Stable life, meet college flame (1 Viewer)

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

I have done this exact thing.

Don't tell your wife. - Learn from your mistake and NEVER, NEVER cheat again. You dont have to cheat to get laid. I have had opportunities to cheat again and I haven't. I am still an immature dirtball for what I did but I won't ever do it again. With that said.....

Get a divorce- Your marriage is over. I am still married but all the trust is gone and our relationship is broken. She once held me in such high regard and now there is just contempt. It was all on me. I wasn't mature enough to handle it, similarly as you. We are together for financial reasons as well as for our kids.

Dont get in a serious relationship with the college flame or anybody until you can handle not cheating. The relationship with the college flame started again on a bad foot and you don't want that to be the foundation of your relationship.

Good luck with the divorce.

 

[cstu]

This situation is almost carbon-copy what a lady I work with went through:

* #####-bag hubby cheats on her with high-school sweetheart (who is married).

* He tells her he did and he wants a divorce.

* Tells her after their divorce and the other-woman's divorce is final, they are planning to get married.

Now here is what happened after:

* Other-woman has a come to Jesus sit down with her husband. They go to counseling. Marriage is stronger than ever!

* My co-worker met a great guy through a friend. She's never been happier and has a great relationship with him and will be getting married next year in June.

* #####-bag hubby is BEGGING (literally begging, I was there to witness the sad display) for her to take him back because he now has NOTHING. His kids hate him because what he did, my co-worker just ignores him and he's paying child support for three kids. Their circle of friends are even shunning him because of what he did.

Anyway, just something to think about.

Completely different story with kids involved.

 

[Fbguser]

So, there won't be anything physical with the flame until you've decided how to proceed. Is that because she lives a plane flight away and you have no choice?

Conscious decision. Could easily make round 2 happen.

How much contact are you having with the flame right now? (texts, e-mails, phone calls)

Daily

How "playful" are the texts?

We've toned it down as we both realize that we have matters to sort things out with as clear heads as possible.

How many people know about this affair?

4. 100% trust them.

Without being too specific where did you tell your wife you were that weekend? (business, weekend with the guys, etc.)

Id rather not answer this. Not sure on the relevance.

Have you slept with your wife since your weekend getaway?

No. That is not uncommon.

How many other guys is the flame hooking up with?

0. I believe her. Some will call me naive, as expected. But I'm confident here.

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

I've read things on this board about reasons why marriages fall apart and sometimes, it's for the absolute best. The marriage has become a bad thing for both parties and for the kids. Mental health issues. Infidelity. Trust issues. Drugs. Whatever.

But what disturbs me about this, assuming the OP isn't fishing, is the casualness. I mean, when you step up to the preacher or justice of the peace and you say "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE." That doesn't mean, "until I get a little bored and a hot piece of ### that I have always been attracted to comes around."

I mean, come on. Doesn't your vow mean anything?? I am not so naive that I think that all marriages are gonna last forever. I've had discussions with my pastor who told me he has recommended divorce sometimes because a marriage was so far gone. This doesn't seem like one of those times.

The OP doesn't seem to realize that love is not just a feeling in your loins. It's a commitment. It's being willing to sacrifice. It's a decision. Feelings are only a very small part of love. Feelings come and go. That's why love has to be conscious will because if you leave it to feeling and emotion, nobody would stay married. I love my wife dearly, but sometimes I want to throw her through a wall. That's what marriage is. Getting through those days and telling yourself that how ever you feel at this particular moment, that's my wife. That's my partner for life. The days where you are all over each other, those days are easy. Anybody can do that. That's not what love is. Love is getting through the hard days.

I agree with all if this, however I won't burn a guy at the stake for not understanding the seriousness of his vows when he took them in his early to mid. 20s.

There needs to be a law that says you can't get married until 35. You don't even start figuring out life until your early 30s.

 

[Apple Jack]

Still don't understand why people get married when there are no kids involved.

 

[cstu]

So, there won't be anything physical with the flame until you've decided how to proceed. Is that because she lives a plane flight away and you have no choice?

Conscious decision. Could easily make round 2 happen.

How much contact are you having with the flame right now? (texts, e-mails, phone calls)

Daily

How "playful" are the texts?

We've toned it down as we both realize that we have matters to sort things out with as clear heads as possible.

How many people know about this affair?

4. 100% trust them.

Without being too specific where did you tell your wife you were that weekend? (business, weekend with the guys, etc.)

Id rather not answer this. Not sure on the relevance.

Have you slept with your wife since your weekend getaway?

No. That is not uncommon.

How many other guys is the flame hooking up with?

0. I believe her. Some will call me naive, as expected. But I'm confident here.

I'm in the minority here, but play it out

 

[Fbguser]

How "playful" are the texts?

 

[saintsfan]

I've read things on this board about reasons why marriages fall apart and sometimes, it's for the absolute best. The marriage has become a bad thing for both parties and for the kids. Mental health issues. Infidelity. Trust issues. Drugs. Whatever.

But what disturbs me about this, assuming the OP isn't fishing, is the casualness. I mean, when you step up to the preacher or justice of the peace and you say "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE." That doesn't mean, "until I get a little bored and a hot piece of ### that I have always been attracted to comes around."

I mean, come on. Doesn't your vow mean anything?? I am not so naive that I think that all marriages are gonna last forever. I've had discussions with my pastor who told me he has recommended divorce sometimes because a marriage was so far gone. This doesn't seem like one of those times.

The OP doesn't seem to realize that love is not just a feeling in your loins. It's a commitment. It's being willing to sacrifice. It's a decision. Feelings are only a very small part of love. Feelings come and go. That's why love has to be conscious will because if you leave it to feeling and emotion, nobody would stay married. I love my wife dearly, but sometimes I want to throw her through a wall. That's what marriage is. Getting through those days and telling yourself that how ever you feel at this particular moment, that's my wife. That's my partner for life. The days where you are all over each other, those days are easy. Anybody can do that. That's not what love is. Love is getting through the hard days.

I agree with all if this, however I won't burn a guy at the stake for not understanding the seriousness of his vows when he took them in his early to mid. 20s.

There needs to be a law that says you can't get married until 35. You don't even start figuring out life until your early 30s.

I think everyone should be required to go through some kind of marriage counseling before you get married. It's not feasible that you are gonna make people wait until they are 35 to get married. For one thing, women are only fertile for a finite period of time.

And I'm not burning the guy at the stake. It just seems like a very casual reason to break your vows. No serious problems in the marriage...

 

[Ramsay Hunt Experience]

I'm not sure that "I've always kind of been in love with someone else" is all that casual a reason to break your vows.

I don't have any advice. I think the OP knows what he wants, and I don't have any special insight to offer about that. But I'm not sure how helpful a lot of the advice in this thread has been. Most of it has boiled down to telling him he's an ####### for wanting what he wants or telling him to somehow magically want something different.

 

[jomar]

I've read things on this board about reasons why marriages fall apart and sometimes, it's for the absolute best. The marriage has become a bad thing for both parties and for the kids. Mental health issues. Infidelity. Trust issues. Drugs. Whatever.

But what disturbs me about this, assuming the OP isn't fishing, is the casualness. I mean, when you step up to the preacher or justice of the peace and you say "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE." That doesn't mean, "until I get a little bored and a hot piece of ### that I have always been attracted to comes around."

I mean, come on. Doesn't your vow mean anything?? I am not so naive that I think that all marriages are gonna last forever. I've had discussions with my pastor who told me he has recommended divorce sometimes because a marriage was so far gone. This doesn't seem like one of those times.

The OP doesn't seem to realize that love is not just a feeling in your loins. It's a commitment. It's being willing to sacrifice. It's a decision. Feelings are only a very small part of love. Feelings come and go. That's why love has to be conscious will because if you leave it to feeling and emotion, nobody would stay married. I love my wife dearly, but sometimes I want to throw her through a wall. That's what marriage is. Getting through those days and telling yourself that how ever you feel at this particular moment, that's my wife. That's my partner for life. The days where you are all over each other, those days are easy. Anybody can do that. That's not what love is. Love is getting through the hard days.

so your vows can never be broken unless some dude who's never been with a woman says its ok to break them?

 

[Apple Jack]

Also never understood why anybody would care what a priest thinks about relationships with women. As if they have the slightest clue.

 

[Slapdash]

It would be best for you to seek some professional counseling here. You didn't sleep with her because you're a dirtbag. Likely you did it because you are questioning choices made long ago and are upset/depressed about them as well as how your life turned out. Those feelings are normal. Acting out like this is not normal and can obviously be very self-destructive. You need to confront that core issue and decide the best way forward, otherwise you may very well find yourself with two ex-wives in a few years.

That's my two cents anyways, good luck man.

 

[saintsfan]

I've read things on this board about reasons why marriages fall apart and sometimes, it's for the absolute best. The marriage has become a bad thing for both parties and for the kids. Mental health issues. Infidelity. Trust issues. Drugs. Whatever.

But what disturbs me about this, assuming the OP isn't fishing, is the casualness. I mean, when you step up to the preacher or justice of the peace and you say "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE." That doesn't mean, "until I get a little bored and a hot piece of ### that I have always been attracted to comes around."

I mean, come on. Doesn't your vow mean anything?? I am not so naive that I think that all marriages are gonna last forever. I've had discussions with my pastor who told me he has recommended divorce sometimes because a marriage was so far gone. This doesn't seem like one of those times.

The OP doesn't seem to realize that love is not just a feeling in your loins. It's a commitment. It's being willing to sacrifice. It's a decision. Feelings are only a very small part of love. Feelings come and go. That's why love has to be conscious will because if you leave it to feeling and emotion, nobody would stay married. I love my wife dearly, but sometimes I want to throw her through a wall. That's what marriage is. Getting through those days and telling yourself that how ever you feel at this particular moment, that's my wife. That's my partner for life. The days where you are all over each other, those days are easy. Anybody can do that. That's not what love is. Love is getting through the hard days.

so your vows can never be broken unless some dude who's never been with a woman says its ok to break them?

Well my pastor was married. His wife died. So I would think he knows.

But the answer to your question is you can't break up with a woman because your vows say you can't. As I said, I understand that sometimes things are so broken that divorce is the only answer, however, that was not the case here. If you think this is OK, then you are simply wrong and you don't understand what marriage is.

 

[jwb]

I've read things on this board about reasons why marriages fall apart and sometimes, it's for the absolute best. The marriage has become a bad thing for both parties and for the kids. Mental health issues. Infidelity. Trust issues. Drugs. Whatever.

But what disturbs me about this, assuming the OP isn't fishing, is the casualness. I mean, when you step up to the preacher or justice of the peace and you say "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE." That doesn't mean, "until I get a little bored and a hot piece of ### that I have always been attracted to comes around."

I mean, come on. Doesn't your vow mean anything?? I am not so naive that I think that all marriages are gonna last forever. I've had discussions with my pastor who told me he has recommended divorce sometimes because a marriage was so far gone. This doesn't seem like one of those times.

The OP doesn't seem to realize that love is not just a feeling in your loins. It's a commitment. It's being willing to sacrifice. It's a decision. Feelings are only a very small part of love. Feelings come and go. That's why love has to be conscious will because if you leave it to feeling and emotion, nobody would stay married. I love my wife dearly, but sometimes I want to throw her through a wall. That's what marriage is. Getting through those days and telling yourself that how ever you feel at this particular moment, that's my wife. That's my partner for life. The days where you are all over each other, those days are easy. Anybody can do that. That's not what love is. Love is getting through the hard days.

so your vows can never be broken unless some dude who's never been with a woman says its ok to break them?

Saintsfan is clearly religious, and he mentioned his pastor, but the gist of what he is saying isn't really religious.

 

[saintsfan]

I'm not sure that "I've always kind of been in love with someone else" is all that casual a reason to break your vows.

I don't have any advice. I think the OP knows what he wants, and I don't have any special insight to offer about that. But I'm not sure how helpful a lot of the advice in this thread has been. Most of it has boiled down to telling him he's an ####### for wanting what he wants or telling him to somehow magically want something different.

If you think love is a only a feeling, then you are right. If you view love as a commitment and a conscious choice, then I'm sorry, it's a very casual reason...

 

[jomar]

this reminds me of a Meatloaf song:

I couldn't take it any longer
Lord I was crazed
And when the feeling came upon me
Like a tidal wave
I started swearing to my god
And on my mother's grave
That I would love you to the end of time
I swore I would love you to the end of time

So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
It's all I can do (ooh, ooh)
I'm praying for the end of time
So I can end my time with you

 

[Henry Ford]

I'm not sure that "I've always kind of been in love with someone else" is all that casual a reason to break your vows.

I don't have any advice. I think the OP knows what he wants, and I don't have any special insight to offer about that. But I'm not sure how helpful a lot of the advice in this thread has been. Most of it has boiled down to telling him he's an ####### for wanting what he wants or telling him to somehow magically want something different.

I think the ####### part is going out and getting what he wants when he's violating his wife's trust and lying to her in a (supposedly) good and committed marriage. I don't think anyone thinks he's an ####### for wanting to sleep with someone else.

 

[saintsfan]

I've read things on this board about reasons why marriages fall apart and sometimes, it's for the absolute best. The marriage has become a bad thing for both parties and for the kids. Mental health issues. Infidelity. Trust issues. Drugs. Whatever.

But what disturbs me about this, assuming the OP isn't fishing, is the casualness. I mean, when you step up to the preacher or justice of the peace and you say "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE." That doesn't mean, "until I get a little bored and a hot piece of ### that I have always been attracted to comes around."

I mean, come on. Doesn't your vow mean anything?? I am not so naive that I think that all marriages are gonna last forever. I've had discussions with my pastor who told me he has recommended divorce sometimes because a marriage was so far gone. This doesn't seem like one of those times.

The OP doesn't seem to realize that love is not just a feeling in your loins. It's a commitment. It's being willing to sacrifice. It's a decision. Feelings are only a very small part of love. Feelings come and go. That's why love has to be conscious will because if you leave it to feeling and emotion, nobody would stay married. I love my wife dearly, but sometimes I want to throw her through a wall. That's what marriage is. Getting through those days and telling yourself that how ever you feel at this particular moment, that's my wife. That's my partner for life. The days where you are all over each other, those days are easy. Anybody can do that. That's not what love is. Love is getting through the hard days.

so your vows can never be broken unless some dude who's never been with a woman says its ok to break them?

Saintsfan is clearly religious, and he mentioned his pastor, but the gist of what he is saying isn't really religious.

No it's not. The vows are the same whether you say them in a church or in a court...

 

[jomar]

I've read things on this board about reasons why marriages fall apart and sometimes, it's for the absolute best. The marriage has become a bad thing for both parties and for the kids. Mental health issues. Infidelity. Trust issues. Drugs. Whatever.

But what disturbs me about this, assuming the OP isn't fishing, is the casualness. I mean, when you step up to the preacher or justice of the peace and you say "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE." That doesn't mean, "until I get a little bored and a hot piece of ### that I have always been attracted to comes around."

I mean, come on. Doesn't your vow mean anything?? I am not so naive that I think that all marriages are gonna last forever. I've had discussions with my pastor who told me he has recommended divorce sometimes because a marriage was so far gone. This doesn't seem like one of those times.

The OP doesn't seem to realize that love is not just a feeling in your loins. It's a commitment. It's being willing to sacrifice. It's a decision. Feelings are only a very small part of love. Feelings come and go. That's why love has to be conscious will because if you leave it to feeling and emotion, nobody would stay married. I love my wife dearly, but sometimes I want to throw her through a wall. That's what marriage is. Getting through those days and telling yourself that how ever you feel at this particular moment, that's my wife. That's my partner for life. The days where you are all over each other, those days are easy. Anybody can do that. That's not what love is. Love is getting through the hard days.

so your vows can never be broken unless some dude who's never been with a woman says its ok to break them?

Well my pastor was married. His wife died. So I would think he knows.

But the answer to your question is you can't break up with a woman because your vows say you can't. As I said, I understand that sometimes things are so broken that divorce is the only answer, however, that was not the case here. If you think this is OK, then you are simply wrong and you don't understand what marriage is.

your pastor knows what? that it is sometimes OK to break your vows? because that's the exact thing he's recommended to some people.

you have no idea what the OPs marriage is like other than the 2 sentences he told you. maybe the pastor would recommend he get divorced too.

OP, have you had any talks with your wife in the past about things in the marriage you have issues with?

 

[saintsfan]

I'm not sure that "I've always kind of been in love with someone else" is all that casual a reason to break your vows.

I don't have any advice. I think the OP knows what he wants, and I don't have any special insight to offer about that. But I'm not sure how helpful a lot of the advice in this thread has been. Most of it has boiled down to telling him he's an ####### for wanting what he wants or telling him to somehow magically want something different.

I think the ####### part is going out and getting what he wants when he's violating his wife's trust and lying to her in a (supposedly) good and committed marriage. I don't think anyone thinks he's an ####### for wanting to sleep with someone else.

If you are a human male you "fall in love" probably once a week. Acting on it is something else entirely. That's why I say love is a conscious decision. It has to be. We can't leave it to our feelings or libido...

 

[saintsfan]

I've read things on this board about reasons why marriages fall apart and sometimes, it's for the absolute best. The marriage has become a bad thing for both parties and for the kids. Mental health issues. Infidelity. Trust issues. Drugs. Whatever.

But what disturbs me about this, assuming the OP isn't fishing, is the casualness. I mean, when you step up to the preacher or justice of the peace and you say "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE." That doesn't mean, "until I get a little bored and a hot piece of ### that I have always been attracted to comes around."

I mean, come on. Doesn't your vow mean anything?? I am not so naive that I think that all marriages are gonna last forever. I've had discussions with my pastor who told me he has recommended divorce sometimes because a marriage was so far gone. This doesn't seem like one of those times.

The OP doesn't seem to realize that love is not just a feeling in your loins. It's a commitment. It's being willing to sacrifice. It's a decision. Feelings are only a very small part of love. Feelings come and go. That's why love has to be conscious will because if you leave it to feeling and emotion, nobody would stay married. I love my wife dearly, but sometimes I want to throw her through a wall. That's what marriage is. Getting through those days and telling yourself that how ever you feel at this particular moment, that's my wife. That's my partner for life. The days where you are all over each other, those days are easy. Anybody can do that. That's not what love is. Love is getting through the hard days.

so your vows can never be broken unless some dude who's never been with a woman says its ok to break them?

Well my pastor was married. His wife died. So I would think he knows.

But the answer to your question is you can't break up with a woman because your vows say you can't. As I said, I understand that sometimes things are so broken that divorce is the only answer, however, that was not the case here. If you think this is OK, then you are simply wrong and you don't understand what marriage is.

your pastor knows what? that it is sometimes OK to break your vows? because that's the exact thing he's recommended to some people.

you have no idea what the OPs marriage is like other than the 2 sentences he told you. maybe the pastor would recommend he get divorced too.

OP, have you had any talks with your wife in the past about things in the marriage you have issues with?

The information I was given by the OP said the marriage was fine. If he comes back and posts that his wife is boning 3 other guys, that obviously changes my point of view. I clearly said that there are times where keeping the vows are worse for everyone involved than walking away. This doesn't appear to be one of those times

 

[Al O'Pecia]

If you think love is a only a feeling, then you are right.

I don't know, man. My Boston album suggests otherwise.

 

[James Daulton]

So I guess it's better to die at a ripe old age having lived with a loveless marriage simply to avoid breaking some vows?

People change. They're not in love anymore. Why should the OP remain in the relationship when a deep and meaningful relationship makes life so much more rewarding.

OP, I'm in the camp of don't cheat anymore, get separated, then do whatever the hell makes you happy.

 

[saintsfan]

If you think love is a only a feeling, then you are right.

I don't know, man. My Boston album suggests otherwise.

 

[shadyridr]

Still don't understand why people get married when there are no kids involved.

You want people to have kids before getting married?

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

Am I the only one who has no clue what size the gf/wife/SO cans are? Everybody always comes in her "there 30DD" or "she's a great A-cup" or "30f". Maybe I'm the only one but I've been with my wife almost 20 years and I have no clue.

She's a 34C.

I had my money on Leroy Hoard making this joke.

Maybe "he" did.

 

[cstu]

Still don't understand why people get married when there are no kids involved.

You want people to have kids before getting married?

I think he's means there's no point in getting married unless you plan to have kids.

 

[cstu]

this reminds me of a Meatloaf song:

I couldn't take it any longer

Lord I was crazed

And when the feeling came upon me

Like a tidal wave

I started swearing to my god

And on my mother's grave

That I would love you to the end of time

I swore I would love you to the end of time

So now I'm praying for the end of time

To hurry up and arrive

'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you

I don't think that I can really survive

I'll never break my promise or forget my vow

But God only knows what I can do right now

I'm praying for the end of time

It's all I can do (ooh, ooh)

I'm praying for the end of time

So I can end my time with you

Never realized until now that Jack Black ripped off his whole stage schtick from Meatloaf.

 

[TheWalkmen]

Did I miss the part where the OP addresses becoming a step-dad over night to 2 young kids? Do you have any idea what this entails? I have 2 under 2, and couldn't imagine trying to start a relationship with someone and become a new dad overnight all at the same time, and while just going through a divorce. My head hurts thinking about it.

 

[fruity pebbles]

It's the planning that gets me. We've all wondered about exs, maybe even chatted with them a few times. But it usually ends there. To fly this woman in for a #### date is just so screwed up when your wife by your own admission is your best friend. Doesn't it worry you that this great new piece of ### is just that? What does it say about someone who would fly in to screw someone else's husband? I know i wouldn't be able to trust her, who's to say she wouldn't do something similar to you. It's obviously well within her personality. My guess is this isn't the first time she's either cheated herself or messed with someone else's marriage.

 

[saintsfan]

So I guess it's better to die at a ripe old age having lived with a loveless marriage simply to avoid breaking some vows?

People change. They're not in love anymore. Why should the OP remain in the relationship when a deep and meaningful relationship makes life so much more rewarding.

OP, I'm in the camp of don't cheat anymore, get separated, then do whatever the hell makes you happy.

And that's why there are so many divorces. If love is only a feeling, then I guess you could fall out of love. If love is a conscious decision, then it's up to you to love your wife and it's up to her to love you back.

You loved each other enough to commit to life at one time. Why don't you try to create some of the magic that you had at one time. It takes some work. It's not easy. But that's what marriage is.

 

[jomar]

now this reminds me of a Darkness song:

The first flush of youth was upon you when our eyes first met
And I knew that to you and into your life I had to get
I felt light-headed at the touch of this stranger's hand
An assault my defences systematically failed to withstand

'Cos you came at a time
When the pursuit of one true love in which to fall
Was the be all and end all

Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing
(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway

The state of elation that this unison of hearts achieved
I had seen, I had touched, I had tasted and I truly believed

That the light of my life
Would tear a hole right through each cloud that scudded by
Just to beam on you and I

Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
When I'm in your arms I start believing
(It's here to stay)
But love is only a feeling
Anyway, anyway

Love is only a feeling
(Drifting away)
And we've got to stop ourselves believing
(It's here to stay)
'Cos love is only a feeling
Anyway.

 

[EYLive]

FBGuser is a cheating dirtbag. Why would we expect him to keep marriage vows at this point? His word means nothing and is untrustworthy.

 

[skillz]

Unfortunately for you at this point it's not completely under your control whether your wife finds out about the affair or not. If the old flame wants to tell your wife what happened in order to blow up your marriage she could easily do so. So, even if you decide you want to stay with the wife, the flame may not like that decision and tell your wife what happened. Good luck with that.

 

[spodog]

30f: link

The boobs comment was thrown in to add some levity in what I thought was traditional FBG fashion. Judging by the reaction, that might have shown my lack of experience as a poster here.

Or it may reflect your lack of maturity. Or your overall view towards women. Or your fascination with extraordinarly large cans.

 

[msommer]

How "playful" are the texts?

This playful

Thanks for the link. It's been too long since I heard the other great songs on that page

 

[saintsfan]

Everyone by now knows my opinion, so this is the last thing I will say. You are not always going to be in the early stages of love. That "can't keep my hands off of each other" phase. Life intrudes. So, you have to consciously decide that I love this person and I am going to do everything in my power to make her happy. If you married a good person, the result of that is that she will give you more. You should always feel like you are giving 75% of the work to the marriage with her only giving 25%. Why?? Because we often times overestimate what we are giving. If you think you are giving 75%, you are probably giving closer to 50%. She will give more as a result of you giving more.

JMHO. Good luck OP...

 

[shadyridr]

Still don't understand why people get married when there are no kids involved.

You want people to have kids before getting married?

I think he's means there's no point in getting married unless you plan to have kids.

Yes I understood his point Mr

 

[Officer Pete Malloy]

Yes this is an alias account. Mostly a lurker, but better safe than sorry.

Which LOTR Character Are You?

 

[cstu]

FBGuser is a cheating dirtbag. Why would we expect him to keep marriage vows at this point? His word means nothing and is untrustworthy.

I, for one, would not marry him now.

 

[Quez]

This is the worst type of cheating imo because it was so premeditated & planned. This is by no means on the level of getting a jerk in at the Oriental Spa, or having a drunk 1 nighter while out of town. Those are way more innocent.

 

[EYLive]

Yes this is an alias account. Mostly a lurker, but better safe than sorry.

Which LOTR Character Are You?

I like your quiz. I got "Carl Drogo".

 

[Tom Servo]

Still don't understand why people get married when there are no kids involved.

The way it's supposed to work is love - marriage - baby. At least that's what the elementary school song taught me.

 

[jamny]

I got the Midnight Oil singer

 

[jwb]

Everyone by now knows my opinion, so this is the last thing I will say. You are not always going to be in the early stages of love. That "can't keep my hands off of each other" phase. Life intrudes. So, you have to consciously decide that I love this person and I am going to do everything in my power to make her happy. If you married a good person, the result of that is that she will give you more. You should always feel like you are giving 75% of the work to the marriage with her only giving 25%. Why?? Because we often times overestimate what we are giving. If you think you are giving 75%, you are probably giving closer to 50%. She will give more as a result of you giving more.

JMHO. Good luck OP...

I agree with Saintsfan in that marriage, and indeed "love", is more than simple chemistry.

My 15 year marriage is excellent. We're best friends, and we synch up pretty well, but we don't match on everything. There were girls in my past that I connected better with on a lot of individual stuff, both in the bedroom and out. But I didn't build a life with them.

We have no kids, and while we're that couple that others look at and say "you got it all together", truthfully, married life can be boring sometimes, where one day flows into the next and motions are gone through. Heck, we have a hot tub (not swingers ), there's summertime nekkid swimming in our pool, we usually have a weekly date, and take a nice cruise every year. And even those all become routine. Sometimes, a girl other than my wife who lines up with me in areas where my wife doesn't might seem awfully attractive for a moment. I think that's a normal feeling.

But, to me, the trick is embracing the routine and the life you built, and not always pining for greener grass. Because really, that's marriage.

 

[James Daulton]

So I guess it's better to die at a ripe old age having lived with a loveless marriage simply to avoid breaking some vows?

People change. They're not in love anymore. Why should the OP remain in the relationship when a deep and meaningful relationship makes life so much more rewarding.

OP, I'm in the camp of don't cheat anymore, get separated, then do whatever the hell makes you happy.

And that's why there are so many divorces. If love is only a feeling, then I guess you could fall out of love. If love is a conscious decision, then it's up to you to love your wife and it's up to her to love you back.

You loved each other enough to commit to life at one time. Why don't you try to create some of the magic that you had at one time. It takes some work. It's not easy. But that's what marriage is.

Life is not a movie. Sometimes the person you knew at 30 isn't the same person at 45. Sometimes no how matter how hard you work, the feelings are gone. You only have one go-round in this life, why spend it depriving yourself of love if it may be out there for you?

It's ok to get divorced.

 

[Foosball God]

I think there is too much railing on that he should be happy with his marriage. If he isn't happy, he isn't happy. You can't manufacture love imo. If you are then it isn't really love.

He is a selfish dirtbag because he isn't man enough to end it with his wife if he doesn't love her anymore. She is supposedly his best friend, but best friends don't go behind each other's backs and betray them. Best friends talk to each other, I'm guessing he hasn't told his wife that things are bothering him, or if he did he didn't convey them to be as serious as they are. He has been dishonest long before he ever had this fling.

 

[Guest]

So I guess it's better to die at a ripe old age having lived with a loveless marriage simply to avoid breaking some vows?

People change. They're not in love anymore. Why should the OP remain in the relationship when a deep and meaningful relationship makes life so much more rewarding.

OP, I'm in the camp of don't cheat anymore, get separated, then do whatever the hell makes you happy.

And that's why there are so many divorces. If love is only a feeling, then I guess you could fall out of love. If love is a conscious decision, then it's up to you to love your wife and it's up to her to love you back. You loved each other enough to commit to life at one time. Why don't you try to create some of the magic that you had at one time. It takes some work. It's not easy. But that's what marriage is.

Life is not a movie. Sometimes the person you knew at 30 isn't the same person at 45. Sometimes no how matter how hard you work, the feelings are gone. You only have one go-round in this life, why spend it depriving yourself of love if it may be out there for you?

It's ok to get divorced.

Way I see it, the goal is happiness and we are all wired differently. If you chase something frivolous, hurt someone you care about, live without values or personal code of conduct, then for many, chances are those things will catch up to you and cause dissonance, regrets and feelings of despair and malcontent. Not for all of us. I see much of the advice in this thread aimed at warning the OP that what he thinks he wants now may not be the road to satisfaction. If it is, I say go for it. But when the suicide bomber blows his vest and there aren't 72 virgins there to greet him but the Devil with a pitchfork, then maybe the buddy who said, "Dude, think this through" isn't such an ####### after all.

 

[jwb]

So I guess it's better to die at a ripe old age having lived with a loveless marriage simply to avoid breaking some vows?

People change. They're not in love anymore. Why should the OP remain in the relationship when a deep and meaningful relationship makes life so much more rewarding.

OP, I'm in the camp of don't cheat anymore, get separated, then do whatever the hell makes you happy.

And that's why there are so many divorces. If love is only a feeling, then I guess you could fall out of love. If love is a conscious decision, then it's up to you to love your wife and it's up to her to love you back.

You loved each other enough to commit to life at one time. Why don't you try to create some of the magic that you had at one time. It takes some work. It's not easy. But that's what marriage is.

Life is not a movie. Sometimes the person you knew at 30 isn't the same person at 45. Sometimes no how matter how hard you work, the feelings are gone. You only have one go-round in this life, why spend it depriving yourself of love if it may be out there for you?

It's ok to get divorced.

I don't think anyone is saying that it's not.

Take what Saintsfan is saying in the context of the OP, which doesn't sound anything like the "my wife checked out of this marriage / walking on eggshells" posts we've seen here.

 

[DocHolliday]

Seriously, it is time for the OP to get divorced. There are no kids involved. Do it for your own happiness. Do it for your wife's happiness. You two need to find partners that do it for you. You guys made a mistake by getting married. Life is too short to live that way. If you had kids, my advice would be to try to make the marriage work by getting pro help for the kids sake.

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. It is time to realize why you made that mistake.

The new flame will get old within 12 months. Maybe it could have worked had it started off better but I do not see how it lasts starting with a married guy, a divorce, lies, and 2 kids.

How do married guys get away for the weekend? The OPs wife does not seem to care about the marriage.