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So hungover this morning I accidently wore two different shoes (1 Viewer)

Eminence said:
You need to get your #### together. Do you have any type of degree or are currently in school? There's nothing wrong with jumping around between a bunch of jobs you don't see as a career but do you have any type of longterm career path?

Chicks generally don't go for unskilled dudes with no money. Loneliness and poverty go hand-in-hand.
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OK, just finding this thread. Just wanted to point out that this guy should know, lol. (JK Em, in case u r still stalking)

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
Why, why, why, why, why did you not listen to me?  No updates, no questions, just a post-mortem for the "relationship."   WTF happened?  How and why on Earth would you tell someone you love them after a week?  This isn't "Friends."  #### like that doesn't work in real life.

I feel like you are absolutely hell-bent on going up in flames.  You have to figure out the root of this self-destructive nature of yours and fix it or everything in your life is going to end up in the same ash pile.  It's not circumstance, it's you.  I'm not saying this to hurt your feelings, to mock you, or anything else malevolent.  I'm saying it because it's your only hope.
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Because I drank 18 beers last night and decided to bombard her with compliments, links to love songs on YouTube and tell her I was falling in love with her.

We just talked. She not upset just said " that puts a million times more pressure on me to say it back".

Maybe that means she is having similar feelings?

We are seeing eachother tomorrow so maybe we will discuss it more. She has very low self esteem ( odd for a beautiful and intelligent woman) , probably even less than I do so my BPD may be a good thing overall but just makes her uncomfortable.

 
RokNRole said:
Because I drank 18 beers last night and decided to bombard her with compliments, links to love songs on YouTube and tell her I was falling in love with her.

We just talked. She not upset just said " that puts a million times more pressure on me to say it back".

Maybe that means she is having similar feelings?

We are seeing eachother tomorrow so maybe we will discuss it more. She has very low self esteem ( odd for a beautiful and intelligent woman) , probably even less than I do so my BPD may be a good thing overall but just makes her uncomfortable.
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No she's not having similar feelings. By you going so fast she's saying she's feeling a ton of pressure to say it back (and she's not ready to). She would have said it back if she felt the same. Many people believe if someone has  low self esteem that they are more desperate for love. This isn't true and this girl's response to you is telling you that. Slow it waaaaaay down. You barely know her and vice versa. If you keep going full speed she's going to bolt. She's pretty much has said that. 

 
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RokNRole said:
Because I drank 18 beers last night and decided to bombard her with compliments, links to love songs on YouTube and tell her I was falling in love with her.

We just talked. She not upset just said " that puts a million times more pressure on me to say it back".

Maybe that means she is having similar feelings?

We are seeing eachother tomorrow so maybe we will discuss it more. She has very low self esteem ( odd for a beautiful and intelligent woman) , probably even less than I do so my BPD may be a good thing overall but just makes her uncomfortable.
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She very clearly digs you if she is willing to hang in there after a display like that. This is still salvageable but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, stop ####ing drinking for the time being. If you dig this girl, you have to. You won't survive another metaphorical premature ejaculation like that.

The danger here is not that she is uncomfortable with your affection, it's that you come off looking pathetic and desperate if you jizz down your leg like that. That's the technical term for it too, I took psych classes at Rutgers and Johns Hopkins. If you talk about it tomorrow, make it quick and painless. You need to rebuild your image here. If you come off clingy and sappy, she's going to hit the button like Dr. Evil. If you come off too aloof and dismissive, you might give off a Jeckyl and Hyde vibe. You don't really want that either. You need to leave her with the impression that you're into her but aren't trying to rush things. 

 
CurlyNight said:
No she's not having similar feelings. By you going so fast she's saying she's feeling a ton of pressure to say it back (and she's not ready to). She would have said it back if she felt the same. Many people believe if someone has  low self esteem that they are more desperate for love. This isn't true and this girl's response to you is telling you that. Slow it waaaaaay down. You barely know her and vice versa. If you keep going full speed she's going to bolt. She's pretty much has said that. 
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Yes x 1,000

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
She very clearly digs you if she is willing to hang in there after a display like that. This is still salvageable but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, stop ####ing drinking for the time being. If you dig this girl, you have to. You won't survive another metaphorical premature ejaculation like that.

The danger here is not that she is uncomfortable with your affection, it's that you come off looking pathetic and desperate if you jizz down your leg like that. That's the technical term for it too, I took psych classes at Rutgers and Johns Hopkins. If you talk about it tomorrow, make it quick and painless. You need to rebuild your image here. If you come off clingy and sappy, she's going to hit the button like Dr. Evil. If you come off too aloof and dismissive, you might give off a Jeckyl and Hyde vibe. You don't really want that either. You need to leave her with the impression that you're into her but aren't trying to rush things. 
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Yes x 1000

 
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

No offense, but that goes for RNR and for everyone that keeps replying in this thread.

 
gianmarco said:
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

No offense, but that goes for RNR and for everyone that keeps replying in this thread.
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Overused, inaccurate, mis-attributed platitude. If this is the case, why are coin flips still a thing?

I like to blaze my own trail.....

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
She very clearly digs you if she is willing to hang in there after a display like that. This is still salvageable but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, stop ####ing drinking for the time being. If you dig this girl, you have to. You won't survive another metaphorical premature ejaculation like that.

The danger here is not that she is uncomfortable with your affection, it's that you come off looking pathetic and desperate if you jizz down your leg like that. That's the technical term for it too, I took psych classes at Rutgers and Johns Hopkins. If you talk about it tomorrow, make it quick and painless. You need to rebuild your image here. If you come off clingy and sappy, she's going to hit the button like Dr. Evil. If you come off too aloof and dismissive, you might give off a Jeckyl and Hyde vibe. You don't really want that either. You need to leave her with the impression that you're into her but aren't trying to rush things. 
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Agreed.

Though I once told a girl I love her after 3 dates. (although we had known each other 4 months, took me a while to become interested in her) Mid-coitus and we'd been drinking. She didn't say it back immediately. Next day she did but she says she didn't want to say it mid orgasm.  20 years later we're still married. 

But yeah, you have to play it right after an MPE. Or before, but rnr is past that.

 
T J said:
Even when it's wrong. Ya...we know.
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So the "right" path is to simply sit in the balcony and cast aspersions like some sort of live-action Statler and Waldorf. Got it.

I only wish I'd been lucky enough to have you around to guide me lo these many years here in the FFA. Imagine the board cred I'd have today.

 
Totally disagree on this being salvageable.  Even if the repellant neediness is forgiven in the short term, she knows that she owns him and that she can do whatever she wants now.  

Hit reset and try again.  

 
the rover said:
Totally disagree on this being salvageable.  Even if the repellant neediness is forgiven in the short term, she knows that she owns him and that she can do whatever she wants now.  

Hit reset and try again.  
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If she does have self-esteem issues, he may end up getting a pass on this one.  RnR just needs to play it a bit cooler than he has to date.  Not an easy task based on his history.

 
the rover said:
Totally disagree on this being salvageable.  Even if the repellant neediness is forgiven in the short term, she knows that she owns him and that she can do whatever she wants now.  

Hit reset and try again.  
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He's got to make it seem like an uncharacteristic one-time indiscretion rather than an indication of a pattern of behavior.  This is tricky to do but it can be done if handled with the requisite panache.  Whether or not this is something of which he is capable remains to be seen.  I'd love to be Newman hiding behind the bookshelf feeding him lines as he talks to her, but that's just not possible.

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
He's got to make it seem like an uncharacteristic one-time indiscretion rather than an indication of a pattern of behavior.  This is tricky to do but it can be done if handled with the requisite panache.  Whether or not this is something of which he is capable remains to be seen.  I'd love to be Newman hiding behind the bookshelf feeding him lines as he talks to her, but that's just not possible.
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Yeah, only it’s not. It’s a pattern of behavior that’s gonna keep coming up. He’s gonna snap and decide he can’t bear to be without this girl. And he’ll end up butchering and eating her, braised in some red wine like a nice ground beef. And then, in 5 years, my wife will be watching one of those horrible true crimes shows and it’ll be about this case, and you’ll be the Serial Killer Cyrano. And you can take pride in the fact that your advice was the piece de resistance that got her to drop her guard. 

 
Rok is who he is. I would not offer advice on how to fool the girl into believing he is something he's not only for her to be hurt down the line.

 
jamny said:
Rok is who he is. I would not offer advice on how to fool the girl into believing he is something he's not only for her to be hurt down the line.
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Have to agree with this. You can be someone different for only so long, esp when you have a co-dependency problem. Eventually your core personality will come out. But imagine if he sobered up, cleaned up and got treatment for the BPD. Now that's where change could be permanent.

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
He's got to make it seem like an uncharacteristic one-time indiscretion rather than an indication of a pattern of behavior.  This is tricky to do but it can be done if handled with the requisite panache.  Whether or not this is something of which he is capable remains to be seen.  I'd love to be Newman hiding behind the bookshelf feeding him lines as he talks to her, but that's just not possible.
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He should use the fact that he was drunk as a cover. Spin it as, "I'm a happy, loving drunk". Not someone who's going to be abusive when I drink.

 
ProstheticRGK said:
Yeah, only it’s not. It’s a pattern of behavior that’s gonna keep coming up. He’s gonna snap and decide he can’t bear to be without this girl. And he’ll end up butchering and eating her, braised in some red wine like a nice ground beef. And then, in 5 years, my wife will be watching one of those horrible true crimes shows and it’ll be about this case, and you’ll be the Serial Killer Cyrano. And you can take pride in the fact that your advice was the piece de resistance that got her to drop her guard. 
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:lmao:

 
jamny said:
Rok is who he is. I would not offer advice on how to fool the girl into believing he is something he's not only for her to be hurt down the line.
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 If "who he is" means blurting out "I love you" and sending poetry to every girl he meets after 1 date, he's going to be single the rest of his life.  I mean, he might FEEL that, but the key is not to scare her off.  Keep your feelings to yourself for a while until the time is right, there's no need to share every thought or emotion you have with someone you just met.  I don't think that's lying to her or misrepresenting himself, it's just a matter of getting the timing right.

 
KCitons said:
He should use the fact that he was drunk as a cover. Spin it as, "I'm a happy, loving drunk". Not someone who's going to be abusive when I drink.
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Exactly.  The way that's phrased/handled has a lot to do with her habits and how she feels about alcohol as well - there's really no set "script" for this, so much depends on the person/situation.

 
At this point, given his extreme mood swings and admitted thoughts of violence, I would fear for the safety of anyone that he's with.

 
Evilgrin 72 said:
 If "who he is" means blurting out "I love you" and sending poetry to every girl he meets after 1 date, he's going to be single the rest of his life.  I mean, he might FEEL that, but the key is not to scare her off.  Keep your feelings to yourself for a while until the time is right, there's no need to share every thought or emotion you have with someone you just met.  I don't think that's lying to her or misrepresenting himself, it's just a matter of getting the timing right.
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While co-dependents may be able to stifle, they are clingy. Words are easier to stifle than actions. He'd need to pipe down on how many phone calls a day he makes and how often he wants to see her. All of this screams desperate and most people hate that, low esteem or not. In fact with low esteem you could feel the pressure to measure up/keep up and for some people, that's a lot of stress. They may then eventually prefer to be left alone. We just don't know her. But we do know in general that drunk or not, you don't say I love you so early and esp with 0 indication that she feels the same. 18 beers can make you think she loves you this early on if she's being playful back, but clearly she does not with the response given.

 
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Don't bother analyzing this anymore. It's over and I've decided to just give up on life and just pickle myself until I die.

F the world.

 
RokNRole said:
Don't bother analyzing this anymore. It's over and I've decided to just give up on life and just pickle myself until I die.

F the world.
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That's a quitter's mentality.  You may be a lot of things, but I never pegged you as someone who would just roll over.

 
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