And what was her reason?That's the first thing I asked my ex too.... she also assured me she wasn't. Granted, our relationship wasn't nearly as good as what you've described yours as.
Thanks. I do know all this to be true. And this whiskey and I have told myself all of this over the course of the last couple of days. I'm not kidding when I say that over the last several years, I have read more relationship blogs and relationship articles than a Real Housewife of Atlanta. Knowing all of that doesn't ease the temporary pain, but the whiskey does help a little.First off, sorry to hear it. Sounds very familiar...
Butterflies....I fell for a woman that gave them to me. And she broke it off once upon a time because she didn't feel them. But everything else was perfect. We got back together two months later, but it's always in the back of my mind. And I imagine I have a better than even chance of spending the rest of my life with her. But I'm always thinking about it.
Butterflies can be exciting. Girls especially seem to crave it. But they don't love what comes with it. Where it really comes from is a position of inequality. When a partner cares for their partner stronger than the other partner, the one who cares the most often has anxiety. Anxiety the relationship may end. In most relationships, the person who cares the least has the most "power" because the person who cares the greatest will nearly always succumb to the others requests until they eventually get tired of the inequality.
My advice....let her go, remain friends if possible and she very possibly may come back. Or, you dodged a huge bullet. Almost nothing sucks worse than caring deeply for someone and it not being reciprocated. So if it was bound to happen, good that it happened now.
Thank you. I definitely appreciate the insight.Sorry to hear it.
Your last paragraph indicates you've got a very mature grasp of how adult relationships work. I think, if she is depressed, it may not be the stuff you mention there that's the problem, she herself may just not be able to bear up under such a relationship at all times. I say this because I've kind of been there (and kind of still am though I'm much "better" than I used to be). In truth the limits are internal (to her), though they may seem to manifest/express as something wrong with the external (you). The lack of value we have in ourselves spills over into everything else at times with very negative impacts on those around us. It may sound crazy (which is how people with depression get categorized sometimes), but a lot of us feel like we don't deserve nice, good, happy, positive, etc. and so we don't really believe or trust in such things when we experience them. Eventually we tend to push that stuff away by focusing on what (we perceive) isn't good and exploding that to a sentiment that none of it is good. Hopefully, if this is where she's at, she'll get therapy and work through it - though I don't know that you ever completely "fix" it you can improve over time. It's constant work though.
Anyway, for yourself, give it time, it'll suck for a bit, but don't let it become permanent. Heal up and do it over again with the hope that you can get with someone who can enjoy and appreciate the good stuff you've got to offer.
Yeah. Pretty much my thoughts, GB.NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Whiskey/alcohol is the worst thing honestly, and this is coming from someone who drinks all the time. If you are really down about the relationship, best overall bet is to try to stop drinking until it passes. You'll probably lose a little weight, and not be real motivated at first to do much of anything other than your daily obligations. But drinking will absolutely not help.Thanks. I do know all this to be true. And this whiskey and I have told myself all of this over the course of the last couple of days. I'm not kidding when I say that over the last several years, I have read more relationship blogs and relationship articles than a Real Housewife of Atlanta. Knowing all of that doesn't ease the temporary pain, but the whiskey does help a little.
Don't listen to him Colonel.Whiskey/alcohol is the worst thing honestly, and this is coming from someone who drinks all the time. If you are really down about the relationship, best overall bet is to try to stop drinking until it passes. You'll probably lose a little weight, and not be real motivated at first to do much of anything other than your daily obligations. But drinking will absolutely not help.
She said she had never felt this way about another person, that it wasn't me, but rather her, and that it scared her that the relationship was getting too serious (it wasn't).And what was her reason?
Appreciate that GB. No worries, I'm not a huge drinker to begin with. But I do have some of my dad's bequeathed stash of fine rums and bourbons that I call upon for special occasions. I think he'd have approved of this one. He would've loved her like IDon't listen to him Colonel.
Drinking ALWAYS help. As a matter of fact, I'll crack one to help you mourn.
:reported:Whiskey/alcohol is the worst thing honestly, and this is coming from someone who drinks all the time. If you are really down about the relationship, best overall bet is to try to stop drinking until it passes. You'll probably lose a little weight, and not be real motivated at first to do much of anything other than your daily obligations. But drinking will absolutely not help.
I'm sorry, GB. That sucks. I think that's too often the result of baggage from someone being harmed or mistreated by another in a past relationship. Too many people carry that baggage with them for the rest of their lives, assuming that everyone treats people that same way. Case in point: my neighbor.She said she had never felt this way about another person, that it wasn't me, but rather her, and that it scared her that the relationship was getting too serious (it wasn't).
Speaking of whom...I'm sorry, GB. That sucks. I think that's too often the result of baggage from someone being harmed or mistreated by another in a past relationship. Too many people carry that baggage with them for the rest of their lives, assuming that everyone treats people that same way. Case in point: my neighbor.
All good, GB. You're totally right. She had dated some total ######## jocks before me (a relatively nerdy guy) and was one of the more popular and hot girls when we were in high school. I was out-kicking the coverage. She ended up marrying a seemingly nice guy who is way nerdier than I am now, and we still run into each other occasionally. No hard feelings, she just needed to learn more about herself and a genuine, decent person scared her at that time.I'm sorry, GB. That sucks. I think that's too often the result of baggage from someone being harmed or mistreated by another in a past relationship. Too many people carry that baggage with them for the rest of their lives, assuming that everyone treats people that same way. Case in point: my neighbor.
No way. Learned my lesson there, the hard way.Speaking of whom...
OK...OK...we'll wait a day or two before going there.
Is she young? Could expain it.Nathan R. Jessep said:I've always told you guys you get the bad with the good. And since this is my sounding board because I have no friends...
Dr. Girlfriend broke it off with me Monday. I can't say that I was 100% surprised, because my life, if anything, has taught me to never get too comfortable being happy, but I'd say I was about 95% surprised. She's been dealing with some personal issues (health related) lately that had her in a little bit of a funk, and that I think led to some mild depression, but I had no clue that she was about to end things with me. I went to see her just 2 weeks ago and she was supposed to come here this weekend. Things with us, I thought, were really good. Probably the best relationship I've ever had, tbh. Good enough that I was contemplating about what my next few years might look like as my daughter will be out of high school.
I know what's meant to be will be and all that ####, but damn, man, I'm so tired of starting over with people. It's exhausting. She met my kids and family and attended events with us. She was 'my person.' And it's not like I went and found her. She came to me. I thought this was it, the one I'd been waiting for. And we were happy. And we were great together. I honestly had zero complaints about her.
She told me Monday that she still loved me, but that it just didn't feel right to her. I was so amazing, and treated her so good and all the other #### I've heard time and time again now. And I honestly do not understand at all. In my estimation, if you have someone you are happy with (she was, according to her), who treats you well (I did, according to her), then why the #### wouldn't you work and put forth effort to keep that going?? I just don't get it. It seems to me that nowadays people don't want to put forth effort to sustain a good relationship. They have a "pie in the sky" vision of this perfect magic someone that's out there, that everything just clicks with and the stars align and it's all rainbows and butterflies with NO effort and there will never be ANY problems with and that's all they want to settle for. It's bull####. The ####### "butterflies." That's what they're all looking for, because that's what some ####### magazine article told them about one time. Guess those articles didn't mention the other 364.75 days a year when actual life takes place and you have to be real with each other.
I just needed to vent. Time for a refill
Thanks for listening.
well, one year younger than me (she's 41), so I consider us young, but probably not the "young" you were going forIs she young? Could expain it.
Some people can't or won't deal with their past. Lots of people overcome. But if the person doesn't seek help like therapy to help themselves, I'd stay away. You're not going to be their saviour. And don't remain friends unless you have no attraction to them.Nathan R. Jessep said:I'm sorry, GB. That sucks. I think that's too often the result of baggage from someone being harmed or mistreated by another in a past relationship. Too many people carry that baggage with them for the rest of their lives, assuming that everyone treats people that same way. Case in point: my neighbor.
True. It depends on dating experience.well, one year younger than me (she's 41), so I consider us young, but probably not the "young" you were going for
Yeah, I am definitely still attracted. I was already thinking I need to play this one differently than I have in the past. She already told me "I hope we can remain friends" and while I would like that, #######it, I want more than that. I'm tired of friends. I want my person back. And honestly, while I do genuinely want her to be happy even if that's not with me, what I really want is for her to miss me and how I treated her, which was like a queen.Some people can't or won't deal with their past. Lots of people overcome. But if the person doesn't seek help like therapy to help themselves, I'd stay away. You're not going to be their saviour. And don't remain friends unless you have no attraction to them.
No friends. You need to go on with life. I have a friend who just doesn't do well being without a gf. They know that of him so they use him and he gets dumped all the time. I think the problem with some is treating them like a queen. It needs to be 50:50 or they may lose respect. I've had bfs like that and in the beginning I was like wow, nice. Then it was like too much. Don't be someone you're really not. If someone is the right one then it'll work out.Yeah, I am definitely still attracted. I was already thinking I need to play this one differently than I have in the past. She already told me "I hope we can remain friends" and while I would like that, #######it, I want more than that. I'm tired of friends. I want my person back. And honestly, while I do genuinely want her to be happy even if that's not with me, what I really want is for her to miss me and how I treated her, which was like a queen.
Yeah, I get that too. I know all about the stereotypical "nice guy" and I am not that. I put up a fight if there's something worth fighting over (most stuff is not, IMO). I just believe in treating people how you, yourself, want to be treated. Be good to each other. No games. No BS. If that's not what she wants, then I guess it was for the best. And to be clear, she was great to me too.No friends. You need to go on with life. I guess I don't get this need or such wanting to have a S.O. that some people have unless you want kids. I have a friend who just doesn't do well being without a gf. They know that of him so they use him and he gets dumped all the time. I think the problem with some is treating them like a queen. It needs to be 50:50 or they may lose respect. I've had bfs like that and in the beginning I was like wow, nice. Then it was like too much. Don't be someone you're really not. If someone is the right one then it'll work out.
Just keep your confidence up and live life. If someone fits in well then great. What happened with this one who knows. She didn't disclose, unless I missed something.Yeah, I get that too. I know all about the stereotypical "nice guy" and I am not that. I put up a fight if there's something worth fighting over (most stuff is not, IMO). I just believe in treating people how you, yourself, want to be treated. Be good to each other. No games. No BS. If that's not what she wants, then I guess it was for the best. And to be clear, she was great to me too.
Nah, I don't think so. She was up front with me. Wasn't a huge deal.Sorry to hear the bad news. Is it possible her health issues are worse than you know and she's trying to spare you from going through possibly losing her? Sorry, just a thought I had based on what you shared?
Well that's good I guess.Nah, I don't think so. She was up front with me. Wasn't a huge deal.
There was activity in the bullpen last time we visited. She was complimentary, even in parting. So at least there's that.So I'm guessing there wasn't a, uh, walk-off?
Sucks to hear, Col. You are one of the good guys and deserve your happiness.
I wonder if this has anything to do with it. Long distance can get really tough after awhile, especially when you're adults.Nathan R. Jessep said:I went to see her just 2 weeks ago and she was supposed to come here this weekend.
It's possible. But we talked (facetime/skype/phone call) almost every single day, and of course texted daily, so it's not like we were ever out of touch. And we kept things planned to always have something to look forward to, because I think that's important also, particularly in long distance relationships. It can work. And it could have definitely been an underlying issue for her I suppose, but none of the discussions we had (and we discussed the distance openly from the very start) ever indicated that.I wonder if this has anything to do with it. Long distance can get really tough after awhile, especially when you're adults.
If you're only seeing each other every few weeks, you each have an entire life that doesn't include the other. I would think that would start to feel weird / odd / what are we doing / etc, even if on the surface, you both say it's ok.
It's good that you did that, so that probably helped.It's possible. But we talked (facetime/skype/phone call) almost every single day, and of course texted daily, so it's not like we were ever out of touch. And we kept things planned to always have something to look forward to, because I think that's important also, particularly in long distance relationships. It can work. And it could have definitely been an underlying issue for her I suppose, but none of the discussions we had (and we discussed the distance openly from the very start) ever indicated that.
It isn't an easy choice though. A lot of people cannot stop thinking about that small percentage shot. At that age though? Hard to imagine.Nathan R. Jessep said:And I honestly do not understand at all. In my estimation, if you have someone you are happy with (she was, according to her), who treats you well (I did, according to her), then why the #### wouldn't you work and put forth effort to keep that going?? I just don't get it. It seems to me that nowadays people don't want to put forth effort to sustain a good relationship. They have a "pie in the sky" vision of this perfect magic someone that's out there, that everything just clicks with and the stars align and it's all rainbows and butterflies with NO effort and there will never be ANY problems with and that's all they want to settle for. It's bull####. The ####### "butterflies." That's what they're all looking for, because that's what some ####### magazine article told them about one time. Guess those articles didn't mention the other 364.75 days a year when actual life takes place and you have to be real with each other.
you just described the path of the brohan to a t and i already knew you were a brohan among brohans but that my fine feathered friend just confirmed it six ways come sunday so keep on keepin on and keep on doing the right thing and it will work out take that to the bank bromigoYeah, I get that too. I know all about the stereotypical "nice guy" and I am not that. I put up a fight if there's something worth fighting over (most stuff is not, IMO). I just believe in treating people how you, yourself, want to be treated. Be good to each other. No games. No BS. If that's not what she wants, then I guess it was for the best. And to be clear, she was great to me too.
Definitely. I've already come to terms with the fact that I very well may not get any more explanation on it. I still won't ever understand it, but it's out of my control.The real reasons it didn’t work for her are impossible to know. Don’t beat yourself up trying to figure it out. You did what you felt was right and it didn’t work out. Get up and move on. That’s really all you can do.
The onus is on her to reach out if she wants to stay in touch. Personally, I think it’s often easier to cut ties for a while. Let yourself heal and start going out again.
if it's anybody, it's meDickies said:She said she had never felt this way about another person, that it wasn't me, but rather her, and that it scared her that the relationship was getting too serious (it wasn't).
Sorry brother, its sounded like you did everything that you should. Sometimes it just doesnt work out. Keep it upNathan R. Jessep said:I've always told you guys you get the bad with the good. And since this is my sounding board because I have no friends...
Dr. Girlfriend broke it off with me Monday. I can't say that I was 100% surprised, because my life, if anything, has taught me to never get too comfortable being happy, but I'd say I was about 95% surprised. She's been dealing with some personal issues (health related) lately that had her in a little bit of a funk, and that I think led to some mild depression, but I had no clue that she was about to end things with me. I went to see her just 2 weeks ago and she was supposed to come here this weekend. Things with us, I thought, were really good. Probably the best relationship I've ever had, tbh. Good enough that I was contemplating about what my next few years might look like as my daughter will be out of high school.
I know what's meant to be will be and all that ####, but damn, man, I'm so tired of starting over with people. It's exhausting. She met my kids and family and attended events with us. She was 'my person.' And it's not like I went and found her. She came to me. I thought this was it, the one I'd been waiting for. And we were happy. And we were great together. I honestly had zero complaints about her.
She told me Monday that she still loved me, but that it just didn't feel right to her. I was so amazing, and treated her so good and all the other #### I've heard time and time again now. And I honestly do not understand at all. In my estimation, if you have someone you are happy with (she was, according to her), who treats you well (I did, according to her), then why the #### wouldn't you work and put forth effort to keep that going?? I just don't get it. It seems to me that nowadays people don't want to put forth effort to sustain a good relationship. They have a "pie in the sky" vision of this perfect magic someone that's out there, that everything just clicks with and the stars align and it's all rainbows and butterflies with NO effort and there will never be ANY problems with and that's all they want to settle for. It's bull####. The ####### "butterflies." That's what they're all looking for, because that's what some ####### magazine article told them about one time. Guess those articles didn't mention the other 364.75 days a year when actual life takes place and you have to be real with each other.
I just needed to vent. Time for a refill
Thanks for listening.
I'm your friend, GB. I think we all are.Nathan R. Jessep said:I've always told you guys you get the bad with the good. And since this is my sounding board because I have no friends...