Memorial in front lawn- how long do you leave it? (1 Viewer)

[GoFishTN]

How about having some sympathy and let people grieve for their lost loved ones?

 

[nirad3]

I've driven past the spot where I was in a single-car accident with a friend (and friend-of-friend) where my friend was instantly killed. Never thought of stopping there, mainly because it's on an interstate, but also because his gravesite is a far more meaningful memorial.

But grieving is a tough nut to crack. People do it differently. These folks aren't even thinking about its effects on the owner of the property. Should they? Absolutely.

Don't see any problem seeking out a remedy to get them to figure this out.

 

[glock]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

This....I'm an insensitive ####### as well....I do not understand the roadside memorial.

Apparently you don't. And yet they are all over the place, right?

What is your point?...

Maybe you have to be "touched" by one in order to understand...

Count me as another one who doesn't understand it. A brief anecdote:

12 years ago we were having my son's second B-Day party at our home. Party was attended by several family members from both sides of the family, including wife's niece-single mom 21 years old-with her 4 year old daughter, and wife's sister (mother of 21 year old).

We lived on a bend, house had a single lane wide driveway. Wife's niece was parked behind someone who had to leave so she had to move her car. Backed out of the driveway and was t- boned (pulling back in) by a drunk driver who was speeding coming around the bend. She died later that evening at the hospital, leaving her 4 year old daughter to never see her again. It was horrible, one of the worst two things I've been through.

Wife's sister (the 21 year old's mother) wanted to put one of those memorials in front of our house. We ultimately said no. We've never told our son, who is now 14 and semi close with his cousin (the girl whose mother was killed in front of our house), what happened and don't really plan to. Wife's sister ended up putting a roadside memorial down the road from our house at a corner, a few hundred yards away.

I have no doubt that seems callous and cruel. At the time this happened we seriously considered selling our house but it just wasn't possible at the time. The thing was, it was very hard on us also, we didn't want to be reminded of it every day, and I didn't want my son connected to the event in any manner.

We have since moved, 4 years ago.

Not meaning to sound callous or cruel, but what is that all about?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

How about having some sympathy and let people grieve for their lost loved ones?

Both of these things can happen without having some sort of memorial.

 

[glock]

How about having some sympathy and let people grieve for their lost loved ones?

Both of these things can happen without having some sort of memorial.

Again- apparently for you, right? Maybe not for others. This isn't so hard to understand, is it?

 

[Gandalf the Grey]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

This....I'm an insensitive ####### as well....I do not understand the roadside memorial.

Apparently you don't. And yet they are all over the place, right?

What is your point?...

Maybe you have to be "touched" by one in order to understand...

Count me as another one who doesn't understand it. A brief anecdote:

12 years ago we were having my son's second B-Day party at our home. Party was attended by several family members from both sides of the family, including wife's niece-single mom 21 years old-with her 4 year old daughter, and wife's sister (mother of 21 year old).

We lived on a bend, house had a single lane wide driveway. Wife's niece was parked behind someone who had to leave so she had to move her car. Backed out of the driveway and was t- boned (pulling back in) by a drunk driver who was speeding coming around the bend. She died later that evening at the hospital, leaving her 4 year old daughter to never see her again. It was horrible, one of the worst two things I've been through.

Wife's sister (the 21 year old's mother) wanted to put one of those memorials in front of our house. We ultimately said no. We've never told our son, who is now 14 and semi close with his cousin (the girl whose mother was killed in front of our house), what happened and don't really plan to. Wife's sister ended up putting a roadside memorial down the road from our house at a corner, a few hundred yards away.

I have no doubt that seems callous and cruel. At the time this happened we seriously considered selling our house but it just wasn't possible at the time. The thing was, it was very hard on us also, we didn't want to be reminded of it every day, and I didn't want my son connected to the event in any manner.

We have since moved, 4 years ago.

Not meaning to sound callous or cruel, but what is that all about?

We always felt a little guilt that this happened in front of our house and worried that relatives might somehow subconsciously resent us. We didn't want our son in any way to internalize the event or assume any kind of responsibility in any way. I know it would be totally irrational for anyone to blame anyone else but it's not a rational world. I wouldn't argue with anyone who thought our response was irrational either. It's not some kind of deep family secret or anything, if it came up we'd discuss it, but we've never volunteered anything regarding it

 

[Mile High]

High school kids until the end of the school year. Then talk to someone about a better permanent place then someones front yard.

It has been mentioned previously....Isn't this exactly what a cemetery is for.

Not necessarily. For sure they aren't in the same grave they may not even be in the same cemetery. For kids it's a place they can honor their friends who died to soon.

 

[glock]

cemetery down? I wouldn't want a death monument on my yard.. but then again I'm an insensitive #######

This....I'm an insensitive ####### as well....I do not understand the roadside memorial.

Apparently you don't. And yet they are all over the place, right?

What is your point?...

Maybe you have to be "touched" by one in order to understand...

Count me as another one who doesn't understand it. A brief anecdote:

12 years ago we were having my son's second B-Day party at our home. Party was attended by several family members from both sides of the family, including wife's niece-single mom 21 years old-with her 4 year old daughter, and wife's sister (mother of 21 year old).

We lived on a bend, house had a single lane wide driveway. Wife's niece was parked behind someone who had to leave so she had to move her car. Backed out of the driveway and was t- boned (pulling back in) by a drunk driver who was speeding coming around the bend. She died later that evening at the hospital, leaving her 4 year old daughter to never see her again. It was horrible, one of the worst two things I've been through.

Wife's sister (the 21 year old's mother) wanted to put one of those memorials in front of our house. We ultimately said no. We've never told our son, who is now 14 and semi close with his cousin (the girl whose mother was killed in front of our house), what happened and don't really plan to. Wife's sister ended up putting a roadside memorial down the road from our house at a corner, a few hundred yards away.

I have no doubt that seems callous and cruel. At the time this happened we seriously considered selling our house but it just wasn't possible at the time. The thing was, it was very hard on us also, we didn't want to be reminded of it every day, and I didn't want my son connected to the event in any manner.

We have since moved, 4 years ago.

Not meaning to sound callous or cruel, but what is that all about?

We always felt a little guilt that this happened in front of our house and worried that relatives might somehow subconsciously resent us. We didn't want our son in any way to internalize the event or assume any kind of responsibility in any way. I know it would be totally irrational for anyone to blame anyone else but it's not a rational world. I wouldn't argue with anyone who thought our response was irrational either. It's not some kind of deep family secret or anything, if it came up we'd discuss it, but we've never volunteered anything regarding it

Ooookay...

 

[Tom Servo]

A co-worker's nephew rolled his truck on the lawn at my office last New Years Eve. He ended up dying as he was thrown from the vehicle. It was tough looking out the window and seeing the family in the driveway, looking at the spot where their loved one died.

There are still the two wreaths out on the lawn. We've not said anything to our co-worker. The wreaths aren't bothering anything or anybody, so we leave them there.

 

[glock]

...There are still the two wreaths out on the lawn. We've not said anything to our co-worker. The wreaths aren't bothering anything or anybody, so we leave them there.

Exactly. Imagine their pain.

 

[Tom Servo]

...There are still the two wreaths out on the lawn. We've not said anything to our co-worker. The wreaths aren't bothering anything or anybody, so we leave them there.

Exactly. Imagine their pain.

I can't imagine. I pray I'll never have to.

 

[The Duff Man]

Free flowers and stuffed animals. Where is the downside?

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

How about having some sympathy and let people grieve for their lost loved ones?

Both of these things can happen without having some sort of memorial.

Again- apparently for you, right? Maybe not for others. This isn't so hard to understand, is it?

You mean people CAN'T grieve for their lost loved ones without a roadside memorial?

 

[Zow]

If I was the homeowner I wouldn't like it but there is no way you can say or do anything that doesn't make you come off as a heartless jerkbag.

Yep.

 

[NutterButter]

just throw all the crap into the street. They'll get the message.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

Everybody grieves differently. My dad passed away a couple of years ago. I think about him every day. But I haven't been to his gravesite since the funeral. My sister goes on his birthday and memorial day...maybe even Christmas now that I think about it.

If someone I loved died in a car crash I wouldn't even consider setting up some sort of shrine at the accident site. It's just weird to me. But to each his own.

I get that, but if the accident site is on a stranger's property there has to be a line somewhere, right? I mean, you can't just install a permanent shrine on someone else's front yard. I realize how callous that sounds and it's uncomfortable for me, too, but I do think that while people should be allowed to grieve how (and how long) they want, it's still a legitimate question to ask.

It is totally a legitimate question to ask. The problem is I don't think there is a "right" answer. And there is no good way to bring it up (to the community, the press, etc) without looking like a jerk.

Call the school yearbook office. Ask them if they want any of the artifacts for a year book tribute or for a memorial at school or at the cemetery. Offer $100.00 to start the pledge drive for the permanent memorial in an appropriate place. Let them know that they will be doing all of the legwork on this. That will be their meaningful project for the year. Let them know that you will be moving on and the items will not be preserved if they do not spearhead the effort. Let them know you have a non-negotiable date certain for removal and disposal after which the useful items will be donated to Goodwill, and the others recycled.

First, however, call the parents and ask them what artifacts they would like to preserve as permanent momentos letting them know that you will be offering the rest to the school where the grieving kids go. Let them know you are offering funds towards any memorial. Let them know your time certain after which items will be handled and removed without recourse or accountability to anyone. Assure everybody throughout the process that you respect their pain, but have a firm, non-negotiable end date to the nonsense.

 

[krista4]

Set up a scarecrow or a fake owl in the tree.

I'm a bad person for laughing at this, right?

Yeah, I guess I am.

Count me in the "don't get the point of the memorials" camp, but as someone said, everyone grieves in their own way. What a tough situation. Really can see both sides of it.

 

[the rover]

Pit bull

 

[belljr]

Fine who's coming to clean up the mess?

EXACTLY

 

[McGarnicle]

I'd give them until the new year. That's being very generous and sensitive IMO, and the new year signals new beginnings, change, etc. From that point, any new items get removed daily until people get the picture.

If people don't understand it's private property and the owners don't want random people trespassing and littering, they're the insensitive ones IMO.