So hungover this morning I accidently wore two different shoes (1 Viewer)

[Eminence]

Here's the deal Snoopy, if you're a drunkard - you're a drunkard. Embrace who you are.

Nothing worse than someone who "quits" drinking and doesn't follow through. Only exposes you as lacking willpower and direction if and when you inevitably.

Booze is often a coping mechanism for boredom / unhappiness. You might find that even without booze there's still a gaping hole inside your heart.

 

[jamny]

 Can you think about other people in this world at all?

I'd say that the answer to that is pretty obvious. Even with the single mom, he only talked about what being a father figure would mean for him and ignored anyone that brought up what it could do to the kid and the mom herself.

 

[SWC]

the next time you are thinking of smoking up a joint try smoking a paernera bread bowl french onion soup instead it is hard to light no doubt about it but you will be glad you did just trust me on this one brohan take that to the bank

 

[fantasycurse42]

I think my favorite part of the shtick is the consistent misspelling of Panera, yet different variations of it. 

Parnera prob my favorite so far.

 

[RokNRole]

I'd say that the answer to that is pretty obvious. Even with the single mom, he only talked about what being a father figure would mean for him and ignored anyone that brought up what it could do to the kid and the mom herself.

You clearly misintepreted that entire scenario.

 

[SWC]

i am not what they would call a gifted speller brohans take that to teh bank

 

[RokNRole]

Here's the deal Snoopy, if you're a drunkard - you're a drunkard. Embrace who you are.

Nothing worse than someone who "quits" drinking and doesn't follow through. Only exposes you as lacking willpower and direction if and when you inevitably.

Booze is often a coping mechanism for boredom / unhappiness. You might find that even without booze there's still a gaping hole inside your heart.

I'm not quitting permanently. Just for a while because I want to attempt to get back in shape.

Yes there is a gaping hole drunk or not. At least drunk I don't always focus on it andcanpass out if I want to.

 

[RokNRole]

You remind me a lot of my brother.  The good and the bad.

He is intelligent, although not book-smart.  He knows the "right thing" but would always make the wrong decision.  Drank heavily all the time.  Couldn't hold a job.  Then he met a girl that would not stand for it.  He stopped drinking (still gets high though last I heard) and is doing better now than he has in 10+ years.  They are still together and he has a job he loves.  He still does things that will leave you scratching your head, but giving up the sauce was a turning point for him in his happiness.  And the happiness of those around him.

It was hard for him, but he had support to quit.  From what little I know of you, it sounds to me like that's exactly what you need.  Very few people can kick it without help.  Do you have anyone that will have your back while you try to get better?

Have my back in what way?

 

[RokNRole]

Most people figure things out better sober.  It's not really alcohol that's the problem here, it's being addicted to mind altering substances.  

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.hazelden.org/web/public/document/12stupid_chapter_1.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwiTiLPij5XVAhUCZCYKHexMAwgQFghLMAQ&usg=AFQjCNFsY9ZCdsvkSfyuMp2j54xlqgj1Ng

On the other hand.

Regardless, driving high is a bad idea

Yeah I don't like being in my own mind most of the time.

 

[RokNRole]

Pot can rob one, slowly, imperceptibly at first, of motivation.

If everything in your life is under control and you want to stone, that's fine.  If personal relationships are in taters, your job is tenuous, and money is beyond tight and emotionally you are having difficulties it is time to put it aside for the next year, not forever, but for a year.  After that, if going back makes sense for you that's fine  Same for drink.  The thing is you ask the question whether intoxication is right for you from a place of health, stability, and sobriety, not from a place of instability, ill emotional health, and intoxication.

Good luck.

I haven't felt motivated much even sober.

 

[doowain]

Have my back in what way?

Come on.  You read my post and don't understand "in what way" you'd need someone to have your back?

If you are serious about getting better and being happy, you are going to need support from family/friends.  Like I said, very few people can do it on their own.  You are going to need people to "have your back" (ie - checking in on you, there to talk to if you need it, keeping you on the right path).

ETA: in case you are thinking it, message board "friends" aren't going to be good enough.

 

[RokNRole]

Come on.  You read my post and don't understand "in what way" you'd need someone to have your back?

If you are serious about getting better and being happy, you are going to need support from family/friends.  Like I said, very few people can do it on their own.  You are going to need people to "have your back" (ie - checking in on you, there to talk to if you need it, keeping you on the right path).

The only person I can think of is the ex that asked me to marry her. Other than that the only people I have to talk to is the FFA.

 

[doowain]

The only person I can think of is the ex that asked me to marry her. Other than that the only people I have to talk to is the FFA.

So, you have two options then IMO.  Start going to meetings.  They will support the hell out of you.  Or you find a girl that you want to be better for.  There is no greater motivation for a man to be a better version of himself than a woman's love (or his children's love -- but let's not put the cart before the horse).

 

[RokNRole]

So, you have two options then IMO.  Start going to meetings.  They will support the hell out of you.  Or you find a girl that you want to be better for.  There is no greater motivation for a man to be a better version of himself than a woman's love (or his children's love -- but let's not put the cart before the horse).

That's what I want....someone to do it for. Seems so hollow and impossible to do just for myself except when I notice I'm gaining weight or my face is breaking out. Then it's just vanity that helps me stop for a bit before starting again.

 

[Zegras11]

That's what I want....sometime to do it for. Seems so hollow and impossible to do just for myself except when I notice I'm gaining weight or my face is breaking out. Then it's just vanity that helps me stop for a bit before starting again.

You should read the Athol Kay books. You need to learn to do it for yourself first before someone else. 

 

[RokNRole]

You should read the Athol Kay books. You need to learn to do it for yourself first before someone else. 

I don't really believe I can. How could I with nothing meaningful in my life to care about?

 

[Zegras11]

I don't really believe I can. How could I with nothing meaningful in my life to care about?

Reading the books will help with that. Or just drink forever and change nothing. It's all up to you. They are actually a fun read. 

 

[doowain]

I don't really believe I can. How could I with nothing meaningful in my life to care about?

Have you ever seen/talked to someone about depression?

Getzlaf is right.  Even if you find someone worth bettering yourself for, they likely won't put up with that version of you while you get better.

If you actually put in the effort to be happy and improve yourself, you'll be amazed at how much everything else around you improves (outlook, job, quality of girls that are interested, etc).  

Sounds like you want a quick fix and it just doesn't exist.  Sorry.

 

[RokNRole]

Have you ever seen/talked to someone about depression?

Getzlaf is right.  Even if you find someone worth bettering yourself for, they likely won't put up with that version of you while you get better.

If you actually put in the effort to be happy and improve yourself, you'll be amazed at how much everything else around you improves (outlook, job, quality of girls that are interested, etc).  

Sounds like you want a quick fix and it just doesn't exist.  Sorry.

I went to therapy for years.

 

[KCitons]

I went to therapy for years.

It seems to have worked. Carry on. 

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

I haven't felt motivated much even sober.

And you won't, not right away.  There are no magic pills.  It takes nearly as long to clean up a mess as to make it, and often longer.

 

[Ditkaless Wonders]

So the problem is that no one, or no thing, will gift you a life.  It takes effort and that is discouraging.

Wake up.  Good things do not come to those who wait sulking, they come to those who seize the day and the moments therein when all they feel like seizing is a large Little Cesar's and  a fistful of intoxicants and self pity.  Wallow if you want to, but spare us the life eroding whining.  You are a first, a male succubus, sucking the will to live out of those around you.  Stand up or shut up.  I hope you choose stand.

Best wishes.

 

[RokNRole]

So the problem is that no one, or no thing, will gift you a life.  It takes effort and that is discouraging.

Wake up.  Good things do not come to those who wait sulking, they come to those who seize the day and the moments therein when all they feel like seizing is a large Little Cesar's and  a fistful of intoxicants and self pity.  Wallow if you want to, but spare us the life eroding whining.  You are a first, a male succubus, sucking the will to live out of those around you.  Stand up or shut up.  I hope you choose stand.

Best wishes.

Sucking the will out of whom?

 

[Rattle and Hum]

Have we confirmed the OP's active aliases yet? Is this type of unveiling part of THE Manifesto? #hope for any fishing expedition that lasts for more than two pages. TIA.

 

[-OZ-]

I'm not quitting permanently. Just for a while because I want to attempt to get back in shape.

Yes there is a gaping hole drunk or not. At least drunk I don't always focus on it andcanpass out if I want to.

Nice that you want to attempt, but not actually do it. 

 

[johnnycakes]

My link.  

 

[RokNRole]

Just got cut early. Thinking really hard about grabbing a few cold ones. Don't know what to do with the rest of my night.

 

[Quint]

Just got cut early. Thinking really hard about grabbing a few cold ones. Don't know what to do with the rest of my night.

ideas: 

go for a run
go for a jog
work on your resume
update your LinkedIn profile
do 200 pushups
do 200 situps
cook yourself a nice dinner
meditate
go to the movies
clean your place top to bottom
 

 

[jamny]

Just got cut early. Thinking really hard about grabbing a few cold ones. Don't know what to do with the rest of my night.

Now's your chance to volunteer like you said.

 

[RokNRole]

ideas: 

go for a run
go for a jog
work on your resume
update your LinkedIn profile
do 200 pushups
do 200 situps
cook yourself a nice dinner
meditate
go to the movies
clean your place top to bottom
 

I already broke down and bought 4 tall boys. I just had these feelings of dread about thinking all night and I couldn't take it. Maybe I'm close to rock bottom. Seems like I only get through a day if I'm too hungover to think about drinking.

Thats all I will have. I vow not to drive drunk again no matter if these 4 satisfy me or not.

 

[RokNRole]

Now's your chance to volunteer like you said.

At this hour?

 

[RokNRole]

@Quint why would I need to work on my resume?

 

[msudaisy26]

You should read the Athol Kay books. You need to learn to do it for yourself first before someone else. 

This is a great post, because even if you find someone that you want to do it for it won't be enough. It usually ends up in one of two ways. 

First, you make yourself better for this person, but once you achieve your goal and you both are happy you will slip back into old habits because the other person thinks you have kicked your problem. 

Second, you kick your habit, but after a while you miss it and you resent the other person for trying to make you stick with it. 

 

[RokNRole]

I feel like a monkey at the zoo, alone in a cage. On the surface I've got everything I need and reasonably content much of the time. Occasionally people come around and we can play through the bars. But eventually the zoo closes and they go on with their lives. Happy to spend a moment with the funny monkey.

But then the cage gets dark, the bars are still there for the monkey. Forever just looking around at things that can't be touched or walked upon.

 

[Quint]

@Quint why would I need to work on my resume?

just assuming that working at the restaurant is more of a short-term proposition until you're on your feet a bit more and ready to find something that holds more interest (and potential). if i've got that wrong, then i must have misunderstood. 

and working on your resume, like the other suggestions, is something that a) is a positive in bettering yourself, and b) can distract from the boredom. 

 

[RokNRole]

My greatest achievement is drawing large genitalia for people to laugh at.

That might be the only thing that could go on my tombstone.

 

[jamny]

I feel like a monkey at the zoo, alone in a cage. On the surface I've got everything I need and reasonably content much of the time. Occasionally people come around and we can play through the bars. But eventually the zoo closes and they go on with their lives. Happy to spend a moment with the funny monkey.

But then the cage gets dark, the bars are still there for the monkey. Forever just looking around at things that can't be touched or walked upon.

You've been given endless advice in this thread and ignore it all. You have a talent, you have your health and you are probably better off than a good many people.

Stop with the pity party.

 

[RokNRole]

I just finished the last tall boy . I'm very drunk and I thought about driving to the store but I promise I won't do that dudes.

 

[RokNRole]

I threw them in a pile of clothes that I'm too lazy to sort through. That felt like the best solution.

 

[CurlyNight]

Obviously you are in the depths of despair. I suggest not being alone. Find a way to make friends, good ones. Being isolated and alone is the worse thing in your state right now. You need more help and support than reading books and hanging online right now. If you're not on meds it will probably serve you very well to get with a psychiatrist to discuss options to help you. Doesn't solve it all but at the very least it takes the edge off the deep despair. I highly recommend you check out NAMI. I know people that have gone to these support groups and benefited so much that they now are leaders of groups. They have also made long term friends. Nothing like people who get you to have as friends, no? I feel you are beyond the just get out and get fresh air as the solution, or read this book. That's great and all but you really should seek not to be alone where dark thoughts usually enter, meds would probably do you well (ie, see psychiatrist) and join a group of people in the same boat (aka, NAMI).

https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI

 

[the rover]

So, you have two options then IMO.  Start going to meetings.  They will support the hell out of you.  Or you find a girl that you want to be better for.  There is no greater motivation for a man to be a better version of himself than a woman's love (or his children's love -- but let's not put the cart before the horse).

You're recommending a co-dependent relationship?  

 

[RokNRole]

https://youtu.be/yqkOWZYiYb8

 

[jamny]

Obviously you are in the depths of despair. I suggest not being alone. Find a way to make friends, good ones. Being isolated and alone is the worse thing in your state right now. You need more help and support than reading books and hanging online right now. If you're not on meds it will probably serve you very well to get with a psychiatrist to discuss options to help you. Doesn't solve it all but at the very least it takes the edge off the deep despair. I highly recommend you check out NAMI. I know people that have gone to these support groups and benefited so much that they now are leaders of groups. They have also made long term friends. Nothing like people who get you to have as friends, no? I feel you are beyond the just get out and get fresh air as the solution, or read this book. That's great and all but you really should seek not to be alone where dark thoughts usually enter, meds would probably do you well (ie, see psychiatrist) and join a group of people in the same boat (aka, NAMI).

https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI

I don't think he's any of that. He's bored and has no goals or direction. He just said he's pretty content overall. Nothing wrong with a few beers, as long as he's not driving. He's in a funk and needs to snap out of it. I don't see it as desperation, he just has no drive. With a talent at art like he has, there's no reason why he shouldn't be working towards making that a living while he works at the restaurant.

 

[CurlyNight]

I don't think he's any of that. He's bored and has no goals or direction. He just said he's pretty content overall. Nothing wrong with a few beers, as long as he's not driving. He's in a funk and needs to snap out of it. I don't see it as desperation, he just has no drive. With a talent at art like he has, there's no reason why he shouldn't be working towards making that a living while he works at the restaurant.

Sounds weird but you can be content in the throws of despair. A giving up sort of thing and being at peace with it. Doesn't mean all is well and he just needs a lift so to speak.

 

[RokNRole]

You're recommending a co-dependent relationship?  

Can you think of a better one?

 

[doowain]

You're recommending a co-dependent relationship?  

Uh, no.

You've never bettered yourself so that you can be a better man for the woman you love? Love is a driving force for many. I know I'm a better man because of my wife (and my son). I'm guessing I'm not the only one. 

 

[jamny]

Sounds weird but you can be content in the throws of despair. A giving up sort of thing and being at peace with it. Doesn't mean all is well and he just needs a lift so to speak.

You're buying into his act. He uses this board for his own amusement and loves pulling on people's emotions to get reactions.

 

[Frostillicus]

I just finished the last tall boy . I'm very drunk and I thought about driving to the store but I promise I won't do that dudes.

Walk.  You might find an adventure.

 

[-fish-]

Uh, no.

You've never bettered yourself so that you can be a better man for the woman you love? Love is a driving force for many. I know I'm a better man because of my wife (and my son). I'm guessing I'm not the only one. 

and what exactly would this woman be getting out of the relationship with our inebriated, underemployed hero?

 

[CurlyNight]

You're buying into his act. He uses this board for his own amusement and loves pulling on people's emotions to get reactions.

If it's an act then so be it, but it's pretty obvious to me that he is troubled. I don't think anyone can dispute that. Many people who are troubled do act out to get attention because they are alone. I'd rather err on taking someone seriously vs not and find out later it was for real. If he's laughing his ### off then so be it. Not a big deal to me. I've seen suicidals who folks thought were great actors who weren't acting. And this is in person. Online it's harder esp if you don't know the person. So if I'm being played, so be it. I have enough of my own stuff to really care about than to possibly get a told you so.

Also it was mentioned how he's a great artist. Many folks with mental illness are great artists. That's how they communicate best is through their art.