What's Normal? - Are your parents divorced/never married? (1 Viewer)

[snellman]

My "Parents" never got married.

A little back story. I grew up knowing my mom and "dad" got married after I was born. Shoot, I was 3 years old and in their wedding pictures, never thought anything of it. When my first wife (I am divorced but happily married to my 2nd wife for 18 years) and I were talking about getting married, my parents made the comment that they only new each other for 6 months before they got married. Doing the math wasn't that hard and something didn't add up. That is when my birth father got in contact with me. My mother had made him sign an agreement when I was born that he would not have any contact with me until I was 18. After I turned 18, he found out that he had cancer and didn't want to spring that on me at the same time. It also turned out that I had 2 half brothers on that side with one being less than a month younger than me. Luckily I got to know him for a couple years before he passed.

My mom and dad were married for 48 years until my dad passed away 2 weeks ago. My mom has been in the nursing home for the last 8 years after having a stroke, but dad would either go visit her or video chat with her every day.

 

[Caveman33]

males get divorced less frequently than women

Including same-sex marriages?

That’s a good question. I would assume lesbians would stay together more often than gay males, though the married gay dudes I know seem pretty happy (though some have an “understanding“ regarding extramarital sex.)

Today I was reading about contract marriages and a poster claiming to be an immigration lawyer said that of all the groups he dealt with, lesbian women had the highest divorce rate within a few years. Google appears to confirm that lesbian women divorce significantly more.

 

[belljr]

males get divorced less frequently than women

It’s true! (or was)

Using the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth 1979 (NLSY79)—a survey of people born during the 1957–1964 period—this study examines the marriage and divorce patterns for a cohort of young baby boomers up to age 46. In particular, the study focuses on differences in marriage and divorce patterns by educational attainment and by age at marriage. This work is descriptive and does not attempt to explain causation or why marriage patterns differ across groups.

About 85 percent of the NLSY79 cohort married by age 46, and among those who married, a sizeable fraction, almost 30 percent, married more than once. The bulk of marriages occurred by age 28, with relatively few marriages taking place at age 35 or older. Approximately 42 percent of marriages that took place between ages 15 and 46 ended in divorce by age 46. In the NLSY79, women in this cohort were more likely to marry and to remarry than were men. In addition, marriages of women were more likely to end in divorce, as were marriages that began at younger ages. On average, women married at younger ages than men.

Let's do the math. We have 100 married couples. 42 couples get divorced. No men remarry. 26 women remarry. 20 of those women get divorced.

So. 42 women and 42 men got divorced initially. So now the 20 women divorce again. Well so did 20 men.

Unless we are assuming there are lesbian couples in this test. There will be equal men vs women divorced. Now if you want to claim women are more likely to get divorced more than once, that's different than your original statement

 

[Terminalxylem]

males get divorced less frequently than women

It’s true! (or was)

Using the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth 1979 (NLSY79)—a survey of people born during the 1957–1964 period—this study examines the marriage and divorce patterns for a cohort of young baby boomers up to age 46. In particular, the study focuses on differences in marriage and divorce patterns by educational attainment and by age at marriage. This work is descriptive and does not attempt to explain causation or why marriage patterns differ across groups.

About 85 percent of the NLSY79 cohort married by age 46, and among those who married, a sizeable fraction, almost 30 percent, married more than once. The bulk of marriages occurred by age 28, with relatively few marriages taking place at age 35 or older. Approximately 42 percent of marriages that took place between ages 15 and 46 ended in divorce by age 46. In the NLSY79, women in this cohort were more likely to marry and to remarry than were men. In addition, marriages of women were more likely to end in divorce, as were marriages that began at younger ages. On average, women married at younger ages than men.

Let's do the math. We have 100 married couples. 42 couples get divorced. No men remarry. 26 women remarry. 20 of those women get divorced.

So. 42 women and 42 men got divorced initially. So now the 20 women divorce again. Well so did 20 men.

Unless we are assuming there are lesbian couples in this test. There will be equal men vs women divorced. Now if you want to claim women are more likely to get divorced more than once, that's different than your original statement

Nope. Because women marry and remarry more frequently, they divorce more, too. Basically women are more likely to be multiple divorcees.

I don’t think same sex divorces play much of a role. Or polygamy, for that matter.

ETA In your example, 62 divorces/100 women, while 62 divorces/120 men.

 

[Beef Ravioli Part 2]

My mom died in 2021 but they were in their 64th year of marriage at the time. Not perfect parents or spouses but I had a great home. I had many friends tell me many times how they wished their parents were like mine. I didn’t appreciate my parents then like I did after I became a parent.

 

[Alex P Keaton]

My parents have been married for 53 years. They are both amazing people in their own way, but also characters in their own way. Two of the best “true Christians” I know, even though they don’t attend church regularly anymore.

I can’t imagine anyone else wanting to be married to either of them. Both are quirky. Talking with them on the phone — always at the same time — is like an episode of Seinfeld with the Constanzas. Lots of interruptions, minor criticism, chastising, etc. Good times though!!

 

[Jayrod]

My parents divorced after 24 years of marriage. My mom waited for my little sister to go to college and then moved out.

My father-in-law did something similar after my youngest brother-in-law joined the Air Force (they had been married for like 28 years).

3/4 have been successfully remarried for close to 10 years each and my MIL lives with us and should never marry again unless it is to torture someone like a terrorist or something.

All of my wife's and my aunts/uncles have also been divorced except one of my aunts whose husband cheated on her and got sent to prison. That's 10/11 couples from the same generation who got divorced. But out of their parents (our grandparents), none of the 4 divorced. And out of us siblings/cousins, only 2/12 have been divorced (to be fair, none of us have been married super long yet).

 

[Mrs. Rannous]

except one of my aunts whose husband cheated on her and got sent to prison.

Wow. The law is really harsh where you live.

 

[The Duff Man]

Didn’t meet my real dad until I was 35. The guy I thought was my dad left when I was 7.

Jealous of those that had a stable home environment.

 

[Timmay]

Still married, just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.

 

[Zow]

except one of my aunts whose husband cheated on her and got sent to prison.

Wow. The law is really harsh where you live.

Adultery is still technically a criminal offense in my jurisdiction. It hasn't been actually prosecuted in decades but I once tried to use this fact to prevent my client from testifying pursuant to her fifth amendment right.

 

[Jayrod]

except one of my aunts whose husband cheated on her and got sent to prison.

Wow. The law is really harsh where you live.

Adultery is still technically a criminal offense in my jurisdiction. It hasn't been actually prosecuted in decades but I once tried to use this fact to prevent my client from testifying pursuant to her fifth amendment right.

That's pretty creative.

As for my uncle, his prison sentence was for financial fraud (I understand it was for taking some old lady's retirement money and using it for something outside of their agreement). I think he served like 9 months.

 

[elguapo07]

Dad left my mom when I was 3. Mom was 25 with 5 young kids and pregnant with her 6th kid. Dad was too busy drinking, gambling and chasing woman to care about giving a nickel to the woman he left and her children. His family was the same, his parents, my paternal grandparents, were drunken losers like him and left the burden of caring and feeding the kids to my mothers family. Mom passed away 5 yrs ago and dad passed away 2 years ago. One vote for divorce but technically it was abandonment.

 

[msudaisy26]

Didn’t meet my real dad until I was 35. The guy I thought was my dad left when I was 7.

Jealous of those that had a stable home environment.

Don't be. My parents stayed together for the kids and it was toxic even though they thought we didn't know. Kids aren't stupid. I had trouble trusting my husband for close to a decade because of the way my father treated my mother and had to go through therapy. My youngest brother is adopted and was abused by his birth parents. He was on the road to normal life, but my parents relationship didn't help. Their divorce was just as bad, super messy and split the family. I have only seen my father and middle brother twice in the last 15 years at funerals.

 

[urbanhack]

Mine were together for 51 years before my dad passed.

 

[Pip's Invitation]

Divorced when I was 12. Never fought openly (at least in front of my sister and I), but never showed affection toward each other. Both were much happier after the divorce, though it took a while for my mom. My dad remarried quickly and remained so until his death 3 years ago. My mom never remarried — and stopped even attempting to date about a year after the divorce — but is healthy and thriving at age 79.