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RIP Riley (2 Viewers)

My sincere condolences. All warriors have many things in common but to me - strength, courage, integrity and character are the most important. You and your family have shown all of these great attributes. Riley is an amazing little girl. Lost a brother many years ago. He never left my life. Miss the time I had but he will always be alive in my heart and soul. Riley will most certainly have this type of impact on others. Many many others. You have taught us what it is like to be a man when faced with the most challenging storm anyone could ever think to be in. A father, a husband, a friend a warrior. RIP Riley the Warrior

 
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just read the eulogy, I have to admit that I did not have the courage to open the thread over the weekend, knowing you would have posted it.   The words are beautiful and honest and heart wrenching and true.   She was a warrior, there is no better description.  

You are an amazing man for the strength you have shown throughout this, I am not sure there are many others who would have been able to handle this as well as you have, I know I would not have 

 
Can't believe she's been for a week already. I still cry all the time. Finally left the house a few times too. Trying to occupy my mind with fantasy football and video games. Mindless ####. Picked up her ashes today. They are still in a box because we still didn't pick out an urn. I kissed the box when I got it. Put it next to my bed and talk to it. Hoping she visits me in my dreams. I know I'm crazy but I don't care.

 
shadyridr said:
Can't believe she's been for a week already. I still cry all the time. Finally left the house a few times too. Trying to occupy my mind with fantasy football and video games. Mindless ####. Picked up her ashes today. They are still in a box because we still didn't pick out an urn. I kissed the box when I got it. Put it next to my bed and talk to it. Hoping she visits me in my dreams. I know I'm crazy but I don't care.
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You're not crazy at all, there is no right way to grieve. You've shown immense strength and character since Riley was born. How is Justin doing?

 
shadyridr said:
Can't believe she's been for a week already. I still cry all the time. Finally left the house a few times too. Trying to occupy my mind with fantasy football and video games. Mindless ####. Picked up her ashes today. They are still in a box because we still didn't pick out an urn. I kissed the box when I got it. Put it next to my bed and talk to it. Hoping she visits me in my dreams. I know I'm crazy but I don't care.
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Not crazy at all.  Mindless distractions can be a good thing to get back to some sense of normalcy. 

How's your son holding up through everything (and if you aren't up to answer, no worries at all, just ignore)? Perhaps the start of school is a positive in that way to get his mind off things and see the "normalcy" of friends and smiles and good times and all.

 
Took me a long time, in too many parts, to read that eulogy.  Keep having to edit this as I type because the phone keeps getting tears on it.

I wish I knew what to say or do.  I so wish she was there for you to hold. And I hope my daughter meets a boy like Justin. It would be an honor.

 
shadyridr said:
Can't believe she's been for a week already. I still cry all the time. Finally left the house a few times too. Trying to occupy my mind with fantasy football and video games. Mindless ####. Picked up her ashes today. They are still in a box because we still didn't pick out an urn. I kissed the box when I got it. Put it next to my bed and talk to it. Hoping she visits me in my dreams. I know I'm crazy but I don't care.
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You honor her with your grief.  Hang in there.

 
My 2 cents as a teacher. Let Justins teacher know what happened. That way he/she can keep an eye out and understand if he acts out in any way where it might be coming from. Cant tell you how many times I find out 3/4 through the year about something traumatic that has happened to a student. 

 
AcerFC said:
My 2 cents as a teacher. Let Justins teacher know what happened. That way he/she can keep an eye out and understand if he acts out in any way where it might be coming from. Cant tell you how many times I find out 3/4 through the year about something traumatic that has happened to a student. 
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Outstanding advice. 

 
dickey moe said:
Damn. I hadn't been in here for a week or so and just saw the thread title had changed. Shady, I'm so sorry for your loss of Riley.

I lost my little boy Raef last year, who died in his sleep. My little bro lost his twin girls a few months later soon after they were born prematurely. The grief was overwhelming for what seemed like forever. But you have to keep on keeping on. Somehow. Your family needs you to be strong.

PM me if you want to chat. We're here for you. You'll be in my prayers.
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dickey, I'd heard this but never got to say how sorry I was for your loss. I am. Both you and shady. Hopefully you can help each other get through grief and dealing with the rougher side of things. I'm commenting from the sideline as an adult who never went through this, and I can't imagine. But I can imagine you will help each other. 

So, so sorry for both of your losses. 

-RA

 
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AcerFC said:
How is it going GB

How was Justins first week of school
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It hasn't gotten easier. I still feel just as empty and sad as two weeks ago. Justin's first week of school went well. Sent a note to the teacher to tell her  everything that happened and she said we will be in constant contact about him if she notices any changes.

 
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I still can't believe this is my life now. Just knowing I'm gonna be sad the rest of my life is overwhelming. I remember reading bigbottom and hams stories and thinking how badly I felt for them and I coudnt even imagine being in their shoes and now I'm there. It's really unbelievable. Im part of two Facebook support groups (one for parents who lost a baby and one for dad's only who lost children). They help a little.

 
I haven't chimed in on this thread before now because...well I don't know why.

And I hope I'm never in your shoes, Shady. But let me say this...

I certainly hope you're not sad for the rest of your life. I have no doubt that you'll carry the feeling of loss forever. But does it have to be sadness?

 
Riley was only here three months but she made me a much better person. I'm much more compassionate than I used to be. I used to be a selfish #####. The other day I donated $300 to a family who's daughter has ip and suffering from bad seizures. They were asking for money for cannabis oil for her seizures and it was very expensive. I would've never done that in the past. The father reached out to me on Facebook and told me he was in tears when he saw my donation and I told him so was I. We had a good long talk. This was a stranger and I felt a connection.

I've also been a lot kinder on these message boards. I used to be smug and embarrassed to say sometimes downright nasty. I dare any of you to find a nasty post by me since she was born.

 
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Andy Dufresne said:
I haven't chimed in on this thread before now because...well I don't know why.

And I hope I'm never in your shoes, Shady. But let me say this...

I certainly hope you're not sad for the rest of your life. I have no doubt that you'll carry the feeling of loss forever. But does it have to be sadness?
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Knowing the person I am unfortunately I think it will be sadness. The happiest days of my life were may 3, 4, and 5. She had the stroke may 6 so at least I can say my life will never be as happy as those three days.

 
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shadyridr said:
Knowing the person I am unfortunately I think it will be sadness. The happiest days of my life were may 3, 4, and 5. She had the stroke may 6 so at least I can say my life will never be as happy as those three days.
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If you really feel that way, I would suggest finding some support groups to belong to. One that meets in person, not just on Facebook.

Nobody should remain sad for a lifetime, regardless of cause. I know that's easy for me to say, but I empathize with you. And if you had/have that much love for your daughter, then that shouldn't be consumed by sadness.

 
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shadyridr said:
Knowing the person I am unfortunately I think it will be sadness. The happiest days of my life were may 3, 4, and 5. She had the stroke may 6 so at least I can say my life will never be as happy as those three days.
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Andy Dufresne said:
If you really feel that way, I would suggest finding some support groups to belong to. One that meets in person, not just on Facebook.

Nobody should remain sad for a lifetime, regardless of cause. I know that's easy for me to say, but I empathize with you. And if you had/have that much love for your daughter, then that shouldn't be consumed by sadness.
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I totally agree with Andy here, you shouldn't be sad for the rest of your life. Also I think an in person support group would be a great idea.

 
Are you communicating with your wife through this? Don't go into a shell. I've heard enough stories about how the death of a child can ruin a marriage and family. Don't add to that statistic. Rely on others for help and support.

 
Oh we do know of an in person support group. They meet on the 2nd and 4th thurs of every month. I was gonna go yesterday but I am sick. I plan on going to the next one.

 
jamny said:
Are you communicating with your wife through this? Don't go into a shell. I've heard enough stories about how the death of a child can ruin a marriage and family. Don't add to that statistic. Rely on others for help and support.
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Wife and I are as strong as ever. No issues in our marriage whatsoever.

 
shadyridr said:
This was a stranger and I felt a connection.
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And that's what you did for many of us here also. Thank you for that.  Thank you Riley for that. 

We are all better people for being a part ot #TeamRiley.

She will always be a source of bringing out the best of us here.

 
Shady,

I think being sad is fine, there is no play-book for this.  You have been through so much and have remained so strong through it all, sometimes I think just allowing yourself to cry is what your body needs.   It sounds like (With your dad being an exception) that you have a lot of support and you have 10,000 anonymous guys rooting for you every day.  There is not a time when I see you post anything that I don't think of Riley and I swell up a lot when I do.  I can't imagine what you are going through..

Righetti

 
We hear you, GB. Wish we could do more, but you know our words and the sentiment behind them are 1000% from the heart.

 
So there is one small update. Yesterday I went into NYC for my first tattoo session. Very expensive place. The studio is actually attached to an art gallery. Im embarrassed to say how much it will cost me in total. Anyway, I am getting a portrait of Riley on my forearm with an angel wing. Only her face is complete and I have to say its amazing so far. I cant wait until its done and I will be sure to post pictures. This tattoo really means a lot to me. She will always be with me now.

 
I have a big announcement for #teamRiley coming very soon that I think will make everyone happy. No my wife isnt pregnant. Stay tuned.

 
shadyridr said:
So there is one small update. Yesterday I went into NYC for my first tattoo session. Very expensive place. The studio is actually attached to an art gallery. Im embarrassed to say how much it will cost me in total. Anyway, I am getting a portrait of Riley on my forearm with an angel wing. Only her face is complete and I have to say its amazing so far. I cant wait until its done and I will be sure to post pictures. This tattoo really means a lot to me. She will always be with me now.
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Life is so unfair sometimes but I believe the hardest challenges are given to the people who can best handle them 

seeing her face every time you look down is probably one of the reasons you are down today.  I can't wait to see the finished work on your arm 

 
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shadyridr said:
So there is one small update. Yesterday I went into NYC for my first tattoo session. Very expensive place. The studio is actually attached to an art gallery. Im embarrassed to say how much it will cost me in total. Anyway, I am getting a portrait of Riley on my forearm with an angel wing. Only her face is complete and I have to say its amazing so far. I cant wait until its done and I will be sure to post pictures. This tattoo really means a lot to me. She will always be with me now.
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:thumbup: where'd you go?

 
shadyridr said:
So there is one small update. Yesterday I went into NYC for my first tattoo session. Very expensive place. The studio is actually attached to an art gallery. Im embarrassed to say how much it will cost me in total. Anyway, I am getting a portrait of Riley on my forearm with an angel wing. Only her face is complete and I have to say its amazing so far. I cant wait until its done and I will be sure to post pictures. This tattoo really means a lot to me. She will always be with me now.
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So awesome.  I'm not a tattoo guy but would totally do something like this if I was in your shoes.  Hopefully this will help bring you some peace.

 
#teamriley needs to pick a date to watch Sunday games in the City with our GB, Shady... what better reason (and excuse) to get a guy's Sunday and spread some cheer while we are at it? I checked with Shady and, as expected, he's down for it. 

Doesnt have to be any big deal, just whoever wants to meet at whatever spot. 3 people, 10 people.  gonna be football on, so our pathetic personalities will be nicely drowned out between that and beer.  Maybe a few shots.  Maybe both.  Who's in and, most importantly... Shady let us know what Sunday would work for you and preference as to which Island we gonna meet (or whatever day if that doesn't work). What about Dec 4 or 18? Im gone in between and since this is my idea well shucks, I'd like to be there.  

 
Shady..I must have missed this in August.  I know there are no words that can comfort.  Know the toughness and the fight your daughter put up will keep Rileys memory in your familys minds forever as she should be. Hopefully her memory one day will bring you peace again.

 
Thinking about you Shady.  Best to you in a tough time. I like the idea of a big NYC cornhole with Shady and the boys to watch some NFL and guzzle some beers. 

 
I've been thinking about all of you.  I'm really looking forward to seeing the tattoo.  I just wish I could be in NYC for the football.

 
That tat place looks legit shady...good call. It might be expensive in the short term but you are making the right choice. Looking forward to seeing the pictures.  I'm definitley in for the NYC get together.  

 
Neo said:
That tat place looks legit shady...good call. It might be expensive in the short term but you are making the right choice. Looking forward to seeing the pictures.  I'm definitley in for the NYC get together.  
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Tattoo like this has to be done right

 
I mainly lurk on board due to the hassle in my every day life but I would be up for a NYC cornhole for Shady.

 
I have a post it note on my monitor at work. It just says "Conner" "chase" and now "Riley" as of a couple months ago.  Sorry if that's coopting something that isn't mine to take. But it reminds me of three amazing kids that never had the chance to grow as old as I am.  And on some days when I'm feeling like a particular kind of #######, it gives me some much needed perspective.  

Cant wait to see the tattoo. 

 
Shady - hang in there man.  I know you've said you are sad all the time but please know that is not what Riley would want - she'd want her incredible Daddy to be happy.

 
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