Son's teammate died; do you still play? (1 Viewer)

[Idiot Boxer]

This shouldn't be a question of the kids decision or even the parents or coaches. Once the league finds out they should absolutely cancel the whole playoffs at least until the following weekend.

 

[Johnny Rock]

The last thing on the family's mind is what the #### their dead son's soccer team is doing. Play the game, postpone the game, doesn't matter.

Agreed. But the question about canceling the game isn't about the family of the child (hopefully they will not be contacted to solicit their thoughts on the game) so much as it is about the other boys on the team who will be learning today that their teammate died and whether proceeding with a soccer game immediately on the heels of learning that news is the right decision.

If it's handled in the correct manner as you so eloquently described, the kids get the benefit of learning how to handle such an event properly, given a good example by their parents.

 

[Guest]

There is no right or wrong answer to this. It's possible that if the kid that died wasn't well liked, you'd have a group of kids pissed off and bitter that they can't play because of him. As insensitive as that sounds, lots of kids are insensitive. It's hard to know how kids will react to this news. So let the kids decide if they want to play or not. If you force a decision on them that they don't agree with, it will make it worse.

Completely disagree. Parents should set the tone. Kid has a problem with not playing a rec league soccer game out of respect for a child who died needs to be taught a lesson in priorities. The community needs to come together. It makes a very big difference.

 

[bigbottom]

A few years ago, one of the players on our high school football team passed away...car crash coming home from his girl friend's house on Wednesday. The family, school, community were all a wreck. That Saturday, the team played in the State Semi Finals. The schedule was beyond anyone's control locally. The game went on with family members present and their blessing. Very emotional time...very emotional game. We get beat in that game, but there were a lot of heroics in just being able to take the field in his memory. It ended up being a fairly therapeutic experience for a lot of people.

This was obviously a much different situation then yours, but I figured I would share. I would not play the soccer game. Good luck.

This was what I was thinking of, because it happened here a few weeks ago. But these kids are younger, so it's very different.

It's also different because the seventh graders would be playing their game within hours of learning of their teammate's death, as opposed to three days later.

 

[cstu]

This shouldn't be a question of the kids decision or even the parents or coaches. Once the league finds out they should absolutely cancel the whole playoffs at least until the following weekend.

Woah, woah, woah, entirely reschedule extremely important middle school soccer playoffs - that's some genuine crazy talk right there.

 

[brun]

It's the play-offs. It may be difficult to postpone. Even if you did. What do you say. OK kids, you've had a couple of days to get over it, now get out there and win. I would vote to just cancel/forfeit.

You could leave it up to the kids, but they're 12. I don't think that would be fair to them. I see this as the responsibility of the adults.

T&P

 

[Nigel]

There is no right or wrong answer to this. It's possible that if the kid that died wasn't well liked, you'd have a group of kids pissed off and bitter that they can't play because of him. As insensitive as that sounds, lots of kids are insensitive. It's hard to know how kids will react to this news. So let the kids decide if they want to play or not. If you force a decision on them that they don't agree with, it will make it worse.

Very odd perspective to put it nicely.

 

[the moops]

Fyi, the boy who died was liked by all on the team. He wasn't best pals with most of them but he was a little goofy and quite harmless. Nobody disliked him for any reason.

Coach contacted the league and is awaiting word. My wife and I will talk with our son as soon as we find out what's happening with the game.

You should talk to your son when it is the best time, regardless of the decision the league makes. These are two separate issues that should be conflated.

 

[dutch]

Fyi, the boy who died was liked by all on the team. He wasn't best pals with most of them but he was a little goofy and quite harmless. Nobody disliked him for any reason.

Coach contacted the league and is awaiting word. My wife and I will talk with our son as soon as we find out what's happening with the game.

You should talk to your son when it is the best time, regardless of the decision the league makes. These are two separate issues that should be conflated.

We just wanted all information at hand so we could have answers to any questions that might come up.We are meeting at the field at 1:00 as a team. Parents, coaches, players and league officials will be on hand. The league will abide by whatever decision the team makes. My take is we will forfeit as none of the boys will have their heart in it.

My son is processing the situation and is very down and out as expected. Gotta run, have to get to the field.

 

[bigbottom]

Good luck.

 

[Quez]

I remember asking for bed advice here when my guy got out of the crib. Definitely glad I vetoed the bunk bed the wife wanted. It was a freak accident, but avoidable without the bunk.

 

[mr roboto]

I remember asking for bed advice here when my guy got out of the crib. Definitely glad I vetoed the bunk bed the wife wanted. It was a freak accident, but avoidable without the bunk.

Yeah let's not start this.

 

[wilked]

I remember asking for bed advice here when my guy got out of the crib. Definitely glad I vetoed the bunk bed the wife wanted. It was a freak accident, but avoidable without the bunk.

I bet a Google search can easily find a bicycle death. Better veto those too

 

[ghostguy123]

I would personally be all for playing the game (unless others oppose obviously, especially the kids) and using it as a life lesson rather than just use time to heal the wounds.

There is no lesson to be learned from playing a meaningless game in 7th grade.

I guess none for some people, plenty for others.

 

[ghostguy123]

This shouldn't be a question of the kids decision or even the parents or coaches. Once the league finds out they should absolutely cancel the whole playoffs at least until the following weekend.

If the team tries to reschedule or just forfeits, cool.

This, on the other hand, is just way to extreme. The world doesnt shut down when something bad happens.

 

[dutch]

Well, they played the game. All the players on the team showed up as did the parents. We talked with the boys and they all said they wanted to play. The coaches were great and were very open and supportive. Both tams played a man down to open the game. My son's team lost 5-0. It seemed like the parents and coaches were choked up at the start and the boys felt it more after the game.

It was a subdued ride home but there are no regrets. The boys played hard a competed until the final whistle and the other team's coach offered up words of encouragement and condolence.

It was a very odd experience that was handled with compassion and thought and in the end the right decision was made.

 

[bigbottom]

Glad to hear things went as well as they could today.

 

[cockroach]

what a tragedy :(

I'm happy they played

 

[dutch]

Glad to hear things went as well as they could today.

Thanks, bigbottom. I gotta tell ya, the person I felt for the most in this situation outside of the parents and family of the boy who died is the coach. People sometimes view coaches, teachers, scout leaders as beings imbued with some kind of super powers which enable them to always be wise and make the right choices in difficult circumstances. What they don't realize is they are just parent volunteers susceptible to the same doubts and worries as the rest of us. Coach was really shaken and he really appreciated the support of the parents.

 

[ghostguy123]

Well, they played the game. All the players on the team showed up as did the parents. We talked with the boys and they all said they wanted to play. The coaches were great and were very open and supportive. Both tams played a man down to open the game. My son's team lost 5-0. It seemed like the parents and coaches were choked up at the start and the boys felt it more after the game.

It was a subdued ride home but there are no regrets. The boys played hard a competed until the final whistle and the other team's coach offered up words of encouragement and condolence.

It was a very odd experience that was handled with compassion and thought and in the end the right decision was made.

Nice to see the kids were given the opportunity to handle a very adverse situation as a team, and were shown how to properly respect a situation by the parents/coaches/volunteers involved.

As I said before in the thread, definitely valuable lessons to be learned in these situations. They are all better for it, and IMO, better for it than if they had just not played and used time to heal. That's the easy way. Not the wrong way, but the easy way.

Hopefully everyone doesnt just ignore the family who lost their son. Even though the parents are out of their minds distraught, they will appreciate calls, messages, emails, letters, a signed soccer ball............whatever. Even if they dont care for them today, the will eventually.

 

[Fennis]

We're in a different world now. I guess you have to feed the travelling team beast.

 

[ghostguy123]

We're in a different world now. I guess you have to feed the travelling team beast.

The purpose of playing has nothing to do with the outcome of the games............just sayin

 

[Steve Tasker]

Both tams played a man down to open the game.

Pretty cool of the other team to do this.

 

[flapgreen]

No way. Definitely postpone

 

[flapgreen]

There is no right or wrong answer to this. It's possible that if the kid that died wasn't well liked, you'd have a group of kids pissed off and bitter that they can't play because of him. As insensitive as that sounds, lots of kids are insensitive. It's hard to know how kids will react to this news. So let the kids decide if they want to play or not. If you force a decision on them that they don't agree with, it will make it worse.

You are nuts

 

[Sinrman]

If the game was saaaay next week, I'd say it should be ok. Play in the kid's honor. But the very next day...!? Noooooo...

 

[Politician Spock]

There is no right or wrong answer to this. It's possible that if the kid that died wasn't well liked, you'd have a group of kids pissed off and bitter that they can't play because of him. As insensitive as that sounds, lots of kids are insensitive. It's hard to know how kids will react to this news. So let the kids decide if they want to play or not. If you force a decision on them that they don't agree with, it will make it worse.

You are nuts

Yet they chose to let the kids decide, and the kids decided to play.

 

[Nugget]

There is no right or wrong answer to this. It's possible that if the kid that died wasn't well liked, you'd have a group of kids pissed off and bitter that they can't play because of him. As insensitive as that sounds, lots of kids are insensitive. It's hard to know how kids will react to this news. So let the kids decide if they want to play or not. If you force a decision on them that they don't agree with, it will make it worse.

You are nuts

Yet they chose to let the kids decide, and the kids decided to play.

Still wrong.

 

[bigbottom]

There is no right or wrong answer to this. It's possible that if the kid that died wasn't well liked, you'd have a group of kids pissed off and bitter that they can't play because of him. As insensitive as that sounds, lots of kids are insensitive. It's hard to know how kids will react to this news. So let the kids decide if they want to play or not. If you force a decision on them that they don't agree with, it will make it worse.

You are nuts

Yet they chose to let the kids decide, and the kids decided to play.

I think the arguably nutty part was your suggestion that it was a realistic possibility that the kids would be pissed off that their teammate screwed up their soccer game by dying. But maybe you have better insight into the minds of seventh graders than I do.