems to be in a bit of trouble. Thanks to Footballguy Mr. Furley for bringing this one to our attention.

J
:goodposting: Nice...
 
LA to get a new franchise?

Source: AP

Rupert Murdoch held a press conference today in Fox Studios in Los Angeles to announce that he is petitioning the NFL to start up a new franchise in LA. But this won't be your average NFL team. Murdoch has already contacted players like Deion Sanders, Barry Sanders, Dan Marino and Jerry Rice to be part of the new team. "This is Hollywood, and people here expect stars. I intend to get the biggest stars available." When asked about the possibility of getting a player like Brett Favre, Murdoch replied, "Of course. If the Packers don't want Brett back he is certainly welcome here and he would be surrounded by fellow Hall of Famers to compete at the highest level."

Jerry Rice and Deion Sanders have reportedly shown interest. Dan Marino is apparently not interested. But the big surprise was the rare comment from Barry Sanders who actually indicated he'd be willing to listen.

Roger Goodell would not comment on Murdoch's proposal saying only. "We will look at all options and do what is in the best interest of the NFL".

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Certainly seems far fetched, but remember; money talks and Murdoch has plenty of it to throw around. The big challenge in putting together an "over the hill" NFL team would have to be getting enough healthy linemen to play. Even then, would they be able to compete and win against the 20 and 30 somethings who are the current leaders in the NFL. It's hard to count out these players that we've seen at the highest level. If it happens we will be able to witness a true test of how old is too old.

We would be surprised if Goodell would agree to this as it would be a huge risk to these older players to come back. It would be easy for it to turn into a circus type atmosphere and that is not the kind of image the NFL is looking for.

We'll keep you posted as this story progresses, but we wouldn't expect to see a new team enter the league until at least 2011 and at that point there would have to be a 34th team coming on as well which could be the deal breaker in this situation.

 
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Michael Vick gets real life chance at "The Longest Yard"

Source: Atlanta Journal Constitution

In a shocking decision, the U.S. District Court ruled today that Michael Vick will be sentenced to play QB for a team of inmates in an upcoming prison football game. Unlike the popular Burt Reynolds movie, however, the opposing defense will be made up of four pitbulls, three rotweilers, and four doberman pinchers. "It's time that these athletes learn that when they take on the criminal justice system, our bark can be as bad as our bite", the court wrote in its decision. A spokesperson for PETA, the organization most critical of Vick’s conduct, called the decision a “victory for dog-lovers everywhere”. "We lobbied to have the dogs thrown into the cell with Michael, but the court considered that cruel-and-unusual punishment".

Complete rules for the contest are still emerging, but apparently one requirement will be that Vick will have to play the entire game with raw meat stuffed down his pants. It is not yet known which dogs will be chosen to participate, but a source close to the situation told the AJC that a search of animal shelters everywhere is now underway for the most vicious…talented canines. Apparently Cujo is being considered for the MLB spot.

[[[[[[[[[[ Our view ]]]]]]]]]]

What can we say? What goes around comes around. Obviously we think this hurts Vick's value.

J

 
gopherII said:
BAL - Live birds to be used at home games

Source: Matthew J. Darnell, of Yahoo! Sports

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) is unhappy about the Baltimore Ravens plan to have live birds flying around at their home games. PETA issued a statement saying that the bright lights, screaming fans and loud noises such as air horns, music and sound systems could be terrifying for the birds. PETA also stated that the plan to have the Ravens fly around would be frightening, disorienting and dangerous to the birds.

[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]

If PETA gets their way, Coach John Harbaugh will have to resort to more traditional means of sending signals in from the sidelines. Oh, wait. They were talking about mascots? Never mind...
This actually happened, not "fake" email contest.
 
Boller Regrets Throwing Ball Threw Goalpost On His Knees

Baltimore Ravens Quarterback Kyle Boller admitted to having regrets about throwing a football through the goal posts on his knees from the 50 yard line in pre-draft workouts. “Yeah, I really think I peaked too soon,” Boller said. “I should of saved that for an actual NFL game. It's something I've regretted since that moment. My finest moment came before I was even in the league. Yeah, I guess I botched that one huh?”

[[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]]

We'd stop short of calling Boller a one trick pony... on second thought, no actually we wouldn't.

 
Cards WR Early Doucet Fined for Being Late

Source: Mike Tulumello, East Valley Tribune

The career of Arizona Cardinals rookie WR Early Doucet got off to an inasupicious start Monday when he was late for his very first practice with the team.

"I pride myself on being Early, but I've always had trouble being on time," Doucet remarked to a puzzled group of reporters. When asked to clarify, Doucet added the following:

"What's so hard to understand here? Jeff Saturday was born on a Tuesday. Patrick Cobbs hates corn and Kolby Smith hates cheese. Carnell Lake played his home games at Riverfront. Marion Barber doesn't allow anyone to cut his hair. Najeh Davenport doesn't own a couch. Marcus Monk doesn't even go to church. Why is it assumed I'll always be at practice an hour before it starts?"

When apprised of Doucet's comments, Head Coach Ken Wisenhunt had the answer. "Um, maybe because he's a rookie trying to earn the #3 WR job?"

Touche.

[[[[[[[[[[ OUR VIEW ]]]]]]]]]]

With Bryant Johnson out of the picture in Arizona, Early Doucet has a shot at grabbing the #3 WR job and should be on your radar. The FBG staff currently have him ranked as the #25 rookie from this year's crop. However, he needs to start living up to his name in order to impress his new coaching staff.

Besides, Doucet didn't tell the entire truth in his mini-rant. Charlie Batch loves to bake cookies, Brad Hoover vacuums frequently, and most of all, Mike Furrey looks like he's wearing a mink coat when he takes the pads off in the locker room.

Sure, you could have done without the last image, but here at FBG we operate on the principle that if we hear it we'll pass it along to you.

That's all for today.

J

 
Several Giants to hold Passing Game Practices at Miami

Source: Billy Joe Bob Thornton, Jackson Clarion Ledger

In an unprecedented move, QB Eli Manning of the Super Bowl Champion New York Giants has arranged early passing game practices for several wide receivers and tight ends in Miami, Florida. For the past several years, Manning has missed practice time with leading receivers Plaxico Burress and Jeremy Shockey and has found a remedy.

The participating players will include Manning, Andre Woodson, Burress, Shockey, Amani Toomer, Steve Smith, Kevin Boss, Mario Manningham, and Sinorice Moss. Manning is footing the bill for all expenses for the five days. Interesting to note, five of the attendees are former U of M players. Shockey and Moss from Miami, Toomer and Manningham from Michigan, and Manning from Mississippi and that’s not counting Burress from Michigan State.

Manning said, “I think the early preparations will really help our passing attack early in the season.” Shockey was the first recruited by Manning and stated that “this will definitely help mend some fences.” Burress reported that he would be there regardless of whether he had a contract extension or not.

[[[[[[[Our View]]]]]]]]

We give big props to Eli Manning who is “stepping up” in his leadership role. Look for the Giants to start the year much quicker on the offensive side of the ball than in previous seasons. Projections will definitely rise for Burress, Shockey, Smith and possibly even Toomer.

 
John Madden Behind the Rumors of Farve's Return

by Thomas Munster of Cheeseville

Rumors of Brett Farve returning to the NFL have been circulating and is now at the top of the rumor mill. Fans of Farve have been hoping for this news all off season but apparently Farve's biggest fan of them all is actually behind this rumor. That's right, John Madden has admitted that he has leaked faulty information to news sources that Brett Farve is indeed coming back for another season.

"Have you seen that guy play? Farve is the toughest guy I've ever seen. Brett Farve could play this game if he was 76 years old," says Madden.

When pressed further into why he did this, it became more clear.

"The NFL needs Brett Farve, Green Bay needs Brett Farve, and most importantly I need Brett Farve to play. After Brett retired, I almost did the same. How can I go on calling games without the chance of getting to see him play again. I thought by starting this rumor, Brett may feel pressured into playing one more season. I can see that isn't going to happen so I was hoping that maybe we'd get a chance to make a video game together or better yet, he could replace Al Michaels in the broadcast booth and Brett and I could be our own team."

[[[[[[[[ Our View]]]]]]]

We've had some of our top guys like Sigmund Bloom and Cecil Lammey on this as soon as we heard the rumor. We wanted to be on top of this story to see how much validity there was in Farve returning for those of you who have drafts this weekend. It didn't make sense that we couldn't find out the source of this rumor but I think we can all see it now and can chalk it up to a severe case of a mancrush.

 
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Ford Tries to Drive Up Tickets Sales for Lions

by Yours Truly of the Detroit Free Press

Owner of the Detroit Lions, William Clay Ford is actually trying to drive up ticket prices. Yes, the actual cost of football tickets are going up this upcoming season in Detroit, but that's not what Ford is wanting his season ticket holders to focus on. Ford, also CEO of Ford Auto Company is introducing a new program that allows Detroit Lions season ticket holders to receive a $2000 rebate when they purchase a new Ford car or truck.

"We realize that the product on the football field over the last 40 years has been subpar. We are going to give our season ticket holders a $2000 rebate on 2008 Ford cars or trucks. This is our way of saying thank you for sticking with the Lions even though things haven't worked out as well as we would have liked."

[[[[[[[ Our View]]]]]]]

You have to admit, it's good business by Mr. Ford, something we're not accustomed to doing, associating the word good with Mr. Ford in the same sentence when talking about football. Although we'd all like a price reduction on our cars, you have to admit if you're a Lions season ticket holder, you probably deserve it.

 
NFL Team Owners Unite: Take it or leave it

Source: Pat Kirwan, Senior Analyst, NFL.com

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said it is "ridiculous" to reward untested rookies with lucrative contracts, and wants the issue addressed in contract talks. Gene Upshaw, head of the National Football League Players Association, doesn't understand Goodell's criticism of teams rewarding unproven rookies with multi-million dollar contracts though. "If the owners want to stop paying the rookies, all they have to do is stop. Nobody puts a gun to their head and forces them to pay what they pay."

The NFL owners like Upshaw's comment and totally agree with him. "Why didn't we just think of that?” asked New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft. "I can't believe the answer was right in front of us all along," said Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, “we just won’t pay outrageous salaries anymore.” Al Davis, owner of the Oakland Raiders is not sure what the Raiders organization will do in the future with all the extra money they will now save. "Overspending is a long time Raiders tradition," according to Davis. All thirty-two team owners agreed to meet later this week in Las Vegas to vote on a fair rookie wage scale. According to Colts' Bill Polian "If the rookie don't like what we are offering, there is always the CFL for them." Roger Goodell is excited by the turn of events. "Thanks for the solution Gene!"

[[[ Our View ]]]

The rookies can thank Gene Upshaw for this one. Can you say, "Open mouth and insert foot?"

 
Selvin Young hospitalized. Undergoes psychiatric evaluation.

Source: Eli Lilly, Rocky Mountain News

Broncos running back Selvin Young remains in a Denver area hospital this weekend under psychiatric observation after being diagnosed with what doctors believe is MPD, or multiple personality disorder. Team physicians became alarmed earlier this week after a bizarre incident in which an agitated Young was found in the team’s locker room wearing only a crudely fashioned toga constructed of toilet paper and medical tape. Young insisted that teammates and coaches not only bow before him, but that they also address him as Cesar. Attempts to calm the second year back resulted in Young exhibiting threatening and violent behavior, and he ultimately needed to be restrained by members of the Bronco staff while team physicians were summoned.

Bronco doctors were quickly able to use the team’s on site medical equipment to determine that Young was not under the influence of any drugs, and that he in fact was telling the truth, or at least he believed he was telling the truth, in claiming that he was not Selvin Young, but in fact Titus Flavius Vespasianus, emperor of Rome.

The Broncos have scheduled an 11 AM press conference where more details may come to light.

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Normally, a story like this would be a huge red flag. However, if the claims of a multiple personality disorder are true, we wouldn’t be so fast to drop Mr. Young from your squad just yet. Considering Mike Shanahan’s yearly indecisiveness when it comes to choosing his starting RB, we think this news could be a huge positive in terms of Young’s dynasty value.

Various reports out of Denver have Shanahan already conferring with team physicians to determine a plan, that through use of various medications, would allow Young to get back on the field this year, possibly in time for training camp. Additionally, it is believed that Bronco doctors are exploring several unique medication cocktails for Young, all of which could be administered weekly, and each would allow for a specific personality in the RB to emerge while the others are repressed. If the doctors are able to get the medication combinations needed for these transformations perfected, and we think they will, it is possible that Young could finally be the RB that is able to coexist with Mike Shanahan’s seemingly never ending desire for a new look in the backfield each week.

 
2018 WORLD CUP AWARDED TO USA!!!

In a surprising move, FIFA has announced the 2018 World Cup will be held in the USA. According to USA World Cup 2018 chairman Roger Goodell, FIFA has agreed to some minor rule changes for the 2018 tournament. "We convinced FIFA that allowing the use of hands for forward passes would broaden the appeal of soccer to the North American audience". Major sponsor NIKE will be introducing a new soccer ball at the event. It is rumoured that the traditional round shape will be redesigned to a more aerodynamic ellipse shape with points at each end. The color of the ball will be changed from the traditional white/black to a darker shade of brown. Goodell indicated that surveys they have conducted have confirmed the need to change the ball shape and color. "That round white/black ball is difficult to see on television. The new ball is much easier on the eyes". The referee's yellow and red cards are being replaced with yellow and red flags. To signal a foul, the appropriate flag will be thrown. The field will also be revamped with white lines across the field every ten yards. "I could never tell where the darn play was - - the lines are necessary" Goodell stated. Tackling a player will be encouraged and not be subject to a foul. "We are discussing the use of helmets" Goodell said "We wouldn't want to see someone get hurt". To keep the game as traditional as possible, no other minor rules changes are anticipated.

[[[ Our View ]]]

We like the rule changes. Team USA may have a chance in 2018!

 
Patriots release Stephen Gostkowski

In a surprise move, Bill Belichick released kicker Stephen Gostkowski on July 3. Belichick explained that he is worried about the new training camp roster limit of 80 players.

"It's tough to get a look at everyone with the lower roster limit, and I always strive to stay within the rules", he explained.

When asked whether Gostowski would be re-signed before the start of the season, Belichick had this to say:

"No, we won't play a kicker at all this year. With our offense we simply don't need one. I'll keep Troy Brown on the roster to handle kickoffs and we'll take things from there."

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

Belichick is a master when it comes to strategy, so we think he's actually serious here. Gostkowski has a good leg and has an 82.0 percent success rate with his kicks, so he should latch on with another team before long.

 
NE - Patriots Change Brady's Injury Designation

Source: Mike Reiss, Boston Globe

After the tragic car accident in which superstar athelete Tom Brady died in last Saturday, Mike Reiss of the Boston Globe is reporting that the the New England Patriots and Bill Belichick have released a statement: "We are greatly saddened by the events of this past Saturday. Right now we are going through all of the information and reviewing the medical examiner's report. At this time, we regret to report that we have made the difficult decision to make Tom Brady doubtful with a shoulder injury for Week 1 of the regular season. We will re-evaluate his status as Week 1 approaches. We will have no further comment at this time and just wish to move forward."

[ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ [ OUR VIEW ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]

For years the Patriots have played games with the injury report, but this seems to be begging for discipline from the Commissioner's office. It seems like a slap in the face not only to the fans, but to the memory of Tom Brady as well. Frankly, we're appalled at this behavior. However, Goodell's response seems to indicate that no punishment will be forthcoming:

"I'm convinced that the New England Patriots have turned over all information regarding this situation. As I said before, I'm not sure how it got shredded, burned and then sent into orbit on the space shuttle, but I'm convinced that there was nothing incriminating there and that the Patriots have been punished enough." - Roger Goodell
:yes: Hillarious.

 
Football guys indicted!

Federal investigators indicted the owners and several staff members from the popular website Footballguys.com. Special investigator Roscoe P. Coltrain stated that prosecutors are considering a large slate of charges including racketeering, running a sweat shop, and money laundering. Officials were alerted when they investigated a certain boat dealership with ties to a FBG owner. That dealership reportedly provided the famous "Love Boat" in Minnesota. The boat came "fully equipped" according to Coltrain. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that a plot was in the works to manipulate NFL players average draft position and then capitalizing on those occurrences on their website.

The charges of running a sweat shop and money laundering were levied after discovery of what is being called "The Golden Ticket Scam". Apparently 2 elderly individuals, known currently only as "Ma and Pa Dodds" were held against their will in poor living conditions and forced to stuff "Golden Tickets" into magazines sold by the company. They were also forced to pack and ship thousands of magazines all over the world. Also it was found that a so called "staffer", David Yudkin, had been chained to a radiator and forced to continuously put out projections for the last 3 years. The magazines that had the Golden Tickets were sent to "ringers" to rig the subscribers contest that the company puts out each year. The prize money was then funneled to an offshore account that was used to print the millions of "Black Eyed Joe" decals used to deface landmarks all over the world. The owners also face charges from England. Prince Charles' Bowler hat was apparently defaced with a "Black Eye Joe decal and the Queen was apparently not amused.

The charges of bribing an NBA official for a rumored upcoming Basketballguys.com website have not yet been substantiated.

 
FBG- Footballguys Cornering Fantasy Market

Source: Joe Bryant, Footballguys.com

Fantasy information leader Footballguys is getting bigger. According to Joe Bryant, owner of footballguys.com they are buying out fantasy rival kffl.com This will give FBG the corner in the fantasy football information department. Bryant stated "We liked what they were doing with their Hot Off the Wire and I wanted it. Sometimes you just got to go out an get it to be the best." Cost of the take over has not been disclosed but Bryant assured customers the message board will remain free.

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Subscribers that have been trying to hide footballguys from their opponents are not going to be thrilled with this deal but anytime we can make things better for our customers we are going to do it. This merger will make us the most complete site available.

 
Tomlinson headed to British Open

Source: Joe Barbecue Bryant: Football Guys.com

Tells Turner he won't be in camp for training and may turn to golf full time

Trying to win a major since the Chargers can't win a playoff game, Tomlinson may give golf his full time attention beginning with the British Open this month. The official on site pro for Swamp Fox Golf Club in Greeleyville, SC, David Tomlinson will be making his fourth attempt to win a major tournament.

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Tomlinson owners who have not already booked their flights for London should do so immediately. His swing is not as entertaining as Charles Barkley, but this is still a rare opportunity to bet on Tomlinson.

 
GB- Retired Green Bay QB says, "I am returning"

Source: www.majiknetwork.net

After much speculation and controversy, with added input and intrigue from his family, a new/old Fave is returning to the Pack. After informing Coach McCarthy of his intentions, he will send his letter to the team and the league and will be ready for training camp July 25th. The Packers will reintroduce Don Majkowski to the media some time next week. When asked if he was ready for the rigors of the upcoming football season, he replied, "does a duck go to the bathroom in the water?" There is speculation that the Majik man was only coming back so he could "do to Farve what he did to me". When Al Harris, Packers cornerback was asked for his reaction, he said, "Who?"

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As unbelievable as this sounds, this story seems to make sense for a few reasons. One, though he retired in 96 from the Lions, he is still younger than Vinnie Testeverde. Two, though Majik and Favre remain friends according to Majkowski's website, the opportunity to give Favre the razzberry is just too tempting. This is significant Fantasy news if there is a starting QB convention in late July and someone blows the building up. Otherwise, he is only worth a late round pick in Fantasy leagues where they start 7 QBs

 
NFL- Goodell demotes two NFL teams, while promoting two NCAA teams

Source: www.illegalncaaboosters.com

While NFL Commissioner has been proactive in his brief stint in the NFL, this came as a shock to many people in the football community. Goodell demoted the Detriot Lions and Arizona Cardinals to the NCAA and promoted the LSU Tigers and USC Trojans to the NFL. Goodell said "This needed to be done as both NFL franchises haven't been competitive and this is a warning for other franchises that tank games for high draft picks." Gene Upshaw stated "I see this as another scare tactic..." An unidentified source said off camera Upshaw mentioned Ron Mexico.

USC will go in the NFC West to replace the Cardinals, as the Cardinals will enter the Pac-10. LSU will enter the NFC North, however the Fords were not happy with this decision because it would cost a lot of money in flights to join the SEC. So they will join the NCAA as an independant and the Fighting Irish from Notre Dame will enter the SEC.

Matt Millen said "This is a great turning point for the Detroit Lions. Its exciting." In other news, an unidentified source had a hidden camera in Millen's office and it has recruiting violations already.

Both the Detriot Lions and Arizona Cardinals coaches, players, anyone involved with the organization were seen driving brand new BMW's. When asked where all this new money came from, Matt Leinart just shrugged his shoulders. An onlooker saw USC license plates on every vehicle. However Leinart did predict "winning the Heisman..." In other predictions, Jon Kitna says that the "Lions will win 10 games this season."

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As crazy as this sounds, it makes sense. Both NFL franchises were never competitive and the two NCAA programs played like NFL teams. Now is our chance to see. This certainly screwed up our FF magazines, so we will be producing new ones to the same addresses. This change also will effect the FBG community as Bloom and Lammey will be counted on more for the LSU and USC predictions. When someone asked Joe Bryant why, he replied "Who knows more about college football players than Bloom and Lammey? " The man was speechless.

 

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