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Walking on eggshells (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter pats3in4
- Start date
El Floppo
Footballguy
sorry to hear this and sorry you're going through it.
I'm hoping you and the wife can handle this as well as possible for the sake of the kids- agree to let the little things go for now (not knowing how big the CC thing was).
ugh.
comfortably numb
Footballguy
good luckUpdate on me...
I told my wife I wanted a divorce on 10/14, moved down to the guest bedroom. We were doing just fine, avoiding each other except when around the kids. After about 5 days of that I told her let's sit down and start talking about how we want to settle matters, make it as easy as possible. I told her we should separate our credit cards - she should just use hers, I'll use mine. Then she put a big charge on the joint card for 3 years of pro website support for her art website (which doesn't expire until Feb, BTW). I pleaded with her to do a monthly thing or a 6mo plan or something because we won't be together after a year or so. She refused. I went back to the guest bedroom, frustrated. Next morning I asked her one last time nicely and she said no.
So I go to work and tried to call her a few times to get some info from her on my filing. No response to calls and texts. It was weird. I went straight home after lunch. She's gone and took the kids an animals. I call my lawyer and finds out she went to her mother's house and is claiming I broke into the MBR and grabbed her and will be filing a restraining order. This was on 10/24. Completely false. We didn't even have a real argument, just a disagreement about the CC charge.
She stayed with the kids at her mom's through Monday. I go to work on Tues and while I'm there she returns to the house with the kids. Attorney advises me not to go near her or she'll file a restraining order. Since Tues I've been staying at a buddies place and trying to get some kind of visitation and temporary support going so I can see my kids. Been emailing her once a day saying the kids need a father and I miss them.
So no Halloween with the family this year.
pats3in4 and I have been IM'ing and talking on the phone for the last couple of weeks since our situations are similar. He's a great guy and helping me a lot on how to deal with a crazy person.FBGs stick together.
stay strong
don't do anything stupid
awesome to have people help you in these times, don't forget them
johnnycakes
Footballguy
You're starting to find out why they're called liars for hire. My ex's lawyer filed all sorts of false allegations against me before my wife stopped paying her and the lawyer made up some bogus story to get the judge to let her off the case. And my lawyer flat-out told me to move out ASAP because I think he could see the restraining order being the next thing coming down the line... even though I never even touched her. Someone on her side was lying to the court, though... could have been my wife embellishing her story, then her lawyer embellishing it again. Who knows.
STEADYMOBBIN 22
Footballguy
Let her tell her lies about that situation and try to get her to email you about it. The judge will ask her why she didn't call the police when it happened.
Document everything.
Document everything.
17seconds
root of all aliai
In hindsight it was stupid of me to argue about the CC charge right before we had planned to start talking finance split.
But of course there is no excuse for the insane stunt she's pulled.
Just the day before she was all emotional about how the kids need me as a father and how important that is to her. When I told her I wanted a divorce, her first question was "when are you moving out?". I don't think she liked that my answer was "I'm not moving out. I'm moving into the guest BR and we are going to parent our kids as usual as we go through the process.". She's making her assertion a reality. It's weird how people sabotage themselves and others with nonsense.
pats3in4
Footballguy
Didn't see you came in here to give an update until just now. Feel free to keep up with the PMs and phone calls.
And advice to anyone in our situation: Get the book "Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone With Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder" before starting the divorce process. It helps you get your ducks in a row for what's to come and as 17seconds has shown, it can get ugly quickly.
And advice to anyone in our situation: Get the book "Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone With Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder" before starting the divorce process. It helps you get your ducks in a row for what's to come and as 17seconds has shown, it can get ugly quickly.
sbonomo
Footballguy
I love this place....good luck op.....
AAABatteries
Footballguy
Update? I hope things are better and you are at least seeing your kids regularly.Update on me...
I told my wife I wanted a divorce on 10/14, moved down to the guest bedroom. We were doing just fine, avoiding each other except when around the kids. After about 5 days of that I told her let's sit down and start talking about how we want to settle matters, make it as easy as possible. I told her we should separate our credit cards - she should just use hers, I'll use mine. Then she put a big charge on the joint card for 3 years of pro website support for her art website (which doesn't expire until Feb, BTW). I pleaded with her to do a monthly thing or a 6mo plan or something because we won't be together after a year or so. She refused. I went back to the guest bedroom, frustrated. Next morning I asked her one last time nicely and she said no.
So I go to work and tried to call her a few times to get some info from her on my filing. No response to calls and texts. It was weird. I went straight home after lunch. She's gone and took the kids an animals. I call my lawyer and finds out she went to her mother's house and is claiming I broke into the MBR and grabbed her and will be filing a restraining order. This was on 10/24. Completely false. We didn't even have a real argument, just a disagreement about the CC charge.
She stayed with the kids at her mom's through Monday. I go to work on Tues and while I'm there she returns to the house with the kids. Attorney advises me not to go near her or she'll file a restraining order. Since Tues I've been staying at a buddies place and trying to get some kind of visitation and temporary support going so I can see my kids. Been emailing her once a day saying the kids need a father and I miss them.
So no Halloween with the family this year.
pats3in4 and I have been IM'ing and talking on the phone for the last couple of weeks since our situations are similar. He's a great guy and helping me a lot on how to deal with a crazy person.
Just downloaded this via Audibles from Amazon. Free with a 30-day trial, which includes two books. Not sure how good the service is, but after the trial it is $15 per month which includes one free audible book. I think you can also pay $22 per month which includes two audible books. This particular book is nearly 7 hours long. Should be able to get through over the next week during my commute to work.
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glumpy
breeze
I don't remember entering this thread previously but one thing I'd say for you and 17seconds: Try to relax. Let it come to you.
All situations are different so you can throw my advice out with the laundry...Some years ago when I felt as you do here, my reaction was exactly the opposite: "I'm done". I was a real happy single man with a son who i cherished during my times with him--and I sure didn't give a damn about starting another relationship. What a miracle. As soon as people realized I was comfortable in my own skin they were interested--and here I am now in a rewarding relationship that was entirely unexpected at the time.
I guess my point is this: Don't feel like you are missing something--just make it work for you as it is. Seize each moment and enjoy what you have. While nothing will ever be perfect you can feel complete--and your friends, and others, may notice. If you have a sense of balance within your life then others may want to enter, and if you then are as fortunate as I am then you will again become two. Good luck.
glock
"Don't grumble, give a whistle!"
pats3in4
Footballguy
Your advice is excellent and already heeded. The match.com experience so far has been an ego boost and reassurance that life as a hermit isn't going to happen. Yet I've been taking it slow, doing things at my pace, letting things come to me. I'm not forcing anything right now.
And I feel good.
glumpy
breeze
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