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My son has a crazy gf. what to do? (1 Viewer)

Foosball God said:
This is a crazy world we live in.  It seems like people just refuse to talk to each other anymore.  Everything we do is fear based now.  Would you as a parent want the school talking to your child about this before you even knew about it?
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If I was a parent that was either physically, mentally, or sexually abusing my kid, I wouldn't want the school to know anything. Get it? A guidance counselor isn't in the occupation to judge students. He or she helps troubled students. 

 
SWC said:
brohan i am just wondering if these are examples of not acting 12 or giving people a little respect thanks in advance i will hang up and listen take that to the bank 
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Great, just what I need, advice from some loser that has created terrible shtick because he had make a persona to participate.  Take that to the bank brohan.

 
simey said:
If I was a parent that was either physically, mentally, or sexually abusing my kid, I wouldn't want the school to know anything. Get it? A guidance counselor isn't in the occupation to judge students. He or she helps troubled students. 
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But why jump to the worst possible conclusion first?

 
Foosball God said:
:lol:
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So it's better for you to make that call because you will be able to tell if there's something wrong with the parents? They wouldn't try to cover anything up? Even professionals can be fooled, let alone you. Is it really worth risking a life? Should that happen you'd be in trouble for being the judge..

 
Foosball God said:
simey said:
If I was a parent that was either physically, mentally, or sexually abusing my kid, I wouldn't want the school to know anything. Get it? A guidance counselor isn't in the occupation to judge students. He or she helps troubled students. 
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But why jump to the worst possible conclusion first?
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Anything is possible. You take every scenario into account for the safety of the child. That home life could be why the kid is cutting. You try and find out what is going on first via the guidance counselor. A parent should not be embarrassed that a counselor knows a child is troubled. Let's say your child is being bullied at school, that counselor is your friend if you are a parent. He or she will be keeping an eye on your kid and the situation. Anyway, I think it's futile to continue the conversation. 

 
CurlyNight said:
So it's better for you to make that call because you will be able to tell if there's something wrong with the parents? They wouldn't try to cover anything up? Even professionals can be fooled, let alone you. Is it really worth risking a life? Should that happen you'd be in trouble for being the judge..
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I'm laughing because saying I'll let the professionals decide if calling the professionals first was the right thing to do is funny.

Again, I'm not advocating that you tell the parents and then walk away.  The girl is troubled, whether that be from home life, school life, a mental issue, or even just her seeking attention.  Based on the information the OP provided I would still reach out to the parents first.  Again, each situation is different and would necessitate different action.  I refuse to paint this with a broad brush and just say the school and CPS is the right first answer every time.

 
Foosball God said:
I'm laughing because saying I'll let the professionals decide if calling the professionals first was the right thing to do is funny.

Again, I'm not advocating that you tell the parents and then walk away.  The girl is troubled, whether that be from home life, school life, a mental issue, or even just her seeking attention.  Based on the information the OP provided I would still reach out to the parents first.  Again, each situation is different and would necessitate different action.  I refuse to paint this with a broad brush and just say the school and CPS is the right first answer every time.
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By you admitting every situation is different is a tacit approval for contacting the school or CPS.  The fact I wouldn't have all the information means I can't make that evaluation of the situation and should let people trained in it do so.

 
the wife had done some digging on the parents before we knew about the suicidal stuff with the girl.  Friends of hers who somewhat know the mom didn't have a very high opinion of her, for what that's worth.  they've lived in the area, went to high school here, etc.  The people my wife talked would've known them through high school and living in the area for 30+ years.

also, I'm not about to go driving out to some strangers house to let them know their daughter is texting suicidal thoughts to my son.  for all I know, I could be shot on the porch.  I have no idea what these people are like.  they live in the sticks and I don't want to be caught in a Deliverance scene either.  house looks normal from google earth but I'm gonna play safe here and not risk some psycho stalking me because I know too much of their family business.

wife called her friend, the asst principal at the school, she was a mandated reporter and called the cops.  cops went to talk to girl and parents.  All of this happened within an hour or two of the call.  CPS was not called as far as I know.  wife did not want to do that as she doesn't know the OD story to be confirmed. 

I'll talk to my son when he gets home from school to see what happened.  I believe she was supposed to talk to the counselor today and hopefully get setup with a therapist.  in one of the girl's messages last night, she said her mom thought she should see a therapist.  also of note, at least one of the older sisters is in a school for troubled youth already.  if I was a betting man, I'd be wagering on the side of the mom ODing and this family being a mess.

 
Foosball God said:
I'm laughing because saying I'll let the professionals decide if calling the professionals first was the right thing to do is funny.

Again, I'm not advocating that you tell the parents and then walk away.  The girl is troubled, whether that be from home life, school life, a mental issue, or even just her seeking attention.  Based on the information the OP provided I would still reach out to the parents first.  Again, each situation is different and would necessitate different action.  I refuse to paint this with a broad brush and just say the school and CPS is the right first answer every time.
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I agree with this if I know the parents well enough that they'd really care . If not, it could go south and a life could be at risk. This isn't the movies and it isn't 1970. We are in a different world now with more problems than our grandparents ever imagined. If you'd feel ok should things get worse for the kid because you think bringing it to their attention was a great first move then go for it. In today's world unfortunately we do need to assume the worse. 

 
toshiba said:
By you admitting every situation is different is a tacit approval for contacting the school or CPS.  The fact I wouldn't have all the information means I can't make that evaluation of the situation and should let people trained in it do so.
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How many times would that be the overboard solution?  Again this is the fear of the worst thing possible happening.  I don't live my life that way.  :shrug:

 
jomar said:
the wife had done some digging on the parents before we knew about the suicidal stuff with the girl.  Friends of hers who somewhat know the mom didn't have a very high opinion of her, for what that's worth.  they've lived in the area, went to high school here, etc.  The people my wife talked would've known them through high school and living in the area for 30+ years.

also, I'm not about to go driving out to some strangers house to let them know their daughter is texting suicidal thoughts to my son.  for all I know, I could be shot on the porch.  I have no idea what these people are like.  they live in the sticks and I don't want to be caught in a Deliverance scene either.  house looks normal from google earth but I'm gonna play safe here and not risk some psycho stalking me because I know too much of their family business.

wife called her friend, the asst principal at the school, she was a mandated reporter and called the cops.  cops went to talk to girl and parents.  All of this happened within an hour or two of the call.  CPS was not called as far as I know.  wife did not want to do that as she doesn't know the OD story to be confirmed. 

I'll talk to my son when he gets home from school to see what happened.  I believe she was supposed to talk to the counselor today and hopefully get setup with a therapist.  in one of the girl's messages last night, she said her mom thought she should see a therapist.  also of note, at least one of the older sisters is in a school for troubled youth already.  if I was a betting man, I'd be wagering on the side of the mom ODing and this family being a mess.
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I'm not trying to rail on you here, or anyone else for that matter, you are closer to this situation than any of us, but this is what I'm talking about.  Why is everyone so afraid all the time?  Do you really think that this is a reasonable possibility?  How often is something like this really happening?

 
CurlyNight said:
I agree with this if I know the parents well enough that they'd really care . If not, it could go south and a life could be at risk. This isn't the movies and it isn't 1970. We are in a different world now with more problems than our grandparents ever imagined. If you'd feel ok should things get worse for the kid because you think bringing it to their attention was a great first move then go for it. In today's world unfortunately we do need to assume the worse. 
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Why do you say this?  What is backing up this statement?

 
Foosball God said:
How many times would that be the overboard solution?  Again this is the fear of the worst thing possible happening.  I don't live my life that way.  :shrug:
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For me it isn't fear.  I think the best thing for the child is getting the professionals involved.  

 
Foosball God said:
Why do you say this?  What is backing up this statement?
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We are the most violent country in the world where mental health issues are still not addressed aggressively as it should be. No parent wants to think their kid has issues and adults tend to deal with it the wrong easier way by numbing themselves. People are more stressed these days which leads to many to bad choices. I don't view it as paranoia but being careful in situations which I know little about and could be dangerous, especially if a child is involved.

 
IC FBGCav said:
I am sure you call the fire department when a neighbor is burning leaves too.   Chicken Little.
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And you can continue to call names, make false analogies and be flippant on a valid view all you want.  Your continual name calling and mis-characterization of my views will have zero impact on me.

 
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CurlyNight said:
We are the most violent country in the world where mental health issues are still not addressed aggressively as it should be. No parent wants to think their kid has issues and adults tend to deal with it the wrong easier way by numbing themselves. People are more stressed these days which leads to many to bad choices. I don't view it as paranoia but being careful in situations which I know little about and could be dangerous, especially if a child is involved.
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Really?

 
CurlyNight said:
We are the most violent country in the world where mental health issues are still not addressed aggressively as it should be. No parent wants to think their kid has issues and adults tend to deal with it the wrong easier way by numbing themselves. People are more stressed these days which leads to many to bad choices. I don't view it as paranoia but being careful in situations which I know little about and could be dangerous, especially if a child is involved.
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Foosball God said:
Really?
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I sense we are getting off on a tangent here.

Calling CPS is about the child, not the parents.  Calling the parents is about the parents.

 
toshiba said:
And you can continue to call names, make false analogies and be flippant on a valid view all you want.  Your continual name calling and mis-characterization of my views will have zero impact on me.
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I know, Chicken Little never changes.   I am not saying you are wrong but you need some effort before CPS.  It is just lazy.  Not to mention how much time would be wasted on needless investigation if everyone took this approach.   This also slows down getting help to the people that really need it. 

 
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toshiba said:
I sense we are getting off on a tangent here.

Calling CPS is about the child, not the parents.  Calling the parents is about the parents.
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I would amend this just a bit.

Calling the CPS is about the child, not the parents.  Calling the parents is about the child and the parents.

 
IC FBGCav said:
Great, just what I need, advice from some loser that has created terrible shtick because he had make a persona to participate.  Take that to the bank brohan.
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brohan i get the sense that something is bothering you well when i feel down i turn to a nice hobby you strike me as the model railroading type i could see you relieving your stress and anger towards others by constructing a sweet little village full of people that come from your head so they would all be of the same mind as you and then you could build a neat wooden trestle bridge and you could make it going over a violent white capped ocean bay and it would be a meteorfor how model railroading has become a bridge over the troubled waters of your life that were causing your mean posts so bam brohan another solid life suggestion from the ole swcer take that to the bank and your welcome

 
Foosball God said:
I would amend this just a bit.

Calling the CPS is about the child, not the parents.  Calling the parents is about the child and the parents.
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How about this slight modification?

Calling the CPS is about the child first, not the parents.  Calling the parents is about the parents first, the child second.

 
SWC said:
brohan i get the sense that something is bothering you well when i feel down i turn to a nice hobby you strike me as the model railroading type i could see you relieving your stress and anger towards others by constructing a sweet little village full of people that come from your head so they would all be of the same mind as you and then you could build a neat wooden trestle bridge and you could make it going over a violent white capped ocean bay and it would be a meteorfor how model railroading has become a bridge over the troubled waters of your life that were causing your mean posts so bam brohan another solid life suggestion from the ole swcer take that to the bank and your welcome
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This is just so dumb.  

 
toshiba said:
How about this slight modification?

Calling the CPS is about the child first, not the parents.  Calling the parents is about the parents first, the child second.
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I don't know that I'd go that far.  The child who I'm worried about foremost, but I think the parents deserve to be in there before CPS except in the extremes.

 
IC FBGCav said:
This is just so dumb.  
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you know who else said that well it was none other than steve mr minature maganrahan right before he got in to model railroading and now he is an ho gauge legend at most model railroading shows between here chicagoland so bam just give it a shot and cheer up bromigo take that to the bank

 
I have a similar story. My son was in 6th grade last year so it was his first year of middle school.  He gets an instagram message from some girl he never met at the other local middle school.  She says he is good looking and wants to be his girlfriend.  He tells her no thanks.  She then gets all freaked out and says if he doesn't go out with her she is going to kill herself.  My son says no thanks and thinks she is joking around.  A few minutes later she sends him a pic with ketchup or something all over her wrist to somehow depict that she had slit her wrist for real.  He freaks out and calls my ex (his mom) on the phone and tells her what happened.  My ex immediately called the cops, gave them the girl's name, and they visited the girl's home.  That had to be a wonderful visit for her parents to have the cops show up on a Saturday night asking if their 11 year old daughter is okay because she just sent a pic to a boy she never met claiming she had just slit her wrists.

 
SWC said:
you know who else said that well it was none other than steve mr minature maganrahan right before he got in to model railroading and now he is an ho gauge legend at most model railroading shows between here chicagoland so bam just give it a shot and cheer up bromigo take that to the bank
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Ignore time.   Have a nice life.

 
Because I don't think the State should always be involved in the way people parent.  Again, there are always extremes and just because you have a kid doesn't mean you are going to be a great parent, or even a good one, but I don't immediately assume the parents are horrible people that are purposefully trying to abuse their children.

 
Foosball God said:
Because I don't think the State should always be involved in the way people parent.  Again, there are always extremes and just because you have a kid doesn't mean you are going to be a great parent, or even a good one, but I don't immediately assume the parents are horrible people that are purposefully trying to abuse their children.
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It sounds like you are looking out for the rights of the parent.  Again, I am looking out for the best interest of the child.

 
skillz said:
I have a similar story. My son was in 6th grade last year so it was his first year of middle school.  He gets an instagram message from some girl he never met at the other local middle school.  She says he is good looking and wants to be his girlfriend.  He tells her no thanks.  She then gets all freaked out and says if he doesn't go out with her she is going to kill herself.  My son says no thanks and thinks she is joking around.  A few minutes later she sends him a pic with ketchup or something all over her wrist to somehow depict that she had slit her wrist for real.  He freaks out and calls my ex (his mom) on the phone and tells her what happened.  My ex immediately called the cops, gave them the girl's name, and they visited the girl's home.  That had to be a wonderful visit for her parents to have the cops show up on a Saturday night asking if their 11 year old daughter is okay because she just sent a pic to a boy she never met claiming she had just slit her wrists.
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See this is an example where calling the cops was definitely warranted.

 
IC is on over there yelling at clouds.

The only move in a case like this is calling the school. And the school involving CPS and the police. 

The cooperation of those various entities will paint a clearer picture of what is happening with that girl. The school will provide information like performance, absences and social aspects of her life for those 40 hours/week. CPS, police and parents will piece together out of school happenings. This isn't that complicated to understand.

 
skillz said:
I have a similar story. My son was in 6th grade last year so it was his first year of middle school.  He gets an instagram message from some girl he never met at the other local middle school.  She says he is good looking and wants to be his girlfriend.  He tells her no thanks.  She then gets all freaked out and says if he doesn't go out with her she is going to kill herself.  My son says no thanks and thinks she is joking around.  A few minutes later she sends him a pic with ketchup or something all over her wrist to somehow depict that she had slit her wrist for real.  He freaks out and calls my ex (his mom) on the phone and tells her what happened.  My ex immediately called the cops, gave them the girl's name, and they visited the girl's home.  That had to be a wonderful visit for her parents to have the cops show up on a Saturday night asking if their 11 year old daughter is okay because she just sent a pic to a boy she never met claiming she had just slit her wrists.
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Good parents would be thankful that they were called just in case it was for real. Something tells me this girl won't be pulling such pranks again...

 
Foosball God said:
I'm not trying to rail on you here, or anyone else for that matter, you are closer to this situation than any of us, but this is what I'm talking about.  Why is everyone so afraid all the time?  Do you really think that this is a reasonable possibility?  How often is something like this really happening?
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define 'reasonable possibilty'. 

anything greater than .001% is more than enough for me when its completely unnecessary for me to drive to a strangers house and, in a best case scenario, upend their world by telling them their daughter self-harms and is talking of suicide.  in a worst case scenario, they already know that, and they know the reasons, and they would do anything to make sure nobody else knows.  all for what?  so that the school doesn't find out?  ridiculous

 
IC FBGCav said:
And using that line you think you can pretty much do anything regardless the repercussion.   I know your type.  
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Nope.  I am letting the professionals decide what to do.  I can admit where my knowledge ends.   But again with the name calling and dismissive attitude of a valid view.

 
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