What's the most 'bachelor' thing you ever did? (1 Viewer)

[General Malaise]

I used to run a scheme in high school and college that I called "the switcheroo." You go to the grocery store, pick up a case of beer, a case of Coke, and some tape from the school supplies aisle. Then, you sneak the cases into the grocery store bathroom and pretend to be taking a dump in the stall, when really you are just opening the cases and putting all of the beers in the case of Coke and all of the Cokes in the case of beer. Tape the boxes back up, return the case of "beer" to the beer aisle, and check out with your 24-pack of "Coke" for $5. The "switcheroo" not only allowed you to buy beer for ridiculously cheap prices, it also allowed you to buy underage and on Saturday late night/Sundays when alcohol sales were outlawed. I still kinda feel bad for the poor bastards who got home from the grocery store with their case of beer, only to open it and discover that it was filled with 24 Diet Cokes.

SUBSCRIBE!

 

[Sonny Lubick Blowup Doll]

I walked into a holiday inn once and told them i was out of towels. they gave me 4. went home and my lack of towels problem was solved.

 

[Spike]

As a long-time FBG, I think I'm qualified in saying this is the greatest thread in the history of the website.

Seriously.

 

[ChampBailey24]

Moving out in a few months and this thread is full of great ideas.

 

[Sonny Lubick Blowup Doll]

Just getting to this thread, and Christ, those last two stories GM bumped are hysterical. Especially the Joe Mama taking a crap on his treasured Ramada plate.

 

[Ed Wood]

I'm pretty sure the guys at Columbia Music or whatever that outfit was that would sell 12 CDs/tapes for a penny each if you joined their club are still looking for "Borris Fezbitt". Old Borris abused their membership, taking virtually all the brand new CDs he got mailed to him at the nebulous fraternity house address and immediately selling them to the local music store for 2-3 bucks each.

Had a roommate do this. Used the name "Billy Vader".

This needs more love.

 

[Ptomaine]

Motorcycle repair in the kitchen.

 

[Righetti]

in college, piss-poor I would go to 7-11 and buy a $0.99 hot-dog and then proceed to fill the box it came in to the rim with the cheesewizz. Had so much of it one day i ran behind the 7-11 to drop a deuce and used the cheese covered box to wipe up..

 

[Righetti]

another one from college..

went to a party at Otis' college and I drew a huge scoreboard on the fridge to keep track of how many chicks we could hook up with that night.

trouble was that it was a permanent marker and those idiots had to live in a house with the Righetti Scoreboard plastered on their fridge for the rest of the year and I'm sure had a lot of explaining to do whenever they brought a new girlfriend around

 

[Genedoc]

Way back in the mid-70s, I spent a not too untypical Friday evening getting drunk at the bar in a Ramada Inn in a small city in Oklahoma. After deciding that I wasn't going to get lucky that night--that was typical--I wandered through one of the hallways of the motel on the way to an exterior door that would get me closer to my car on a rainy night. I noticed a lot of room service dishes on the floor outside of rooms, and I'd just moved into an apartment and needed some more dishes, so I started gathering up all those disgusting plates and scraping the big food chunks back onto the trays. By the time I got to the end of that hallway, I had two armfuls of dirty plates, saucers and silverware. Right now, thirty-five years later, married with two adult children out of the house, we've still got six of those Ramada Inn plates in a cupboard, along with two saucers. My wife gets mad at me when I tell people where those dishes came from. Heck, I always thought it was kind of a funny story.Oh, yeah, a few years later, I was still unmarried, standing in the kitchen of another apartment in another city, talking on the phone with the girl who would soon become my wife. This was before cell phones and cordless phones, and I had to go to the bathroom real bad. I didn't want to interrupt a long distance phone call, so I took one of those plates out of a cupboard, placed it on the kitchen floor, and took a dump onto it during the phone call. After the phone call, it cleaned up fine.

Agreed. Kids these days with their cells and cordless phones and texting will never appreciate talking on the phone to a girl and having to pee/poop. I got my own phone in my room for my 15th birthday and it was a BIG deal. Cici's pizza was also a staple of broke bachelor college life. I know how inexpensive it is to make pizza, but even given that low cost, they did NOT make money off of us when we went in. College kids at an all you can eat buffet is a manager's worst nightmare.

 

[Genedoc]

Something else college kids these days with their individual cell phones will never have the pleasure of doing - sitting at the dinning room table with a 32 page phone bill and trying to figure out who made each......effing.....call so you could split the bill evenly.

 

[Major]

-Slept on a mattress on the floor

-Had the cliche cable spool and milk crates for furniture

Box springs are a waste.

But did you have the random orange traffic cone in the corner for 'decoration'?

I remember at one point collecting quite a few of these in college. Not sure why but in my inebriated state they seemed like a great idea to collect (generally to make pledges wear to class).

 

[Genedoc]

-Slept on a mattress on the floor

-Had the cliche cable spool and milk crates for furniture

Box springs are a waste.

But did you have the random orange traffic cone in the corner for 'decoration'?

I remember at one point collecting quite a few of these in college. Not sure why but in my inebriated state they seemed like a great idea to collect (generally to make pledges wear to class).

How many Edward Munch "Scream" inflatable were there in your dorm/apartment complex/condo?

 

[Bonzai]

Coke.

 

[Major]

Way back in the mid-70s, I spent a not too untypical Friday evening getting drunk at the bar in a Ramada Inn in a small city in Oklahoma. After deciding that I wasn't going to get lucky that night--that was typical--I wandered through one of the hallways of the motel on the way to an exterior door that would get me closer to my car on a rainy night. I noticed a lot of room service dishes on the floor outside of rooms, and I'd just moved into an apartment and needed some more dishes, so I started gathering up all those disgusting plates and scraping the big food chunks back onto the trays. By the time I got to the end of that hallway, I had two armfuls of dirty plates, saucers and silverware. Right now, thirty-five years later, married with two adult children out of the house, we've still got six of those Ramada Inn plates in a cupboard, along with two saucers. My wife gets mad at me when I tell people where those dishes came from. Heck, I always thought it was kind of a funny story.

Oh, yeah, a few years later, I was still unmarried, standing in the kitchen of another apartment in another city, talking on the phone with the girl who would soon become my wife. This was before cell phones and cordless phones, and I had to go to the bathroom real bad. I didn't want to interrupt a long distance phone call, so I took one of those plates out of a cupboard, placed it on the kitchen floor, and took a dump onto it during the phone call. After the phone call, it cleaned up fine.

I don't recommend this. I had a buddy #### on a plate once and the whole apartment stunk for hours even after the plate was dispensed in some dude's convertible. My eyes nearly teared up it was so bad. God bless water.

 

[AhrnCityPahnder]

-Slept on a mattress on the floor

-Had the cliche cable spool and milk crates for furniture

Box springs are a waste.

But did you have the random orange traffic cone in the corner for 'decoration'?

I remember at one point collecting quite a few of these in college. Not sure why but in my inebriated state they seemed like a great idea to collect (generally to make pledges wear to class).

How many Edward Munch "Scream" inflatable were there in your dorm/apartment complex/condo?

I had one of those

 

[top dog]

I'm pretty sure the guys at Columbia Music or whatever that outfit was that would sell 12 CDs/tapes for a penny each if you joined their club are still looking for "Borris Fezbitt". Old Borris abused their membership, taking virtually all the brand new CDs he got mailed to him at the nebulous fraternity house address and immediately selling them to the local music store for 2-3 bucks each.

Had a roommate do this. Used the name "Billy Vader".

This needs more love.

 

[The Z Machine]

Had at least 2 "outdoor" couches on our deck above the garage. Both were found pieces and were visible from the street.

 

[Clinton]

Yours is a bit more crazy, but I've done:1. Used a Busch Light box as a dining room table for the longest time. 2. Didn't do laundry until I had re-worn every pair of boxers/underwear I had at least 3 times. That was gross. 3. When my toilet broke I used my sink for about a week because I didn't feel like telling my landlord. 4. Threw dishes out in the trash instead of washing them. 5. Slept on a mattress on the floor for an entire year - living in two separate places. 6. Sprayed deodorant in my pants because I was going to see a girl and I had ran out of soap. 7. Hired a younger girl who I felt awkward to date to clean my place for me on a bi-weekly basis even though she didn't do a good job because I felt bad for her situation and it was the only way I could justify to myself staring at her ###. 8. I don't think I've ever actually bought napkins. 9. Have always just ate the total cleaning cost (basically given up my rent deposit) because I have no desire to clean my apartments. 10. Used a basketball as a meat tenderizer (sp?)

I'm going to call "B S" on 3, 8, 9 and 10.

BS to 8? Dude, I'm almost 40 and I've still never bought napkins.

 

[Sea Ropes]

I don't have anything as good as ####ting on a plate or putting a chair in the shower, but I snagged a porn mag out of a trash can (FOX, Jill Kelly was in it) which was my sole source of "entertainment" for the next three months.

In the dorm we built a duct out of pizza boxes to move heat from the front room to our bedrooms in the back. What little air that did manage to travel the full length of the duct did smell faintly of cheese.

 

[GTBilly]

Yours is a bit more crazy, but I've done:1. Used a Busch Light box as a dining room table for the longest time. 2. Didn't do laundry until I had re-worn every pair of boxers/underwear I had at least 3 times. That was gross. 3. When my toilet broke I used my sink for about a week because I didn't feel like telling my landlord. 4. Threw dishes out in the trash instead of washing them. 5. Slept on a mattress on the floor for an entire year - living in two separate places. 6. Sprayed deodorant in my pants because I was going to see a girl and I had ran out of soap. 7. Hired a younger girl who I felt awkward to date to clean my place for me on a bi-weekly basis even though she didn't do a good job because I felt bad for her situation and it was the only way I could justify to myself staring at her ###. 8. I don't think I've ever actually bought napkins. 9. Have always just ate the total cleaning cost (basically given up my rent deposit) because I have no desire to clean my apartments. 10. Used a basketball as a meat tenderizer (sp?)

I'm going to call "B S" on 3, 8, 9 and 10.

BS to 8? Dude, I'm almost 40 and I've still never bought napkins.

I need 10 explained because they seem contradictory. If you were going to tenderize meat you would never use a BBall. If you would use a BBall you would never tenderize meat.

 

[buster c]

Masturbate....constantly

I once lived in a corner first floor apartment. Because of it's location a lot of people would walk by it and look in so I always kept my shades drawn. One day, when I was taking a dump or something, my friend slipped a large posterboard sign inbetween the shade and the window. I couldn't see the sign, but everybody walking by could clearly read...QUIET PLEASE....

MASTURBATION IN PROGRESS

To make matters worse, I never actually walked by my own windows because of the building's entrance-exit location. By the time I actually discovered the sign my friend swore it had been up there for weeks.

classic. this is why I continue to patronize the FFA.as a bachelor in the summer, I'd work M-F then drive 3 hours to Ocean City, MD with no place to stay. If I got lucky, I had a place to stay. If not, I'd sleep in the car or under the boards. The ocean was my bath tub.

 

[Judge Smails]

1) Friday morning in college, me and a buddy see an ad in the paper for a $5 turnaround bus to Vegas. Requirement was that you had to spend 5 hours or so at their dumpy downtown casinos. Glitter Gulch, whatever. So we boarded. 2 raggedy guys and a buncha blue hairs leaving a Winchell's parking lot in So Cal for Vegas. We get there and promptly ditch the Golden Girls crowd. 2 hours later we are broke, maybe $5 bucks left. Didn't have much restraint back in those days. With $1 left, we hit a 100-1 shot for a quarter on one of those computerized horse racing games. Celebrated with Heinekens and the 99 cent 1/2 pound hot dog at Slotsafun. We then schemed and walked what seemed like miles to get as many of those Play $3 for $2 coupons we could. Ended up playing all night while getting ####faced, and then had exactly enough to jump on a Greyhound bus back home. Woke up when we got back to So Cal. Walked to Winchell's - scrounged up 40 cents from the ashtray and had the best glazed buttermilk bar evah.

2) 2 good friends from our college baseball team got an apartment together. Went over their pad after a month. Played poker, got hammered, spent the night. Woke up to take a shower before heading to work, stepped in and felt sludge. Looked down to see what looked like the La Brea tar pits. Turned out that my amigos didn't like their Copenhagen just on the field, they dipped in the shower.

 

[Judge Smails]

in college, piss-poor I would go to 7-11 and buy a $0.99 hot-dog and then proceed to fill the box it came in to the rim with the cheesewizz. Had so much of it one day i ran behind the 7-11 to drop a deuce and used the cheese covered box to wipe up..

Resourceful!

 

[Postradamus]

I used to run a scheme in high school and college that I called "the switcheroo." You go to the grocery store, pick up a case of beer, a case of Coke, and some tape from the school supplies aisle. Then, you sneak the cases into the grocery store bathroom and pretend to be taking a dump in the stall, when really you are just opening the cases and putting all of the beers in the case of Coke and all of the Cokes in the case of beer. Tape the boxes back up, return the case of "beer" to the beer aisle, and check out with your 24-pack of "Coke" for $5. The "switcheroo" not only allowed you to buy beer for ridiculously cheap prices, it also allowed you to buy underage and on Saturday late night/Sundays when alcohol sales were outlawed. I still kinda feel bad for the poor bastards who got home from the grocery store with their case of beer, only to open it and discover that it was filled with 24 Diet Cokes.

SUBSCRIBE!

I worked at a convenience store in high school and we did this all the time . We had to think of something after the cops busted my buddy carrying a crateload of 40s to his car on his way to the Travelodge for some sweaty fatguy sex. He got fired. So we figured it out pretty quickly since that was our only reliable source for beer. Worked like a charm.

 

[St. Louis Bob]

I used to go to a buffet and stuff my mouth full of mashed potatoes and ask people what they thought I was. I would say " a zit!" then smash my cheeks and mash potaoes would fly everywhere. A food fight would usually ensue after that.

 

[buster c]

Raise your hand if you've swept carpet because you couldn't afford a vacuum? because you were out of weed and were searching for seeds to smoke

 

[Maik Jeaunz]

we had a "beer closet", in which we would toss any and all empty bottles and cans. we put a few old towels on the floor of the closet in case of drips. we would fill the closet to the point where you could only open the door wide enough to squeeze in the next bottle/can, otherwise you might be killed by an avalanche. when it got to the point that we couldn't squeeze anything else in, we would load everything in my buddy's truck and take it down to the recycling center. we would use the $50 or so recycling money to promptly buy more beer.

the closet filled up about every 4-6 weeks. and when we moved out, we left the towels behind.

 

[bostonfred]

If fatguyinalittlecoat ever searches for his name on here, he's going to find a surprise a couple posts up.

 

[Nigel Tufnel]

Billy Vader will be my next alias.

 

[bostonfred]

Billy Vader will be my next alias.

But only because Truck has already registered Joey Vader proactively.

 

[Tecumseh]

I'm pretty sure the guys at Columbia Music or whatever that outfit was that would sell 12 CDs/tapes for a penny each if you joined their club are still looking for "Borris Fezbitt". Old Borris abused their membership, taking virtually all the brand new CDs he got mailed to him at the nebulous fraternity house address and immediately selling them to the local music store for 2-3 bucks each.

Had a roommate do this. Used the name "Billy Vader".

This needs more love.

I've read that post 6-7 times today, and I just got it. :facepalm:

 

[The Tahitian Facemask]

After some of these, I'm assuming using Ketchup over spaghetti noodles because sauce was too expensive is commonplace?

Good ol' spaghetto.Hammered and just got done cooking a pizza. Dropped it on the carpet. Cheese side down. Not a problem.

 

[buster c]

I used to run a scheme in high school and college that I called "the switcheroo." You go to the grocery store, pick up a case of beer, a case of Coke, and some tape from the school supplies aisle. Then, you sneak the cases into the grocery store bathroom and pretend to be taking a dump in the stall, when really you are just opening the cases and putting all of the beers in the case of Coke and all of the Cokes in the case of beer. Tape the boxes back up, return the case of "beer" to the beer aisle, and check out with your 24-pack of "Coke" for $5. The "switcheroo" not only allowed you to buy beer for ridiculously cheap prices, it also allowed you to buy underage and on Saturday late night/Sundays when alcohol sales were outlawed. I still kinda feel bad for the poor bastards who got home from the grocery store with their case of beer, only to open it and discover that it was filled with 24 Diet Cokes.

good scammy switcheroo occurred when I worked at a gas station. I'd sell STP gasoline additive..except, it was an empty bottle I'd be "pouring" in...which I could sell over and over again, pocketing 100% of the procedes. inventory count unaffected.

 

[Judge Smails]

Washed and reused a condom. Disgusting I know but hey if nothing else I was responsible.

My roommate from college claimed he used saran wrap and a rubberband with one girl. Knowing him and the girls he rolled around with, I believe him.

Just told my almost 21 year old son this and he said this was a common occurance in his crowd. The topper? The guy that used a Skittles bag..

 

[bostonfred]

Washed and reused a condom. Disgusting I know but hey if nothing else I was responsible.

My roommate from college claimed he used saran wrap and a rubberband with one girl. Knowing him and the girls he rolled around with, I believe him.

Just told my almost 21 year old son this and he said this was a common occurance in his crowd. The topper? The guy that used a Skittles bag..

Congratulations, Grandpa.

 

[RudiStein]

Washed and reused a condom. Disgusting I know but hey if nothing else I was responsible.

My roommate from college claimed he used saran wrap and a rubberband with one girl. Knowing him and the girls he rolled around with, I believe him.

Just told my almost 21 year old son this and he said this was a common occurance in his crowd. The topper? The guy that used a Skittles bag..

Congratulations, Grandpa.

 

[Judge Smails]

Washed and reused a condom. Disgusting I know but hey if nothing else I was responsible.

My roommate from college claimed he used saran wrap and a rubberband with one girl. Knowing him and the girls he rolled around with, I believe him.

Just told my almost 21 year old son this and he said this was a common occurance in his crowd. The topper? The guy that used a Skittles bag..

Congratulations, Grandpa.

He swore he doubled up on the Skittles bags..

 

[shuke]

This was our annual tradition for the first day of the NCAA tournament.

 

[RudiStein]

This was our annual tradition for the first day of the NCAA tournament.

Why?

 

[shuke]

This was our annual tradition for the first day of the NCAA tournament.

Why?

Why not?Enjoying the weather, watching the ladies walk by to class, having some beers and watching basketball.

 

[bostonfred]

That does sound pretty good.

Remember when watching a major sporting event on a TV that size, from that far away, was completely acceptable? It was probably around the same time that the cars parked out front were new.

 

[griz145389]

When I would run low on funds I would put a bunch of generic non branded tylenol in a baggie and sell it at a club as ecstasy.

At a party at my place I was taking a dump and my completely hammered friend calls into the bathroom asking where he can piss. I yelled at him to just piss out the window. He did so, except the window was shut and he got piss all over the room off the rebound.

 

[Gert B Frobe]

slept on a waterbed for over a year, but it was just the water mattress - no frame, no pedistal

It was like sleeping on an Amoeba that just kinda rolled around the room.

 

[DevilsTrifecta]

Same guy banged a girl nick named "Devil Woman" in my bed once and it smelled so bad even after washing the sheets that I had to flip the mattress. The girl I was dating said she would never sleep with me again in that bed.

Shoulda just thrown it out.....worked for me

That and your name is what made me remember. Your not any relation are you? If so she seemed like a nice christian gal.

I don't think so.....mine was not a nice christian gal at all.

 

[DevilsTrifecta]

Masturbate....constantly

I once lived in a corner first floor apartment. Because of it's location a lot of people would walk by it and look in so I always kept my shades drawn. One day, when I was taking a dump or something, my friend slipped a large posterboard sign inbetween the shade and the window. I couldn't see the sign, but everybody walking by could clearly read...QUIET PLEASE....

MASTURBATION IN PROGRESS

To make matters worse, I never actually walked by my own windows because of the building's entrance-exit location. By the time I actually discovered the sign my friend swore it had been up there for weeks.

classic. this is why I continue to patronize the FFA.as a bachelor in the summer, I'd work M-F then drive 3 hours to Ocean City, MD with no place to stay. If I got lucky, I had a place to stay. If not, I'd sleep in the car or under the boards. The ocean was my bath tub.

Dude it's OC.....I've slept in foreign rooms more than my own there.

 

[Buckfast 1]

At Mardi Gras one year, we paid to park in a garage and slept in my car. Can't remember if it was because we couldn't afford a hotel room or if there were no hotel rooms available. Pretty sure it was the former.

I've done the exact same thing. I headed out on an impromptu Mardi Gras road trip with a few friends and no place to stay, and we ended up having to sleep in our car in a parking garage for two of the nights because we couldn't find any rooms at a reasonably priced hotel. Luckily, my friend was doing an internship at a Fuji Film plant at that time, so at least our trunk was stocked with about 80 free disposable Fuji cameras. Unfortunately for my friend, Fuji wasn't too happy when they found out that he developed around 40 rolls of Mardi Gras debauchery film on company time. He got fired. The second time I went to Mardi Gras, I flew down with about 8 college friends and we all piled in a hotel room for the weekend. However, everybody else was leaving a day earlier than me and one of my friends, so instead of splitting the cost of the hotel between the two of us, we just decided to pull an all-nighter walking the streets of New Orleans until it was time for our flight the next afternoon. We left our luggage with the bellhop, put a case of beer in black garbage bags that we threw over our shoulders like drunken, perverted Santa Clauses, and then roamed the streets convincing young, impressionable girls to flash/make out with us until dawn. You'd be shocked how quickly girls who swore they would never flash anyone changed their minds when we pulled out our "wild card," AKA a free lukewarm Bud Light from the garbage bags thrown over our shoulders.

 

[RudiStein]

slept on a waterbed for over a year, but it was just the water mattress - no frame, no pedistalIt was like sleeping on an Amoeba that just kinda rolled around the room.

Have no idea how this is even possible.

 

[bostonfred]

slept on a waterbed for over a year, but it was just the water mattress - no frame, no pedistalIt was like sleeping on an Amoeba that just kinda rolled around the room.

Awesome.

 

[joffer]

came home drunk. was woken up an hour later with the alarm system going off. i couldn't figure out how to turn it off, so i ripped the plastic panel off the wall to reveal four wires still clinging to the hole in the wall. not being able to find a scissors, i sawed through the wires with a steak knife until the alarm stopped.

a real bummer when i had to resell the house.