I'm not meaning to pile on you, but there is no way I would wait until morning to contact the family violence project since they are 24 hr operation. I would get the ball rolling right now. You've waited long enough to do something.
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Found out my son is being abused. Update #696 (3 Viewers)
- Thread starter seahawk 17
- Start date
flapgreen
Footballguy
Way it is here
MONKEY
Footballguy
Its simple. U send over 3 or 4 thugs to PUNISH his assss like he's the 12 year old and beat the man right out of this chump. Than u move to the state where they live and file for full leagal custody and prove your case in court. In cases like this you have to kinda sorta play by the rules of the court system which is costly and time consuming. It sucks but u have to do it no matter what.
Also make sure u have a solid alibi for the evening in question.
Be a man. Fight to the death for your kids. If you dont who else will.
Also make sure u have a solid alibi for the evening in question.
Be a man. Fight to the death for your kids. If you dont who else will.
Mr. Retukes
Footballguy
Maybe your son is misbehaving, getting spanked, and then exaggerating things to you, and then you blow them even further out of proportion??
Judge Smails
Footballguy
Sucks. For you, the kid, anyone he has relationships with later in life - just horrible.
G
Guest
Guest
Idiotic. Guy's kid is getting hit by some guy. Don't diminish it. In this day and age, you as a parent don't want your kids to get spankings, you should have a say... Especially when it's apparent this is a pattern of abuse. I will tell you from experience that the worst part of abuse is the mental part and they tend to go hand and hand. The physical abuse is a symptom of greater and more lasting trauma, which is people who are supposed to love and protecting you giving you conditional love and wounding you. This needs to stop and it needs to stop now. Good for the OP for starting that process today.
with a cheese grater? and the daughter is in on this as well?way to blame the victim.
Mr. Retukes
Footballguy
There are at least 2 sides to every story.with a cheese grater? and the daughter is in on this as well?way to blame the victim.
timschochet
Footballguy
Mr. Ham, I didn't know any of this about you. I'm sorry that you had to go through this as a child. I have very good friends who had to go through the same, and unfortunately they have had trouble coping with it their entire lives. I hope that all is good in your adult family life, and that this memory has not been too great a burden for you to carry.
timschochet
Footballguy
If you're fishing, it's in very poor taste.Assuming you're not, you should know that the OP has a responsibility, both moral and legal, to respond as forcefully as possible when his child accuses a step-father of abuse. There is no blowing this out of proportion. If the child is lying (something that is extremely rare) that will be discovered. But unless/until that is confirmed, Seahawk has to do everything he can to prevent this from happening again.There are at least 2 sides to every story.with a cheese grater? and the daughter is in on this as well?way to blame the victim.
Mario Kart
Footballguy
Yes, what state is the ex in right now? The internet is a big place with lots of help at the click of a button.
I would call mom and kindly ask her why the kid is getting hit and not allowed to talk to you. Let her rant and rave and all this time you are recording her every word on a computer or some audio recording device. Even better, ask the step dad the same thing if mom is not home. That has to hold up for something, no?
You have stated that the system in the state they live in will not do anything because the kids are with you in Oregon. Well, they are due back at the end of this month... take a weeks vacation or simply tell your boss what is going on and they should have some sympathy for you in that regard. Go back to the state a week early and file everything you need to file. Even better, have the audio recordings with you as some evidence along with the counselors report and so on. Make copies of everything, even thirds of everything... keep one in Oregon and bring a couple with you to the state.
Is there any family or friends you have in the state your kids live in? Neighboring state and so on where you could stay?
Go to the school yourself, who cares if mom sees you but talk to his teachers and principal and the counselor. If any of these people tell mom about your concerns... they are breaking confidentiality with a lawsuit waiting to happen. Also, make sure you inform them of this confidentiality to "remind" them not to say anything to mom about it. The school will have much bigger issues on their hands if you report concerns of abuse and they go ahead and give her the heads up about it. Also, make sure the police know about you talking to the school as well.
Demand from mom that you speak to both of your kids nightly... no exceptions at all. If they are not there, they will need to call you back. Not sure what state they are in but if they are in a different timezone, well, Oregon is behind everyone unless they are in Hawaii. There is time every night to call... demand this.
Buy your kids a computer for internet access, or an iTouch with some software to text you at any time, keep in touch. If mom refuses your kids internet access for any reason, demand to know why and so on. The kids are 10 and 12... kids that age do not get into trouble where talking to dad is a punishment. That is absurd.
Sadly, you have to follow steps and document everything from the point they told you about it. Hopefully mom did not find the daughters diary about the abuse otherwise she might be in for a world of hurt. These are your kids, money is paper, choose.
I would call mom and kindly ask her why the kid is getting hit and not allowed to talk to you. Let her rant and rave and all this time you are recording her every word on a computer or some audio recording device. Even better, ask the step dad the same thing if mom is not home. That has to hold up for something, no?
You have stated that the system in the state they live in will not do anything because the kids are with you in Oregon. Well, they are due back at the end of this month... take a weeks vacation or simply tell your boss what is going on and they should have some sympathy for you in that regard. Go back to the state a week early and file everything you need to file. Even better, have the audio recordings with you as some evidence along with the counselors report and so on. Make copies of everything, even thirds of everything... keep one in Oregon and bring a couple with you to the state.
Is there any family or friends you have in the state your kids live in? Neighboring state and so on where you could stay?
Go to the school yourself, who cares if mom sees you but talk to his teachers and principal and the counselor. If any of these people tell mom about your concerns... they are breaking confidentiality with a lawsuit waiting to happen. Also, make sure you inform them of this confidentiality to "remind" them not to say anything to mom about it. The school will have much bigger issues on their hands if you report concerns of abuse and they go ahead and give her the heads up about it. Also, make sure the police know about you talking to the school as well.
Demand from mom that you speak to both of your kids nightly... no exceptions at all. If they are not there, they will need to call you back. Not sure what state they are in but if they are in a different timezone, well, Oregon is behind everyone unless they are in Hawaii. There is time every night to call... demand this.
Buy your kids a computer for internet access, or an iTouch with some software to text you at any time, keep in touch. If mom refuses your kids internet access for any reason, demand to know why and so on. The kids are 10 and 12... kids that age do not get into trouble where talking to dad is a punishment. That is absurd.
Sadly, you have to follow steps and document everything from the point they told you about it. Hopefully mom did not find the daughters diary about the abuse otherwise she might be in for a world of hurt. These are your kids, money is paper, choose.
G
Guest
Guest
Family life is great. I'm blessed. Never lain a hand on my kid and never will... I work hard every day of parenting to build my son's confidence and keep life positive and all relationships (including my marriage) functional. Luckily my wife is a saint. I have to fight some demons and instincts from time to time, but I always try to remain centered and default to the action that is reasonable. But once you have those unhealthy imprints in you, it's a grind to leech them out.That's why you have a duty to protect your kids... Shield them. Raise them in a bubble of acceptance, patience and love...
NFLJUNKEY
Footballguy
And since we have a lot of the details already, what is/was the custody situation with the kids between you and the Ex? Do you just get summers and Christmas because of the distance? Just curious as to how this would effect or prevent you from moving to where the kids are (I know that's what I would do!!!). As mentioned...no job or money is worth the health and welfare of your kids. I'll also repeat what other have said about "there ain't nuthin, I mean NUTHIN I wouldn't do in order to protect my kids!" God help you and your kids in this awful battle against these abusers/cowards (the Ex, the Step, and the legal system).
randall146
Footballguy
You should also tell us the mother's state because there's probably a few FBG lawyers who may know what local family court lawyers to use. If it was Rhode Island I'd be able to help.
johnnycakes
Footballguy
There have been some really good points in here. Unfortunately, I live in a state that has very strong child protection laws, and even the slightest whif of abuse coming the way of DSS will result in a case being opened in MA. So I probably don't have much to add here because contacting DSS in MA and telling them what you have posted here would definitely result in a case being opened. I think the kid needs to call the police the next time he is hit. One way or another, criminal charges need to be filed against the step-father. The hidden camera is the next-best option if there will be no witnesses willing to testify AND no marks or bruises left on the body as evidence. I can tell you from (my) experience, a belt WILL leave a mark... swollen butt and red area. He needs to call police immediately after one of these beatings, even if it means getting physical with the old man himself to get to the phone or to get to a neighbor's house to make the call. Contacting pollice immediately after such a beating is of paramount importance because if he is being whipped with a belt, it is when the injuries are freshest that they are most photogenic. Good luck.
CGRdrJoe
Footballguy
I have a 13 year old and he is constantly gone, it is actually very believable that he is never around.
Mrs DaVinci
Footballguy
I'm sorry if this has been posted, but I only read the initial posting.
DFACS/CPS has been negligent. CPS is supposed to have a system in place that covers cases when an investigator is out/on vacation. Your children should have been interviewed by the CPS worker/counselor and should have been appointed an attorney (state paid) and you should have an attorney yourself.
If you are not happy with your current attorney - I would get myself a better attorney-one trained in family law that has experience in superior court (they handle permanent guardianship and adoption) and family court (handles living arrangements/has interviews studies done to determine where children should live while process is taking place), start calling CPS and getting supervisors involved (this was dropped on their part), call the school they attend and let the teachers know that there is an ongoing abuse investigation and that any bruises should be reported to the local police and that you want him sent to the emergency room to be checked out/documented. I would also talk to a friend/family member (someone I trust) to see if they could start the process for foster care parents. It's a 6-8 week process, but at least your children would be with someone you trust once this really gets rolling.
Lastly, let your children know that this is not going to stop because the court up-held the living arrangement decision and that you are are going to fight for them (tell them what you are doing, what you expect from them and reassure them that you love them and that you will get them out of this mess).
Please keep us up to date.
ETA: - When it's time for the kids to return, go with them and stay nearby.
DFACS/CPS has been negligent. CPS is supposed to have a system in place that covers cases when an investigator is out/on vacation. Your children should have been interviewed by the CPS worker/counselor and should have been appointed an attorney (state paid) and you should have an attorney yourself.
If you are not happy with your current attorney - I would get myself a better attorney-one trained in family law that has experience in superior court (they handle permanent guardianship and adoption) and family court (handles living arrangements/has interviews studies done to determine where children should live while process is taking place), start calling CPS and getting supervisors involved (this was dropped on their part), call the school they attend and let the teachers know that there is an ongoing abuse investigation and that any bruises should be reported to the local police and that you want him sent to the emergency room to be checked out/documented. I would also talk to a friend/family member (someone I trust) to see if they could start the process for foster care parents. It's a 6-8 week process, but at least your children would be with someone you trust once this really gets rolling.
Lastly, let your children know that this is not going to stop because the court up-held the living arrangement decision and that you are are going to fight for them (tell them what you are doing, what you expect from them and reassure them that you love them and that you will get them out of this mess).
Please keep us up to date.
ETA: - When it's time for the kids to return, go with them and stay nearby.
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shadyridr
Footballguy
Maybe your kids just hate their stepfather and are lying. Anyway, I hope they are.
Otis
Footballguy
You tell us -- you married her!Seriously though gluck this sounds like an awful situation.
Harry Manback
Footballguy
Take the stepfathers face, and introduce it to the cheese grater.
If you can't find anyway to move in the same state as them, send a registered letter to the school principal, nurse and the principal's boss, explaining the situation and request for confidentiality. In the letter, have them contact you to explain your concerns in more detail.
LarryAllen'sJockstrap
Footballguy
I agree; I think I would do everything (legal) I could to make this situation as visible as possible. I'm sure a good (or shady) lawyer could come up with some motion or lawsuit to at least get this thing tied back up in the courts system. Sucks, because I have been on the bad side of a bogus custody lawsuit (adopted a baby; birthmother tried to get him back claiming she was forced to give him up), but it definitely does damage, both financially and emotionally to all parties. On the personal front, if the police and legal system are failing you, send letters to the kid's schools, doctors, maybe the stepfather's work. I'd even consider contacting the media. Stories of police/legal injustice and child abuse make for good ratings.
Bonzai
Footballguy
It's not that easy.
Bonzai
Footballguy
Good info here. I wouldn't advise the kid to get physical with the step-dad, though.It's legal to beat your kids. You just can't beat them to the point of leaving marks. Having the kid's story backed up by a teacher, counselor, social worker, etc. witnessing a mark is important.I agree with others that at the very least a case should have been opened with Child Services. Something isn't adding up.
I like this idea. Take a week or two of vacation. Rent a hotel close by. grab the kids and contact proper authorities at the first sign of abuse.
Das Boot
Footballguy
Twice in a year does seriously not add up at all considering the situation was known to previously be abusive.
KnowledgeReignsSupreme
Footballguy
I think you need to call up a couple hard, pipe-hittin' #####s to take care of the step-dad. No shtick. If you're going to go the "get a criminal record route" put the fear of death into that guy if he so much as even looks at your kids wrong again.
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Mile High
Footballguy
It is hard to talk to them sometimes. He needs to set a time when he is calling and tell the ex they better be there to take the calls. Tell her I'm calling twice a week at xxxpm and if they aren't there I'll be there in 24 hrs to find out why. It's time to put your foot down, right smack down, into the middle of this crap.
newteech
Footballguy
This is a good idea but if it was me, I would want an in-person meeting with both the principal and school counselor. Usually both of these positions have to start work again beginning early August.Is there a teacher your son trusts more than others? Ask the principal to guarantee that your son is placed in their class. Make that teacher an advocate for your son. Your son will have to be completely honest with that teacher about everything that is going on. I guarantee there are some teachers at the school that will have no problem calling social services even if your ex-wife works there.
Flying V
Footballguy
If you go that route, you have to target the mother. She'll call the cops, but the first suspect will be the step-dad. When they question the kids, they can tell the cops he beats them, too. Things should move pretty quickly in favor of the kids after that.
Sinrman
Footballguy
Didn't read all the responses, but the one thing that keeps coming to mind: Why hasn't Child Protective Services been called? They can go to the Ex's house, separate the kids and talk with them away from the Ex and her creep boyfriend/husband/whatever and hopefully your children tell the truth and everything works out...
Early_10
footballgoddess
As a foster parent, I urge you to reconsider. Its far better than being beaten or you in jail. Make sure they can have regular contact with you while you work on custody. Be preemptive in getting things roling NOW to get custody. Do whatever their state association requires, contact the social workers with your concerns now and call DAILY to make sure someone is working on it.
timschochet
Footballguy
Following up on this thread. Did you contact the Family Violence Project? What did they say?
If you want to kidnap your own kids and get them out of state, they can stay with me for as long as necessary. I'm on the east coast. And yes, I'm serious. Send me a pm if you want to talk offline. They would be here w/me, wife & kid. We have plenty of room.
edit to add: If the police are monitoring - I am not really advocating kidnapping - just acting like an internet tough guy.
edit to add: If the police are monitoring - I am not really advocating kidnapping - just acting like an internet tough guy.
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bucksoh
Footballguy
VeryMaybe your kids just hate their stepfather and are lying. Anyway, I hope they are.Maybe your son is misbehaving, getting spanked, and then exaggerating things to you, and then you blow them even further out of proportion??
SlaX
Footballguy
Marks can go away over the course of a year pretty easily. I don't recall him saying the incidents happened right before he came.
Jewell
Footballguy
I feel horrible for you and your son, OP. In this case, your kid has to be the ONLY concern. Don't worry about messing up relations with your ex or messing up her new home dynamic.
I would definitely contact Social Services in the state your kid's in. Hopefully they can investigate and remedy the problem. Good luck.
I would definitely contact Social Services in the state your kid's in. Hopefully they can investigate and remedy the problem. Good luck.
cstu
Footballguy
You never called at night right before he went to bed?
Mr.Pack
Footballguy
he keeps avoiding this question.
GroveDiesel
Footballguy
Wow, pretty clueless responses here. Abused kids don't think rationally. They're in constant fear. An abused 12 year old would absolutely believe the lie that nobody would help them and that the punishment would be even more severe for telling. What a horrible situation. I can't give you any advice that hasn't been given. My wife and I will be praying for you and your kids.shake zula said:
drfeelgood
Footballguy
You should talk to your son's guidance counselor. She/He will then talk with your son. Many schools also have a child services worker on staff that works closely with the guidance counselor. Schools take issues such as this very seriously, and they will discuss things with your son before your wife knows anything. When your wife does find out, it will be after the truth has been told, and the truth needs to come out for the welfare of your son.seahawk 17 said:
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shake zula
Footballguy
That isn't what we are saying. We are saying that if everything in court went according to how OP described, I don't believe, and my experience tells me, that a judge doesn't summarily and outright dismiss OP's request.
timschochet
Footballguy
Seahawk hasn't posted in here since last night. At the time, he said he was going to take my wife's advice and contact the Family Violence Project- they offer free counseling on advice on this sort of thing 24/7. I'm very curious to find out how that went.
