Static with GF over her kid. Please advice (1 Viewer)

[Rick James]

a single mother's biological impulses tell her to lock down a mate. it's what is best for her offspring. this is nature we're dealing with.

if you're not into that, then you should get out

 

[Rick James]

a single mother's biological impulses tell her to lock down a mate. it's what is best for her offspring. this is nature we're dealing with.

if you're not into that, then you should get out

HFS seriously?

please. it's true.

 

[mr roboto]

a single mother's biological impulses tell her to lock down a mate. it's what is best for her offspring. this is nature we're dealing with.

if you're not into that, then you should get out

HFS seriously?

I'm not sure it's attributable to 'biological impulses' per se, but yes, many single parents want to couple to provide a 2 parent household. I don't know why that's so shocking.

 

[Billy Bats]

Speaking from experience with two step kids, if you want to be with her then you better want to be with both of them. It's only natural for the woman to want her bf to be involved with her son if there is a future involved.

Before any conversation to be had with her about her expectations, you need to figure out what you want. Do you love her but not the parent-type responsibilities right now? If so then I suggest you move on. Because it will not get any easier. Not only will she expect you to be a parent figure, you should be expected to be one, IMO.

I was 35yo unmarried/no kids when I met Mrs Bats with two kids. I struggled with it early, it being a shock suddenly being around a 6 and 8 year old often. (She has custody) I broke it off about 6/7 months in because I felt I wasn't ready long term. I missed her, and the kids, and we got back together. I got my head together realizing that if I truly wanted to be with her, then I truly had to want to have kids. Been happy for 7 years now. And lot has to do with Mrs Bats being awesome too and appreciating my side if the situation.

Good luck man. I understand where you're at, been there and it's not easy. It all comes down to the love you have for her, AND your willingness to be a father figure going forward.

Thanks. This is a little different in that the dad is around and a positive influence from what I can tell.

Doesn't make a difference what the father is like. Let me ask you something. Looking ahead if you marry this girl, or in the least move in with her, do you not expect to be going to little league games, McDonalds, school plays etc and not be involved in the parental aspect of raising the kid? If you don't, you're sadly mistaken and it won't last. Even if she tells you she doesn't expect that from you, she does. And should. Just being honest.

 

[mr roboto]

a single mother's biological impulses tell her to lock down a mate. it's what is best for her offspring. this is nature we're dealing with.

if you're not into that, then you should get out

HFS seriously?

I'm not sure it's attributable to 'biological impulses' per se, but yes, many single parents want to couple to provide a 2 parent household. I don't know why that's so shocking.

I am a single mom - I have been since my daughter was 3 months old. I feel no biological need to provide a 2nd parental figure for my daugther. I'm fully prepared and capable to continue to raise my daugther as a single parent. Stating that I have a need, or a biological need is incorrect. I do not need a co-parent. I do not need support financially or emotionally. I do not need another person if I wanted to have a second child (if you're referring to a biological clock).

I think his statement was too absolute for sure. I was raised by a single mom who had no desire to remarry or date. So I get that. But we all know it is easier to raise kids as a team (usually). So I do believe that many single parents would like to find a nice, responsible, loving partner both for themselves and their kids. Not saying the should, or need.

 

[FDAS]

Can the child be deported to the Ukraine?

 

[mr roboto]

beavers,

Good on you for what you are doing, truly. Please don't think that my posts were speaking at your situation directly. I understand from my own mother that it can be done excellently.

 

[LongDuckDong]

So things have been going pretty well with the gf. We are coming up on one year of dating. Lately our fights have centered around being together when she has her son. Her son is 7 and a good kid, she and the father were married for just over a year; they divorced when the kid was an infant.

She is saying that I avoid her when she has him and she feels like a single mom. I'm not sure what to do here. I don't enjoy going to McDonalds with them while he plays on the playground, or even to the park just to watch him run around. I don't mind doing things with them or even doing nothing with them from time to time, but I don't think I should be hanging out every time she has her son. Am I being selfish here?

I'm a bit disturbed, but not all that surprised at the shaming language used towards you to "man up"and "don't shoplift the Pootie"

Shouldn't the woman take some responsibility at all for choosing well?

She clearly can't choose well, which is why she's a single mother in the first place.

People you don't want to deal with are people who won't own up to their self inflicted circumstances. If she "needs you" to make sure she doesn't "feel like a single mother" then I would say there is something fundamentally wrong with her in general. No one held a gun to her head. No one told her to get married. No one told her to let one past the goalie. If you are going to commit to a single mother, IMHO, find one that absolutely owns her situation.

Chicks who play the "It's all X person's fault" are a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. On your sense of sanity, on your bank account, on your entire life.

Chicks who admit they've made mistakes and live in a such a way as own them ( i.e. "I don't always enjoy being a single mother, but I made my choices, I brought this on myself, I can't pity myself here, I can't demand things that a childless person would have, I've made life choices that comprise of making trade offs where I can't focus just on what I want") are ones that you can consider keeping.

I'm pretty amazed at how often the "You need to step up" happy horse #### gets pushed around when it comes to single mothers and relationships. Sure, you need to make certain sacrifices to be with a single mom. On the flips side, she needs to do things to put you in a positive position to succeed, i.e. help you get integrated in what she hopes will be a future family unit.

A chick with her hands on her hips, tapping her foot and waiting for you to do all the heavy lifting to make her happy, that's not the kind of chick you want to stay with or even marry.

Chicks like that, you aren't dating a single mom and her kid, you are really choosing to emotionally ( and likely financially) support basically "two kids" A grown up owns their ####. This isn't about finding the right woman, it's not about finding the right balance with a single mom, this is about finding a grown up first and foremost, you do that and most of this single mom happy horse #### will being to work itself out.

Really bummed. Have loved the Gekko alias and postings for quite some time and agreed with its somewhat contrarian point of view for all of it.

This is taking a "No Ma'am" position for the sake of doing it.

I think this woman is being INCREDIBLY responsible from the way OP presented it. They've dated a year. She's not asking him to marry her or be the kid's dad, she's simply asserting her desire with her long term boyfriend to feel as if they're becoming more of a unit.

You don't just date the single mother alone. It's not reasonable. I hate saying this but there isn't a second point of view on this unless there's some sort of emotional disturbance. This woman seems reasonable, healthy, and most importantly, protective of herself, her time, her energy, her heart, and her child.

 

[DocHolliday]

The mom is wanting to take a step forward with the relationship. That is normal in any relationship. The OP is either ready to become more of a family guy or not. The decision is his and his alone. He should do what he wants but will have to tell the woman.

For the kids sake, the OP should not get more involved in the kids life if he does not plan on sticking around. The kid does not need that confusion.