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So hungover this morning I accidently wore two different shoes (2 Viewers)

I'm the most immature 33 year old alive. I can't control myself for more than a few minutes. I can't walk the line.

People have suggested I join the military. I almost did once but they would toss me out within a week. I know that much. It's no wonder I don't have a career. My only career was helping people just as inept as me.

 
RokNRole said:
I see now why I'm basically an internet terrorist even though I've stayed in one thread. It's true that nobody has to read this thread but I am still forcing them by not letting it go away. I can't force people to answer the phone or respond to my texts but I can keep this thread on the front page by texting constant nonsense in to it.

Its completely out of line and disrespectful to this community. I'm tempted to ask for a temporary timeout from the mods because I'm such a melodramatic jerk. I'll try to control myself and ask if I really need it.

Im sorry FFA.
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Make no mistake--you are neither an internet terrorist, nor an FFA terrorist--the person that you terrorize the most is yourself.  Your own instincts and your own decision making are flawed.  Even with an entire community of support and advice behind you--you regress to the same behavior that flawed your decision making in the first place.  You don't need to apologize to us for anything.  We've chosen to follow along you and your story and to offer support--you didn't put a gun to our head and force us to do so.   We can just as easily put you on ignore and move on our merry ways if we wanted to.  However--you cannot escape from you own life no matter how much you want to drink or abuse alcohol.  While I get that doing those things might temporarily trick your mind into thinking that your reality is different--when you sober up (or come down from your high)--you wake up in that same miserable existence.  This miserable existence is the one that involves having a hard time digesting the fact that you know what you need to do--but yet refuse to do it.    The entire point that we have been trying to knock into your head is that your existence doesn't have to be so miserable that you keep resorting to substance abuse.   You are in control of your situation--but you refuse to believe this--and are acting as if one day that you will wake up somehow perfectly healed and not effed up.  Let me tell you from personal family experience--that will never happen.  You need to put some time and effort into yourself. Take one step at a time--seek help--and make a phone call.   Goodnight and good luck. 

 
People suggesting you join the military should be shot out of a cannon into Into the largest pile of manure on earth. 

No offense. 

 
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Doctor Detroit said:
People suggesting you join the military should be shot out if a cannon into a political into the largest pile of manure on earth. 

No offense. 
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I don't entirely agree nor do I neccesarily disagree. I'm not a war wonger by any means , and I understand the issues with the military but that's irrelevant at the moment. I'm not all for valid praising of the military industrial machine as our society teaches but I can see how that structure and discipline would help many people. I:E: ( for example) I respect soldiers but not all of the military complex.

It certainly has saved a lot of lives and helped people. It's just not something I could do and I don't fault anyone who could.

 
CurlyNight said:
If you need time away, you don't need a mod/admin to do anything. People take breaks from boards for various reasons. But a few of us would like for you to stay, at least in your thread as we don't feel you are better off alone. Everyone has a choice of what threads they care to visit, or not. And there is a place for everyone on this board despite what some may say. Up to you.
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You mean like time away from alcohol and drugs?

 
jvdesigns2002 said:
Make no mistake--you are neither an internet terrorist, nor an FFA terrorist--the person that you terrorize the most is yourself.  Your own instincts and your own decision making are flawed.  Even with an entire community of support and advice behind you--you regress to the same behavior that flawed your decision making in the first place.  You don't need to apologize to us for anything.  We've chosen to follow along you and your story and to offer support--you didn't put a gun to our head and force us to do so.   We can just as easily put you on ignore and move on our merry ways if we wanted to.  However--you cannot escape from you own life no matter how much you want to drink or abuse alcohol.  While I get that doing those things might temporarily trick your mind into thinking that your reality is different--when you sober up (or come down from your high)--you wake up in that same miserable existence.  This miserable existence is the one that involves having a hard time digesting the fact that you know what you need to do--but yet refuse to do it.    The entire point that we have been trying to knock into your head is that your existence doesn't have to be so miserable that you keep resorting to substance abuse.   You are in control of your situation--but you refuse to believe this--and are acting as if one day that you will wake up somehow perfectly healed and not effed up.  Let me tell you from personal family experience--that will never happen.  You need to put some time and effort into yourself. Take one step at a time--seek help--and make a phone call.   Goodnight and good luck. 
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A phone call to who?

 
RokNRole said:
I'm the most immature 33 year old alive. I can't control myself for more than a few minutes. I can't walk the line.

People have suggested I join the military. I almost did once but they would toss me out within a week. I know that much. It's no wonder I don't have a career. My only career was helping people just as inept as me.
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You remind me of Otis minus the pretty wife, money to burn, and law degree. Otis is good peeps

 
BassNBrew said:
You mean like time away from alcohol and drugs?
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That would be great if he can get there, but there's nothing more we can say or do on that matter. He's in control in that sense. And I don't believe that letting him go to  be alone is right either. We are along to listen more than anything else right now.

 
BassNBrew said:
You mean like time away from alcohol and drugs?
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Yes that might help. I have taken significant time off from them in the past but I never got much better which worries me.

It would be easier to accept I'm an addict but it's not easy to accept I'm just messed up which the evidence leads me to believe. I don't feel like an addict or alcoholic. I've spent significant time around both and never had anything much in common with them. Now that I've remembered my past and told you all about it I fear it's much deeper and this is just what I am.

Sometimes I feel like a potential monster.

 
Is it possible for someone to tell if they are a potential psychopath? If you think about it and worry about it does that mean you aren't?

 
RokNRole said:
Yes that might help. I have taken significant time off from them in the past but I never got much better which worries me.

It would be easier to accept I'm an addict but it's not easy to accept I'm just messed up which the evidence leads me to believe. I don't feel like an addict or alcoholic. I've spent significant time around both and never had anything much in common with them. Now that I've remembered my past and told you all about it I fear it's much deeper and this is just what I am.

Sometimes I feel like a potential monster.
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EHkozMIXZ8w

 
RokNRole said:
Yes that might help. I have taken significant time off from them in the past but I never got much better which worries me.

It would be easier to accept I'm an addict but it's not easy to accept I'm just messed up which the evidence leads me to believe. I don't feel like an addict or alcoholic. I've spent significant time around both and never had anything much in common with them. Now that I've remembered my past and told you all about it I fear it's much deeper and this is just what I am.

Sometimes I feel like a potential monster.
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You're an addict. The rest of the stuff is a cover for it

 
RokNRole said:
A phone call to who?
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To AA, to a drug abuse counselor, to a mental health specialist--any of those will do.  It would take one tenth the effort to pick up the phone to actually help yourself than it does to abuse drugs and alcohol like you do.   Seriously man--you need to do something positive for yourself--even if it's a five minute phone call.   

 
RokNRole said:
Is it possible for someone to tell if they are a potential psychopath? If you think about it and worry about it does that mean you aren't?
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In my layman eyes with a background in psych, you don't come across as one to me. They don't show remorse or apologise for words or actions. You are caught up in addictions who is unable to break the cycle on his own, but yet isn't ready for real help yet such as going to AA, therapy and such. You seem like a good guy. Koya said as much. It's your drinking, getting high that does nothing but make life more miserable for you. You are young. You are afraid no one will like you unless you are entertaining and since you are scared/shy, you drink/get high to get to where you can be that guy. You can be that guy without those lethal crutches, but it won't be easy and you are choosing to not tackle your issues yet. Until you do, it's going to be lather, rinse, repeat. You can't like living like that, or for long. But there's nothing more we can say other than we genuinely are rooting for you to kick the habits and become a healthy Jason. You'll always have support here from a few of us at least, but it's not enough to change your life. Only you can take that step in that direction.

 
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Here is a good song about redemption and over-coming mistakes...and, if you do not have some of the "people" mentioned in the song in "real life"...think of some of those who support you here:

Heartless Bastards - Hold Your Head High - HearYa Live Session

Also, if you have any similarities to my condition....as we discussed before..."blow" is a major disruptor to the balance of mood. I highly recommend against it.

And, on this note, I must distinguish between my more gonzo posts in other threads...where I make humor of my drug past...versus my sincere beliefs, since I have become relatively sober...at least healthily so for me.

Rok out on it.

 
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CurlyNight said:
We aren't expecting any changes. Would love to but it's on him to surprise us. We've done all the "life coaching" we can do in this thread. It's all there for him if he chooses to look back on it, There is no point in calling him out on what he's doing. What does that accomplish other than he'll come back and attack that person. Let him be. He needs people who are his friend since he doesn't have any irl. So EG and I are his friends just to listen and  not judge anymore. Can anyone tell me what's wrong with that? Do you just disregard a human because he's not doing things the way he should for himself? Who is he harming, except himself. 1000s of threads here. Why do you keep coming in here? That question has been asked a few time and still, no answer. Maybe take a look at yourselves?
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I applaud what you, EV and a few other are trying to do here in this thread. The bolded above however doesn't make sense IMO. Can't friends provide honest input? The best friends I have in my life are those that give honest feedback even if it's sometimes negative. Providing tough love does not mean that you are disregarding Rok. Rather, it means you are empathetic and want he best for him.

That said...I understand why you've backed off. It's up to Rok to nut up at this point and decide if he wants to make a serious effort. Constantly hammering on him isn't going to be well received but it also doesn't mean that if you were to offer up a little tough love that you're judgmental and disregarding him as a human being. Just the opposite if it's coming from the right place (which I know it is with the two of you).

 
RokNRole said:
Yeah I know. I just couldn't say no.
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Takes an act of will to turn down free Peruvian marching powder.  Next time maybe you could think of turning it down as an investment in strengthening your will.  That is always a worthwhile investment. 

Allow me to help.  next time it is offered to you and you accept it know that you can still not actually do it.  Instead, feel free to send it to me and I will dispose of it for you.

 
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RokNRole said:
I don't feel that way. Knowing I have talent but not knowing what to do with it. I feel like a loser and everyone else has it figured out. I see people come in to the restaurant and buy tons of food for groups of people, hot dates, anyone like it's nothing.
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I know you don't feel that way, but I'm telling you, you're definitely worthy of people caring about you.  You trip over your own dong on what seems like a daily basis, but your heart is in the right place.  You just need some self-confidence.  There are ways to take steps towards that, but you're apparently not ready to take them yet.  There's time.

I've been on both sides of that equation, Rok.  It's never as bad as it seems when you're down on your luck or feel like you're going nowhere.  Opportunities will arise, they always do, you just have to be prepared to take advantage of them when they do.  The people that seem to have it all figured out rarely do.  Appearances can be deceiving.

 
Ditkaless Wonders said:
Takes an act of will to turn down free Peruvian marching powder.  Next time maybe you could think of turning it down as an investment in strengthening your will.  That is always a worthwhile investment. 

Allow me to help.  next time it is offered to you and you accept it know that you can still not actually do it.  Instead, feel free to send it to me and I will dispose of it for you.
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:lmao:

 
Ditkaless Wonders said:
Takes an act of will to turn down free Peruvian marching powder.  Next time maybe you could think of turning it down as an investment in strengthening your will.  That is always a worthwhile investment. 

Allow me to help.  next time it is offered to you and you accept it know that you can still not actually do it.  Instead, feel free to send it to me and I will dispose of it for you.
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Rok has plenty of issues he's wrestling with, but let's not add drug trafficking to them.  :P

 
Boo hoo.  I wasn't born to rich parents so I could spend my days drawing.  Give me a break.  Most of us here were not born to rich parents. 

Boo hoo.  I cannot buy stuff for people so that they will love me.  You cannot buy love.  Quit making excuses and do something to improve your life.  Life is not easy.  Work more than 30-35 hours/week and make some right decisions.    

Similar to other posters, I would be a hypocrite if I blasted you for being a drunk, drinking and driving, or doing drugs.  But, most of us made those stupid decisions in our early 20s.  You are 33.  It is time to grow up.   Good luck. 

 
Buzzbait said:
I applaud what you, EV and a few other are trying to do here in this thread. The bolded above however doesn't make sense IMO. Can't friends provide honest input? The best friends I have in my life are those that give honest feedback even if it's sometimes negative. Providing tough love does not mean that you are disregarding Rok. Rather, it means you are empathetic and want he best for him.

That said...I understand why you've backed off. It's up to Rok to nut up at this point and decide if he wants to make a serious effort. Constantly hammering on him isn't going to be well received but it also doesn't mean that if you were to offer up a little tough love that you're judgmental and disregarding him as a human being. Just the opposite if it's coming from the right place (which I know it is with the two of you).
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Yes friends can provide honest input and many have here. It's the wording that gets me for some posters in here.

I have gone the tough love route, though not the extreme as some folks here as it's not in my personality to be that way. Then I read him asking me to please not to leave when I was talking about how folks may start to leave with this going round and round. I'm too much of a softie for people who are struggling and have seen what happens when everyone does the tough love thing, and it turned out not to be a good thing. Tough love doesn't work for all though it does for most.  Like I said, he has no friends irl. There are enough people in here doing tough love from time to time. At this point he's not reading anything that hasn't been posted over many times over. We can't change him. Great analogy above about leading the horse to the water which we many of us have done thait. It would be great if one of us lived near him as it'd be better for him, but it seems all he has is this thread. That's heartbreaking to me. I have to be me and in this case, I think having at least 2 people who are just listening to whatever he writes and engaging in convo with him is helping him. The rest of you with the tough love that is helpful and not bullying or bashing is good to have from time to time as well. It's good to have a balance.

ETA: Look at the post above mine. Real helpful. jeebus

 
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I consulted with an old friend of mine that I played in a couple of bands with back in NY. Very brilliant man.

He thinks it's very clear that I have borderline personality disorder based on the evidence and my history.

 
RokNRole said:
I consulted with an old friend of mine that I played in a couple of bands with back in NY. Very brilliant man.

He thinks it's very clear that I have borderline personality disorder based on the evidence and my history.
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You very well could. Sometimes it is hard to tell between bipolar and borderline personality even by the professionals. That's rough enough, then you put alcohol/drugs on top....

 
CurlyNight said:
You very well could. Sometimes it is hard to tell between bipolar and borderline personality even by the professionals. That's rough enough, then you put alcohol/drugs on top....
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Substance abuse is one of the key symptoms.

I don't think I'm bi polar. I very rarely have ups.

 
RokNRole said:
Substance abuse is one of the key symptoms.

I don't think I'm bi polar. I very rarely have ups.
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You know that BPD is treatable with meds, therapy, support.. You have a dual diagnosis with BPD and addiction, in your case alcohol. Both  treatable, but only if you seek and go through treatment.

 
RokNRole said:
Substance abuse is one of the key symptoms.

I don't think I'm bi polar. I very rarely have ups.
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I didn't realise they have dual diagnosis programs. I know in some psych hospitals they do where they address both the addiction and the disorder at the same time, like the one my cousin was in.

Check this out, Jason. It can't hurt to call. You really need to have both addressed at the same time, and "regular" therapists can't do that nor does AA alone. This is who you should contact for help. While they don't have a TX location, they probably can refer you to a program near you.

http://www.dualdiagnosis.org/contact-us/

 
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CurlyNight said:
You know that BPD is treatable with meds, therapy, support.. You have a dual diagnosis with BPD and addiction, in your case alcohol. Both  treatable, but only if you seek and go through treatment.
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It's not treatable without insurance

 
CurlyNight said:
Do you play Gin Rummy?  I play every night online. If you want, we can play that game on facebook.
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Not since I was a kid with my grandmother. 

Im not on FB anymore though. All I play online is League of Legends

 
RokNRole said:
Not since I was a kid with my grandmother. 

Im not on FB anymore though
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In Iran when the power would go out during the revolution where Shah left and Khomeini came in, the family would gather and we'd sit up all night by kerosine lamp playing Gin Rummy. That's mainly how we passed our time when tv and radio were taken over by the government and there were curfew at nights. We played a lot of backgammon too.

 
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CurlyNight said:
In Iran when the power would go out during the revolution where Shah left and Khomeini came in, the family would gather and we'd sit up all night by kerosine lamp playing Gin Rummy. That's mainly how we passed our time when tv and radio were taken over by the government and there were curfew at nights. We played a lot of backgammon too.
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What were you doing in Iran?

 
RokNRole said:
What were you doing in Iran?
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When I was 13, my family moved there. My parents are from there. There were better opportunities back in the late 70s and all our family was there, so we decided to move. Had to come back after the revolution since my farsi while fluent, isn't with reading and writing as much. I'd be placed behind in school. There wouldn't let us come back since my parents are highly educated. My aunt knew people in high places and my mom, bro and I were released a few months after my school shut down, and my dad 3 months after that through the "underground" channels. Haven't been back since.

 
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