This article on Buckhantz has me pretty tempted to subscribe to The Athletic. What lies beneath?
For 22 years on the road, Buckhantz has had the same routine. He requires his feathered pillows and box fan. He wants the softest mattress possible, and he’ll do whatever it takes, including yanking plywood out from above box springs, to get there. He prefers corner rooms. He’s gold when it comes to planning upgrades. He’ll call ahead to request particular rooms in specific hotels.
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Buckhantz has turned this into a game. Merely receiving an upgrade isn’t enough. He wants to be the first one to check into the hotel. If colleagues are bumped up to better rooms and he’s not, he has to know why. And, more important, he has to see the superior quarters — if only to scout out future stays.
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First, some essential background: Buckhantz needs the softest mattresses he can find. Merely mention the existence of the modern-day platform bed to him, and he’ll burst into the world’s most rousing harangue about the demise of the box spring and how he doesn’t mind his beds “droopy.” But against Buckhantz’s liking, hotels will try to firm up mattresses. When beds get too soft, he’s noticed, even the fanciest of places will stick a king-sized piece of plywood between a mattress and box spring to give the sleeper a little extra support.
He started finding these slats of plywood and tugging them out from under mattresses, “which is not easy,” he brags. He’ll stand them up against walls for the housekeeping staff to find the next day.
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The historic event at the Westin Harbour Castle wasn’t the first instance of Buckhantz tearing out the plywood. But it was the first example of his unearthing an extracurricular item.
“I lift up my mattress to see if the plywood is under there,” Buckhantz said. “And lo and behold, I find some objectionable material.”
A pornographic magazine. Just waiting there to be spotted.
But while a run-of-the-mill guest hypothetically put in the same situation may notice only nude photographs under the mattress, that’s not how Buckhantz’s mind works. He thought bigger. What he saw was leverage.
That magazine carved a path to exactly what he wanted: an upgrade.
“I called down to the front desk and I said, ‘Could you send someone up here to remove this material from underneath my mattress? And I’d love to be in a suite if I could.’ I was in (a suite in) 15 minutes,” Buckhantz said before digging for the sarcasm Wizards fans know all too well. “Miraculously, they found one.”
Since then, he looks under every mattress in every one of his hotel rooms. That’s for 22 years, 41 road games a season. Pornography is the most common discovery, but it’s far from the only one. He’s also come upon peanut shells, condoms, vodka bottles, cigarettes and water bottles.
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A couple of years ago, he and five colleagues were headed to dinner in Houston and passed a Mexican spot, La Cocina, which was supposed to be particularly top-notch. They didn’t have reservations, but Buck made a suggestion: “Let’s just walk in.”
The place was crowded. He’d need a special performance to execute this one. And like it was nothing, Buckhantz went the route of the con man.
“We walk in there and Buck says, ‘Hi. (Dr.) Harris, party of six,’” recalled Miller, who was part of the pack that also included Buckhantz, Chenier and three NBC Sports producers.
The woman at the front desk looked through her reservations. She didn’t see a party of six for a Dr. Harris. She turned the page over. Nothing.
It was a few years ago, but Miller tells it like it just happened: “She’s like, ‘Sorry sir, I don’t see that.’ And he’s like, ‘Uh, look again. (Dr.) Harris, party of six.’ And she’s like, ‘I’m sorry, sir. I don’t see it.’”
So, Buckhantz channeled his powers of persuasion, this time for the good of the group. Forget about conniving his way into an upgrade. For his newest trick, he would create a reservation for six people out of thin air.
There was thought behind his perceived randomness. Dr. Harris wasn’t just a name. He was a character.
“I was probably a brain surgeon,” Buckhantz laughed. “I just figured it elevated my status if they knew I was a physician as opposed to some man named Harris.”
He started to bring on the intensity.
“(Buckhantz) is like, ‘(Dr.) Harris, party of six. I called ahead. We’re looking for our table. We’re hungry,’” Miller remembered.
It worked. The restaurant manager came over and put together a table for six for a peeved Buckha — er, Dr. Harris.
“Not only did we get seated, they actually brought over complimentary appetizers. So, the (six) of us … we’re all sitting there just laughing because this was a quintessential Buck-on-the-road moment,” Miller said. “I don’t care if it’s the hotel or if it’s just a reservation, those are just some of the things that Buck would do where we would shake our head and be like, only Buck could pull that off.”
There’s a chance the Buck-on-the-road moments could be coming to a close soon. NBC Sports Washington recently informed Buckhantz that it does not plan to pick up the option on his contract for the 2019-20 season, meaning the coming month could be the finale for the only television play-by-play announcer the Wizards have ever known.
But knowing Buck, there’s no chance this is an ending. He’ll probably upgrade.
“We’ve all tried to do it in our life, try to figure out a way to get an upgrade,” Miller said. “And he’s made it into an art form.”
