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Legal/life help - Divorce (1 Viewer)

farfromforgotten

farfromforgotten

Footballguy
I hate having to bring this up but I’m in a bad spot and not thinking clearly at the moment and I could really use some advice. I’m coming up on two years of being separated from my wife and it looks like we’re finally headed for divorce, which ultimately is a good thing. The only thing is I don’t have council at the moment. Due to my mental health I haven’t been able to hold down a steady job in the past year, which is not like me at all. I worked for Franklin County for a dozen years. My ex has done everything in her power to tear me apart after 21 years of marriage, which hurts way worse than her wanting the divorce. We grew up together. I was 21 and she was 18 when we married. We have a bio son who is 19 and a bio daughter who passed at 3. We’ve adopted six children together. I had to move back in with my parents, who are elderly and dad has had health issues, so I’m glad to help them but still. Everything that I had worked for went to my ex and the kids at all times. I have no savings, no retirement, and $272 currently in my account. I’m not sure what I’m looking for here exactly or what I hope to come out of this. I’m not looking for money. Just words and advice perhaps? I’d greatly appreciate it. I’m in Ohio if that helps at all, with resources and the like. I am speaking with a therapist.

Thank you.
 
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of loss and uncertainty, and that can be very challenging to navigate on your own.

First and foremost, it's good to hear that you are speaking with a therapist. It's important to have someone to talk to and to help you process your emotions and thoughts.

In terms of legal advice, there may be resources available to you in Ohio to help you find an attorney who can represent you in your divorce proceedings, even if you cannot afford one. You might consider reaching out to your local Legal Aid Society, which provides free or low-cost legal services to those who cannot afford them. They may be able to help you find an attorney who can work with you on a pro bono basis or who can provide legal services at a reduced rate.

In addition to seeking legal help, you may also want to look into other resources that can help you manage your finances and find employment. Ohio has a number of resources available to people who are experiencing financial hardship, including food assistance, housing assistance, and job training programs. The Ohio Department of Job and Family Services may be able to help you access these resources.

It's also important to take care of yourself during this time. Make sure you are getting enough rest, eating well, and exercising regularly. Consider joining a support group for people who are going through a divorce or who are dealing with mental health issues. You don't have to go through this alone, and there are people who can help you.

Remember that this is a difficult time, but it is not the end of the world. With the right support and resources, you can move forward and rebuild your life.
 
Wish I had more advice, but seeing a therapist is a great idea. You may also want to join a support group - there are undoubtedly others that are in a similar situation. I've heard that meetup.com (legit site) is a pretty good resource to find people in your area with similar issues if you don't already know of people.

ETA: jaysus beat me to it and had a lot better advice
 
Jaysus said:
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of loss and uncertainty, and that can be very challenging to navigate on your own.

First and foremost, it's good to hear that you are speaking with a therapist. It's important to have someone to talk to and to help you process your emotions and thoughts.

In terms of legal advice, there may be resources available to you in Ohio to help you find an attorney who can represent you in your divorce proceedings, even if you cannot afford one. You might consider reaching out to your local Legal Aid Society, which provides free or low-cost legal services to those who cannot afford them. They may be able to help you find an attorney who can work with you on a pro bono basis or who can provide legal services at a reduced rate.

In addition to seeking legal help, you may also want to look into other resources that can help you manage your finances and find employment. Ohio has a number of resources available to people who are experiencing financial hardship, including food assistance, housing assistance, and job training programs. The Ohio Department of Job and Family Services may be able to help you access these resources.

It's also important to take care of yourself during this time. Make sure you are getting enough rest, eating well, and exercising regularly. Consider joining a support group for people who are going through a divorce or who are dealing with mental health issues. You don't have to go through this alone, and there are people who can help you.

Remember that this is a difficult time, but it is not the end of the world. With the right support and resources, you can move forward and rebuild your life.
Click to expand...
What a great post. All of what Jaysus said. Stay strong and take care of yourself.
 
Jaysus said:
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of loss and uncertainty, and that can be very challenging to navigate on your own.

First and foremost, it's good to hear that you are speaking with a therapist. It's important to have someone to talk to and to help you process your emotions and thoughts.

In terms of legal advice, there may be resources available to you in Ohio to help you find an attorney who can represent you in your divorce proceedings, even if you cannot afford one. You might consider reaching out to your local Legal Aid Society, which provides free or low-cost legal services to those who cannot afford them. They may be able to help you find an attorney who can work with you on a pro bono basis or who can provide legal services at a reduced rate.

In addition to seeking legal help, you may also want to look into other resources that can help you manage your finances and find employment. Ohio has a number of resources available to people who are experiencing financial hardship, including food assistance, housing assistance, and job training programs. The Ohio Department of Job and Family Services may be able to help you access these resources.

It's also important to take care of yourself during this time. Make sure you are getting enough rest, eating well, and exercising regularly. Consider joining a support group for people who are going through a divorce or who are dealing with mental health issues. You don't have to go through this alone, and there are people who can help you.

Remember that this is a difficult time, but it is not the end of the world. With the right support and resources, you can move forward and rebuild your life.
Click to expand...
This is a great post and spot on.

Family law does vary significantly by state so, unfortunately, a messageboard is not the most effective way to obtain legal advice applicable to your specific situation. I’d definitely echo the suggestion to seek out legal aid. Oftentimes your local courthouse has a law library and/or help desks to at least point you in the right direction in terms of paperwork (they likely can’t give you legal advice).

Good luck and know that it will get better.
 
I've been through 2, it gets better. The initial realization is the worst. Does she have a lawyer already? First one we each had lawyers. The second one we hired a mediator. I highly recommend the second route if both can agree to it. Much cheaper, not nearly as much of a battle and better for the relationship after the fact.
 
Couple more things
1. it’s hard for a lot of people to come to the realization that she’s not your friend anymore. You essentially went from being on the same team to opposing teams u til the divorce is finalized. That’s not to say you can’t still work towards the same goal.
2. i Think you learn more about who the other person truly is going through a divorce and how they act vs when you were in the marriage. If she’s truly tearing you apart for little reason, she’s not worth the anguish you‘re putting yourself through.
3. take baby steps each day to repair yourself. the therapist was a good start. you didnt mention how your relationship is with your children and whether you see them on the regular.
 
My heart just sunk a bit for you, GB. Following the preliminary advice here would seem to be a start. Retaining counsel can be the most important thing you'll do. He'll at least tell you if it's a community property state or not. Sounds like you don't have that much to lose, but losing less would be a great start.

fruity pebbles also had some good advice about a mediator.

That's all I've got for you, other than words that will wish you the best of luck but will betray that they have no idea how deeply this hurts.

Bless you, man.
 
Also,, figure out what you’re willing to fight for. For me it was two things, 50/50 custody of my two kids and my pension at work. Didn’t care about anything else. She took all of the furniture, cash from the sale of the house (about $60,000) the nicer of the two cars etc. I got my 50/50 custody and my pension that will be worth nearly a million dollars when I retire. She went for the here and now, I played the long game. I had a friend who fought with his wife over a dining room set for had to be six months. It was a nice set, think he said they paid around 8 grand for it. Probably worth half that used. They went back and forth for months over that stupid table and chairs. Became less about the table and more about winning.
 
Wish I had more to offer than what has already been provided but the posters above have covered it all. Stay strong man and take it one day at a time. Focus on yourself and your kids and leave the past in the past as far as your relationship with the ex goes. No good will come stewing over that.

Take care.
 
You can start here: https://www.columbuslegalaid.org/ to see if they can help. I'm up north in Lorain County and I know they have a Modest Means program my sister-in-law used to get counsel at a reduced rate for a custody battle she is in. I'm assuming that Franklin county has something similar.

Hang in there. It sucks right now but eventually you will get to a place where you can be you and move forward. Who you are as a person and your value are not defined by your marriage or a job. You HAVE value and can still be an amazing parent to those kids (grown or not, we still need our Dads). Don't let this situation define your life story. We can't change the chapters of that story in the past but we 100% are the author of the future chapters.

Best of luck and wishes for you.
 
You all are just amazing. Seriously. I appreciate the kindness and the knowledge that each and everyone one of you have provided me with. I have a close friend who is going to help me secure an attorney to help me along the rest of the way. I am lucky to have him in my life. I have a consultation scheduled for later this week. I’ll keep you all posted on things going forward. ❤️❤️❤️
 
farfromforgotten said:
You all are just amazing. Seriously. I appreciate the kindness and the knowledge that each and everyone one of you have provided me with. I have a close friend who is going to help me secure an attorney to help me along the rest of the way. I am lucky to have him in my life. I have a consultation scheduled for later this week. I’ll keep you all posted on things going forward. ❤️❤️❤️
Click to expand...
As a divorce attorney here's some friendly advice: an attorney is a grossly overpaid, underqualified therapist so don't use him or her as one. When you consult with your attorney, do your absolute best to wear your "business hat" and be willing to get down to the issues while keeping your emotions in check. Additionally, take notes and actually listen to the attorney (you'll be tempted to just spew out everything and while there's value in that your time is much better maximized by just answering the attorney's questions).

In other words, even if your attorney is compassionate, understand that this situation is incredibly emotional for you yet (with good reason) works more so as a math problem for you attorney. Your attorney's primary job is to help you solve problems as best as he or she can but he or she will likely not be great at getting you through them. That's where you lean on friends, family, and mental health professionals.
 
Also, do your absolute best to only listen/take advice from your attorney. Friends, family, and even attorneys from other jurisdictions won't know the laws as they apply to your situation anywhere near as well as a reputable family law attorney in your jurisdiction.
 
This cropped up in my "similar threads" window at the bottom of the screen, I thought about you and I am hoping and praying that you're doing okay. Sorry you've had to go through this, I cannot imagine the toll it's taking on you but you have strangers in the world thinking about you, saying some prayers and hoping for the best for you. God bless and take care!
 
If you cannot afford a lawyer but your spouse can, you may be able to get the court to order your spouse to pay for your lawyer. Check into it.
 
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