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Today's my office Christmas Party! (1 Viewer)

Ours is tonight too. We all were lamenting that the two employees most likely to make drunken asses of themselves have left in the past year, so our potential entertainment has diminished.

Any chance you could catch a plane to Chicago this afternoon?

 
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2 years ago I drank about 8 Long Island Iced Teas and had about 4 shots of something and about 2 beers. Ended up throwing up on the ferry ride home, dont remember how I got home (my friends girl drove me), couldnt unlock my door even with the keys in my hand, threw up all over my bed, my wife thought i was gonna die so she called my parents, she washed my jacket in the shower ruining my ipod, and i blacked out at 7pm and didnt wake up until 9am the next day. Still was able to goto Giants-KC game the next day where Tiki ran for 200 yds.

 
I have mine tonight and already assume debauchery. But from whom? And in what form?

Should I send out an email stating that I am ok with sexual harassment that is directed towards me?

 
TheAristocrat said:
I have mine tonight and already assume debauchery. But from whom? And in what form?Should I send out an email stating that I am ok with sexual harassment that is directed towards me?
Click to expand...
Write up a waiver of liability and pass it out to all the females in your office..."Ladies, I am totally OK with you sexually harassing me tongiht."
 
shadyridr said:
2 years ago I drank about 8 Long Island Iced Teas and had about 4 shots of something and about 2 beers. Ended up throwing up on the ferry ride home, dont remember how I got home (my friends girl drove me), couldnt unlock my door even with the keys in my hand, threw up all over my bed, my wife thought i was gonna die so she called my parents, she washed my jacket in the shower ruining my ipod, and i blacked out at 7pm and didnt wake up until 9am the next day. Still was able to goto Giants-KC game the next day where Tiki ran for 200 yds.
Click to expand...
That seems to be a theme in my drunken escapades as well.
 
Ours is today too. I work with a butt load of electrical engineers and chemists.... I'm not expecting too much excitement.

 
shadyridr said:
2 years ago I drank about 8 Long Island Iced Teas and had about 4 shots of something and about 2 beers. Ended up throwing up on the ferry ride home, dont remember how I got home (my friends girl drove me), couldnt unlock my door even with the keys in my hand, threw up all over my bed, my wife thought i was gonna die so she called my parents, she washed my jacket in the shower ruining my ipod, and i blacked out at 7pm and didnt wake up until 9am the next day. Still was able to goto Giants-KC game the next day where Tiki ran for 200 yds.
Click to expand...
Sounds like a ####### blast shady.
 
Tremendous Upside said:
TheAristocrat said:
I have mine tonight and already assume debauchery. But from whom? And in what form?Should I send out an email stating that I am ok with sexual harassment that is directed towards me?
Click to expand...
Write up a waiver of liability and pass it out to all the females in your office..."Ladies, I am totally OK with you sexually harassing me tongiht."
Click to expand...
Well, I already know that a 45ish year old woman is going to hit on me. I was trying to think of a way to let the 20 and early 30 somethings know that I am ok with them doing it too.
 
TheAristocrat said:
Tremendous Upside said:
TheAristocrat said:
I have mine tonight and already assume debauchery. But from whom? And in what form?Should I send out an email stating that I am ok with sexual harassment that is directed towards me?
Click to expand...
Write up a waiver of liability and pass it out to all the females in your office..."Ladies, I am totally OK with you sexually harassing me tongiht."
Click to expand...
Well, I already know that a 45ish year old woman is going to hit on me. I was trying to think of a way to let the 20 and early 30 somethings know that I am ok with them doing it too.
Click to expand...
Do you look like Tom Brady? If not, abandon this project post haste.
 
KnowledgeReignsSupreme said:
TheAristocrat said:
Tremendous Upside said:
TheAristocrat said:
I have mine tonight and already assume debauchery. But from whom? And in what form?Should I send out an email stating that I am ok with sexual harassment that is directed towards me?
Click to expand...
Write up a waiver of liability and pass it out to all the females in your office..."Ladies, I am totally OK with you sexually harassing me tongiht."
Click to expand...
Well, I already know that a 45ish year old woman is going to hit on me. I was trying to think of a way to let the 20 and early 30 somethings know that I am ok with them doing it too.
Click to expand...
Do you look like Tom Brady? If not, abandon this project post haste.
Click to expand...
No. Damn.
 
No drunken escapades at Mr. MEH's Christmas party tonight, sadly. :football:

Last year's more than made up for it though, I think.

 
shadyridr said:
2 years ago I drank about 8 Long Island Iced Teas and had about 4 shots of something and about 2 beers. Ended up throwing up on the ferry ride home, dont remember how I got home (my friends girl drove me), couldnt unlock my door even with the keys in my hand, threw up all over my bed, my wife thought i was gonna die so she called my parents, she washed my jacket in the shower ruining my ipod, and i blacked out at 7pm and didnt wake up until 9am the next day. Still was able to goto Giants-KC game the next day where Tiki ran for 200 yds.
Click to expand...
If I drank all that now (not in college, but now), you could iron clothing on me.
 
A couple years ago, our office Christmas party started at noon. There were 8 of us (sales reps), all between about 25-35 in age, including the boss who had told me in advance to get a hotel and expense it. From 12-5, we did a "team building activity" which was lunch (w/beers) at a nice restaurant followed by a class on mixology. I believe we theoretically did 4 drinks, an old fashioned, a mojito, a martini and something else I can't remember. All were really strong (because we were mixing them ourselves).. and we may have been taking extras in between mixing. 5 o clock comes and we lose the two oldest in the group and the other 6 decide to hit the nearest liquor store then go to one guys apartment to drink heavily.

After a while, one guy really really wants to smoke some weed but is nervous because boss is still there. That fear soon goes away and we all smoke up (boss it turns out looooves it). After a bit longer, we have drank most of the beer we picked up and are down to a couple bottles of scotch. We pass them around drinking from the bottle... true class. At about 9 PM the boss goes home. A couple hours later 5 remaining go out. I get separated from the group around midnight, and unleash a series of text messages (using my work phone) to (I think) one of my co-workers. They range from incoherent babble to swear filled anger at not being able to find anyone.

Finally I give up and go back to my hotel (the One King West for Orphan Black fans) and pass out immediately.

I wake up the next morning to a message from my boss (among others) asking me if I made it home, was okay, etc... I am confused how he knows I was ever lost. Turns out all the late night messages were group texts to my whole team.

 
The night before I got fired, we had our office Christmas party at a seedy/hipster type dive bar a few blocks from our office. Since I was in my Andrew W.K dude phase after the divorce, a buddy and I took a round of shots that we deemed the 'Holy Trinity' before the party. It was one shot of Rumplemintz, one 151, and one Goldshlager. Once I got to the party, I spent a lot of time obnoxiously invading other people's conversations and just overall making an ### of myself. The evening came to a head at around 6:30 when I began to play word association games with whatever I could and got the great idea to associate 'holy trinity' with 'glory hole'. I began to tell anyone who would listen about the glory hole, including the my secretary's husband, who was like, 'wtf dude, get away from me'. As more and more people expressed their revulsion with the content of my chatter, I was told I became indignant and demanded that a group of ladies that were not in our group come see the glory hole as I menacingly pointed at the floor. At some point one of the women slapped me and at that point I pulled my pants down and began to urinate all over the patrons at the bar. Mind you, as I was doing this, I am told that I was screaming "it's o.k!! it's o.k!! Tony told me I could piss". Three dudes immediately tackled me and held me down while they waited for the cops to come. I woke up in detox and was charged with disorderly conduct, 5 counts of 2nd degree battery and assault, and lewd and lascivious behavior. I did not even get to pick up my stuff from the office, the boss went right away and packed my cube that night. I ended up doing 12 months of work release and am now considered a sex offender, even though I was only raping minds.

 
Meatwad Reloaded said:
The night before I got fired, we had our office Christmas party at a seedy/hipster type dive bar a few blocks from our office. Since I was in my Andrew W.K dude phase after the divorce, a buddy and I took a round of shots that we deemed the 'Holy Trinity' before the party. It was one shot of Rumplemintz, one 151, and one Goldshlager. Once I got to the party, I spent a lot of time obnoxiously invading other people's conversations and just overall making an ### of myself. The evening came to a head at around 6:30 when I began to play word association games with whatever I could and got the great idea to associate 'holy trinity' with 'glory hole'. I began to tell anyone who would listen about the glory hole, including the my secretary's husband, who was like, 'wtf dude, get away from me'. As more and more people expressed their revulsion with the content of my chatter, I was told I became indignant and demanded that a group of ladies that were not in our group come see the glory hole as I menacingly pointed at the floor. At some point one of the women slapped me and at that point I pulled my pants down and began to urinate all over the patrons at the bar. Mind you, as I was doing this, I am told that I was screaming "it's o.k!! it's o.k!! Tony told me I could piss". Three dudes immediately tackled me and held me down while they waited for the cops to come. I woke up in detox and was charged with disorderly conduct, 5 counts of 2nd degree battery and assault, and lewd and lascivious behavior. I did not even get to pick up my stuff from the office, the boss went right away and packed my cube that night. I ended up doing 12 months of work release and am now considered a sex offender, even though I was only raping minds.
Click to expand...
:jawdrop:

 
Meatwad Reloaded said:
The night before I got fired, we had our office Christmas party at a seedy/hipster type dive bar a few blocks from our office. Since I was in my Andrew W.K dude phase after the divorce, a buddy and I took a round of shots that we deemed the 'Holy Trinity' before the party. It was one shot of Rumplemintz, one 151, and one Goldshlager. Once I got to the party, I spent a lot of time obnoxiously invading other people's conversations and just overall making an ### of myself. The evening came to a head at around 6:30 when I began to play word association games with whatever I could and got the great idea to associate 'holy trinity' with 'glory hole'. I began to tell anyone who would listen about the glory hole, including the my secretary's husband, who was like, 'wtf dude, get away from me'. As more and more people expressed their revulsion with the content of my chatter, I was told I became indignant and demanded that a group of ladies that were not in our group come see the glory hole as I menacingly pointed at the floor. At some point one of the women slapped me and at that point I pulled my pants down and began to urinate all over the patrons at the bar. Mind you, as I was doing this, I am told that I was screaming "it's o.k!! it's o.k!! Tony told me I could piss". Three dudes immediately tackled me and held me down while they waited for the cops to come. I woke up in detox and was charged with disorderly conduct, 5 counts of 2nd degree battery and assault, and lewd and lascivious behavior. I did not even get to pick up my stuff from the office, the boss went right away and packed my cube that night. I ended up doing 12 months of work release and am now considered a sex offender, even though I was only raping minds.
Click to expand...
I swear to God, this is not an alias of mine. But :lmao: if this is remotely true. Plus, the username is cracking me the f*** up.

 
shadyridr said:
2 years ago I drank about 8 Long Island Iced Teas and had about 4 shots of something and about 2 beers. Ended up throwing up on the ferry ride home, dont remember how I got home (my friends girl drove me), couldnt unlock my door even with the keys in my hand, threw up all over my bed, my wife thought i was gonna die so she called my parents, she washed my jacket in the shower ruining my ipod, and i blacked out at 7pm and didnt wake up until 9am the next day. Still was able to goto Giants-KC game the next day where Tiki ran for 200 yds.
Click to expand...
that was some night. I believe on 2007, the year i started this thread, i was hitting on this hot philipino chick the whole time. Those were some great parties.
 
Not as good as an arrest story, but nonetheless...I started at my company in 2009 when it was relatively small. I was employee #9, 3rd-youngest one there, and there were only two chicks. Now we have about 40 employees, I'm middle of the pack in age, and it's about half chicks. And about half of them are 25 and under.

First couple years the holiday party was a small gathering at the office. The last two years they've held it at a trendy spot in Hoboken and then the after party carried into the bars. So last year my wife was having her holiday party in NYC. I told her to come by our place on her way home, short ferry ride across the Hudson. Meanwhile we're getting banged up at our party. One co-worker, smoking hot blonde chick, gets up to leave. I yell across the room, "YOU'RE NOT GOIN ANYWHERE!" She proceeds to run across the room and jumps on me. I catch her and pretend like I'm gonna fall. And then I fell. We crash to the floor and just lay there. I'm praying she didn't smash her face on a table or something. I look up and she's fine, just laughing. But also still laying there. Then leans in and gives me a quick peck (lips closed) and says something cheesy like nice catch. I stand up and go "Well ----- kissed me and jumped me, looks like my night is complete!" and I glance over to see my wife standing in the doorway watching the whole thing. So I'm all "Heeeeyyyyyyy!" and she just shook her at laughing and said you're both ######ed. Good times.

So THIS year...

 
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Michael Brown said:
Not as good as an arrest story, but nonetheless...I started at my company in 2009 when it was relatively small. I was employee #9, 3rd-youngest one there, and there were only two chicks. Now we have about 40 employees, I'm middle of the pack in age, and it's about half chicks. And about half of them are 25 and under.

First couple years the holiday party was a small gathering at the office. The last two years they've held it at a trendy spot in Hoboken and then the after party carried into the bars. So last year my wife was having her holiday party in NYC. I told her to come by our place on her way home, short ferry ride across the Hudson. Meanwhile we're getting banged up at our party. One co-worker, smoking hot blonde chick, gets up to leave. I yell across the room, "YOU'RE NOT GOIN ANYWHERE!" She proceeds to run across the room and jumps on me. I catch her and act like I'm gonna fall. And then I fell. We crash to the floor and just lay there. I'm praying she didn't smash her face on a table or something. I look up and she's fine, just laughing. But also still laying there. Then leans in and gives me a quick peck (lips closed) and says something cheesy like nice catch. I stand up and go "Well ----- kissed me and jumped me, looks like my night is complete!" and I glance over to see my wife standing in the doorway watching the whole thing. So I'm all "Heeeeyyyyyyy!" and she just shook her at laughing and said you're both ######ed. Good times.

So THIS year...
Click to expand...
The same girl, her stepson apparently unintentionally texted a #### pic to a bunch of people in his contacts, her included. So she goes, what guy has that kinda stuff on his phone?!? So me, being SEVERAL bourbons deep at this point, decided to volunteer info that I had a bunch of pics from my many trips to Gunnison Beach in NJ (nude beach) from the last two summers. What do you do when a hot chick DEMANDS to see your junk on your phone? Well you hand over your phone of course. I come back from the bar to see 4-5 chicks from my office huddled around my phone, which is alternately complimentary and also a bit worrisome. I'm not their boss or anything, but still...I don't THINK anybody sent or downloaded anything :unsure:

Oh and side note, the night ended with me and one of my co-workers in some random chick's bedroom about eight blocks from the bar. Things tend to get weird at our parties. Can't wait to tell next year's stories

 
Thank God I only went to one of those in my career. And I left early from that one, missing out on the Big Wazoo giving out "holiday" bonuses. Ugh. Shoot me now.

 
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