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Grandparents sleeping with grandkids... (1 Viewer)

jomar

jomar

Footballguy
I have an issue with my in-laws. My wife's mom and her husband (my wife's stepdad) like to sleep with our kids when they stay over their house. Grandma is probably about 64 now, her husband is 55 or so, and they've been married for 25 years. My two oldest boys are 9 and 8 currently, with my 3rd boy being 4. The inlaws live in the Chicago area and the wife and I are in metro Detroit. A couple times a year our kids will stay 2-3 nights in a row at the grandparents and every time our kids end up in beds with them.

Its been happening since the first time they stayed there but never when we are there. When I first found out about it, the wife let them know that we had a problem with it and it stopped for a time, but apparently has been happening the last couple of years again. typically, the 9 year old will sleep in one bed with grandma and the 8 year old in another bed with the step-dad 'grandpa', although they will mix it up a little here and there. The kids love it and the grandparents love it but the problem is the wife and I don't like it. I just thinks its strange. I don't think there is anything nefarious going on but its just extremely weird to me. The kids have always slept in their own beds and don't have a problem with it at all but when they are at grandma's without us, she'll have them sleep with them. The kids have never slept with my parents, my parents would never even think of such a thing, nor have they slept with anyone else besides the wife or I a handful of times over the years.

has anyone come across this before? Can we all agree that this is strange or all there people out there who do this?

we are going to have to have another talk with grandma this weekend and I'm sure she'll be all upset about it but what else can we do? I told the wife to ask her at what age she'll stop sleeping with our kids. 16? 18? 22?

WTF? :doh:

 
It doesn't really seem strange to me. This is something that worked for centuries. Until recently, families weren't generally wealthy enough to have a bunch of different beds and bedrooms.

Puberty would be the cutoff for me though.

 
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Weird... but given that it's 4-6 nights a year and there isn't anything weird going on... maybe this is one of those times to look the other way?

 
Wife and I still sleep with our 7 and 5 year old girls so grand parents do the same. Do the grandparents have 4 beds to support everyone sleep alone?

 
Theyre old. Let them do it if they enjoy it. Seems like the kids enjoy it too. Grandparents are supposed to spoil our kids. Just let the kids know this is only something they can do with the grandparents. I really dont see the big deal.

 
they have a king size bed, a queen and a futon in the basement. the older kids used to sleep in the queen with each other, the 4 year old was in a pack and play when he was little, the wife and I on the futon and the gp in their bed.

the big issue I have is that we let them know that I have a problem with it years ago. they stopped the practice but started again at some point without telling me/us. I found out its happening again and we are going there this weekend. the wife is leary of talking to her mom because her mom will have a hissy fit but at this point I really don't give a ####. I'm going to tell grandma to stop or the kids won't be sleeping there anymore. grandma likes me but she probably won't anymore but oh well.

 
jomar said:
When I first found out about it, the wife let them know that we had a problem with it and it stopped for a time, but apparently has been happening the last couple of years again.
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This line is the issue. Seems the grandparents were deceiving you. That is always a problem in my book.

 
If you don't like it and it makes both you and your wife uncomfortable, then they need to stop. Period.

They are your kids.

 
Maybe the kids are having a tough time going to sleep and this is the way the grandparents are most comfortable getting them down?

 
Baloney Sandwich said:
pic of mother-in-law?
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picture bleach blonde hair and tanned leathery skin.

got a chuckle out of shadyridr's 'they're old' line. the MIL is not like the grandma's I knew. obsessed with tanning, wears clothes she probably shouldn't, drinks too much, smokes way too much....

 
Doesn't matter if anything is going on or not. You asked them not to do it and they did it behind your back. They didn't tell you because they knew they weren't supposed to be doing it. If they don't like the rules, the kids will forego the trips to the grandparents.

 
ChiefD said:
If you don't like it and it makes both you and your wife uncomfortable, then they need to stop. Period.

They are your kids.
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Exactly. This shouldn't be a negotiation.

If the grandparents AND the kids are so into it that ceasing is a Big Issue, it makes me think it's even weirder.

 
If you wanted to avoid conflict maybe tell grandma that these habits are filtering back to home, where the kids want to sleep with the parents. You want to stop the behavior but everyone needs to be supportive and at their age group you do not want them sleeping with adults. Problem solved, grandma doesn't feel bad and you get what you want without having to be the Richard.

 
FUBAR said:
jomar said:
When I first found out about it, the wife let them know that we had a problem with it and it stopped for a time, but apparently has been happening the last couple of years again.
Click to expand...
This line is the issue. Seems the grandparents were deceiving you. That is always a problem in my book.
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+1

You need to trust your instincts. Don't feel bad about nipping this in the bud. It's not about how your inlaws feel about you because your kids are involved. It's about protecting them.

 
Psychopav said:
FUBAR said:
jomar said:
When I first found out about it, the wife let them know that we had a problem with it and it stopped for a time, but apparently has been happening the last couple of years again.
Click to expand...
This line is the issue. Seems the grandparents were deceiving you. That is always a problem in my book.
Click to expand...
+1

You need to trust your instincts. Don't feel bad about nipping this in the bud. It's not about how your inlaws feel about you because your kids are involved. It's about protecting them.
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Quite honestly, I'd be way past worrying about this discussion - that would be a given. I'd be wondering whether I can let the kids visit the G's without mom and dad any more.

 
When we visit my in-laws, my boys (13 & 11) sleep in their own beds (air mattress). Occasionally they will want to sleep with Mimi in her bed; she'll let them, but she doesn't sleep well as a result of their tossing and turning. :lol: Her husband (wife's step-dad) sleeps elsewhere.

We don't encourage or discourage it. They're getting old enough that it's beginning to feel odd to them

 
I wouldn't want to sleep in the same bed as my Grandmother as a 7 or 8 year-old but my niece (10) and nephew (6) sleep with their grandparents all the time so I get both sides of it. I guess it just depends on how close they are.

But yeah, if you said no and they still do it, that's a bigger issue.

 
My 5 year old does sleep with grandma at times when she is there even though she has her own room. Not anything that worries me. I do find the step-grandad side odd since its not biological family. But if its been that long I can see how he may be regarded as no different then grandma family wise.

But as mentioned above, the bottom line is if you find it weird and have asked them not to, then they shouldnt allow it or your kids dont get to sleep over...

 
RBM said:
NCCommish said:
RBM said:
What's the big deal? If they all enjoy it don't be a doosh just to be a doosh.
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They were told to stop. These are the parents they are allowed to set rules and the grandparents should follow them.
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Ah didn't see that part. Yeah then the grandparents are out of line.

But it's still just being dooshy for no good reason.
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I wouldn't allow it so I don't find it dooshy. Grandma drinks apparently. Maybe drunk grandma in bed with kid ain't a good idea. Or the fact that step grandpa is off on his own with another child. I find it creepy. Call me a doosh but it would stop or they wouldn't be seeing the kids.

 
RBM said:
NCCommish said:
RBM said:
What's the big deal? If they all enjoy it don't be a doosh just to be a doosh.
Click to expand...
They were told to stop. These are the parents they are allowed to set rules and the grandparents should follow them.
Click to expand...
Ah didn't see that part. Yeah then the grandparents are out of line.

But it's still just being dooshy for no good reason.
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His kids are 8 and 9. Do you really think they should be sleeping with grandma?

 
fred_1_15301 said:
RBM said:
NCCommish said:
RBM said:
What's the big deal? If they all enjoy it don't be a doosh just to be a doosh.
Click to expand...
They were told to stop. These are the parents they are allowed to set rules and the grandparents should follow them.
Click to expand...
Ah didn't see that part. Yeah then the grandparents are out of line.

But it's still just being dooshy for no good reason.
Click to expand...
His kids are 8 and 9. Do you really think they should be sleeping with grandma?
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Doesn't seem like a big deal, it's their grandparents for craps sake.

 
Dentist said:
Weird... but given that it's 4-6 nights a year and there isn't anything weird going on... maybe this is one of those times to look the other way?
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Sure there is. Two grown adults were told not to sleep with two little kids in the same bed and did it anyway. That's weird enough.

 
So your wife's 55-year old step-dad likes to sleep in same bed with your child after you told them you were uncomfortable?

 
RBM said:
fred_1_15301 said:
RBM said:
NCCommish said:
RBM said:
What's the big deal? If they all enjoy it don't be a doosh just to be a doosh.
Click to expand...
They were told to stop. These are the parents they are allowed to set rules and the grandparents should follow them.
Click to expand...
Ah didn't see that part. Yeah then the grandparents are out of line.

But it's still just being dooshy for no good reason.
Click to expand...
His kids are 8 and 9. Do you really think they should be sleeping with grandma?
Click to expand...
Doesn't seem like a big deal, it's their grandparents for craps sake.
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I recall feeling that way, until I read the pitbul/KFC story.

 
Daywalker said:
So your wife's 55-year old step-dad likes to sleep in same bed with your child after you told them you were uncomfortable?
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Pretty much. But like i said, I'm as sure as I can be that he's not doing anything wrong with the kids. There's much more with these two between my wife and them. Last time they stayed there, they went to McDonalds probably 4 times in three days and my wife is a healthy eating freak. It's like the grandma just does stuff like this to push past the boundaries we've set.

Tomorrow should be fun. Grandma is already pissy because we turned down their king size bed, apparently thinking it was because of the kids sleeping arrangement. In truth, their bed is hard as a rock and we won't sleep on it again. Grandma then went on to say that they enjoy sleeping with the kids but I think gets the idea that it ain't gonna happen. She was upset before that because we were only coming in for one night and couldnt leave the kids through 4th of July. She had them last year and now thinks it should happen every year....

 
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We wouldn't leave our kids with someone that didn't follow our rules. But then we don't make stupid rules.

 
Tough. On one hand, I see nothing wrong with it. My 7 year old sleeps with my mil once a week when she sleeps over.

But the parents for whatever reasons, asked them to stop. They need to stop regardless

 
AcerFC said:
Tough. On one hand, I see nothing wrong with it. My 7 year old sleeps with my mil once a week when she sleeps over.

But the parents for whatever reasons, asked them to stop. They need to stop regardless
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...and when they don't stop?

 
I experienced this growing up. Didn't think anything of it till that time I was 19 and grandpa only wore a Kiss The Cook apron to bed because he "thought his jammies would be too warm"

 
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