I'm sure we'll go back to Napa at some point, but for the cost difference, this I can not recommend enough:
Fly into Santa Barbara.
Drive to Santa Ynez.
Stay here. They have breakfast in the morning. They have wine and charcuterie happy hour in the evenings. They have a tasting passport, which gets you comped tastings at
a list of wineries (under Wine). They've removed a few of our favorites, it appears, but Stolpman, Sunstone, and Zaca Mesa are well worth your time. I can make some other winery recommendations in the area if anyone ever does this. I'm sure others here can, as well (Buttonwood, Vincent, Babcock, Carr, Beckmen come to mind).
Grab lunch
here one day, and while you're there you might as well grab a tasting at Alma Rosa (though the wines are a little pricier than most in the area, the tasting room is quaint). While you're at Stolpman, grab lunch
here one day, and shop their wine room. They have a great selection and much better deals than you'll find at the wineries. Make a reservation for dinner one night
here. You'll want the reservation, and the food is excellent. It's the "can't miss" food option in SY, imo.
If this doesn't charm the smallclothes off your S.O., I don't know what to tell you. You're doing it wrong.