I'm agnostic but want to believe, and always think twice about the P in TPW. I remember when people said they were praying for Christopher Hitchens, noted atheist, and it sort of felt like a mean way of saying he was going to die of esophageal cancer. I never want that to be the case. I generally leave the P out out of respect for people's non-belief option.
Since you're into music -- but not necessarily punk or hardcore, so your mileage may vary -- it was a great subject again in Touché Amore's Stage Four album, in which the lead singer questions his atheism in the face of his mother's death from cancer. Probably the most heavy-hitting album exploring your own lack of faith in the face of faith and religious well-wishing. I just type this because the album was on point with what you're saying.
Here's
Benediction as a music video.
My condolences to you again, by the way. I hope your Grandpa died at peace.
