Here was the team that before week one was going to take me to the play-offs and championship.
Marc Bulger - Bulger was going to be top 5 and I had hopes for possibly top 3. BIG things were in store for him. I couldn't wait to see him explode. Great recievers and !wow! Steven Jackson to keep the defense open. In my head Bulger was going to dominate. What made it a lock for me was that I got him for less money than all those other QB's. I can't believe these guys are sleeping on him! This draft is going good for me.
J.P. Losman - He was ready for a huge step forward, and I was the sneaky guy who passed on the other QB's to target JP as my number 2 QB. I mean come on, how could these other dolts I play with miss this? He had Lee Evans on his team. Lee Evans!!!! He is going to be a top 10 reciever this year man! He is not going to cost me much money and will outperform all these other big names. MAN! I am smart.
Matt Schaub - What a great guy to have as your 3rd QB. He would be serviceable in a pinch or for byes. I was happy to get him and for just pennies in the auction. What a steal. My genius knew no limits. Note - I traded Schaub and Jamal Lewis after week one for Harrington and Fitzgerald. This was the beginning of the downward spiral of doom for me.
Steven Jackson - ALERT! ALERT! THIS GUY IS A MAJOR STUD! I actually tivo'd his commercial to show my wife the awesome guy I had. "That's my guy honey! I own him on fantasy!" wife without looking up, continues to page thru her magazine - "Oh, that's nice." This guy said he was going to get 2500 yards. Solomon Wilcots and Adam Schein think he can do it, I think he can do it. He has cool dreads, he has cool commercials, he is on the freakin RAMS incredible offense. I am taking over the league for years to come.
Brandon Jacobs - What an incredible number 2 RB. I have never even heard of a 6 foot 5 RB that weighs 260 pounds. Good luck stopping this indestructible wrecking ball of demolition. He can just trip into his O-line and fall for 4 yards per carry! He also runs a 4.4 they say! He is going to obliterate the defenses! I purchased Sunday Ticket to watch him on opening day. It was fun and exciting for 5 minutes. But, then he bumped his wittle iddy biddy knee. Awww, him gots a booboo. FREAKIN WUSS! Note - i picked up Derrick Ward who is the leading fantasy player on my team right now.
Cedric Benson - Why is everyone not bidding on this guy?!?! I was so excited. I mean he cried about wanting the ball for years and now he was going to get it! The Bears had a defense to keep games really low scoring and they would just pound the rock. Plus they had Berrian and Olsen and others to keep defenses honest. And, come on... didn't these other guys hear the talking heads say that Grossman was the man? He was actually an ok quarterback. Many other QB's like Manning etc had struggled early. Grossman still had few starts, he was taking a big step this year. Benson was an incredible number 3 back. In fact, I PRACTICALLY HAD 3 #1 RB's.
Jamal Lewis - Would you look at this roster?!?! How was I doing it? Why were'nt these idiots bidding on these players? I mean come one... Adrian Peterson? He hadn't played a down in the NFL, why would you save your money for Peterson, Lynch, Calvin J., and others... Anyways, I had Lewis who said he was in the best shape of his life. He was my RB #4. I was stacked and packed. I was loaded. It was going to be a great year. Note - i traded Lewsi after his week one performance for Fitzgerald thinking I had swindeled the other guy. Oh Fantasy Football why are you so cruel?
Lee Evans - WR number 1. I passed on the high priced flashy guys like Moss(why did everyone think he would be good? He was old and hadn't played in years?), Chad Johnson, Steve Smith, Terrel Owens, Wayne, Harrison NOT FOR ME! I am smarter than the other guys. I have the ability to identify the diamonds in the rough. I am talking Lee Evans. A sure fire top 10 WR and at a fraction of the cost. Got em'! Speaking of diamond in the rough...
Mark Clayton - Hello?!?! Knock knock McFly. This guy is an up and comer that will be a great number 2 reciever. No one wanted him, I got him for the league minimum bid and laughed my way to my third glass of $80 scotch. This draft was going so so so good. McNair's third year in the offense, this guy was gonna break out.
Larry Fitzgerald - I traded Jamal Lewis after week one for this stud. I couldn't believe I ripped the guy off as bad as I did. He wanted that pathetic excuse for RB named Jamal Lewis? He had just rushed for 40 yards. He was old and crotchety and slow, he was washed up. Stick a fork in him. He's done. Okay, I'll take the number 1 reciever for the Cardinals for that old has been. hahahaha I got him in that trade. I mean come on, Matt Leinert is one of the best young QB's and will make this guy a star. What a trade!! Note - Jamal ran for over 200 yards 2 days after this trade. While my 'friend' laughed at me and enjoyed my pain.
Greg Olsen - nearing the end of the draft, and the Korsendork beer went great with my scotch. This guy was the next Gates!! Hello?!? I just got the next Antonio Gates for the league minimum. I was so happy.
Well, I had a horrible draft. I hate my team. My dreams are dead. My wife can't understand whats wrong... Do I not love her anymore? Why don't I talk. Why am I quiet? What am I not saying?
"WHAT AM I NOT SAYING??" "I am not saying that this fantasy game means so much to me that it depresses me. I get so pumped up every damn sunday and then nothing happens. I turn on Sunday Ticket and get the laptop going, and I just know that Steven Jackson is going to come out of his slump. I just know that Fitgerald is due. I know that Bulger will get more than 4 points. I know that Briggs will get me his sure 10 points. I know Benson is on a roll. I know Curry is going to go for like 140yds and 2 TD's....."
I know that it's Monday morning of week 3 and I am already planning to blow up my team in blockbuster trades to try to cash in players I hope will help me next yr. I know I may not actually wina game this year. I know that this draft was the wrong one to begin a dynasty with.
I guess I still like fantasy football, but man it can be cruel.
Marc Bulger - Bulger was going to be top 5 and I had hopes for possibly top 3. BIG things were in store for him. I couldn't wait to see him explode. Great recievers and !wow! Steven Jackson to keep the defense open. In my head Bulger was going to dominate. What made it a lock for me was that I got him for less money than all those other QB's. I can't believe these guys are sleeping on him! This draft is going good for me.
J.P. Losman - He was ready for a huge step forward, and I was the sneaky guy who passed on the other QB's to target JP as my number 2 QB. I mean come on, how could these other dolts I play with miss this? He had Lee Evans on his team. Lee Evans!!!! He is going to be a top 10 reciever this year man! He is not going to cost me much money and will outperform all these other big names. MAN! I am smart.
Matt Schaub - What a great guy to have as your 3rd QB. He would be serviceable in a pinch or for byes. I was happy to get him and for just pennies in the auction. What a steal. My genius knew no limits. Note - I traded Schaub and Jamal Lewis after week one for Harrington and Fitzgerald. This was the beginning of the downward spiral of doom for me.
Steven Jackson - ALERT! ALERT! THIS GUY IS A MAJOR STUD! I actually tivo'd his commercial to show my wife the awesome guy I had. "That's my guy honey! I own him on fantasy!" wife without looking up, continues to page thru her magazine - "Oh, that's nice." This guy said he was going to get 2500 yards. Solomon Wilcots and Adam Schein think he can do it, I think he can do it. He has cool dreads, he has cool commercials, he is on the freakin RAMS incredible offense. I am taking over the league for years to come.
Brandon Jacobs - What an incredible number 2 RB. I have never even heard of a 6 foot 5 RB that weighs 260 pounds. Good luck stopping this indestructible wrecking ball of demolition. He can just trip into his O-line and fall for 4 yards per carry! He also runs a 4.4 they say! He is going to obliterate the defenses! I purchased Sunday Ticket to watch him on opening day. It was fun and exciting for 5 minutes. But, then he bumped his wittle iddy biddy knee. Awww, him gots a booboo. FREAKIN WUSS! Note - i picked up Derrick Ward who is the leading fantasy player on my team right now.
Cedric Benson - Why is everyone not bidding on this guy?!?! I was so excited. I mean he cried about wanting the ball for years and now he was going to get it! The Bears had a defense to keep games really low scoring and they would just pound the rock. Plus they had Berrian and Olsen and others to keep defenses honest. And, come on... didn't these other guys hear the talking heads say that Grossman was the man? He was actually an ok quarterback. Many other QB's like Manning etc had struggled early. Grossman still had few starts, he was taking a big step this year. Benson was an incredible number 3 back. In fact, I PRACTICALLY HAD 3 #1 RB's.
Jamal Lewis - Would you look at this roster?!?! How was I doing it? Why were'nt these idiots bidding on these players? I mean come one... Adrian Peterson? He hadn't played a down in the NFL, why would you save your money for Peterson, Lynch, Calvin J., and others... Anyways, I had Lewis who said he was in the best shape of his life. He was my RB #4. I was stacked and packed. I was loaded. It was going to be a great year. Note - i traded Lewsi after his week one performance for Fitzgerald thinking I had swindeled the other guy. Oh Fantasy Football why are you so cruel?
Lee Evans - WR number 1. I passed on the high priced flashy guys like Moss(why did everyone think he would be good? He was old and hadn't played in years?), Chad Johnson, Steve Smith, Terrel Owens, Wayne, Harrison NOT FOR ME! I am smarter than the other guys. I have the ability to identify the diamonds in the rough. I am talking Lee Evans. A sure fire top 10 WR and at a fraction of the cost. Got em'! Speaking of diamond in the rough...
Mark Clayton - Hello?!?! Knock knock McFly. This guy is an up and comer that will be a great number 2 reciever. No one wanted him, I got him for the league minimum bid and laughed my way to my third glass of $80 scotch. This draft was going so so so good. McNair's third year in the offense, this guy was gonna break out.
Larry Fitzgerald - I traded Jamal Lewis after week one for this stud. I couldn't believe I ripped the guy off as bad as I did. He wanted that pathetic excuse for RB named Jamal Lewis? He had just rushed for 40 yards. He was old and crotchety and slow, he was washed up. Stick a fork in him. He's done. Okay, I'll take the number 1 reciever for the Cardinals for that old has been. hahahaha I got him in that trade. I mean come on, Matt Leinert is one of the best young QB's and will make this guy a star. What a trade!! Note - Jamal ran for over 200 yards 2 days after this trade. While my 'friend' laughed at me and enjoyed my pain.
Greg Olsen - nearing the end of the draft, and the Korsendork beer went great with my scotch. This guy was the next Gates!! Hello?!? I just got the next Antonio Gates for the league minimum. I was so happy.
Well, I had a horrible draft. I hate my team. My dreams are dead. My wife can't understand whats wrong... Do I not love her anymore? Why don't I talk. Why am I quiet? What am I not saying?
"WHAT AM I NOT SAYING??" "I am not saying that this fantasy game means so much to me that it depresses me. I get so pumped up every damn sunday and then nothing happens. I turn on Sunday Ticket and get the laptop going, and I just know that Steven Jackson is going to come out of his slump. I just know that Fitgerald is due. I know that Bulger will get more than 4 points. I know that Briggs will get me his sure 10 points. I know Benson is on a roll. I know Curry is going to go for like 140yds and 2 TD's....."
I know that it's Monday morning of week 3 and I am already planning to blow up my team in blockbuster trades to try to cash in players I hope will help me next yr. I know I may not actually wina game this year. I know that this draft was the wrong one to begin a dynasty with.
I guess I still like fantasy football, but man it can be cruel.
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![[icon]](/data/avatars/m/5/5167.jpg?1660313464){kind=avatar}
excellent write! I needed a good laugh on Monday AM 
