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Time for the Talk (1 Viewer)

Peak

Peak

Footballguy
My oldest of 2 boys is starting middle school next year.  I have been told, as well as overheard, some conversations with his friends (and their older brothers) that are sure signs "The Talk" needs to happen sooner rather than later.  I know the basics and the topics, but having never had "The Talk" with my own father, I'm not sure how this goes.  I'm most likely over-thinking things, but it can't be as easy as pointing him to the NRJ "Hug Chronicles" thread and say "here you go!"  All jokes aside, any advice?  

Topics he is hearing/encountering now include: puberty & the female anatomy (aka "tab A into slot B"), sexuality on social media (aka "Anthony Weiner is not a role model"), appropriate behavior towards the other sex (aka "why we can't wolf whistle anymore without getting slapped"), general hygiene (aka "what's the smell?", "where is that coming from?")

In all seriousness, I know this isn't a one and done conversation.  I want him to know that he can openly come to me with questions, and that he shouldn't be ashamed, embarrassed, or scared to have these types of conversations with me.  I'm open to any advice from those that have been there before.  What works? What doesn't? What would cause more angst/awkwardness than answers?

 
My dad didn't have that chat with me until I left home for college. Honestly by then the education system takes good care of it. Only major thing I remember from it was a nice quote he gave at the end, "Don't let a moment of pleasure become a lifetime of regret."

Don't be silly, wrap your willy. Just get that big point across.

 
I have two boys, two years apart.  I gave the first one the talk when he was in middle school, and right before they did the sex ed talk in class.  I didn't want that to be his education.  It was so uncomfortable, I never got around to it with his younger brother.  How bad of a dad am I? 

 
Bull Dozier said:
I have two boys, two years apart.  I gave the first one the talk when he was in middle school, and right before they did the sex ed talk in class.  I didn't want that to be his education.  It was so uncomfortable, I never got around to it with his younger brother.  How bad of a dad am I? 
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Its funny that people feel like they need to have the talk. Did you have the talk with your parents? I know I didn't and it really took care of itself. Sure, some "facts" from other kids are outrageous, but overall, the basics are covered just fine. 

 
My son is in 6th grade now and he had a sex education session at school this year one day.  He and I spoke about this and he said the teacher told the boys if you laugh at all during the presentation you would be kicked out of class.  He said he did everything he could do not to laugh.  I made sure he knew the logistics and it seemed easier to discuss after the class.

 
Cjw_55106 said:
Its funny that people feel like they need to have the talk. Did you have the talk with your parents? I know I didn't and it really took care of itself. Sure, some "facts" from other kids are outrageous, but overall, the basics are covered just fine. 
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I grew up in a house where that type of talk wasn't welcomed.  My dad read me and my brother a book (high on confusion and short on details) at the same time and took no questions afterwards.  It was instantly communicated to me that it is an awkward topic so I've carried that with me until today.

 
I grew up in a strong Catholic family and my Dad is probably the nicest guy you would ever meet.  However, my "talk" with him was one day shooting baskets in the front yard when I was probably in 8th or 9th grade.  I distinctly remember him telling me out of the blue that my Mom and him did not sleep with each other until they got married.  After I removed the puke from my mouth after that visual I had to go inside to avoid the awkwardness. 

 
Had the talk with my 5th grade son this past Summer.  Kids discuss it pretty early in school and he is extremely observant.

It was fine.  I covered the basics while we were driving to a game.  Key is to ask them some simple questions to get them talking and not just make it an awkward speech.  I assume it will need some follow up as he hasn't hit puberty yet.

My parents both tried.....and failed.  Especially my mom.  My favorite line was, "After a guy gets an erection, he then needs to ejaculate which is sometimes referred to as jack off."  WTF, mom?!?   She made it sound like the only way to get an erection to go away was to have an orgasm.  Maybe she honestly didn't know...was just very odd.

 
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Cjw_55106 said:
Its funny that people feel like they need to have the talk. Did you have the talk with your parents? I know I didn't and it really took care of itself. Sure, some "facts" from other kids are outrageous, but overall, the basics are covered just fine. 
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Nope.

With 4 sons, one in high school, we haven't had "The talk", we've had a lot of short conversations. That seems to work better, I think and hope. It's less uncomfortable anyway. 

 
you take him to the bar, have a few drinks and when the pressure gets really overwhelming you walk up to the smallest guy you see and you kick the #### out of him

that's everything he needs to know about how to be a man

 
My 8 year old told me the other day he knew what sex was. I asked him what it was. He said its when a man and a woman are in bed naked and kissing. I said he was partly right and then told him it happens between two adults and a man puts his penis inside a womans ######. Then I said you know what happens after sex sometimes and he said you die? Lmao i was tempted to say yes but told him that's where babies come from. He giggled. Then he said it sounded gross and asked if me and mommy do it and i said yes and he was grossed out and that was the end of the conversation. So my 8 yr old who stills believes in santa, elf on the shelf, and the easter bunny now knows his parents bone.

 
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My dad never had the talk with me, so I can only go by two things I remember from when I was younger.

My next door neighbor's mother would simply tell him "keep it in your pants."

Also, I'll never forget the sage words of baseball great Jimmy Dugan: Avoid the clap.

 
Oh, and it seems to help if they get to see your wife be pregnant. So that's the trick, just have another baby. 

 
My parents just bought me a book that told everything.  Saved everyone the awkward conversations and the pictures in the book gave 13 year old me some good jerkoff material.  

 
Never got the talk either.  Both my parents were pretty oblivious to everything.  I had HBO in my room at probably age 10.  After a few episodes of Realsecks I knew way more than I need too. 

 
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Jayrod said:
Had the talk with my 5th grade son this past Summer.  Kids discuss it pretty early in school and he is extremely observant.

It was fine.  I covered the basics while we were driving to a game.  Key is to ask them some simple questions to get them talking and not just make it an awkward speech.  I assume it will need some follow up as he hasn't hit puberty yet.

My parents both tried.....and failed.  Especially my mom.  My favorite line was, "After a guy gets an erection, he then needs to ejaculate which is sometimes referred to as jack off."  WTF, mom?!?   She made it sound like the only way to get an erection to go away was to have an orgasm.  Maybe she honestly didn't know...was just very odd.
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Sounds like your dad has her hornswaggled.

 
You don’t want to have the talk with your kid, your kid doesn’t want to have the talk with you. Give him a book on the subject, he will read it and tell him to email you any questions.

If you want to scare him off of having sex too early, give him a copy of Fatliners. He will be all set for a while after watching those pigs get railed.

 
In this day and age, by the time you think they should have "the talk," they could have written a book on the matter. My oldest is going to be 25, and back in 2005, there were three girls in his sixth grade class that got pregnant. Sadly, in the world we live in, the kids should have a talk to educate THE PARENTS how things work.

 
Bacon is Delicious said:
6th grade? My school did "Family Studies" starting in 4th grade. 
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6th grade seems late IMO.  We've started this conversation with my daughter in 4th grade because of a school thing.

You're right though, it's on-going and keep the conversation open.  Don't leave anything off the table.  Don't wait for them to ask questions, talk about oral, anal, etc.  Sounds disgusting but they're going to find out about it (if they already haven't) somewhere else. 

 
Jayrod said:
Had the talk with my 5th grade son this past Summer.  Kids discuss it pretty early in school and he is extremely observant.

It was fine.  I covered the basics while we were driving to a game.  Key is to ask them some simple questions to get them talking and not just make it an awkward speech.  I assume it will need some follow up as he hasn't hit puberty yet.

My parents both tried.....and failed.  Especially my mom.  My favorite line was, "After a guy gets an erection, he then needs to ejaculate which is sometimes referred to as jack off."  WTF, mom?!?   She made it sound like the only way to get an erection to go away was to have an orgasm.  Maybe she honestly didn't know...was just very odd.
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Your mother is a saint. Just trying to protect you from blue balls.

 
I’ve told my 13 year old daughter everything leads to pregnancy.

The neighbor boy wants to come over and skateboard—“Well, you know skateboards lead to pregnancy.”

Her friends are meeting some boys at Starbucks’s “Well, you know Frappuccinos lead to pregnancy”

She didn’t buy my “well getting a second piercing in your ear leads to pregnancy”

 
Charlie Steiner said:
My dad never had the talk with me, so I can only go by two things I remember from when I was younger.

My next door neighbor's mother would simply tell him "keep it in your pants."

Also, I'll never forget the sage words of baseball great Jimmy Dugan: Avoid the clap.
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The neighbor would tell your dad this?

 
I grew up in a single parent household. My mom had the conversation with my older brother. He was told to explain it all to me when I was ready. He was not very good.

My son is almost 8 and beginning to show an interest in girls. I'm thinking it's best to teach him how to be a gentleman before teaching him how to be a Romeo.

 
"Listen son, you never can be too careful out there.  That's why you always take your boner pills 30 minutes before intercourse. Don't forget to sprinkle some pheromones on your body beforehand too.  Ok, love you son, be safe out there."  

 
Bull Dozier said:
I have two boys, two years apart.  I gave the first one the talk when he was in middle school, and right before they did the sex ed talk in class.  I didn't want that to be his education.  It was so uncomfortable, I never got around to it with his younger brother.  How bad of a dad am I? 
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Really?  If you can't be upfront and honest with your son who can?  It's sex, you don't have to make it a big deal.  Are you going to avoid all uncomfortable conversations with your kids?  Time to step up and be a role model for them.  

 
Jayrod said:
Had the talk with my 5th grade son this past Summer.  Kids discuss it pretty early in school and he is extremely observant.

It was fine.  I covered the basics while we were driving to a game.  Key is to ask them some simple questions to get them talking and not just make it an awkward speech.  I assume it will need some follow up as he hasn't hit puberty yet.

My parents both tried.....and failed.  Especially my mom.  My favorite line was, "After a guy gets an erection, he then needs to ejaculate which is sometimes referred to as jack off."  WTF, mom?!?   She made it sound like the only way to get an erection to go away was to have an orgasm.  Maybe she honestly didn't know...was just very odd.
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My 5th grader came home from school in the fall and asked "what's a condom?". Kids were talking at school about that and female anatomy... Figured it was time.

I treated it pretty straight ahead and biological/anatomical. Explained a little about the psychology of it to give context. Asked him to tell it back to me to make sure he got it, and asked if he had questions and to ask away at any time. Went really well and easily.

A girl in his class just asked him on a dinner date...to be chaperoned by the parents. Kids at one table, parents at adifferent table. I guess this is a thing. There's no chance of advanced colonel hugging here, but will revisit the discussion prior to the date.

 
Don't Noonan said:
However, my "talk" with him was one day shooting baskets in the front yard when I was probably in 8th or 9th grade.
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This is the approach I'm thinking of taking. More of a casual approach and less of a lecture. He's a baseball player, so more of a game of catch vs shooting hoops, but same concept.

 
My dad never gave me the talk. I have two different friends that had super open parents. It was so weird hearing them so openly discuss it.

They would just talk about it like it was no big deal and always within the context of marriage. That seems to be the way to go imo.

 
JuniorGong said:
You don’t want to have the talk with your kid, your kid doesn’t want to have the talk with you. Give him a book on the subject, he will read it and tell him to email you any questions.

If you want to scare him off of having sex too early, give him a copy of Fatliners. He will be all set for a while after watching those pigs get railed.
Click to expand...
Book? Kids learn everything from YouTube these days.

 
I took my oldest two boys (#4&5) to #9&10's births. They were 9 and 11 respectively. Pretty much answered all the questions in one fell swoop. 

 
Jayrod said:
Had the talk with my 5th grade son this past Summer.  Kids discuss it pretty early in school and he is extremely observant.

It was fine.  I covered the basics while we were driving to a game.  Key is to ask them some simple questions to get them talking and not just make it an awkward speech.  I assume it will need some follow up as he hasn't hit puberty yet.

My parents both tried.....and failed.  Especially my mom.  My favorite line was, "After a guy gets an erection, he then needs to ejaculate which is sometimes referred to as jack off."  WTF, mom?!?   She made it sound like the only way to get an erection to go away was to have an orgasm.  Maybe she honestly didn't know...was just very odd.
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Thats what's tell me wife 

 
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