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[Jayrod]

Meanwhile, in Upstate New York:

Savannah Man Attacked by Fox

 He choked it to death.

 

[Senor Schmutzig]

Arrests break ‘largest current source of cocaine’ to Miami-Dade neighborhood, feds say

Technically it wasn't the headline but it's pretty typical Miami. 

 

[rockaction]

Arrests break ‘largest current source of cocaine’ to Miami-Dade neighborhood, feds say

Boooooo!

 

[WampusCat43]

Genderqueer lesbian denied Metro bus ride after Pride

Cincinnati Enquirer (again), today. 

And, same page, came this horrifying news:

Jim Beam warehouse housing 40,000 bourbon barrels in on fire