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So hungover this morning I accidently wore two different shoes (2 Viewers)

I heard "Jane Says" on the radio yesterday and immediately couldn't stop thinking about RnR's mom.  I think that song might be ruined for me now.

 
What's doing Rok? How goes the sobriety jag? Still on the wagon?
I stopped posting last Sunday with the intention of returning tomorrow after a week of sobriety. I made it 2 nights as usual and drank again. 

On the third day I listed the pros and cons of my life. There were no pros. As I sit in my tomb I realize I have been brought to Texas to die. Wagons are for people. There are no wagons in my life. Only the wanderer on foot towards oblivion.

I began writing my sci-fi novel and found my writing style does not translate to that genre. I now feel my death rattle is to adapt a comic idea I had about a Vigilante that experiences a psychotic break from reality. 

I will post the the first chapter when it is complete. Perhaps 2 days, or two months. Time will tell.

 
Instead of "Catcher in the rye in Space" I may have to write " American psycho meets Batman". What either means I do not know. I only know suffering and how to describe it vividly.

 
When you live in despair you realize your only value is to entertain others with your antics.

I am going to try to embrace that before buying a shotgun at a swap meet.

 
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Instead of "Catcher in the rye in Space" I may have to write " American psycho meets Batman". What either means I do not know. I only know suffering and how to describe it vividly.


When you live in despair you realize your only value is to entertain others with your antics.

I am going to try to embrace that before buying a shotgun at a swap meet.
Best of luck in your endeavors, Rock and Role.

 
When you live in despair you realize your only value is to entertain others with your antics.

I am going to try to embrace that before buying a shotgun at a swap meet.
Realize or misinterpret?

Stop with the shotgun talk, please. Talk about your ex/fiancee. What's going on with that?

 
I explained the fiancé in the previous comment.

I am staying out of my sister and my nieces lives for their sake.
Well, you asked for pros. I listed 3. OK, so the fiancee is out. You still have two left. And I understand you are staying out of their lives for their sake but use it as motivation to get yourself turned around and get back in their lives.

 
Well, you asked for pros. I listed 3. OK, so the fiancee is out. You still have two left. And I understand you are staying out of their lives for their sake but use it as motivation to get yourself turned around and get back in their lives.
Thats why I'm writing the book

 
I'm not sure what to write about

Choice A- A multi book sci fi epic (probably not suitable until later if I manage a writing career)

choice B- an adapted comic idea of a vigilante that experiences a psychotic break with reality an orchestrated everything as the hero and villain.

Choice C- my life story. ( extremely depressing so I thought about writing choice B with myself as the main character)

 
Not that I've ever had a psychotic fantasy of being a vigilante. At least no more than anyone that likes comics. It just seems to make the most sense to write that character from my point of view because I'm experiencing a psychotic break from reality.

Its all so complicated.

 
Not that I've ever had a psychotic fantasy of being a vigilante. At least no more than anyone that likes comics. It just seems to make the most sense to write that character from my point of view because I'm experiencing a psychotic break from reality.

Its all so complicated.
Writing helps. I blog about my cancer stuff and other stuff. It helps to get it out even if just for myself. You'd be adding what you're going through in with a creative story. I think it's a great idea.

 
Writing helps. I blog about my cancer stuff and other stuff. It helps to get it out even if just for myself. You'd be adding what you're going through in with a creative story. I think it's a great idea.
I wish I had cancer. Then nobody could blame me for being ill. When you are mentally ill everyone thinks it's your fault so you only get worse. 

 
I wish I had cancer. Then nobody could blame me for being ill. When you are mentally ill everyone thinks it's your fault so you only get worse. 
Actually you'd be surprised. Some uninformed people do blame the person for getting cancer. You got it because you don't have a good diet, you don't exercise.. but I will tell you that there are plenty of vegans and marathon runners who are stage IV. That's why there is no cure because it's a crap shoot. There is no rhyme or reason why someone who does everything "right" gets it and someone who does everything "wrong" doesn't.

As for mental illness, I don't see how anyone would put blame on you, especially with your background. So don't put blame on yourself for that. Good news is there is treatment, when you are ready..

 
Actually you'd be surprised. Some uninformed people do blame the person for getting cancer. You got it because you don't have a good diet, you don't exercise.. but I will tell you that there are plenty of vegans and marathon runners who are stage IV. That's why there is no cure because it's a crap shoot. There is no rhyme or reason why someone who does everything "right" gets it and someone who does everything "wrong" doesn't.

As for mental illness, I don't see how anyone would put blame on you, especially with your background. So don't put blame on yourself for that. Good news is there is treatment, when you are ready..
Doctors don't blame cancer patients. They do blame the mentally ill as drug seekers. On Medicaid I had different doctors every few months. Most wouldn't continue my ambien prescription even though I had no side effects and it helped me sleep.

When you are mentally ill your family scorns you as a polluted mistake. Every day I wish I had a physical cancer so they would finally love me.

 
Mental illness is a cancer. It's life long and doesn't even have the decency to kill you. Eventually it makes you kill yourself and you have to think of all the people you dissapointed.

Even in death you get no respite. It's terrible.

 
Doctors don't blame cancer patients. They do blame the mentally ill as drug seekers. On Medicaid I had different doctors every few months. Most wouldn't continue my ambien prescription even though I had no side effects and it helped me sleep.

When you are mentally ill your family scorns you as a polluted mistake. Every day I wish I had a physical cancer so they would finally love me.
Ambien isn't given long term to anyone because it is addictive. Many won't rx you drugs if you have addiction issues already unless you are seeking treatment at the same time because it'd just feed into the addiction issue that's already there. That's why they have programs for dual diagnosis, which is people who have a mental illness and a drug/alcohol addiction. Treating both at the same time is the best. That's the real solution is to get you sober, in treatment and on meds to help with your MI.

 

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