I need some sexting advice. (1 Viewer)

[kentric]

Pretty much there's this pretty blonde chick that I always bump into at the bar and start making out with. In the past, she wrote me a blank check to have sex but I screwed it up. There was a thread about this incident but I had it hard deleted.

Pretty much, the sexual tension is through the roof and we attract each other like magnets whenever we're around each other. I've received texts saying how she wants to hang out with me alone, that I'm her favorite, etc.

I can tell the way to this girl's heart is through her ######. So what I need from you guys are some rock-solid, arousal enducing, sexting pickup lines. I'm thinking something along the lines of:

"I can't stop thinking about you. I want to be with you alone so badly. Let's ####. "

Kind of weird to read the first sentence of a post and instantly recognize the poster.

Also, along the line of first sentences, you should have stopped after yours.

Also, the thread is useless without pics. Can size would be a plus, too.

Here's a pic. I want to split this broad in half.

http://s2.postimg.org/b7ohp363t/image.jpg

She looks bigger than you.

I thought that was a given.

 

[johnnycakes]

Pretty much there's this pretty blonde chick that I always bump into at the bar and start making out with. In the past, she wrote me a blank check to have sex but I screwed it up. There was a thread about this incident but I had it hard deleted.

Pretty much, the sexual tension is through the roof and we attract each other like magnets whenever we're around each other. I've received texts saying how she wants to hang out with me alone, that I'm her favorite, etc.

I can tell the way to this girl's heart is through her ######. So what I need from you guys are some rock-solid, arousal enducing, sexting pickup lines. I'm thinking something along the lines of:

"I can't stop thinking about you. I want to be with you alone so badly. Let's ####. "

Kind of weird to read the first sentence of a post and instantly recognize the poster.

Also, along the line of first sentences, you should have stopped after yours.

Also, the thread is useless without pics. Can size would be a plus, too.

Here's a pic. I want to split this broad in half.

http://s2.postimg.org/b7ohp363t/image.jpg

She looks bigger than you.

I thought that was a given.

It's hard to tell with the trannys these days.

 

[Mohawk]

You know Em, you get nothing but beat up in here. Why don't you turn off the computer and go out and live a real life. Stop trying to be a doosh! Act naturally, if there is a natural for you. You seem to try to be dooshy.

 

[nirad3]

Honestly, I think the guy starts a new thread just to introduce some cute new buzzword/phrase to see if it sticks.

In this case...

she wrote me a blank check to have sex

.... how... clever?

 

[skol asylum]

Too bad the check bounced.

 

[Kanil]

Have not read the thread but send **** picks... not your own **** though, find a big one on the web to send.

 

[JNox3]

Have not read the thread but send **** picks... not your own **** though, find a big one on the web to send.

I had no idea you felt this way about Eminence Kanil. NTTAWWT.

 

[Kanil]

Have not read the thread but send **** picks... not your own **** though, find a big one on the web to send.

I had no idea you felt this way about Eminence Kanil. NTTAWWT.

Don't judge me!

 

[kentric]

Have not read the thread but send **** picks... not your own **** though, find a big one on the web to send.

I had no idea you felt this way about Eminence Kanil. NTTAWWT.

Don't judge me!

I don't think he was judging you so much as he was just surprised. Mostly surprised that Eminence is finally going to get some.

 

[jon_mx]

If by some miracle this girl does want sex, for the love of God use a condom....or two.

 

[Buckychudd]

Honestly, I think the guy starts a new thread just to introduce some cute new buzzword/phrase to see if it sticks.

In this case...

she wrote me a blank check to have sex

.... how... clever?

Wait, "blank check" is new?

 

[johnnycakes]

Honestly, I think the guy starts a new thread just to introduce some cute new buzzword/phrase to see if it sticks.

In this case...

she wrote me a blank check to have sex

.... how... clever?

Wait, "blank check" is new?

I think he's afraid the cheque will bounce.

 

[Bucky86]

If by some miracle this girl does want sex, for the love of God use a condom....or two.

And pull out just to be safe.

 

[nirad3]

Honestly, I think the guy starts a new thread just to introduce some cute new buzzword/phrase to see if it sticks.

In this case...

she wrote me a blank check to have sex

.... how... clever?

Wait, "blank check" is new?

Not sure I have ever heard it in this context....

Dude just strikes me as that dork in the club that bounces from group to group, trying to "fit in"....

Meh.

 

[chauncey]

Pretty much there's this pretty blonde chick that I always bump into at the bar and start making out with. In the past, she wrote me a blank check to have sex but I screwed it up. There was a thread about this incident but I had it hard deleted.

Pretty much, the sexual tension is through the roof and we attract each other like magnets whenever we're around each other. I've received texts saying how she wants to hang out with me alone, that I'm her favorite, etc.


I can tell the way to this girl's heart is through her ######. So what I need from you guys are some rock-solid, arousal enducing, sexting pickup lines. I'm thinking something along the lines of:


"I can't stop thinking about you. I want to be with you alone so badly. Let's ####. "

No there isn't.

No she didn't.

No it is not, no you don't.

No you didn't.

Please keep us updated though.

 

[skol asylum]

So what happened? Did they meet up and she left him sans his liver and kidneys in a hotel room?

 

[timschochet]

EMINENCE Hey, there!

PRETTY BLONDE CHICK Why do you keep bumping into me? What the ####, dude? Keep your distance.

EMINENCE I thought we could make out again.

PRETTY BLONDE CHICK Again? We've never made out before. And we never will.

EMINENCE But you wrote me a blank check to have sex.

PRETTY BLONDE CHICK It was blank, guy. And it wasn't a check, it was a piece of paper I threw in the trash, and you dug it out of there and kept it. If you ever do get something from me, it will be a restraining order.

EMINENCE I sense the sexual tension. It's through the roof.

PRETTY BLONDE CHICK Your head is going to be through the roof unless you leave me alone.

EMINENCE I received texts that you want to be with me alone, that I'm your favorite.

PRETTY BLONDE CHICK You must have written them, because I didn't.

EMINENCE I can tell that the way to your heart is through your #####.

PRETTY BLONDE CHICK You are disgusting.

EMINENCE Can I fingerblast you?

 

[Mario Kart]

If by some miracle this girl does want sex, for the love of God use a condom....or two.

And pull out just to be safe.

We don't have to worry. The condom will be filled before it enters the hole. Then, bedtime.

 

[Conanthecontrarian]

hey em dont let these haters get you down. you know what line to use in the sext, the ol stand by. do you think this rag smells like cloroform. 100% ice breaker and than you are in....her pants. Lol

 

[Short Corner]

It might be short but, it sure is skinny.

But at least it won't hurt your pooper.

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

Ask if she wants to open a checking account.

 

[Rayderr]

btw, shouldn't you be packing up to move down to Florida about now?

 

[kentric]

EMINENCE Hey, there!

PRETTY BLONDE CHICK Why do you keep bumping into me? What the ####, dude? Keep your distance.

EMINENCE I thought we could make out again.

PRETTY BLONDE CHICK Again? We've never made out before. And we never will.

EMINENCE But you wrote me a blank check to have sex.

PRETTY BLONDE CHICK It was blank, guy. And it wasn't a check, it was a piece of paper I threw in the trash, and you dug it out of there and kept it. If you ever do get something from me, it will be a restraining order.

EMINENCE I sense the sexual tension. It's through the roof.

PRETTY BLONDE CHICK Your head is going to be through the roof unless you leave me alone.

EMINENCE I received texts that you want to be with me alone, that I'm your favorite.

PRETTY BLONDE CHICK You must have written them, because I didn't.

EMINENCE I can tell that the way to your heart is through your #####.

PRETTY BLONDE CHICK You are disgusting.

EMINENCE Can I fingerblast you?

 

[Eminence]

I saw her again tonight. Got the impression that tonight was probably one of my chances to make an impact. Got to hold her hand, grab her ###, rub penis on thigh. It was great.

Sent her the text,

"I want you so bad."

I figure at some point you've gotta say "hey, let's ####". She knows I want my schlong in her vajayjay. Now, I just need to invite her to something where end game is sex.

 

[xulf]

Nobody cares.

 

[Bob Magaw]

Dungeons and Dragons conventions are said to have overpoweringly aphrodisiacal effects on women.

 

[Eminence]

I'm gonna bang this chick this weekend.

 

[Good Posting Judge]

 

[Good Posting Judge]

(she into Skynyrd?)

 

[jon_mx]

(she into Skynyrd?)

Gimme three steps.

 

[DocHolliday]

I'm happy for you Em. Kind of sorry for her but that is her problem.

 

[John Lee]

Fellas...this thread is dangerously close to getting killed; please keep it PG-13 or better.

 

[GOB]

It's like Romeo and Juliet with a lot less rubbing of penis on thighs.

Step up, em

 

[McGarnicle]

It's okay if you're not into women Em. Really it is. You don't have to hate yourself. All big cities have a gay section. Do your research, get an apartment, sign up for the gay softball team or whatever and you'll finally be able to relax and be yourself. Cute little guy like you, hell, you'd be the belle of the ball.

 

[Rayderr]

Got to hold her hand, grab her ###, rub penis on thigh. It was great.

So which response should I go with?

A) "Congrats on humping her leg like a dog."

or

2) "We all know she couldn't feel it."

 

[TLEF316]

I saw her again tonight. Got the impression that tonight was probably one of my chances to make an impact. Got to hold her hand, grab her ###, rub penis on thigh. It was great.

What base is this?

 

[Wrigley]

This tread had so much potential.

 

[Chemical X]

my 2015 roto football team name;

rub penis on thigh

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

I saw her again tonight. Got the impression that tonight was probably one of my chances to make an impact. Got to hold her hand, grab her ###, rub penis on thigh. It was great.

What base is this?

It's like a rundown between home and first.

 

[jon_mx]

I saw her again tonight. Got the impression that tonight was probably one of my chances to make an impact. Got to hold her hand, grab her ###, rub penis on thigh. It was great.

What base is this?

It is third base on the date rape field.

 

[kentric]

(she into Skynyrd?)

Gimme three steps inches.

Fixed. It is Eminence we're talking about here.....

 

[jon_mx]

(she into Skynyrd?)

Gimme three steps inches.

Fixed. It is Eminence we're talking about here.....

Won't you give me three steps,

Gimme three steps mister,

Gimme three steps towards the door?

Gimme three steps

Gimme three steps mister,

And you'll never see me no more."

 

[kentric]

(she into Skynyrd?)

Gimme three steps inches.

Fixed. It is Eminence we're talking about here.....

Won't you give me three steps,

Gimme three steps mister,

Gimme three steps towards the door?

Gimme three steps

Gimme three steps mister,

And you'll never see me no more."

LOL I know the song.

 

[Bucky86]

I'm gonna bang this chick this weekend.

Does SHE know this?

 

[stahbux]

I'm gonna bang this chick this weekend.

Suck her **** first.