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Stable life, meet college flame (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter Fbguser
- Start date
I understand this angle, but a large portion of why we never dated was my choosing. The interest was there but it wouldn't work for either of us for a few reasons on both sides (her ex being in the picture, I was fresh off relationship and being in "college #### around mode") I apparently misread some obvious signs that she wanted to pursue matters later on, but that's somewhat irrelevant.
The typical afraid to be alone aka step daddy hunt factor is something I'm wary of, and is being discussed.
Niles Standish
Footballguy
boots11234
Footballguy
You should have asked her to slap those milk wagons on the scale. It would have given us dear readers a better understanding of her 118 total weight vs wagon weight.
I'm picturing a set of boobies attached to a stick figure.
Sabertooth
Footballguy
I think you need to grow a pair and get a divorce. Why should your wife pay for your weakness?
pantscandy. SWC is one of my favorite reads on this forum. Thanks for dropping in with your unique perspective.Pooper is excellent as well. Mynx in the sack. She's not a stick figure at all, but quite toned. She's a P90x aficionado and occasional runner.
This all isn't really relevant, but I knew what I was getting into when I de-lurked to post this. WAS hoping for insight from a few more who have been confronted with something similar, but If there's none to be had.
cstu
Footballguy
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Baloney Sandwich
Footballguy
It is personal to you that someone on an anonymous message that you don't know IRL posts that they cheated on their wife? Why, because you are also married?
I think it is fine if someone wants to have the opinion that cheating on your spouse is bad, I can't really think of the argument against feeling that way. However, thinking that shouldn't equate to being outraged over someone you don't know posting about doing so...that is very bizarre to me.
T Bell
Footballguy
Steve Tasker
Footballguy
Kinda sounds like you've already got your mind made up, to be honest.
Pooper is excellent as well. Mynx in the sack. She's not a stick figure at all, but quite toned. She's a P90x aficionado and occasional runner.
This all isn't really relevant, but I knew what I was getting into when I de-lurked to post this. WAS hoping for insight from a few more who have been confronted with something similar, but If there's none to be had.
James Daulton
Footballguy
T Bell
Footballguy
You want a serious answer? You're on heroin right now. Not literally, but the throes of passion have a virtually equivalent impact upon the reward centers of the brain. We all experience this, but some of us (like with heroin) are more prone to getting hooked than others. Add that to the malaise your marriage is in and this new "fix" is an obviously attractive option. Except it's not.
Her marriage has fallen apart (and whatever she tells you as to why is only her very early version which lacks the perspective of time as well as an other-side-of-the-story version), and she's got two kids thrown in for good measure, which means that even when her divorce is "finalized" it's not really over as she'll need to co-parent with the ex. That means too, that if you end up living with/marrying her, you'll be effectively co-parenting with her ex as well, and now for the first time with kids in your household who are themselves going through the anxiety/sorrow/anger/depression of a divorce. It's a package deal, unless you just want to sleep with her indefinitely in which case that'll get old in a hurry for her and you'll get pressure from her to get permanent. Suddenly that best-sex-ever is going to be more like I-have-to-hang-out-with-her-and-pretend-interest-in-her-kids-to-get-some-best-sex-ever, and make no mistake, her kids will be her priority always.
The short version is that it's overwhelmingly likely that this won't end well with your college flame. Congrats, you satisfied your curiosity about her but from here on out reality is going to set in.
None of this even touches upon your relationship and responsibilities to your wife. People are saying "man up and divorce her"; I'd say man up and improve your marriage so that a woman with miles of baggage and emotional turmoil doesn't look like a viable emotional and sexual outlet to you at the drop of a hat.
Her marriage has fallen apart (and whatever she tells you as to why is only her very early version which lacks the perspective of time as well as an other-side-of-the-story version), and she's got two kids thrown in for good measure, which means that even when her divorce is "finalized" it's not really over as she'll need to co-parent with the ex. That means too, that if you end up living with/marrying her, you'll be effectively co-parenting with her ex as well, and now for the first time with kids in your household who are themselves going through the anxiety/sorrow/anger/depression of a divorce. It's a package deal, unless you just want to sleep with her indefinitely in which case that'll get old in a hurry for her and you'll get pressure from her to get permanent. Suddenly that best-sex-ever is going to be more like I-have-to-hang-out-with-her-and-pretend-interest-in-her-kids-to-get-some-best-sex-ever, and make no mistake, her kids will be her priority always.
The short version is that it's overwhelmingly likely that this won't end well with your college flame. Congrats, you satisfied your curiosity about her but from here on out reality is going to set in.
None of this even touches upon your relationship and responsibilities to your wife. People are saying "man up and divorce her"; I'd say man up and improve your marriage so that a woman with miles of baggage and emotional turmoil doesn't look like a viable emotional and sexual outlet to you at the drop of a hat.
Joe Summer
Footballguy
"My kids already have a father" is one of the oldest lies in the book.
Johnny Rock
Footballguy
Butterface? Overall scale?
TheIronSheik
SUPER ELITE UPPER TIER
Right. It's like when people get mad at seeing someone rob someone on the news. I mean, WTF? It's not like they're being robbed. I don't get why people would be upset.
TheWalkmen
Footballguy
Niles Standish
Footballguy
Baloney Sandwich
Footballguy
well, you got me there. I probably would be pretty pissed off if I saw the sports anchor steal from the weather girl on Channel 10
jwb
Footballguy
I would say after the cheating, it's prettymuch over. It's just a matter of time. If not the college flame, then someone else.
The OP is always going to yearn for "more", despite having what sounds like a decent marriage.
Maik Jeaunz
Footballguy
the deed is done, and that light bulb can't be unscrewed. so it seems like you have 3 options:
1. continue to juggle both women, acting and feeling like a total dirtbag, until you inevitably tell your wife out of pure guilt and the #### really hits the fan
2. tell your wife that it's not working out, handle it like adults, and then be free to pursue Molly Melons
3. cut off contact with the other chick, and try to not be a #### to your wife in the future
maybe I'm missing other options, but given the history and her status, it's hard to imagine you and Hindenburgs sailing off into paradise together without a hitch.
1. continue to juggle both women, acting and feeling like a total dirtbag, until you inevitably tell your wife out of pure guilt and the #### really hits the fan
2. tell your wife that it's not working out, handle it like adults, and then be free to pursue Molly Melons
3. cut off contact with the other chick, and try to not be a #### to your wife in the future
maybe I'm missing other options, but given the history and her status, it's hard to imagine you and Hindenburgs sailing off into paradise together without a hitch.
Dentist
***Official FBG Dentist***
OH ####... you've been had.... you think you've had a rough go of things, eh.... you think the grass is greener on the other side, eh?The kids are very young. I like kids.
I don't care what your history is with this person, bub, unless she's independently wealthy, those kids represent nothing more than a bad beat for you no matter how much you like them.. On both a financial and emotional front they will destroy you.
I don't care what kind of pillow talk you had with this broad while you were titty-####### those 30 F's... she is on a hunt for the next paycheck.
I have an assistant to a single mom and I see how they #### their way into dudes lives so that they have someone to help burden the load both from a financial perspective and for someone to help with raising those kids, doing chores, etc.
Get divorced... plow this broad if you want, but do not, do NOT get involved with her on a relationship level in any sense of the word of I promise you it will end so badly you'll want to kill Mark Zuckerburg for allowing you to find her on facebook.
Premier
Footballguy
Angry Beavers
Footballguy
Chances of this working out long term.. not so good...
That is just the reality of it all. Frankly, stepping in as a step parent/blended family etc - the stats aren't pretty regardless of the circumstances under which you met. I would be wary of someone coming out of the past .. she is very vulnerable right now - and sees you as her white knight.. what happens when she figures out you aren't perfect? ( cause' let's face it, even as FBG's - we all have our moments)
ETA: Dentist is even more spot on with his comments and the financial ruin that awaits you.
Ask yourself this: Do you still love your wife? Are you willing to work at it to make it better? Does your wife realize her marriage to you is in trouble? You owe it to your wife to give hear the heads up that you aren't happy and why and see what can be done to improve the relationship - Just MHO.
You have to determine first if your marriage truly is over before figuring out what to do with this college flame. She might be fun for a weekend of sexcapades but isn't every half way decent looking woman a blast for a naked weekend?? the reality is that eventually it won't be just being naked all weekend - it will be dealing with her kids and not getting any naked time except by yourself in the shower with the conditioner... you ready for that?
I'd recommend doing some long soul searching before making any moves at all and whatever you do, the details of this past weekend remain a secret from your current wife... you go to your grave without divulging the details....
HTH
That is just the reality of it all. Frankly, stepping in as a step parent/blended family etc - the stats aren't pretty regardless of the circumstances under which you met. I would be wary of someone coming out of the past .. she is very vulnerable right now - and sees you as her white knight.. what happens when she figures out you aren't perfect? ( cause' let's face it, even as FBG's - we all have our moments)
ETA: Dentist is even more spot on with his comments and the financial ruin that awaits you.
Ask yourself this: Do you still love your wife? Are you willing to work at it to make it better? Does your wife realize her marriage to you is in trouble? You owe it to your wife to give hear the heads up that you aren't happy and why and see what can be done to improve the relationship - Just MHO.
You have to determine first if your marriage truly is over before figuring out what to do with this college flame. She might be fun for a weekend of sexcapades but isn't every half way decent looking woman a blast for a naked weekend?? the reality is that eventually it won't be just being naked all weekend - it will be dealing with her kids and not getting any naked time except by yourself in the shower with the conditioner... you ready for that?
I'd recommend doing some long soul searching before making any moves at all and whatever you do, the details of this past weekend remain a secret from your current wife... you go to your grave without divulging the details....
HTH
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Dan Lambskin
Footballguy
tri-man 47
Footballguy
Dan Lambskin
Footballguy
According to boobpedia Rosie Jones is also a 30f
SoylentGreen
Footballguy
Not the exact same experience, but I went through something similar. Married, with a kid, but it turned out we just didn't have anything in common. Eventually the marriage devolved into barely even spending any time in the same room together. Teh secks had long been out of the equation, and it was just a matter of "staying together for the kid". I was even given permission to go find some on the side, as long as it was outside of our social sphere and the wife didn't find out about it. Of course then she snooped and found out about it, revoked permission, and we tried therapy (three times). Things got worse again and permission was again granted, and I learned to be even more discrete (new email addresses not accessed from my phone, private browser, etc). Thanks Ashley Madison!
I had some fun, for sure, but never felt great about the situation morally even though I could (and did) justify it with the "permission" and the wife's declaration that teh secks was out of the equation (mental health issues). But I started to realize that being miserable just for sake of "staying together for the kid" wasn't worth it, life is too short. Plus, I didn't want my kid to think that's what one should expect out of a marriage - it was a terrible example. Eventually I connected on FB with someone that I did have things in common with, and all of it combined to finally give me the courage, and decency, to end the marriage.
It wasn't easy, mostly because of the child factor, and it wasn't cheap but almost 4 years later everyone is in a better place now. I have my kid 1/2 the time, the ex is engaged, and I'm still with the woman I connected with (34DD, for the record).
All that being said, my advice to OP would be to forget all about old flame and cut off contact, commit to the marriage, try the therapy route, and try to make it work. Or you just rip off the damn band aid and get a divorce. But do one or the other. It sounds like you want to do the latter, but are afraid to do so. IMO life is too short to be with someone you don't want to be with, and that goes for both you and the wife.
I had some fun, for sure, but never felt great about the situation morally even though I could (and did) justify it with the "permission" and the wife's declaration that teh secks was out of the equation (mental health issues). But I started to realize that being miserable just for sake of "staying together for the kid" wasn't worth it, life is too short. Plus, I didn't want my kid to think that's what one should expect out of a marriage - it was a terrible example. Eventually I connected on FB with someone that I did have things in common with, and all of it combined to finally give me the courage, and decency, to end the marriage.
It wasn't easy, mostly because of the child factor, and it wasn't cheap but almost 4 years later everyone is in a better place now. I have my kid 1/2 the time, the ex is engaged, and I'm still with the woman I connected with (34DD, for the record).
All that being said, my advice to OP would be to forget all about old flame and cut off contact, commit to the marriage, try the therapy route, and try to make it work. Or you just rip off the damn band aid and get a divorce. But do one or the other. It sounds like you want to do the latter, but are afraid to do so. IMO life is too short to be with someone you don't want to be with, and that goes for both you and the wife.
Man In The Box
Footballguy
I would recommend telling your wife the truth if you plan on fixing your marriage. If you don't, your reconciliation is nothing more than a farce.
johnnycakes
Footballguy
Any chance you can do the Big Love thing and keep a wife in each of two houses? You're a FBG, after all. 
Sabertooth
Footballguy
Chemical X
Footballguy
this has fairy tale written all over it.
-instadad with kids that aren't yours
-you cheated, so ex wins and gets 1/2 your ####
-flame knows you cheat and will forever wonder where you are at all times
-ex husbands are usually nice guys when it comes to raising their kids
-I assume you relocate and find new job easily
I think the best move is to fake your death and head to another country and never use your SSN ever again.
-instadad with kids that aren't yours
-you cheated, so ex wins and gets 1/2 your ####
-flame knows you cheat and will forever wonder where you are at all times
-ex husbands are usually nice guys when it comes to raising their kids
-I assume you relocate and find new job easily
I think the best move is to fake your death and head to another country and never use your SSN ever again.
Aerial Assault
Footballguy
Wait, we're talking women here, right?I'm no FBG financially so the dual houses is not an option. She's separating from a high powered corporate attorney, and comes from a good bit of money (father is CFO of Fortune 500 company). She's aware im not raking it in, and says its a non issue. To her credit she's not at all materialistic, so I give her some credibility with the statement.Any chance you can do the Big Love thing and keep a wife in each of two houses? You're a FBG, after all.
To the other quality replies (t bell, angry beavers, soylent green, others) thanks for the feedback. Some good stuff in some of these posts.
TheIronSheik
SUPER ELITE UPPER TIER
What are you talking about?
Oddly, you seem more outraged than anyone in this thread.
Dentist
***Official FBG Dentist***
Jeebus Effing Christ... I'm sure these guys would make sure your life was a real dream, no?
This is starting to look like a really well executed fishing trip.
What's next... one of the two children is special needs?
Aerial Assault
Footballguy
johnnycakes
Footballguy
OK, so it sounds like she might have sufficient resources to maintain her own house. Can you get your wife on board with bringing her into your family? Depending on what everyone wants out of the relationship, maybe everyone can be satisfied.I'm no FBG financially so the dual houses is not an option. She's separating from a high powered corporate attorney, and comes from a good bit of money (father is CFO of Fortune 500 company). She's aware im not raking it in, and says its a non issue. To her credit she's not at all materialistic, so I give her some credibility with the statement.Any chance you can do the Big Love thing and keep a wife in each of two houses? You're a FBG, after all.
To the other quality replies (t bell, angry beavers, soylent green, others) thanks for the feedback. Some good stuff in some of these posts.
Aerial Assault
Footballguy
I'm actually quite tight with the father. He helped facilitate our reconnection.
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Baloney Sandwich
Footballguy
What are you talking about?
