Memorial in front lawn- how long do you leave it? (1 Viewer)

[avoiding injuries]

This is a morbid question and might not deserve a thread, but....

About a month ago, one mile from my house, two 16yo's died in a car crash after a homecoming football game. It was raining and their car went off a windy road into a tree. This tree happened to be in my neighbor's parents front yard.

For the past month, people have been visiting the site and making the tree a memorial with signs, flowers, stuffed animals, ribbons etc. As the owner of the house, how long do you let it go on? You don't want to be insensitive, but I can't imagine you want to see that every time you look out your window or come and go.

Although the parents haven't said anything, I was talking to the neighbors and they aren't sure how long this is going to go on. How long would you wait?

 

[Wrigley]

As long as it takes

 

[Parrothead]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

 

[Cjw_55106]

I think once it starts snowing in Maryland, things should end on their own.

 

[El Floppo]

As long as it takes

this.

 

[James Daulton]

This is a morbid question and might not deserve a thread, but....

About a month ago, one mile from my house, two 16yo's died in a car crash after a homecoming football game. It was raining and their car went off a windy road into a tree. This tree happened to be in my neighbor's parents front yard.

For the past month, people have been visiting the site and making the tree a memorial with signs, flowers, stuffed animals, ribbons etc. As the owner of the house, how long do you let it go on? You don't want to be insensitive, but I can't imagine you want to see that every time you look out your window or come and go.

Although the parents haven't said anything, I was talking to the neighbors and they aren't sure how long this is going to go on. How long would you wait?

People are paying their last respects to the young people who died. Who cares how long it goes on? How does it hurt the neighbor?

 

[jon_mx]

Get off my yard! I am not sure why some things bother people.

 

[cstu]

Winding.

 

[glumpy]

As long as it takes

This is my reaction without necessarily thinking through it. HS football, local homecoming, kids involved and enough attention that the memorial is still being attended--this is a real sensitive event that could go on for a long time. There is such a memorial a couple miles from my house which has been in place for a couple years already and no sign of stopping--but it's not right in front of someone's house.

I don't know if there is a "right" answer--but I think it's the homeowners who have to decide what that answer is, and hope they have the full support of the community no matter what they decide. The OP suggests that it's the neighbors who are asking here and doesn't say what the family living there is saying if there is any indication at all. Eventually maybe some lower profile permanent monument can replace the gifts? maybe something closer to the road? The grieving itself will never end.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

If I was the homeowner I wouldn't like it but there is no way you can say or do anything that doesn't make you come off as a heartless jerkbag.

 

[Ignoratio Elenchi]

This is a morbid question and might not deserve a thread, but....

About a month ago, one mile from my house, two 16yo's died in a car crash after a homecoming football game. It was raining and their car went off a windy road into a tree. This tree happened to be in my neighbor's parents front yard.

For the past month, people have been visiting the site and making the tree a memorial with signs, flowers, stuffed animals, ribbons etc. As the owner of the house, how long do you let it go on? You don't want to be insensitive, but I can't imagine you want to see that every time you look out your window or come and go.

Although the parents haven't said anything, I was talking to the neighbors and they aren't sure how long this is going to go on. How long would you wait?

People are paying their last respects to the young people who died. Who cares how long it goes on? How does it hurt the neighbor?

Meh, I'd probably get tired of having a memorial for some dead kids in my front yard. I don't know how long is "long enough" but I'd eventually want it gone and I think it's a legitimate question. I don't think that makes me a terrible person or anything.

 

[[icon]]

I would also expect flowers and such to show up on the anniversary of the accident for a few years as well...

 

[dgreen]

As long as it takes

As long as what takes?

 

[Harry Manback]

This is a morbid question and might not deserve a thread, but....

About a month ago, one mile from my house, two 16yo's died in a car crash after a homecoming football game. It was raining and their car went off a windy road into a tree. This tree happened to be in my neighbor's parents front yard.

For the past month, people have been visiting the site and making the tree a memorial with signs, flowers, stuffed animals, ribbons etc. As the owner of the house, how long do you let it go on? You don't want to be insensitive, but I can't imagine you want to see that every time you look out your window or come and go.

Although the parents haven't said anything, I was talking to the neighbors and they aren't sure how long this is going to go on. How long would you wait?

2 morons ran a stop sign trying to drive away from a house that they had just drove by and shot out the rear window of a car parked there.

They were t-boned by a tanker truck and incinerated. Died instantly.

This happened 9 years ago and there's still a ####### memorial to their foolishness. People said what angels they were. So handsome. So popular. Such good kids.

 

[The Ref]

I'd say a month plus is about right. I wouldn't march out there on a Saturday afternoon with a few trash bags though. I'd wait till late Sunday night before bed time and quietly remove te stuff.

 

[johnnycakes]

Cut the tree down?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Everybody grieves differently. My dad passed away a couple of years ago. I think about him every day. But I haven't been to his gravesite since the funeral. My sister goes on his birthday and memorial day...maybe even Christmas now that I think about it.

If someone I loved died in a car crash I wouldn't even consider setting up some sort of shrine at the accident site. It's just weird to me. But to each his own.

 

[eoMMan]

The nerve of them to have an accident on my front lawn. I'd sue the family for the inconvenience and/or rent.

 

[Cjw_55106]

As long as it takes

As long as what takes?

It.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Cut the tree down?

An error occurredYou have reached your quota of positive votes for the day

 

[Mile High]

High school kids until the end of the school year. Then talk to someone about a better permanent place then someones front yard.

 

[Ignoratio Elenchi]

Everybody grieves differently. My dad passed away a couple of years ago. I think about him every day. But I haven't been to his gravesite since the funeral. My sister goes on his birthday and memorial day...maybe even Christmas now that I think about it.

If someone I loved died in a car crash I wouldn't even consider setting up some sort of shrine at the accident site. It's just weird to me. But to each his own.

I get that, but if the accident site is on a stranger's property there has to be a line somewhere, right? I mean, you can't just install a permanent shrine on someone else's front yard. I realize how callous that sounds and it's uncomfortable for me, too, but I do think that while people should be allowed to grieve how (and how long) they want, it's still a legitimate question to ask.

 

[El Floppo]

Everybody grieves differently. My dad passed away a couple of years ago. I think about him every day. But I haven't been to his gravesite since the funeral. My sister goes on his birthday and memorial day...maybe even Christmas now that I think about it.

If someone I loved died in a car crash I wouldn't even consider setting up some sort of shrine at the accident site. It's just weird to me. But to each his own.

I get that, but if the accident site is on a stranger's property there has to be a line somewhere, right? I mean, you can't just install a permanent shrine on someone else's front yard. I realize how callous that sounds and it's uncomfortable for me, too, but I do think that while people should be allowed to grieve how (and how long) they want, it's still a legitimate question to ask.

I can see him setting up some kind of limiting factor- fencing or something- if the memorial starts growing too big.

but this doesn't sound like a permanent memorial- just people grieving.

 

[squidrope]

Put up a fence

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Everybody grieves differently. My dad passed away a couple of years ago. I think about him every day. But I haven't been to his gravesite since the funeral. My sister goes on his birthday and memorial day...maybe even Christmas now that I think about it.

If someone I loved died in a car crash I wouldn't even consider setting up some sort of shrine at the accident site. It's just weird to me. But to each his own.

I get that, but if the accident site is on a stranger's property there has to be a line somewhere, right? I mean, you can't just install a permanent shrine on someone else's front yard. I realize how callous that sounds and it's uncomfortable for me, too, but I do think that while people should be allowed to grieve how (and how long) they want, it's still a legitimate question to ask.

It is totally a legitimate question to ask. The problem is I don't think there is a "right" answer. And there is no good way to bring it up (to the community, the press, etc) without looking like a jerk.

 

[Juxtatarot]

It's more rude to start a memorial on someone's private property without permission than it is for the owner of the property to ask for it to stop.

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

After a couple of weeks I'd install 2 or 3 of these.

 

[Clifford]

As long as it takes

As long as what takes?

the grieving process

I think South Park already covered this. 15 years IIRC

 

[glock]

A high school senior didn't make it after she failed to negotiate a curve on the main drag in our little town a few years back and hit a tree in someone's front yard. The tree sat about a dozen feet in from the street and less than six feet from the property line shared with their neighbor in a natural, lightly wooded area. The damaged tree remained untouched by the owner for a couple of years and served as an unofficial shrine.

The two neighbors got together and worked on the landscaping between their properties. The damaged tree was removed and they altered their respective lawns in such a way as to increase their common wooded area and suggest a sort of alcove visible from the sidewalk. Larger/taller plantings sheltered the area, keeping it mostly out of view from the two neighbor's homes. Flowers are still left, yet the whole scene is much less obvious. Very well done.

 

[Ditka Butkus]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

This....I'm an insensitive ####### as well....I do not understand the roadside memorial.

 

[Ditka Butkus]

High school kids until the end of the school year. Then talk to someone about a better permanent place then someones front yard.

It has been mentioned previously....Isn't this exactly what a cemetery is for.

 

[glock]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

This....I'm an insensitive ####### as well....I do not understand the roadside memorial.

Apparently you don't. And yet they are all over the place, right?

 

[Ditka Butkus]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

This....I'm an insensitive ####### as well....I do not understand the roadside memorial.

Apparently you don't. And yet they are all over the place, right?

What is your point?...

 

[glock]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

This....I'm an insensitive ####### as well....I do not understand the roadside memorial.

Apparently you don't. And yet they are all over the place, right?

What is your point?...

Maybe you have to be "touched" by one in order to understand...

 

[Gandalf the Grey]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

This is where I'd be at too. There is NO way I"d want this on my property, Looking at it every day, people stopping at it all the time. It would bother the hell out of me.

No idea how I'd handle it though, no good way to stop it without becoming public enemy#1

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

I do not understand the roadside memorial.

I don't either.

"This is where my kid died. He was driving home from volunteering at the local hospice when a drunk neo-Nazi ran into him. The cops said my son was pretty much decapitated. I'm going to keep coming back here about every other day."

 

[glock]

I do not understand the roadside memorial.

I don't either.

"This is where my kid died. He was driving home from volunteering at the local hospice when a drunk neo-Nazi ran into him. The cops said my son was pretty much decapitated. I'm going to keep coming back here about every other day."

Maybe you have to be "touched" by one in order to understand...

 

[Ditka Butkus]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

This....I'm an insensitive ####### as well....I do not understand the roadside memorial.

Apparently you don't. And yet they are all over the place, right?

What is your point?...

Maybe you have to be "touched" by one in order to understand...

Maybe...I hope I never have to....My thinking is whoever these loved ones belong to don't need a roadside memorial to remind them of their tragic death...I'm certain they will relive it every time they pass that way, even without the memorial.

 

[Sinn Fein]

My brother died in a single-car accident on a highway. Never once considered a memorial. Not the place for it, its a distraction for other drivers, let alone a home owner. A month is certainly long enough.

 

[El Floppo]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

This....I'm an insensitive ####### as well....I do not understand the roadside memorial.

Apparently you don't. And yet they are all over the place, right?

What is your point?...

Maybe you have to be "touched" by one in order to understand...

Maybe...I hope I never have to....My thinking is whoever these loved ones belong to don't need a roadside memorial to remind them of their tragic death...I'm certain they will relive it every time they pass that way, even without the memorial.

wait... which tree was it again?

I get the impression this kind of thing is done by the friends more than the family. Either way- doesn't bother me at all, even if I would never start one. Also- how many times do people go to cemeteries? The impromptu memorial is far easier access for most people to show their respects.

 

[Mr. Know-It-All]

Set up a scarecrow or a fake owl in the tree.

 

[glock]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

This....I'm an insensitive ####### as well....I do not understand the roadside memorial.

Apparently you don't. And yet they are all over the place, right?

What is your point?...

Maybe you have to be "touched" by one in order to understand...

Maybe...I hope I never have to....My thinking is whoever these loved ones belong to don't need a roadside memorial to remind them of their tragic death...I'm certain they will relive it every time they pass that way, even without the memorial.

I agree to an extent. Grieving is a "funny" thing. My best friend lost a fight with a telephone pole two weeks before college graduation- 35 years ago. The scene on a very busy road has since been altered to the point that it is unrecognizable, but he is my thoughts whenever I am near. Paying my respects at his grave site is a little trickier due to distance, but leaving an empty there lets family know that he isn't forgotten.

I'm thinking something shrine-like might have happened at roadside if not for the fact that safety based construction changed the area. Too late for my pal, I might add.

 

[Sinn Fein]

Set up a scarecrow or a fake owl in the tree.

A bear trap would be more effective.

 

[glock]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

This....I'm an insensitive ####### as well....I do not understand the roadside memorial.

Apparently you don't. And yet they are all over the place, right?

What is your point?...

Maybe you have to be "touched" by one in order to understand...

Maybe...I hope I never have to....My thinking is whoever these loved ones belong to don't need a roadside memorial to remind them of their tragic death...I'm certain they will relive it every time they pass that way, even without the memorial.

wait... which tree was it again?

I get the impression this kind of thing is done by the friends more than the family. Either way- doesn't bother me at all, even if I would never start one. Also- how many times do people go to cemeteries? The impromptu memorial is far easier access for most people to show their respects.

This is why they happen.

 

[Gandalf the Grey]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

This....I'm an insensitive ####### as well....I do not understand the roadside memorial.

Apparently you don't. And yet they are all over the place, right?

What is your point?...

Maybe you have to be "touched" by one in order to understand...

Count me as another one who doesn't understand it. A brief anecdote:

12 years ago we were having my son's second B-Day party at our home. Party was attended by several family members from both sides of the family, including wife's niece-single mom 21 years old-with her 4 year old daughter, and wife's sister (mother of 21 year old).

We lived on a bend, house had a single lane wide driveway. Wife's niece was parked behind someone who had to leave so she had to move her car. Backed out of the driveway and was t- boned (pulling back in) by a drunk driver who was speeding coming around the bend. She died later that evening at the hospital, leaving her 4 year old daughter to never see her again. It was horrible, one of the worst two things I've been through.

Wife's sister (the 21 year old's mother) wanted to put one of those memorials in front of our house. We ultimately said no. We've never told our son, who is now 14 and semi close with his cousin (the girl whose mother was killed in front of our house), what happened and don't really plan to. Wife's sister ended up putting a roadside memorial down the road from our house at a corner, a few hundred yards away.

I have no doubt that seems callous and cruel. At the time this happened we seriously considered selling our house but it just wasn't possible at the time. The thing was, it was very hard on us also, we didn't want to be reminded of it every day, and I didn't want my son connected to the event in any manner.

We have since moved, 4 years ago.

 

[Mr. Cross]

This is a morbid question and might not deserve a thread, but....

About a month ago, one mile from my house, two 16yo's died in a car crash after a homecoming football game. It was raining and their car went off a windy road into a tree. This tree happened to be in my neighbor's parents front yard.

For the past month, people have been visiting the site and making the tree a memorial with signs, flowers, stuffed animals, ribbons etc. As the owner of the house, how long do you let it go on? You don't want to be insensitive, but I can't imagine you want to see that every time you look out your window or come and go.

Although the parents haven't said anything, I was talking to the neighbors and they aren't sure how long this is going to go on. How long would you wait?

This is a tough situation. I see you are in Baltimore so you will probably have sleet and snow soon. I would contact one or both of the families and tell them that you do not want all of the things people have left in memoriam destroyed by the weather and you can drop it by their house if you like.

 

[RBM]

It's more rude to start a memorial on someone's private property without permission than it is for the owner of the property to ask for it to stop.

Fair point

 

[bagger]

It's more rude to start a memorial on someone's private property without permission than it is for the owner of the property to ask for it to stop.

this.i would be taking that #### off my yard nightly.

now if they asked me to do something for a set period of time i would be fine with that, but honestly these people are just littering on your parents yard.

plus i would worry if it continued too long if you are implicitly permitting an easement on your property with people using it as a memorial.

 

[El Floppo]

GET OFF MY LAWN!

 

[glock]

It's more rude to start a memorial on someone's private property without permission than it is for the owner of the property to ask for it to stop.

this.i would be taking that #### off my yard nightly.

now if they asked me to do something for a set period of time i would be fine with that, but honestly these people are just littering on your parents yard.

plus i would worry if it continued too long if you are implicitly permitting an easement on your property with people using it as a memorial.

Seriously. The compassion. (and I've loved that avatar of yours for years now, but seriously?)