What's the most 'bachelor' thing you ever did? (2 Viewers)

[Nigel Tufnel]

We went to Embassy Suites' free happy hour all the time. Somebody had an old room key.

 

[mozzy84]

I once made a sandwich out of ham, cheese, mayo, mustard, lettuce and oreo cookies because I didn't feel like having to go back to the kitchen to get the cookies after I was done with the sandwich.

I don't get it

Just seemed easier to eat it all at once. Like I said, I don't have any truly funny/horrific stories about my brief time as a bachelor.

gottcha, I just thought you could have put some oreo's in your other hand that wasn't holding the sammy or just use the sandwich as a plate for them, whatever gets the job done though.

 

[Uruk-Hai]

After some of these, I'm assuming using Ketchup over spaghetti noodles because sauce was too expensive is commonplace?

Is Uruk-Hai Swahili for Bobby Flay?

May well be, but I have no idea who Bobby Flay is.Coming back from OC, MD one night all fired up. Got to the Chesapeake Bay Bridge & realized that the 5 of us all together didn't have the $1.25 to pay the toll. Had to go into the transit authority police shack & fill out forms so they could bill me $1.25. I have no idea why we didn't get arrested - snot drunk, open beer cans, empties everywhere, and other assorted mind alterting substances not too far out of plain sight. Sure enough, 4 weeks later I got the bill.

 

[Tecumseh]

I'm sure I was below $20 in my checking account once and couldn't use an ATM anymore. Also, maybe 7/8 years back, waited for Ramen Noodles to go on sale for 10 cents a brick instead of the usual 15/20 cents. Stocked up huge. To this day I still have a drawer or two stuffed full with noodle bricks I haven't bothered to throw away yet.

I had ramens for lunch today.

 

[Joe_Mama]

Way back in the mid-70s, I spent a not too untypical Friday evening getting drunk at the bar in a Ramada Inn in a small city in Oklahoma. After deciding that I wasn't going to get lucky that night--that was typical--I wandered through one of the hallways of the motel on the way to an exterior door that would get me closer to my car on a rainy night. I noticed a lot of room service dishes on the floor outside of rooms, and I'd just moved into an apartment and needed some more dishes, so I started gathering up all those disgusting plates and scraping the big food chunks back onto the trays. By the time I got to the end of that hallway, I had two armfuls of dirty plates, saucers and silverware. Right now, thirty-five years later, married with two adult children out of the house, we've still got six of those Ramada Inn plates in a cupboard, along with two saucers. My wife gets mad at me when I tell people where those dishes came from. Heck, I always thought it was kind of a funny story.

Oh, yeah, a few years later, I was still unmarried, standing in the kitchen of another apartment in another city, talking on the phone with the girl who would soon become my wife. This was before cell phones and cordless phones, and I had to go to the bathroom real bad. I didn't want to interrupt a long distance phone call, so I took one of those plates out of a cupboard, placed it on the kitchen floor, and took a dump onto it during the phone call. After the phone call, it cleaned up fine.

 

[Otis]

You got a while?

 

[Worm]

Drove to the middle of nowhere Mississippi for a summer co-op in college, with the goal to save money. Packed everything I owned into my tank of a car (sky blue 1978 Chrysler LeBaron... V8 baby!). Lived for an entire summer with what I packed into my car and nothing else. Rented a 1 BR apartment in the ghetto for pennies.

Furniture consisted of:

- air mattress in the bedroom

- air chair + 13" TV + borrowed PS1 + milk crate in the living room

- white patio table and chairs from wal-mart in the kitchen

That's it. Brought sandwiches for lunch, ate hot dogs/frozen meals/takeout for dinner. Worked from 6 AM to 6 PM six days a week, with a 45 minute ferry ride on either end. Didn't buy anything all summer with the exception of books. I think I figured out that I read over 9,000 pages that summer.

 

[DevilsTrifecta]

You got a while?

 

[northern exposure]

Some of these bachelor stories reminded me of this Monty Python skit-

 

[phrozen]

friend of mine in college never cleaned his shower. He lived in the same place 3+ years. He eventually had to wear flip flops in the shower becasue his shower was so dirty it would irritate his feet while he was showering.

he moved out and never cleaned the shower

 

[RudiStein]

You got a while?

"This one time I hadn't been to the dry-cleaners in like a week so I went to work in a dress shirt I bought off the rack "

 

[Tom Servo]

Not really funny or horrific, but..........Anyone ever take their young niece/nephew around a mall in a stroller all day to meet chicks?

I tried to get my secretary to let me borrow her daughter to do this, but she wouldn't let me.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Way back in the mid-70s, I spent a not too untypical Friday evening getting drunk at the bar in a Ramada Inn in a small city in Oklahoma. After deciding that I wasn't going to get lucky that night--that was typical--I wandered through one of the hallways of the motel on the way to a exterior door that would get me closer to my car on a rainy night. I noticed a lot of room service dishes on the floor outside of rooms, and I'd just moved into an apartment and needed some more dishes, so I started gathering up all those disgusting plates and scraping the big food chunks back onto the trays. By the time I got to the end of that hallway, I had two armfuls of dirty plates, saucers and silverware. Right now, thirty-five years later, married with two adult children out of the house, we've still got six of those Ramada Inn plates in the pantry, along with two saucers. My wife gets mad at me when I tell people where those dishes came from. Heck, I always thought it was kind of a funny story.

Awesome.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

In college our bookstore was a multistory Barnes & Noble with the textbooks on the top floorI would go to the 2nd floor, take books of the shelves and then "sell them" them for cash on the top floor in the textbook sectionI think I sold the Norton Anthology of Literature 20X one semester

:addedasfriend:

 

[phrozen]

i used to go to fast food places that had the free moist towelettes. I used to take as many as i could fit in my pocket. Used those things to wipe my hands, wipe off dishes, when I didn't feel like washing then, use them to clean the table + kitchen, and used for TP when I would run out.

To this day I still take 10-20 of these everytime I am I see them.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I once made a sandwich out of ham, cheese, mayo, mustard, lettuce and oreo cookies because I didn't feel like having to go back to the kitchen to get the cookies after I was done with the sandwich.

I don't think this qualifies.I once ate three hot dogs on a camping trip with ketchup, mustard and loads of Cap'n Crunch.Yeah I was drunk & high. Yeah I threw up later.

 

[phrozen]

gb of mine in college had an old geo metro. of course there was no electric windows so you had to roll them down with the crank. Both the cranks broke off the driver & passenger side so he had to use a screwdriver to roll his window down.

We made a trip from DC to NY one in that car and i would crack up everytime he approached a toll plaza on 95 he would steer with his knee grab his screwdriver and proceed to "roll the window down"

 

[That Little Voice]

You got a while?

"This one time I hadn't been to the dry-cleaners in like a week so I went to work in a dress shirt I bought off the rack "

 

[LOCO]

One winter evening our furance was out in our old apartment. And none of us knew how to turn on the furance, or we were scared that we would burn the complex down. So somebody had a bright idea, to light the oven and open the oven door to provide us with heat that evening

 

[bostonfred]

You got a while?

"This one time I hadn't been to the dry-cleaners in like a week so I went to work in a dress shirt I bought off the rack "

At my first grown up job, I left a work party with a woman I worked with who may or may not have been single. Woke up the next morning and realized I didn't have time to go back to work. Went to the store that was closest to work and bought an entire outfit - one pair pants, one shirt, one tie, one pair socks, one pair boxers, and a pack of t-shirts - and threw all my old clothes in my laptop bag.

 

[Joe_Mama]

Had $7.41 in checking account. Deposited $3 with $10 cash back.

Now that is funny!

 

[phrozen]

there was a chinese buffet close to my college so we would go the buffet friday or saturday night when it was really busy. We would come in with our bookbags and in our bags we had gallon size ziplocks.

We would load our plates up and would then proceed to fill up the bags with food. We would have food for the entire week.

 

[Joe_Mama]

But did you have the random orange traffic cone in the corner for 'decoration'?

Never had the traffic cone, but I did have a christmas lawn ornament (a reindeer made of christmas lights) indoors for decoration. Hooked it up to a light switch to turn it on and off.Also used as decoration:- expired licence plates- random computer parts- framed photograph of someone else's dogs- various WWE action figures- different colored beer cans stacked in such a manner as to spell out my address

Wow. I was over at my sixty-seven year old developmentally disabled (######ed) brother's apartment just a month ago and he had one of those outdoor lighted reindeer set up in his living room. Seriously.

 

[Kit Fisto]

My college roommates and I once ripped a small pine tree out of the ground to use as a Christmas tree. I say "ripped" because we had no saw.

We then took it back to our apartment and decorated it with trash.

 

[Buckfast 1]

I used to run a scheme in high school and college that I called "the switcheroo." You go to the grocery store, pick up a case of beer, a case of Coke, and some tape from the school supplies aisle. Then, you sneak the cases into the grocery store bathroom and pretend to be taking a dump in the stall, when really you are just opening the cases and putting all of the beers in the case of Coke and all of the Cokes in the case of beer. Tape the boxes back up, return the case of "beer" to the beer aisle, and check out with your 24-pack of "Coke" for $5. The "switcheroo" not only allowed you to buy beer for ridiculously cheap prices, it also allowed you to buy underage and on Saturday late night/Sundays when alcohol sales were outlawed. I still kinda feel bad for the poor bastards who got home from the grocery store with their case of beer, only to open it and discover that it was filled with 24 Diet Cokes.

 

[Abrantes]

Some of these bachelor stories reminded me of this Monty Python skit-

One of the best comedy bits of all time.

 

[Dexter Manley]

About a dozen times in college when I was short on funds, I would to go to the keno parlor and bet $5 on top or bottom. I usually won the 1st game and I would immediately leave and go buy a case of keystone light bottles for $7.99 for drinking that night. (The 2 or 3 times I lost the first game I doubled down and won the second.)

One year had a roommate who didn't want to do laundry the last month of the school year, and he ended up wearing the same pair of silk boxers for the last 2 weeks of school. He said they were hard and crusty when he finally changed.

This would also routinely wear the same shorts to work out in 3 - 4 times before washing them. He would spray cologne on them before going to the gym to try and cover up the stink.

Threw some old food out of the fridge one time, and there was a piece of cheese (not in a wrapper) laying on top in the trash can. Friend from across the hall walked in later and asked if I was going to eat it, and promptly did so after I said no.

Also did the heat the apartment thing with the electric oven open for a few days when our furnace went out and the landlord was unavailable.

Got home from the bar 1 night, was starving, and the only food I had left was this pasta tv dinner thing. When taking it out of the microwave, I dropped it face down on the carpet. Since it was the only food I had left, I scraped it up off the floor as best I could without going all the way down to the carpet (so I wouldn't have bunch of hair, dirt, etc. in it) and proceeded to eat it.

 

[Otis]

You got a while?

"This one time I hadn't been to the dry-cleaners in like a week so I went to work in a dress shirt I bought off the rack "

At my first grown up job, I left a work party with a woman I worked with who may or may not have been single. Woke up the next morning and realized I didn't have time to go back to work. Went to the store that was closest to work and bought an entire outfit - one pair pants, one shirt, one tie, one pair socks, one pair boxers, and a pack of t-shirts - and threw all my old clothes in my laptop bag.

 

[RudiStein]

One time, being tired of frozen pizza, I decided I would make a homemade pie. I bought raw pizza dough, cheese, sauce, and toppings from the story. I floured up the cutting board, rolled and shaped the dough, and then put everything on top of the pizza.

It looked great but there was one problem. I couldn't get the uncooked pizza off of the cutting board and onto the baking sheet. I thought I had used enough flour but it was impossible. It looked like the Apaches had been torturing it. I ended up rolling the pizza up like a burrito and called it a 'homestyle calzone'. It actually wasn't too bad once it came out of the oven.

My sons said it was pretty good. Oh, yeah. This was just a couple of months ago.

 

[bostonfred]

Wait, you put the sauce, cheese and toppings on the uncooked pizza dough before putting it on the baker's sheet?

 

[Genedoc]

Oh, just remembered a great one.

College duplex, the laundry room was in the center of the duplex. The dryer vent turned 90 degrees into the wall, and then out and up through the roof. Needless to say, it wasn't very efficient. We got tired of waiting for laundry to dry, so we simply disconnected the vent and allowed the dryer to vent into the laundry room. In the winter, we'd open that door when the dryer was running for the cheap heat. Place got dusty and linty as hell - there was a good 3 inch lint build up permanently glued to the wall - but our clothes got dry.

 

[RudiStein]

Wait, you put the sauce, cheese and toppings on the uncooked pizza dough before putting it on the baker's sheet?

Yep. Didn't really think it through. I used to work at pizza places. At one place you made the pie on a wire rack and throw the whole thing in the oven. Another place you would make the pie on a wooden paddle and slide the pie in without the paddle. Gotta have cornmeal for that last technique. Looks like I mixed up the two. The funny thing is that I can actually cook. I usually make dinner 4-5 nights a week. But that pizza was a disaster.

 

[bostonfred]

Wait, you put the sauce, cheese and toppings on the uncooked pizza dough before putting it on the baker's sheet?

Yep. Didn't really think it through. I used to work at pizza places. At one place you made the pie on a wire rack and throw the whole thing in the oven. Another place you would make the pie on a wooden paddle and slide the pie in without the paddle. Gotta have cornmeal for that last technique. Looks like I mixed up the two. The funny thing is that I can actually cook. I usually make dinner 4-5 nights a week. But that pizza was a disaster.

Wait, you used to work at not one, but multiple pizza places, and you put the sauce, cheese, and toppings on the uncooked pizza dough before putting it on the baker's sheet?

 

[Spike]

I've lived in my apartment for over a year and a half and I've only vacuumed once.

I also got so drunk one night, that I couldn't lift the lid to the toilet. The cat's litter box was right next to it, so I thought it a good idea at the time to just pee in it.That made for quite a large clump in the morning.

Sorry. Bachelors don't have cats.

 

[Darth Cheney]

You got a while?

"This one time I hadn't been to the dry-cleaners in like a week so I went to work in a dress shirt I bought off the rack "

 

[Sack-Religious]

I didn't want to interrupt a long distance phone call, so I took one of those plates out of a cupboard, placed it on the kitchen floor, and took a dump onto it during the phone call. After the phone call, it cleaned up fine.

 

[Spike]

In a small 1 bedroom apartment, 8 guys playing full-contact street hockey.

 

[John Fogerty Fan]

I've lived in my apartment for over a year and a half and I've only vacuumed once.

I also got so drunk one night, that I couldn't lift the lid to the toilet. The cat's litter box was right next to it, so I thought it a good idea at the time to just pee in it.That made for quite a large clump in the morning.

Sorry. Bachelors don't have cats.

Crap.

 

[John Zaleski]

In a small 1 bedroom apartment, 8 guys playing full-contact street hockey.

LOL.. I had a room mate that once did some shrooms and rode his bike in the living room (linoleum floor) in circles for well over an hour. The rest of us were playing caps and mocking him to see if he'd fall, but he never did.

 

[Papa Georgio]

Not really funny or horrific, but..........Anyone ever take their young niece/nephew around a mall in a stroller all day to meet chicks?

I tried to get my secretary to let me borrow her daughter to do this, but she wouldn't let me.

If you can't borrow a kid, just take a puppy out and it will work the same.

 

[The_Burning_Bush]

This thread has made me laugh, cry, and throw up all at the same time.

 

[Steve Tasker]

Ate Hamburger Helper without the hamburger.

This was a staple in my apartment. Who needs meat?I also used to eat Uncle Ben's rice bags for dinner roughly 4 days a week....microwave for 90 seconds, rip the top off and eat....GB Uncle Ben...

 

[Papa Georgio]

One day I get a phone call from my best friend. He said he needed me to come get him and that he needed a place to stay. He was staying with his parents and we were about 19 or 20. The first thing I see is a couch in his front yard. So I asked him why he was needing a place to stay. He said well I went out and got drunk last night and this morning my mom found me passed out naked in the living room. I was like . So then I said ok so what's the deal with the couch. He said his dad was going to be burning it in a little while because he had pissed all over it while passed out.

More of a drunken story than a bachelor one.

Same guy banged a girl nick named "Devil Woman" in my bed once and it smelled so bad even after washing the sheets that I had to flip the mattress. The girl I was dating said she would never sleep with me again in that bed.

 

[RudiStein]

Wait, you put the sauce, cheese and toppings on the uncooked pizza dough before putting it on the baker's sheet?

Yep. Didn't really think it through. I used to work at pizza places. At one place you made the pie on a wire rack and throw the whole thing in the oven. Another place you would make the pie on a wooden paddle and slide the pie in without the paddle. Gotta have cornmeal for that last technique. Looks like I mixed up the two. The funny thing is that I can actually cook. I usually make dinner 4-5 nights a week. But that pizza was a disaster.

Wait, you used to work at not one, but multiple pizza places, and you put the sauce, cheese, and toppings on the uncooked pizza dough before putting it on the baker's sheet?

Yeah, tell me about it. Although the ******* calzone/stuffed pizza wasn't half bad.

 

[DevilsTrifecta]

Same guy banged a girl nick named "Devil Woman" in my bed once and it smelled so bad even after washing the sheets that I had to flip the mattress. The girl I was dating said she would never sleep with me again in that bed.

Shoulda just thrown it out.....worked for me

 

[bostonfred]

It was good thinking on your feet, though. Big fan of making homemade calzones. And it turns out the recipe really is just start making a pizza, then roll it up like a joint [/GMsCookbook].

 

[Spike]

Yours is a bit more crazy, but I've done:1. Used a Busch Light box as a dining room table for the longest time. 2. Didn't do laundry until I had re-worn every pair of boxers/underwear I had at least 3 times. That was gross. 3. When my toilet broke I used my sink for about a week because I didn't feel like telling my landlord. 4. Threw dishes out in the trash instead of washing them. 5. Slept on a mattress on the floor for an entire year - living in two separate places. 6. Sprayed deodorant in my pants because I was going to see a girl and I had ran out of soap. 7. Hired a younger girl who I felt awkward to date to clean my place for me on a bi-weekly basis even though she didn't do a good job because I felt bad for her situation and it was the only way I could justify to myself staring at her ###. 8. I don't think I've ever actually bought napkins. 9. Have always just ate the total cleaning cost (basically given up my rent deposit) because I have no desire to clean my apartments. 10. Used a basketball as a meat tenderizer (sp?)

I'm going to call "B S" on 3, 8, 9 and 10.

 

[RudiStein]

It was good thinking on your feet, though. Big fan of making homemade calzones. And it turns out the recipe really is just start making a pizza, then roll it up like a joint [/GMsCookbook].

And none of the toppings had been taped to my grundle.

 

[Papa Georgio]

Same guy banged a girl nick named "Devil Woman" in my bed once and it smelled so bad even after washing the sheets that I had to flip the mattress. The girl I was dating said she would never sleep with me again in that bed.

Shoulda just thrown it out.....worked for me

That and your name is what made me remember. Your not any relation are you? If so she seemed like a nice christian gal.

 

[General Malaise]

Way back in the mid-70s, I spent a not too untypical Friday evening getting drunk at the bar in a Ramada Inn in a small city in Oklahoma. After deciding that I wasn't going to get lucky that night--that was typical--I wandered through one of the hallways of the motel on the way to an exterior door that would get me closer to my car on a rainy night. I noticed a lot of room service dishes on the floor outside of rooms, and I'd just moved into an apartment and needed some more dishes, so I started gathering up all those disgusting plates and scraping the big food chunks back onto the trays. By the time I got to the end of that hallway, I had two armfuls of dirty plates, saucers and silverware. Right now, thirty-five years later, married with two adult children out of the house, we've still got six of those Ramada Inn plates in a cupboard, along with two saucers. My wife gets mad at me when I tell people where those dishes came from. Heck, I always thought it was kind of a funny story.Oh, yeah, a few years later, I was still unmarried, standing in the kitchen of another apartment in another city, talking on the phone with the girl who would soon become my wife. This was before cell phones and cordless phones, and I had to go to the bathroom real bad. I didn't want to interrupt a long distance phone call, so I took one of those plates out of a cupboard, placed it on the kitchen floor, and took a dump onto it during the phone call. After the phone call, it cleaned up fine.