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Kids over 18 living at home. Rules, curfew? (1 Viewer)

Clown Car

Clown Car

Footballguy
My oldest moved away to college so this wasn't an issue. The second is going to be 18 in a couple months and just came to ask what kind of rules and curfew will she have. I don't really have a plan or anything. She has a part time job, plans to attend community college. She does not have her own vehicle. She doesn't drink or drug yet but I expect she wants to. There are 9 other kids still at home ages 1-16. She doesn't do any child care and very little house hold help. 

What has worked for you? What hasn't?

 
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11 kids?  God bless you you poor, poor MFer.  

Tough to have any specific advice as every child is different.  I tend to try to take the middle road so I don't end up with a no-structure loser or on the other end a preacher's daughter.  I'd end up trying to set something like midnight on weekdays and 1:30 on weekends (my kid is 17 and has times a little earlier than that).  Different now than when we grew up - cellphones really change the paradigm.

 
#### dude.  I thought 5 was a lot of kids. 

Our house, our rules.  not overly restrictive but we're setting rules that will be strictly enforced.  I went home every summer during college until before my senior year which was spent mostly in a more restrictive environment anyway (army camps and training) and my parents had a curfew  (I think it was 1am) and I had a few chores like garbage and occasionally taking my mom shopping  (she's legally blind). 

 
I moved back home for about 1.5 years after I graduated college and in my personal experience I would say don't go to strict on the rules. I won't say it is the main reason my father and I haven't spoke in 10+ years, but it is in the top 3 or 4. Near the end of the 1.5 years he started charging me rent, I would say the last 3 months. Shortly after charging me rent he tried to give me a curfew and chores to do around the house. I am not talking normal chores like washing my dishes or taking out the trash once in awhile. (which I did) He wanted me to mow the yard every week (10 acres), do everyone's laundry every other week (my mom had to the other week), wash his car, and pick one project from his home project board and work on it for 2 hours a week.

 
Obviously, it's your house and you have every right to set whatever rule you wish for an adult staying there. And I can certainly understand your not wanting a stumbling drunk and stoned girl coming in at 4am.

But if you try to set and enforce rules, I'd guess she will probably just leave. An attractive 18-year-old woman is not going to have much trouble finding places to stay.

It just depends on what you think is better for her and your family as a whole, and that's a pretty complicated equation. But I wouldn't guess that successfully implementing rules and curfew is much of a viable option.

 
No rules per se, no curfew either. Be an adult. No 21 and over substances period at home. Don't drive in an altered state. No friend overnights. Cook for yourself if you're not eating what I/we make. Do your own laundry. Clean up after yourself in common areas.

 
Hawks64 said:
No rules per se, no curfew either. Be an adult. No 21 and over substances period at home. Don't drive in an altered state. No friend overnights. Cook for yourself if you're not eating what I/we make. Do your own laundry. Clean up after yourself in common areas.
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Makes sense.  As long as you're not making a disturbance coming in at a late hour, you should be able to come and go as you please.  

 
msudaisy26 said:
I moved back home for about 1.5 years after I graduated college and in my personal experience I would say don't go to strict on the rules. I won't say it is the main reason my father and I haven't spoke in 10+ years, but it is in the top 3 or 4. Near the end of the 1.5 years he started charging me rent, I would say the last 3 months. Shortly after charging me rent he tried to give me a curfew and chores to do around the house. I am not talking normal chores like washing my dishes or taking out the trash once in awhile. (which I did) He wanted me to mow the yard every week (10 acres), do everyone's laundry every other week (my mom had to the other week), wash his car, and pick one project from his home project board and work on it for 2 hours a week.
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:unsure:   This does not seem unreasonable...if you were not living at home, you likely would have had similar or greater responsibilities.

 
Do whatever you want. If you think she's smart enough to go out and not get knocked up, give her a nudge towards the door.

If she's still immature, coddle her a little all while teaching her valuable life lessons.

 
sonofa##### if i'm not gonna be thinking this is so damn cute and funny in roughly seven years (11 yr. old daughter)

:unsure:

 
msudaisy26 said:
I moved back home for about 1.5 years after I graduated college and in my personal experience I would say don't go to strict on the rules. I won't say it is the main reason my father and I haven't spoke in 10+ years, but it is in the top 3 or 4. Near the end of the 1.5 years he started charging me rent, I would say the last 3 months. Shortly after charging me rent he tried to give me a curfew and chores to do around the house. I am not talking normal chores like washing my dishes or taking out the trash once in awhile. (which I did) He wanted me to mow the yard every week (10 acres), do everyone's laundry every other week (my mom had to the other week), wash his car, and pick one project from his home project board and work on it for 2 hours a week.
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So you're not talking to ypr dad (partly) because he let you move back in and carry some weight around the house?  I kind of agree that if you're paying rent you shouldn't be doing his tasks but it doesn't seem beyond reasonable. 

AAABatteries said:
Guys - clown is a woman.  Just FYI.
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And she puts out :excited: ;)

 
Sinn Fein said:
:unsure:   This does not seem unreasonable...if you were not living at home, you likely would have had similar or greater responsibilities.
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Really? I moved into an apartment right after, I payed less rent, had no grass to mow, no curfew, and didn't have to paint rooms that weren't painted, install cabinets, hang doors, or help pile up fire wood. 

Edit: he also made me buy his old car from him, and when I moved out I had to buy a new  car because he took it back. 

 
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msudaisy26 said:
Really? I moved into an apartment right after, I payed less rent, had no grass to mow, no curfew, and didn't have to paint rooms that weren't painted, install cabinets, hang doors, or help pile up fire wood. 
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So his plan to get you to move out and get on with your life worked

 
msudaisy26 said:
Edit: he also made me buy his old car from him, and when I moved out I had to buy a new  car because he took it back. 
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:unsure:

i call shenanigans.  how in the #### does someone make you purchase something?  did he put a lien on your allowance? rubber hose? what?

 
otb_lifer said:
:unsure:

i call shenanigans.  how in the #### does someone make you purchase something?  did he put a lien on your allowance? rubber hose? what?
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You can't be that naive, if you have questions send me a message I am not junkie up this thread anymore. 

 
Hawks64 said:
No rules per se, no curfew either. Be an adult. No 21 and over substances period at home. Don't drive in an altered state. No friend overnights. Cook for yourself if you're not eating what I/we make. Do your own laundry. Clean up after yourself in common areas.
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this here seems reasonable enough ... would expect to levy same if i was in that position.

tossing a modicum of respect to their 'adulthood' is key - of course i followed ZERO of these when i went back home for a month (age 19) - but that's because i had all the answers  :thumbup:

 
I've been through this the last couple of years. Currently have a 20 year old daughter and 19 year old twin boys. Prior to 18 they had a curfew of 11pm on weekdays, midnight on weekends. After 18, it moved to 1:30am across the board. They could stay out later if there was a good reason (and established the time before going out). We chose 1:30 because the bars close at 2am. Hopefully gets them off the street ahead of the really drunk people driving home. 

At this time, it's not much of an issue. One of my son's is in boot camp, my daughter is busy with school and doesn't go out much at all. The other son works a lot and has a girlfriend. They aren't party types. (more into gaming and movies). There have been a handful of times that they've been out past midnight. New Years Eve is the only example I can think of. 

 
Two of our kids are married now.  Three still live at home.  The oldest still living at home just told us he has realized college is not for him so he wants to look into a trade.  Our rules are simple, if you are living at home we expect you home by midnight unless you call us and let us know where you are.  If you are going to school, you can live at home so long as you pick up after yourself, do your own laundry, and abide by house rules.  If you do not go to school, you are expected to work full time.  So far it is working out fine.  Will be interesting to see how he handles looking at a trade school - otherwise he will be working full time and living at home but I get the feeling he really wants to get an apartment.  If so, that is on him.  Now, if he were to be a bum, not work nor go to school then he would be looking at being thrown out, but he is a good kid and I think things will work out just fine.

 
She can blow guys and lines before midnight as easily as she can after midnight. Hopefully you raised her well and she isn't doing one to have money to do the other. No curfew, put the Uber app on her phone with your credit card and tell her she must never drive wasted.

 
If you have 9 other kids at home, keep in mind that you MIGHT be going thru this 9 other times.  While some kids are different than others....there probably should be a concrete set of rules that A) define that it's still your house and that you're not roommates or landlord and tenant and B) show the other children that you're still the parent.

To me, 18's old enough to vote and join the military...but it's not old enough to:

1) Bring dudes/chicks home.

2) Drink at the house.

3) Stumble in and disrupt the house at all hours of the night. Keep in mind, this includes how you feel about it...so no matter how quiet she is....if it's going to make you worry that she's out until 2/3 AM....it should be a no go.

That's for starters.  If she wasn't helping much with the kids/household chores during her minor/teen years......that's probably not that big of a deal to you.

 
Thunderlips said:
1) Bring dudes/chicks home.
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I have no issues with my child doing this (if we're home and no overnighters, obviously).  There is tons of opportunity if that is going to happen, anyway.

Honestly I worry much more about drinking and decision making after that (driving).  I've tried to stress this - no questions asked rides home, etc.  They're gonna do stupid stuff, I just want to make sure it stays small stakes when they do.

 
Thunderlips said:
If you have 9 other kids at home, keep in mind that you MIGHT be going thru this 9 other times.  While some kids are different than others....there probably should be a concrete set of rules that A) define that it's still your house and that you're not roommates or landlord and tenant and B) show the other children that you're still the parent.

To me, 18's old enough to vote and join the military...but it's not old enough to:

1) Bring dudes/chicks home.

2) Drink at the house.

3) Stumble in and disrupt the house at all hours of the night. Keep in mind, this includes how you feel about it...so no matter how quiet she is....if it's going to make you worry that she's out until 2/3 AM....it should be a no go.

That's for starters.  If she wasn't helping much with the kids/household chores during her minor/teen years......that's probably not that big of a deal to you.
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Yes that's the line I'm walking here. She's the most immature of all my teens and she's the oldest in the house right now. 

 
Sand said:
I have no issues with my child doing this (if we're home and no overnighters, obviously).  There is tons of opportunity if that is going to happen, anyway.

Honestly I worry much more about drinking and decision making after that (driving).  I've tried to stress this - no questions asked rides home, etc.  They're gonna do stupid stuff, I just want to make sure it stays small stakes when they do.
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Absolutely.  I have no beef with that. I meant more like you're walking downstairs at 7AM to get your coffee and some jabrone is in his underpants at your countertop eating a bowl of Fruit Loops. Overnight, sexual encounter guests......

 
Thunderlips said:
Absolutely.  I have no beef with that. I meant more like you're walking downstairs at 7AM to get your coffee and some jabrone is in his underpants at your countertop eating a bowl of Fruit Loops. Overnight, sexual encounter guests......
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That's an absolute no no. She's in a room w 3 sisters ages 16,8,5. There will be no sexual encounters here. She will hide that stuff from me like the good girl I raised her to be. 

 
Clown Car said:
That's an absolute no no. She's in a room w 3 sisters ages 16,8,5. There will be no sexual encounters here. She will hide that stuff from me like the good girl I raised her to be. 
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1.  JFC- 11 kids?

2.  If I was 18 and still had to live with a 5 year old in my room, I would probably be working 3 jobs to get the hell out of the house. 

3.  Echo a lot of the thoughts so far in that every kid is different, but you should think hard about it with 9 more.  I can't remember having a curfew the couple summers after I graduated HS (don't think I had one my Senior year either), but my parents knew I didn't do ####.  Most that happened is I fell asleep at a friends house watching a movie or something.  If you say she is the most immature of the bunch, that might require more of a clamp down, especially if she isn't doing much around the house. 

Do people have different rules with their kids if they are paying rent or not?

 
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KarmaPolice said:
1.  JFC- 11 kids?

2.  If I was 18 and still had to live with a 5 year old in my room, I would probably be working 3 jobs to get the hell out of the house. 

3.  Echo a lot of the thoughts so far in that every kid is different, but you should think hard about it with 9 more.  I can't remember having a curfew the couple summers after I graduated HS (don't think I had one my Senior year either), but my parents knew I didn't do ####.  Most that happened is I fell asleep at a friends house watching a movie or something. 

Do people have different rules with their kids if they are paying rent or not?
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1. Ok fine move on. 

2. I know right! But she's the worst one in there. The 5yo stuff is all in my room. She has monopolized the bathroom to the point no one else can use it. So the little girls use my room and so does the other teen girl for the most part. The other girls want her out more than she wants out. 

 
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