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Marriage and Friends of the Opposite Sex (1 Viewer)

pizzatyme

pizzatyme

Footballguy
Wife and I are having a debate. Is it okay for a married woman to have guy friends and vice versa? Is it okay for a married man to have female friends?

If it's okay, is is appropriate for them to discuss relationship issues with those friends of the opposite sex?

If there are children inivolved, is it okay for the man and his female friend to take their kids to lunch, a movie, etc?

Or is it best to stay away from this?

What are your experiences? What's acceptable?

 
I would never tell others what they should do but these are the rules that I use.

- No female friends that are not friends with my wife

- Never be alone with another woman

- Never discuss my relationship with my wife with another woman

Not saying others need to do this but it allows me to essentially be on cruise control and not worry about what I or someone else will do.

 
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None of that is okay, IMO. It's a very slippery slope and should be avoided. Unless the guy or girl happens to be gay - then it's okay.

 
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I am really good friends with a woman I work with. I can say it initially bothered my wife, so I had to be really open and reassuring. Plus it got "smoother" as my wife got to know her. I do take care to not be alone with her and stay in public places just so no one has any ideas. This is esp important at work, as the women are catty as hell.

I don't talk about anything negative in my relationship with my wife to her. That just seems like a bad idea.

 
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I have a good friend named Beth that I've known for 5 years. We have sex all the time and my wife has no idea. So yes, it's great to have friends of the opposite sex.

 
I have a work wife. She's like one of my best friends. My wife doesn't mind. I guess because we trust each other and stuff.

 
Not worth the hassle IMO. Not to mention, I never met a woman that I wanted to be friends with. WTF would you talk about?

As George Costanza says:"How do you think they get animals to mate in captivity?................they put them in the same cage!"

 
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Your spouse shouldn't be so insecure or non trusting that you can't have friends of the opposite sex.

Now if were talking exes as friends, I can understand if there's a problem with that.

 
pizzatyme said:
Wife and I are having a debate. Is it okay for a married woman to have guy friends and vice versa? Is it okay for a married man to have female friends?

If it's okay, is is appropriate for them to discuss relationship issues with those friends of the opposite sex?

If there are children inivolved, is it okay for the man and his female friend to take their kids to lunch, a movie, etc?

Or is it best to stay away from this?

What are your experiences? What's acceptable?
Click to expand...
Well, if you're cool with having an open marriage and infidelity doesn't bother you then, yeah it's ok. If you like the idea of a monogamist marriage free of cheating, jealousy and deeply hurt feelings, then you'd be best off without any of those ideas you have... unless the female friend is extremely overweight and ugly. You can have those.

 
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Two of my closest friends are women. I'm married and one of them is married, the other is single. Never had relations with either.

My wife doesn't seem to have any issues with it all, but occasionally she will make comments that I should have married XXXX or XXXX instead.

 
My wife has a lot of male friends, she is a dance instructor and elementary school teacher.

At school there are plenty of male teachers that she 'hangs out with' during school. At the studio she takes advanced classes where 1/2 the class is guys. And when you are dancing, there is natural touching and body contact. She regularly will hang out with a group of the students, they have even been to my house for parties and such. She even attended one of their graduations from the Naval academy without me.

So yes, my wife has a lot of male friends.

But I love and trust her (more then I trust myself) and that is who she is. I would not limit her in being around these other people b/c it is a natural byproduct of her passions and interests.

 
Maybe it's just me, but I've never had a female friend. People I'm friendly with? Sure... but not the same league as a true, close friend.

 
It seems like the work wife/friends situation that a lot mention is quite different. That sort of thing is really unavoidable. It's a workplace. Of course, you hang out and talk to people.

I think the real "friends of the opposite sex" thing comes down to doing non-work related activities together without the spouse.

You going out for coffee and a chat without the wife? Going to a bar? You guys going for a Saturday morning hike together?

It seems the grey areas might be play dates and texting.

There's a difference between just being friendly and actually doing things friends might do. I suspect a lot saying it's absolutely fine aren't also heading out to go have a couple of beers with Jessica while the wife's at home watching the Amazing Race.

 
So more info on our debate now that I've received some great feedback from everyone:

I text my friend often. We just chit chat.

We became friends after last year when I coached her son in youth football. She ended up being the sideline coach (helped shuffle in subs). Her husband and I chat often too. The 4 of us have gone to several HS football games together and dinner before or after the game.

The challenge is, now my friends husband is working out of town (been gone for 4 months), while my friend is now my assistant coach this year. My wife thinks inviting her and her kids to do anything is weird without her husband bring there.

My wife is an only child who doesn't make a lot of friends. I'm the oldest of 5 children and I've always had female friends.

It all boils down to trust here. Wife and I have both done something stupid in the past that would cause trust issues. (Wife in a drunken stuper making out with one of her female friends, and I messing around with my ex wife) it was wrong on both of us, but we have moved past it.(although not completely, obviously)

So we either need to trust each other OR I'm just not allowed to have female friends?!

Wife has gone and played volleyball with my friend without me. Those 2 are friendy but not friends. Wife is still friends with her drunken kiss-fest friend and I don't have an issue with it until she has issues with who I have for friends.

Now what do you say?

 
Edit to add that my friend and her husband aren't doing well as a couple apparently. But that's long after she and I became friends.

 
AAABatteries said:
I would never tell others what they should do but these are the rules that I use.

- No female friends that are not friends with my wife

- Never be alone with another woman

- Never discuss my relationship with my wife with another woman

Not saying others need to do this but it allows me to essentially be on cruise control and not worry about what I or someone else will do.
Click to expand...
Pretty good policies

There's not a single female I would call or text that isn't related to me or that I work with and with the work people it is 100% work related things, never steer off topic.

I wouldn't do any of the things mentioned in the original post.

 
pizzatyme said:
The challenge is, now my friends husband is working out of town (been gone for 4 months), while my friend is now my assistant coach this year. My wife thinks inviting her and her kids to do anything is weird without her husband bring there.
Click to expand...
What sort of activities do you do with her and her kids without your wife present?

Doing stuff with her and your wife is perfectly fine, of course.

 
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pollardsvision said:
pizzatyme said:
The challenge is, now my friends husband is working out of town (been gone for 4 months),

while my friend is now my assistant coach this year. My wife thinks inviting her and her kids to do anything is weird without her husband bring there.
Click to expand...
What sort of activities do you do with her and her kids without your wife present?

Doing stuff with her and your wife is perfectly fine, of course.
Click to expand...
Going to McDs, taking kids to a movie, getting ice cream. She has a 10yo daughter and 6 yo son. I have 13, 6, and 4yo children.
 
pizzatyme said:
pollardsvision said:
pizzatyme said:
The challenge is, now my friends husband is working out of town (been gone for 4 months),

while my friend is now my assistant coach this year. My wife thinks inviting her and her kids to do anything is weird without her husband bring there.
Click to expand...
What sort of activities do you do with her and her kids without your wife present?

Doing stuff with her and your wife is perfectly fine, of course.
Click to expand...
Going to McDs, taking kids to a movie, getting ice cream. She has a 10yo daughter and 6 yo son. I have 13, 6, and 4yo children.
Click to expand...
So, what's your wife generally up to when you are playing Dad of the Year with your friend and her kids?

 
I was totally on board with you until you got to the trust part. Seems like there's definitely things you need to work through.

Did somebody say that texting other women is crossing a line? What is wrong with you people?

 
Taking the kids to a dollar show is off limits? LOL

We don't sit together (usually opposite ends of the row). It's more about letting the kids be friends.

Ultimately, if I wanted to have sex with her or another woman, I wouldn't be flaunting it in front of my wife. I've been very forthright in every instance.

You can have lots of sex everywhere. I'm trying to have a friend.

 
bentley said:
I was totally on board with you until you got to the trust part. Seems like there's definitely things you need to work through.

Did somebody say that texting other women is crossing a line? What is wrong with you people?
Click to expand...
I mentioned play dates and texting as grey areas.

There's nothing inherently wrong with texting. The nature of the texting just varies a lot and there's often a harmless texting relationship that went to the next level involved with infidelity.

 
bentley said:
I was totally on board with you until you got to the trust part. Seems like there's definitely things you need to work through.

Did somebody say that texting other women is crossing a line? What is wrong with you people?
Click to expand...
Trust issues have been non-existent since our previous missteps until now. My wife has a "funny feeling" about her. Should I just defer to her "funny feeling? I'm curios from your woman's perspective.
 
pizzatyme said:
Taking the kids to a dollar show is off limits? LOL

We don't sit together (usually opposite ends of the row). It's more about letting the kids be friends.

Ultimately, if I wanted to have sex with her or another woman, I wouldn't be flaunting it in front of my wife. I've been very forthright in every instance.

You can have lots of sex everywhere. I'm trying to have a friend.
Click to expand...
I've asked, but again, what is your wife generally doing during all of this?

Also, do you have a lot of play dates and chucky cheese romps with other men and their children?

 
pollardsvision said:
pizzatyme said:
Taking the kids to a dollar show is off limits? LOL

We don't sit together (usually opposite ends of the row). It's more about letting the kids be friends.

Ultimately, if I wanted to have sex with her or another woman, I wouldn't be flaunting it in front of my wife. I've been very forthright in every

instance.

You can have lots of sex everywhere. I'm trying to have a friend.
Click to expand...
I've asked, but again, what is your wife generally doing during all of this?

Also, do you have a lot of play dates and chucky cheese romps with other men and their children?
Click to expand...
I do stuff with other dads too and their kids. Keep in mind, I'm mostly talking about doing these activities WITH my wife present. She thinks it's weird to do stuff with out friend's husband there. She'd have a problem uniting them over to watch a movie for instance.

 
Also keep in mind I have ZERO issues with her still being friends with her friend who she made out with when they were drunk. This same friend who wanted to do a 4-some that night.

 
pizzatyme said:
pollardsvision said:
pizzatyme said:
Taking the kids to a dollar show is off limits? LOL

We don't sit together (usually opposite ends of the row). It's more about letting the kids be friends.

Ultimately, if I wanted to have sex with her or another woman, I wouldn't be flaunting it in front of my wife. I've been very forthright in every

instance.

You can have lots of sex everywhere. I'm trying to have a friend.
Click to expand...
I've asked, but again, what is your wife generally doing during all of this?

Also, do you have a lot of play dates and chucky cheese romps with other men and their children?
Click to expand...
I do stuff with other dads too and their kids.Keep in mind, I'm mostly talking about doing these activities WITH my wife present. She thinks it's weird to do stuff with out friend's husband there. She'd have a problem uniting them over to watch a movie for instance.
Click to expand...
Oh, yeah, it's fine with your wife present (though that probably doesn't really constitute what most mean by having a female friend).

Sounds like your wife is just picking up on the vibe that you want to #### your friend.

 
pizzatyme said:
bentley said:
I was totally on board with you until you got to the trust part. Seems like there's definitely things you need to work through.

Did somebody say that texting other women is crossing a line? What is wrong with you people?
Click to expand...
Trust issues have been non-existent since our previous missteps until now. My wife has a "funny feeling" about her. Should I just defer to her "funny feeling? I'm curios from your woman's perspective.
Click to expand...
You will get no curios from my woman.

 
This is very much the same as ethical questions attorneys face. Should I do this for a. Lent... Can I represent this one knowing what I know and on and on.

Best rule of thumb... If you have to ask then you know the answer.

 
pizzatyme said:
pollardsvision said:
pizzatyme said:
The challenge is, now my friends husband is working out of town (been gone for 4 months),

while my friend is now my assistant coach this year. My wife thinks inviting her and her kids to do anything is weird without her husband bring there.
Click to expand...
What sort of activities do you do with her and her kids without your wife present?

Doing stuff with her and your wife is perfectly fine, of course.
Click to expand...
Going to McDs, taking kids to a movie, getting ice cream. She has a 10yo daughter and 6 yo son. I have 13, 6, and 4yo children.
Click to expand...
Sounds like a date.....You are headed down sex street.

 
Ditka Butkus said:
pizzatyme said:
pollardsvision said:
pizzatyme said:
The challenge is, now my friends husband is working out of town (been gone for 4 months),

while my friend is now my assistant coach this year. My wife thinks inviting her and her kids to do anything is weird without her husband bring there.
Click to expand...
What sort of activities do you do with her and her kids without your wife present?

Doing stuff with her and your wife is perfectly fine, of course.
Click to expand...
Going to McDs, taking kids to a movie, getting ice cream. She has a 10yo daughter and 6 yo son. I have 13, 6, and 4yo children.
Click to expand...
Sounds like a date.....You are headed down sex street.
Click to expand...
Those activities are all separate, not all at once.

 
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