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So hungover this morning I accidently wore two different shoes (2 Viewers)

RokNRole said:
I'm a very bad person.

worse than my nightmares. I display terrible tendencies and I hope one day I can do some good.

but it's not likely. I've overstepped the boundaries of existence 
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RokNRole said:
Oh BTW my girl isn't coming to move in with me. She has had commitment issues since I met her so I'm kicking her to the curb. 

only serious answers please.
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Surely that's her problem and nothing you've done. 

 
can you circle back to the RN at the drug-test center? she's probably forgotten that whole thing by now and might be receptive. 

 
Jason, back some pages I told you... you need to fix yourself first before anyone will commit to you. You yourself say you are hard to live with, not a good person at times, you drink a lot and do drugs. Not to mention your untreated borderline personality which meds can help. You can't afford therapy, at least go see a psychiatrist to get on meds. You're doing nothing and you want a commitment from her to be with you always? It doesn't work that way even with us who don't have such issues. She needs to look out for herself too. You talk a lot about getting help and Lord knows we have given you resources near you where all you have to do is call but it's talk. You aren't doing the walk. It's a long hard road to detox but people even worse off than you do it. But you need to do it for yourself first, not for someone else. You said you bookmarked the page where I linked pyschiatrists in your area. Why not use it? I highly doubt you like the state you are in. People who have been there understand how tough it will be to turn your life around. It's never easy. But you are young and have many years ahead of you. Do you want to keep going on as is?

 
She's 45 and never been married. The issue is not me. It's been an ongoing issue since we met over 3 years ago. She's unable to ever make up her mind about anything.

 
rockaction said:
What happened?  
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One of the things we have in common is our interest in conspiracies. The difference between us is im logical and level headed when I research things and she panics over everything she hears about. She's convinced NYC is going to be hit by a nuclear bomb ( a couple of times she came to visit me it was because " I heard from an ex CIA guy on youtube that the bombing is going to happen in the next few days so I'm flying down tonight"). 

She is also convinced that the US economy is collapsing in October and they are going to implement martial law and kill all of us. She's been going on for months about a build up of UN troops in Dallas that they are going to use to disarm the populace and round us up. She's also been going on about how I have to stockpile food and water, which I did to appease her.

I eventually got her to calm down and agree to move in with me but started going on again about " we need to move to move to the U.K. or Canada immediately before October"!

I told her I was done and to leave me alone.

 
CurlyNight said:
Jason, back some pages I told you... you need to fix yourself first before anyone will commit to you. You yourself say you are hard to live with, not a good person at times, you drink a lot and do drugs. Not to mention your untreated borderline personality which meds can help. You can't afford therapy, at least go see a psychiatrist to get on meds. You're doing nothing and you want a commitment from her to be with you always? It doesn't work that way even with us who don't have such issues. She needs to look out for herself too. You talk a lot about getting help and Lord knows we have given you resources near you where all you have to do is call but it's talk. You aren't doing the walk. It's a long hard road to detox but people even worse off than you do it. But you need to do it for yourself first, not for someone else. You said you bookmarked the page where I linked pyschiatrists in your area. Why not use it? I highly doubt you like the state you are in. People who have been there understand how tough it will be to turn your life around. It's never easy. But you are young and have many years ahead of you. Do you want to keep going on as is?
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I'm not going to " therapy" again. It was always a waste of time. I just need to meet someone and I'll be happier.

 
RokNRole said:
I'm not going to " therapy" again. It was always a waste of time. I just need to meet someone and I'll be happier.
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That someone is not going to stick around in the long run if  you don't get your borderline personality under control (ie, meds) and get clean and sober (and stay that way). It just won't happen unless you clean up, for good. Finding someone for a permanent relationship is NOT the answer. Making friends is good and healthy, but don't expect anyone to commit until you are fully clean and sober..

 
CurlyNight said:
That someone is not going to stick around in the long run if  you don't get your borderline personality under control (ie, meds) and get clean and sober (and stay that way). It just won't happen unless you clean up, for good. Finding someone for a permanent relationship is NOT the answer. Making friends is good and healthy, but don't expect anyone to commit until you are fully clean and sober..
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I can be clean and sober any time I want. I've done it before. If I meet someone I'll be fine.

 
RokNRole said:
One of the things we have in common is our interest in conspiracies. The difference between us is im logical and level headed when I research things and she panics over everything she hears about. She's convinced NYC is going to be hit by a nuclear bomb ( a couple of times she came to visit me it was because " I heard from an ex CIA guy on youtube that the bombing is going to happen in the next few days so I'm flying down tonight"). 

She is also convinced that the US economy is collapsing in October and they are going to implement martial law and kill all of us. She's been going on for months about a build up of UN troops in Dallas that they are going to use to disarm the populace and round us up. She's also been going on about how I have to stockpile food and water, which I did to appease her.

I eventually got her to calm down and agree to move in with me but started going on again about " we need to move to move to the U.K. or Canada immediately before October"!

I told her I was done and to leave me alone.
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She sounds like she has issues too. The scare, doom and gloom. It is healthier for you to not be around someone that has such anxiety over something that probably won't happen. Good call.

 
RokNRole said:
I can be clean and sober any time I want. I've done it before. If I meet someone I'll be fine.
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Until something happens that leads you back to alcohol and drugs... You have a co-dependency issues as well. That means you can't be happy just being you alone. That is not healthy and won't last long with someone. Us females can tell if someone is "living" for us and it's not a turn on..

 
CurlyNight said:
Until something happens that leads you back to alcohol and drugs... You have a co-dependency issues as well. That means you can't be happy just being you alone. That is not healthy and won't last long with someone. Us females can tell if someone is "living" for us and it's not a turn on..
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I will have to do my best to be aware of my issues and control them. If I meet someone I like I'll have no reason to think about getting drunk or high.

 
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Quint said:
can you circle back to the RN at the drug-test center? she's probably forgotten that whole thing by now and might be receptive. 
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No. I have no reason to go back to that office and I obviously can't call again.

i can't even remember her name.

 
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RokNRole said:
One of the things we have in common is our interest in conspiracies. The difference between us is im logical and level headed when I research things and she panics over everything she hears about. She's convinced NYC is going to be hit by a nuclear bomb ( a couple of times she came to visit me it was because " I heard from an ex CIA guy on youtube that the bombing is going to happen in the next few days so I'm flying down tonight"). 

She is also convinced that the US economy is collapsing in October and they are going to implement martial law and kill all of us. She's been going on for months about a build up of UN troops in Dallas that they are going to use to disarm the populace and round us up. She's also been going on about how I have to stockpile food and water, which I did to appease her.

I eventually got her to calm down and agree to move in with me but started going on again about " we need to move to move to the U.K. or Canada immediately before October"!

I told her I was done and to leave me alone.
Click to expand...
so the whole "...moving to the UK..." part of this was because of her belief in the economy collapsing and marshal law implementation in the US? 

 
CurlyNight said:
Jason, back some pages I told you... you need to fix yourself first before anyone will commit to you. You yourself say you are hard to live with, not a good person at times, you drink a lot and do drugs. Not to mention your untreated borderline personality which meds can help. You can't afford therapy, at least go see a psychiatrist to get on meds. You're doing nothing and you want a commitment from her to be with you always? It doesn't work that way even with us who don't have such issues. She needs to look out for herself too. You talk a lot about getting help and Lord knows we have given you resources near you where all you have to do is call but it's talk. You aren't doing the walk. It's a long hard road to detox but people even worse off than you do it. But you need to do it for yourself first, not for someone else. You said you bookmarked the page where I linked pyschiatrists in your area. Why not use it? I highly doubt you like the state you are in. People who have been there understand how tough it will be to turn your life around. It's never easy. But you are young and have many years ahead of you. Do you want to keep going on as is?
Click to expand...
CN, I just want to say that I - honestly - admire your efforts, and those of EG in this thread.  

I mean that sincerely - you two (in particular, others have as well) are showing real kindness and empathy.

You both have provided tremendous real-world advice, and offered a sympathetic ear to Jason.

For a long time I figured odds were at least 95% that this was purely a schtick thread.

I still think it's possible this is pure schtick, but thanks to what you and EG have pointed out (and made me think about, and consider), I now at least would say that it's 50/50 whether it's real or schtick.  It's just almost too convenient how something new comes up to drum up more conversation, he goes along with the convo for a while, asks questions, ignores advice, says obvious inflammatory things that stir up more controversy and criticism and insults, wash, rinse, repeat.

If this is all real, you are doing something truly admirable and good by offering valuable advice and a friendly shoulder.  And someday soon, I hope Jason realizes getting clean and sober and improving his life will be the hardest thing he's ever done, but will be worth it a million times over.

If it's schtick, then that's on the OP.  And in a sad twist, probably means he/she actually needs help for being some sort of sociopath and doesn't even realize it.

 
RokNRole said:
She's 45 and never been married. The issue is not me. It's been an ongoing issue since we met over 3 years ago. She's unable to ever make up her mind about anything.
Click to expand...
Run don't walk. 

Just use tinder

 
NotSmart said:
If it's schtick, then that's on the OP.  And in a sad twist, probably means he/she actually needs help for being some sort of sociopath and doesn't even realize it.
Click to expand...
He has problems but most of it is exaggerated for the attention it gets.

 
RokNRole said:
That's a bunch of hooey. The concept of loving yourself is completely ridiculous. You can't love yourself . There are things about me I like and dislike just as anyone else.
Click to expand...
No. The OP was correct, you can never love someone else if you don't learn to love yourself first. And if you did love someone, what would your love be worth if you have such a low opinion of yourself - that you don't love who and what you are?

The late Wayne Dyer came out with a self help book in the 70s called Your Erroneous Zones https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Your_Erroneous_Zones that is still in print, but you can get a cheap used copy in second hand book store or on EBay. It has a entire chapter on the importance of self-love, I would recommend you get a copy.

 
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NotSmart said:
CN, I just want to say that I - honestly - admire your efforts, and those of EG in this thread.  

I mean that sincerely - you two (in particular, others have as well) are showing real kindness and empathy.

You both have provided tremendous real-world advice, and offered a sympathetic ear to Jason.

For a long time I figured odds were at least 95% that this was purely a schtick thread.

I still think it's possible this is pure schtick, but thanks to what you and EG have pointed out (and made me think about, and consider), I now at least would say that it's 50/50 whether it's real or schtick.  It's just almost too convenient how something new comes up to drum up more conversation, he goes along with the convo for a while, asks questions, ignores advice, says obvious inflammatory things that stir up more controversy and criticism and insults, wash, rinse, repeat.

If this is all real, you are doing something truly admirable and good by offering valuable advice and a friendly shoulder.  And someday soon, I hope Jason realizes getting clean and sober and improving his life will be the hardest thing he's ever done, but will be worth it a million times over.

If it's schtick, then that's on the OP.  And in a sad twist, probably means he/she actually needs help for being some sort of sociopath and doesn't even realize it.
Click to expand...
I honestly don't believe it's schtick. That's the problem with some is they automatically think schtick when in fact it really is mental illness and the person has only one place/people to just let himself voice without having to edit like you may do irl. He's not a psycho or sociopath. Both hate people, he likes people. We can't label anyone. Only a psychiatrist can and should do that, not us and certainly not from an anonymous message board. We should just have a heart. If it's all schtick which I 99.9% doubt, then so what. Maybe someone else is reading our tips and advice who is benefiting. Never worry about if something may be schtick when you are dealing with someone who is obviously suffering from something. We can all agree that Jason does, right?

About bringing all kinds of different convos, that's how it goes with many personality disorders. Many have fleeting thoughts so they discuss everything that's going on big (gf) or small (how to pickle veggies) practically all in one sentence. They bounce around from thought to thought. It's not a bad idea to read up the personality disorders because mental illness is such a huge problem in this country. If and a big if what he is writing is schtick, it could be delusions of which being he's not on meds, is falsely believed and not something conjured up on purpose to deceive. Bottom line, we just don't know. No one has met him irl. For me better to be helpful the best I can than to possibly get caught with an ah ha! You've been schticked! So what if I am. Doesn't change the message I'm trying to get out not just for Jason but for anyone who may find something I'm saying helpful in their own lives.

I presented more evidence of my bc stuff by linking screen shots of my online chart because some people just call everything bad that can be happening or unbelievable (like the death of my uncle/my guinea pig just days after sx earlier this month) schtick. I posted evidence but not just for that reason but my blog is my blog, my journey in and since cancer. This is Jason's blog for himself and for anyone who feels they can offer advice that'd be valuable to him.

I appreciate your kind words. EG has his way of being helpful and I have mine. A bit different but both helpful, in addition to others who are giving their best opinion and serious advice in a kind way. I never get how being mean is seen to be good. If your mom is talking to you mean do you really listen? Or if she says the same thing using kinder words do you listen?  It's one thing to call someone out on something but the wording makes a huge difference. No will read and take to heart something that is presented as being mean. Use kinder words to get thoughts across. I think that's something we'd all like were tables turned, no? We need kinder people in our lives, people who care, especially in this highly charged political climate we are currently in.

 
squistion said:
No. The OP was correct, you can never love someone else if you don't learn to love yourself first. And if you did love someone, what would your love be worth if you have such a low opinion of yourself - that you don't love who and what you are?

The late Wayne Dyer came out with a self help book in the 70s called Your Erroneous Zones https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Your_Erroneous_Zones that is still in print, but you can a cheap used copy in second hand book store or on EBay. It has a entire chapter on the importance of self-love, I would recommend you get a copy.
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Excellent resource: Wayne Dyer. All his books are very helpful in leading a happier life.

 
Christo said:
He claims he doesn't have enough time to buy vegetables. How can he be taken any other way?
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You and some others don't get it, which unless you have dealt up front and center with such troubled people as much as I have, is expected. I don't know how many times my cousin had the best intentions of creating this card for me, doing artwork which she loves to do, only to be met with I can't/don't have time. Yes literally she did have plenty of time. But to someone suffering so it was enough to get out of bed and do only the things she had to do and that was it. MI is very draining. That's why many sleep so much. That and to help check out from their misery.

It's not something easy to explain, but I get it with a fam full of MI issues of all sorts. That's why it's best to just listen and try to guide them the right way. And by him not being on meds, this will go on like this over and over. I have patience because I've been through this type of thing many times over. I never give up on anyone and I'm not giving up on Jason even if it takes a very very long time, or never comes to fruition. Every life matters..

 
squistion said:
No. The OP was correct, you can never love someone else if you don't learn to love yourself first. And if you did love someone, what would your love be worth if you have such a low opinion of yourself - that you don't love who and what you are?

The late Wayne Dyer came out with a self help book in the 70s called Your Erroneous Zones https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Your_Erroneous_Zones that is still in print, but you can get a cheap used copy in second hand book store or on EBay. It has a entire chapter on the importance of self-love, I would recommend you get a copy.
Click to expand...
I think very highly of myself. The concept of loving yourself makes no sense and I don't buy it. I am me and love is something you feel for someone else.

 
RokNRole said:
I think very highly of myself. The concept of loving yourself makes no sense and I don't buy it. I am me and love is something you feel for someone else.
Click to expand...
There is no reason you can't love yourself. Show me someone that doesn't love themselves and I will show you an unhappy person. Mental health experts are pretty unanimous in their view of the importance of self-love. Here is just one example:

 https://www.whatiscodependency.com/selfesteem-selfacceptance-self-love-self-compassion/

Popular culture is focused on attracting love, yet you’ll only be able to receive as much love as you give to yourself. You’ll deflect or guard love that doesn’t resonate with you – like a compliment you don’t believe. The opposite is also true. You’ll allow others to abuse you a bit less than you abuse yourself. So if you desire lasting love, learn to love yourself, because your relationships will parallel your relationship with yourself.

 
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RokNRole said:
I think very highly of myself. The concept of loving yourself makes no sense and I don't buy it. I am me and love is something you feel for someone else.
Click to expand...
It's worth a read, no? Any of these books we recommended for you are great reads. You can't buy something if you don't read about the "other side" of the topic. Read up and then decide for yourself if something makes sense. Or you can google such things. Read about stuff you don't necessarily buy then decide. Can't hurt can it?

 
CurlyNight said:
I honestly don't believe it's schtick. That's the problem with some is they automatically think schtick when in fact it really is mental illness and the person has only one place/people to just let himself voice without having to edit like you may do irl. He's not a psycho or sociopath. Both hate people, he likes people. We can't label anyone. Only a psychiatrist can and should do that, not us and certainly not from an anonymous message board. We should just have a heart. If it's all schtick which I 99.9% doubt, then so what. Maybe someone else is reading our tips and advice who is benefiting. Never worry about if something may be schtick when you are dealing with someone who is obviously suffering from something. We can all agree that Jason does, right?

About bringing all kinds of different convos, that's how it goes with many personality disorders. Many have fleeting thoughts so they discuss everything that's going on big (gf) or small (how to pickle veggies) practically all in one sentence. They bounce around from thought to thought. It's not a bad idea to read up the personality disorders because mental illness is such a huge problem in this country. If and a big if what he is writing is schtick, it could be delusions of which being he's not on meds, is falsely believed and not something conjured up on purpose to deceive. Bottom line, we just don't know. No one has met him irl. For me better to be helpful the best I can than to possibly get caught with an ah ha! You've been schticked! So what if I am. Doesn't change the message I'm trying to get out not just for Jason but for anyone who may find something I'm saying helpful in their own lives.

I presented more evidence of my bc stuff by linking screen shots of my online chart because some people just call everything bad that can be happening or unbelievable (like the death of my uncle/my guinea pig just days after sx earlier this month) schtick. I posted evidence but not just for that reason but my blog is my blog, my journey in and since cancer. This is Jason's blog for himself and for anyone who feels they can offer advice that'd be valuable to him.

I appreciate your kind words. EG has his way of being helpful and I have mine. A bit different but both helpful, in addition to others who are giving their best opinion and serious advice in a kind way. I never get how being mean is seen to be good. If your mom is talking to you mean do you really listen? Or if she says the same thing using kinder words do you listen?  It's one thing to call someone out on something but the wording makes a huge difference. No will read and take to heart something that is presented as being mean. Use kinder words to get thoughts across. I think that's something we'd all like were tables turned, no? We need kinder people in our lives, people who care, especially in this highly charged political climate we are currently in.
Click to expand...
Thanks, you've made me think yet again... the bolded points above particularly resonated.

You have a very wise perspective.

 
squistion said:
There is no reason you can't love yourself. Show me someone that doesn't love themselves and I will show you an unhappy person. Mental health experts are pretty unanimous in their view of the importance of self-love. Here is just example:

 https://www.whatiscodependency.com/selfesteem-selfacceptance-self-love-self-compassion/

Popular culture is focused on attracting love, yet you’ll only be able to receive as much love as you give to yourself. You’ll deflect or guard love that doesn’t resonate with you – like a compliment you don’t believe. The opposite is also true. You’ll allow others to abuse you a bit less than you abuse yourself. So if you desire lasting love, learn to love yourself, because your relationships will parallel your relationship with yourself.
Click to expand...
This is the truth, Jason. I wouldn't endorse something that isn't true..

 
You cant medicate a personality disorder, unfortunately. Antidepressants or mood stabilizers will help with symptoms, but only behavioral therapy has a chance to effect any real change. And to do that, one has to be willing to actually go to therapy. So says an armchair shrink.

i hate to see another living being in pain. But, if someone is intent on self-flagellation, im not going to forcefully intervene. And im not going to hold their hand either and tell them it's ok while they cry that the pain is unbearable, but they keep whipping themselves. Put down your implemenets of self-torture first, then if you want help- ill gladly help you take the steps to healing. White-knighting for someone who is taking zero responsibility and is the root cause of all of their own problems speaks of co-dependency issues, to me. But, have at it.

 
ProstheticRGK said:
You cant medicate a personality disorder, unfortunately. Antidepressants or mood stabilizers will help with symptoms, but only behavioral therapy has a chance to effect any real change. And to do that, one has to be willing to actually go to therapy. So says an armchair shrink.

i hate to see another living being in pain. But, if someone is intent on self-flagellation, im not going to forcefully intervene. And im not going to hold their hand either and tell them it's ok while they cry that the pain is unbearable, but they keep whipping themselves. Put down your implemenets of self-torture first, then if you want help- ill gladly help you take the steps to healing. White-knighting for someone who is taking zero responsibility and is the root cause of all of their own problems speaks of co-dependency issues, to me. But, have at it.
Click to expand...
That's what I meant, symptoms. Sorry for poor communication skills.  It's all about getting symptoms under control so you can focus on therapy. Here's a good link borderline personality disorder, and meds:

http://www.bpddemystified.com/treatments/medication/

 
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