"The Bachelor" on ABC (2 Viewers)

[Rohn Jambo]

Jeff apparently started a bottled water company where one full dollar of the sale goes towards The Human Fund or somesuch nonsense. I hate the bottled water industry with the intensity of a thousand flaming Jeffs, especially after the admission by Pepsi that they were essentially filling their bottled water lines up with tap water and marketing it as something spring water for an eleventy billion percent profit. The money wasted and spent on a commodity you can get out of a faucet drives me nuts, so the fact that this swish started ANOTHER bottled water company where he is profiting off the sympathies of the morons who buy this product really irks me. And why didn't this skinny tie wearing hipster doofus reciprocate his willingness to move out of the suck hole state that is Utah? He asked the question of where she'd want to be, but didn't even offer to leave the safety of his family compound. So brave and so daring, yet the thought of flying the Mormon Coop just isn't in the cards? Really? God, I just want to reach through the TV screen, grap ahold of his ridiculous George McFly hairdo and fling him into the air like a clay pigeon. How the holy hell is he still standing here?And Arie, dude...lighten up on the facial lotion. You were practically glistening last night like a radioactive isotope. Did you dip into Clark Griswold's patent pending lubricant to apply that graphene on your rosey cheeks? Dude, if you aren't going to use your napkin to eat, use it to dab yourself between shots of you two not eating anything.Oh, and Chris Harrison? You write like a chick. I don't mean your prose is femme, but your handwriting looks very much like every 8th grade love note I ever received. All one of them, which I just cross referenced for verification. Well, unless of course the intern your banging wrote it for you, in that case, ata boy. I told my wife and mother that with Sean's white eyebrows, redish face and blonde short hair, that I could pass for his older, more seasoned big brother. They both laughed at me.

I didn't expect GM to be such a hater.Jef is my favorite bachelorette guy ever since I started following the Pickles Blog.

 

[dino259]

While waiting for the Pickles Blog, don't forget they moved the finale to Sunday night. Adjust your schedules and check your DVRs for any conflicts. Bachelor pad starts on Monday.

 

[jwp]

I was pretty disappointed in the show last night. Really boring like the season, yet how many times did Harrison refer to it as one the best seasons ever or something to that effect?

 

[pantherclub]

This is probably the all time worst season of this series. Just brutal on all fronts.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

This is probably the all time worst season of this series. Just brutal on all fronts.

Ashley Hebert's season was the worst. Period.

 

[jwp]

Just read the blog. During the process of googling Roberto Martinez to find out who he was (this being only my 3rd season of bachelor/bachelorette) it seems he has turned down the 500K offer. That darn girlfriend thing derailed that plan, so maybe we will be stuck with Sean? Also came upon an article that says maybe Emily isn't picking anyone based on the preview of the finale.

 

[offdee]

Wolfman really owning the pink pants shtick. First bright pink at a rose ceremony and then busts out the light pink at the men tell all.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

Just read the blog. During the process of googling Roberto Martinez to find out who he was (this being only my 3rd season of bachelor/bachelorette) it seems he has turned down the 500K offer. That darn girlfriend thing derailed that plan, so maybe we will be stuck with Sean? Also came upon an article that says maybe Emily isn't picking anyone based on the preview of the finale.

The tabloid track record has been atrocious, so I don't know if it's accurate. Could be, but nearly nothing reported by these folks has been right. Remember the talk about Emily dropping Arie immediately after learning about Cassie? Whoops. As to the preview, I think she's absolutely picking someone. They never tip their hand with finale previews. There's one on ABC.com where they have Arie saying "there's someone still in the picture" which is an obvious reference to Jef, but they make it look like Arie has some other chick. Sure, guys.

 

[Joe T]

This is probably the all time worst season of this series. Just brutal on all fronts.

Ashley Hebert's season was the worst. Period.

Was going to post the same thing.Ben was also awful, but not as bad as the Ashley season.

 

[Gr00vus]

This is probably the all time worst season of this series. Just brutal on all fronts.

Ashley Hebert's season was the worst. Period.

Was going to post the same thing.Ben was also awful, but not as bad as the Ashley season.

Emily's fake, but well executed rack put this season above Ashley's season at least.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

This is probably the all time worst season of this series. Just brutal on all fronts.

Ashley Hebert's season was the worst. Period.

Was going to post the same thing.Ben was also awful, but not as bad as the Ashley season.

Emily's fake, but well executed rack put this season above Ashley's season at least.

That dress she wore for Men Tell All would make any man a believer.

 

[Joe T]

That dress she wore for Men Tell All would make any man a believer.

 

[offdee]

That dress she wore for Men Tell All would make any man a believer.

She looked pretty amazing that night.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

That french press they sold in the strip mall would make any coffee with creamer.

 

[jwp]

Finale BUMP

 

[Quint]

Finale BUMP

in. with the following rules in place:- drink one any time someone says "awesome," "amazing," "incredible," "Little Ricky," "great dad," or mentions the resort/island/country they are visiting- drink two any time someone says "the right reasons," "excited to be here," "i've fallen for you" or Emily cries- drink three any time a guy cries or says, "i'm in love with you"- finish your glass if Emily doesn't pick either guy, or if a guy rejects herthankfully, i have tomorrow off.

 

[krista4]

Finale BUMP

in. with the following rules in place:- drink one any time someone says "awesome," "amazing," "incredible," "Little Ricky," "great dad," or mentions the resort/island/country they are visiting- drink two any time someone says "the right reasons," "excited to be here," "i've fallen for you" or Emily cries- drink three any time a guy cries or says, "i'm in love with you"- finish your glass if Emily doesn't pick either guy, or if a guy rejects herthankfully, i have tomorrow off.

I'm 22 minutes in and wasted.Also, way to wear your nicest white t-shirt to meet the parents, Jef.

 

[Quint]

Finale BUMP

in. with the following rules in place:

- drink one any time someone says "awesome," "amazing," "incredible," "Little Ricky," "great dad," or mentions the resort/island/country they are visiting

- drink two any time someone says "the right reasons," "excited to be here," "i've fallen for you" or Emily cries

- drink three any time a guy cries or says, "i'm in love with you"

- finish your glass if Emily doesn't pick either guy, or if a guy rejects her

thankfully, i have tomorrow off.

I'm 22 minutes in and wasted.Also, way to wear your nicest white t-shirt to meet the parents, Jef.

West Coast feed for me...no spoilers!!

 

[krista4]

Finale BUMP

in. with the following rules in place:

- drink one any time someone says "awesome," "amazing," "incredible," "Little Ricky," "great dad," or mentions the resort/island/country they are visiting

- drink two any time someone says "the right reasons," "excited to be here," "i've fallen for you" or Emily cries

- drink three any time a guy cries or says, "i'm in love with you"

- finish your glass if Emily doesn't pick either guy, or if a guy rejects her

thankfully, i have tomorrow off.

I'm 22 minutes in and wasted.Also, way to wear your nicest white t-shirt to meet the parents, Jef.

West Coast feed for me...no spoilers!!

Sorry.

 

[jeter23]

Anyone think Emily's mom is a smoker? I can't tell...

 

[krista4]

I guess I'm in the minority, but I think Jef is awesome. Sorry, GM.

 

[krista4]

Whoa.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

I guess I'm in the minority, but I think Jef is awesome. Sorry, GM.

Yes, we know you have a weakness for hipsters.

 

[krista4]

I guess I'm in the minority, but I think Jef is awesome. Sorry, GM.

Yes, we know you have a weakness for hipsters.

Totally true.

 

[jwp]

Well that was a good finale! I'd love to see Arie as next B...

 

[Otis]

Sean is clearly the next Bachelor.

 

[Dinsy Ejotuz]

Finale BUMP

in. with the following rules in place:- drink one any time someone says "awesome," "amazing," "incredible," "Little Ricky," "great dad," or mentions the resort/island/country they are visiting- drink two any time someone says "the right reasons," "excited to be here," "i've fallen for you" or Emily cries- drink three any time a guy cries or says, "i'm in love with you"- finish your glass if Emily doesn't pick either guy, or if a guy rejects herthankfully, i have tomorrow off.

The only one you'd need to be certifiably schnockered is 'rest of my/our life'.

 

[Ray Karpis]

I like Jef...seems like the guy has it together.

Honestly think this will be one of the very rare matches on this show that work.

 

[offdee]

Sean is clearly the next Bachelor.

Heard its already Roberto....the Ally ex.

 

[identikit]

Sean is clearly the next Bachelor.

Heard its already Roberto....the Ally ex.

Heard he turned ABC (and 500k) down.

 

[krista4]

I like Jef...seems like the guy has it together.Honestly think this will be one of the very rare matches on this show that work.

 

[identikit]

Anyone else notice when Arie and Emily hugged for the last time, you could hear a heartbeat?

From the mics i suppose.....

 

[DrJ]

If water from a tap isn't good enough for us, why the #### is well water good enough for the Africans?

 

[DrJ]

I like Jef...seems like the guy has it together.Honestly think this will be one of the very rare matches on this show that work.

He wears feminine pants and bats his eyelashes a lot, NTTAWWT. And what's the deal with her kid? You spend a day with her and you can't even get a shot of the kid actually speaking? I'm thinking that might be part of why Ari's feeling a ton better after watching this back.

 

[Quint]

please tell me someone else saw the huge pee-stain on Emily's dad's pants in the opening set up before Jef arrives.

ooof.

 

[Ray Karpis]

What was with the proposal/final rose locale. They're in Curacao and they stick them in the middle of an alley in front of what looks like a prop row of houses. Just a little yellow platform with a bunch if potted plants.

No beach...no cliff overlooking the ocean?

 

[pantherclub]

If not the worst the second worst season ever.

I am thinking Arie will make a good Bachelor.

 

[koby925]

please tell me someone else saw the huge pee-stain on Emily's dad's pants in the opening set up before Jef arrives. ooof.

No I didn't notice that but her brother did remind me of Karl from Sling Blade. I kept waiting for him to offer Jef some french fried potaters.

 

[Da Guru]

Ari had a good audition last night to be the next bachelor. Emily has over-bleached horse/chicklet teeth and her mom looks like a boozer.

 

[jwp]

If not the worst the second worst season ever.I am thinking Arie will make a good Bachelor.

I haven't watched a lot of seasons but a good finale and doing a good job of keeping the outcome secret sort of saved this one a little bit for me.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

please tell me someone else saw the huge pee-stain on Emily's dad's pants in the opening set up before Jef arrives.

ooof.

I think this is what you're referring to? I've watched Emily's dad's crotch on a loop for a while now and I think my conclusion is: shadow.

 

[Fat Nick]

please tell me someone else saw the huge pee-stain on Emily's dad's pants in the opening set up before Jef arrives.

ooof.

I think this is what you're referring to? I've watched Emily's dad's crotch on a loop for a while now and I think my conclusion is: shadow.

That looks like swamp ### to me...

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

I assume someone's commented on Arie's over-passionate kissing style? I'm guessing his parents have Cinemax.

 

[Mr. Pickles]

I assume someone's commented on Arie's over-passionate kissing style? I'm guessing his parents have Cinemax.

I'd respond to this claim, but I need to grab the back of your neck.

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

I assume someone's commented on Arie's over-passionate kissing style? I'm guessing his parents have Cinemax.

I'd respond to this claim, but I need to grab the back of your neck.

Do what you gotta do.

 

[Quint]

please tell me someone else saw the huge pee-stain on Emily's dad's pants in the opening set up before Jef arrives.

ooof.

I think this is what you're referring to? I've watched Emily's dad's crotch on a loop for a while now and I think my conclusion is: shadow.

i disagree. four of us in the room last night (two men, two women) and had the DVR workin'. it was a singular, circular, stain right where you'd expect to see a pee-stain. it was there when Emily arrived, and then later when Jef showed up.

i can't believe it was missed in post-production, though i guess if they had pixel-ed it out it would have suggested arousal?

 

[offdee]

play by play text log with a GB who was watching this finale nonsense..

GB: When are you going to start watching it?

offdee: Just hit play on DVR now

offdee: 5 mins in and already the most dramatic episode ever.

GB: Jeff shows up at the parents house in a Hanes tee?

offdee: and he just walked there I guess. Hitchhiked most likely.

GB: his hair is amazing though

offdee: If Arie presented me with a box of old dead roses I'd chop him in the throat

GB: are we sure he's not gay?

offdee: I'm not sure he's not gay

offdee: Jef for the win. Body language and calling him "hon"

offdee: mom's got a set of ears on her

GB: Yes she does. Emily has them too

GB: And I would bang her brother's wife

offdee: Id do bad things to that girl in the crowd in the red dress!

GB: The one in the red shirt?! She's a fatass!

offdee: Red DRESS! To chris harrisons right when he was standing in the crowd about 37 mins. in

offdee: I think Jef and Arie would be happy together. Can u imagine that ending? Most dramatic episode ever.

GB: Agreed. That would rule.

GB: Man, Jeff is really loveing those pocket tees.

offdee: There's only one F in Jef, Goose.

offdee: How does Jef swim and keep that hair volume? Amazing.

GB: you're gonna love Jef's book

GB: Damnit, I'm caught up and have to watch commercials now!

GB: Did you know she was going to pick Jef?

offdee: Nope, didn't know anything

GB: LOL, the look of the crowd

offdee: Shock and awe

GB: season 4 girl in the crowd...get some better jeans

offdee: Woah, Ashley S

GB: Uhhh yeah

offdee: Ashely ###

GB: And huge cans! Amazing ### to can ratio

offdee: Almost 1 to 1 ratio. Unheard of.

GB: Does he have to pay for the ring?

offdee: Hell no. Advertising dollars for Neil Lane pays for it. That's probably a $30K+ ring.

offdee: Bring on The Pad tomorrow!

GB: I can't wait

offdee: U were always so against this reality garbage. Welcome my son.

GB: The Pad nonsense is definitely addicting. I still feel dirty watching this BS but enjoy taking this amazing journey with you.

offdee: That's the most amazing thing anybody's said to me. Thank you so much. I'm so grateful God brought us together.

GB: I just want you to know those weren't empty words

GB: cue video montage

offdee: Am I watching the Karate Kid right now?

GB: Put him in a body bag Johnny!!!

offdee: Go to your front door right now. I left you my journal

GB: Man he is coming off as pathetic. Borderline psycho.

offdee: Doesn't even look like she opened the envelope. And if he put it on her doorstep why is it in a mailing envelope?

offdee: I knew Arie loved Jef!

GB: yep...gay

 

[Mr. Pickles]

please tell me someone else saw the huge pee-stain on Emily's dad's pants in the opening set up before Jef arrives.

ooof.

I think this is what you're referring to? I've watched Emily's dad's crotch on a loop for a while now and I think my conclusion is: shadow.

i disagree. four of us in the room last night (two men, two women) and had the DVR workin'. it was a singular, circular, stain right where you'd expect to see a pee-stain. it was there when Emily arrived, and then later when Jef showed up.

i can't believe it was missed in post-production, though i guess if they had pixel-ed it out it would have suggested arousal?

Nothing like that in my analysis.

 

[identikit]

please tell me someone else saw the huge pee-stain on Emily's dad's pants in the opening set up before Jef arrives.

ooof.

I think this is what you're referring to? I've watched Emily's dad's crotch on a loop for a while now and I think my conclusion is: shadow.

i disagree. four of us in the room last night (two men, two women) and had the DVR workin'. it was a singular, circular, stain right where you'd expect to see a pee-stain. it was there when Emily arrived, and then later when Jef showed up.

i can't believe it was missed in post-production, though i guess if they had pixel-ed it out it would have suggested arousal?

Nothing like that in my analysis.

A lot of time examining a man's crotch .

 

[Mr. Pickles]

please tell me someone else saw the huge pee-stain on Emily's dad's pants in the opening set up before Jef arrives.

ooof.

I think this is what you're referring to? I've watched Emily's dad's crotch on a loop for a while now and I think my conclusion is: shadow.

i disagree. four of us in the room last night (two men, two women) and had the DVR workin'. it was a singular, circular, stain right where you'd expect to see a pee-stain. it was there when Emily arrived, and then later when Jef showed up.

i can't believe it was missed in post-production, though i guess if they had pixel-ed it out it would have suggested arousal?

Nothing like that in my analysis.

A lot of time examining a man's crotch .

I know, right?