Kids over 18 living at home. Rules, curfew? (1 Viewer)

[KarmaPolice]

1. Ok fine move on. 

2. I know right! But she's the worst one in there. The 5yo stuff is all in my room. She has monopolized the bathroom to the point no one else can use it. So the little girls use my room and so does the other teen girl for the most part. The other girls want her out more than she wants out. 

1.  Just giving you ####.  Sounds amazing and hell on earth at the same time. 

2.  IMO that sounds like more rules go into place.  I would think there would be a happy medium that you could come up with between being an ####### and forcing her out and letting her go as is - be it getting a FT job or another PT one, starting to pay rent, or having specific chores around the house  It's good that she is eyeing up going to CC, but still sounds like she isn't pulling her weight around the house, so for me it would either be working more hours to make CC/moving out more likely or making your life a little easier by pitching in. 

 

[-OZ-]

I am sorry I got worked up about this This wasn't meant to be about me, I was trying to warn the OP about the strain it could put on their relationship. That is all. 

The lesson (imo anyway) is twofold.  1. Don't let this destroy your relationship with her.  2. There is some value in making things such that she'll want to leave without holding a grudge.  Tough balance, I don't have the answer there but imagine in 4ish years we'll be in a similar position. 

I have no issues with my child doing this (if we're home and no overnighters, obviously).  There is tons of opportunity if that is going to happen, anyway.

Honestly I worry much more about drinking and decision making after that (driving). I've tried to stress this - no questions asked rides home, etc.  They're gonna do stupid stuff, I just want to make sure it stays small stakes when they do.

Agreed.  I'm almost as concerned about drunk sex as I am driving.  We've put way too many dudes in jail as sexual offenders.  Obviously that's horrible on all sides. 

1. Ok fine move on. 

2. I know right! But she's the worst one in there. The 5yo stuff is all in my room. She has monopolized the bathroom to the point no one else can use it. So the little girls use my room and so does the other teen girl for the most part. The other girls want her out more than she wants out.

That has to be the toughest part. You're setting precedent here.  I certainly don't have the answer but I think with my oldest (14), he either pulls his weight around the house and isn't a #### to his brothers or he's out after 18. Easier to say now than to do of course. 

 

[Thunderlips]

That's an absolute no no. She's in a room w 3 sisters ages 16,8,5. There will be no sexual encounters here. She will hide that stuff from me like the good girl I raised her to be. 

To that, does she realize that she A) has it as good as she does and B) (presumably) has no other place to go if she wants to butt heads with you over something trivial?  

 

[Clown Car]

The lesson (imo anyway) is twofold.  1. Don't let this destroy your relationship with her.  2. There is some value in making things such that she'll want to leave without holding a grudge.  Tough balance, I don't have the answer there but imagine in 4ish years we'll be in a similar position. 

Agreed.  I'm almost as concerned about drunk sex as I am driving.  We've put way too many dudes in jail as sexual offenders.  Obviously that's horrible on all sides. 

That has to be the toughest part. You're setting precedent here.  I certainly don't have the answer but I think with my oldest (14), he either pulls his weight around the house and isn't a #### to his brothers or he's out after 18. Easier to say now than to do of course. 

A lot easier. She was planning to move in with some idiot friends of hers and we were all looking forward to it even though I didn't think it was a good plan. But then she wised up and said she was going to stay one more year when I said she can't take my car. 

 

[Clown Car]

To that, does she realize that she A) has it as good as she does and B) (presumably) has no other place to go if she wants to butt heads with you over something trivial?  

No she doesn't. Her older sister (21, equally hot, not as funny but smarter and more self sufficient and self starting) tries to tell her and point out things she sees and knows about the real world now, point out how other parents relate to each other and their kids, but the 18yo knows everything, we are idiots. 

 

[-OZ-]

No she doesn't. Her older sister (21, equally hot, not as funny but smarter and more self sufficient and self starting) tries to tell her and point out things she sees and knows about the real world now, point out how other parents relate to each other and their kids, but the 18yo knows everything, we are idiots. 

Ugh. At 18 my parents were idiots but at least my 21yo sister was smart (and hot, or so I'm told). I'm really thankful I listened to her.

 

[Clown Car]

Ugh. At 18 my parents were idiots but at least my 21yo sister was smart (and hot, or so I'm told). I'm really thankful I listened to her.

Unfortunately right now they don't get along. It's a girl thing. The older acts very know it all and worldly wise not allowing that the younger one has some experience and growth in the three years they've lived apart. The younger one wants to out bad girl the older one. 

The funniest part is neither of them is the level party girl, stupid stuff doing, idiot that I was. They think I'm at my wits end and can't handle them doing one more thing. But really I couldn't imagine this being much easier. 

 

[NutterButter]

Yes. Lots of it. 

That's b/c you were already preggers right?

 

[Clown Car]

That's b/c you were already preggers right?

Most of the time probably. 

 

[NorvilleBarnes]

My GFs 18 yo son  lives with us and I'd like him to stay. I'm trying to encourage him to go to college - at least for 2 years as it's free - but I think he's pretty set on enlisting. She told him she'd rather he were into weed than booze and he's happily obliged. Our only rules match the city ordinance for curfews. I guess I'm old fashioned and paternal but I'd probably have a different mindset with a daughter.

 

[KarmaPolice]

My GFs 18 yo son  lives with us and I'd like him to stay. I'm trying to encourage him to go to college - at least for 2 years as it's free - but I think he's pretty set on enlisting. She told him she'd rather he were into weed than booze and he's happily obliged. Our only rules match the city ordinance for curfews. I guess I'm old fashioned and paternal but I'd probably have a different mindset with a daughter.

This I don't get at all.  I would think you either trust your kid or you don't. 

 

[Clown Car]

This I don't get at all.  I would think you either trust your kid or you don't. 

It's not the kid, it's the rest of the world. We generally don't worry about our sons getting drugged and raped. But literally every day it crosses my mind for my away at school daughter. 

 

[KarmaPolice]

It's not the kid, it's the rest of the world. We generally don't worry about our sons getting drugged and raped. But literally every day it crosses my mind for my away at school daughter. 

I get that worry, but I am just not getting how treating them differently or having different rule and curfews for sons vs. daughters is going to help that. 

 

[Clown Car]

I get that worry, but I am just not getting how treating them differently or having different rule and curfews for sons vs. daughters is going to help that. 

I think it's because we want to believe we can put rules and safeguards in place that will prevent it and if we don't we are setting them up for doom.