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***Official*** FFA iDating Thread (2 Viewers)
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- Start date
Major
Footballguy
My name is GusterJoin me for a shot or two?Hope you are easy
I'm going to use this
Buck Bradcanon
Footballguy
Sarnoff
Footballguy
Depends, are you more into hiking or museums?Just don't overthink it. It could be as easy as:
or
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
Ask one quick question based on her interests. I'd go with "What's the worst concert you've ever been to?" It really doesn't matter what you write. Use proper grammar and don't ask her to ####. If she thinks you've got potential, she'll respond. If she doesn't, she won't. Don't waste your time writing a novel. Save that nonsense for future emails once you both have a mutual interest. Spend the seconds you save shooting out another email to some other chick. They're a dime a dozen down here. Cast a wide net. My last email I sent
She responded with
Don't be so nervous. Send something that makes you chuckle. Barring that, send something that wastes as little of your time as possible. If some chick wants you to read an essay on her requirements before contact her, she's a pita not worth the time or money.
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Major
Footballguy
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
Answer her question. Ask her a question. Rinse, repeat.I wrote basically saying I used to do "Make a Wish" events awhile back and that it's a great organization. How'd you get involved? HERES WHAT SHE WROTE BACK"You have been to a few MAW events. When? Yes its a great organization!I don't know why i got involved i just always wanted to and started volunteering."What should I respond with to keep the convo flowing and progress this.
PitbullTD
Footballguy
If we bag this broad for you will you then share her with us? This is important information going forward.I wrote basically saying I used to do "Make a Wish" events awhile back and that it's a great organization. How'd you get involved? HERES WHAT SHE WROTE BACK"You have been to a few MAW events. When? Yes its a great organization!
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
There's no hard number you have to abide by. I'll usually go 3-5 questions before saying something along the lines of "Really we're just shooting a few messages back and forth to make sure the other isn't too weird/stupid/creepy/crazy before deciding to get drinks." Then I ask whatever question and 2-3 emails later I'll say let's go for the drinks. Sometimes I'll drag out or speed up the process depending on our social calendars. There's rarely a wrong answer to any of your questions. Lots of different approaches work. Just be confident.How quickly do you throw in the "let's grab a drink in person question?"Answer her question. Ask her a question. Rinse, repeat.I wrote basically saying I used to do "Make a Wish" events awhile back and that it's a great organization. How'd you get involved? HERES WHAT SHE WROTE BACK"You have been to a few MAW events. When? Yes its a great organization!
PitbullTD
Footballguy
In the unholiest of waysShare in what way...If we bag this broad for you will you then share her with us? This is important information going forward.I wrote basically saying I used to do "Make a Wish" events awhile back and that it's a great organization. How'd you get involved? HERES WHAT SHE WROTE BACK"You have been to a few MAW events. When? Yes its a great organization!
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
okcupidplentyoffishBoth free. Lots of women on both.
isn't OKcupid for the younger crowd? i'm almost 50.
Dr. Awesome
Footballguy
I'm almost two decades your junior. No clue how many women of that age group are on there. I run across women in their 40's regularly. Only way you'll know for sure is to give it a go.
Sarnoff
Footballguy
Dude, seriously, calm down. I mean, it's great and all, but you can't get like this.I'm
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Major
Footballguy
Good stuff here Sarnoff. I keep it short but show I read the profile and drop :style: points with similar chum regarding the arts or whatever bs the girl digs.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
My preference was always a very short (1 or 2 sentences) initial email, that entertained me.
This is supposed to be fun. Nothing to stress out over. If you relax and have fun with it, you will come across as a normal, fun person. If you don't, you won't.There are tons of freaks and perverts out there. Don't be one of them. But also don't be the super nice shy guy who she gets bored with before he ever finds the balls to ask her out.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
You'll get a feel for it. If she's interested and you have her attention at that moment, I say suggest meeting for drinks ASAP.Attractive girls are bombarded with messages at these sites, so you have a limited window of opportunity. They will soon be distracted by the next new thing.That's why I'm against the "wait a day to reply" theory. If she's replying quickly, it doesn't hurt to do the same. Just don't go overboard. And don't use the chat feature.
Disco Stu
Confirmed FBGal
Sarnoff
Footballguy
I usually do it after her second reply, sometimes the third.
jason12vb
Footballguy
Agree with Stu here, expect that I had success with the chat feature on OKCupid where the thing actually works..that POF one is horse****.You'll find a plethora of methodologies women want to take before meeting. Some will think you're pushy if you give them your number or ask to get together after two emails while others will move on to the next person if you don't ask in your second. Some will want to text for a few days while others will want to talk on the phone. You'll develop a sense for what feels right, and as you get more experienced with the process you'll figure out what you like the best as well.Don't worry about screwing up to start with...there is a learning curve to this thing. No matter how hot or perfect you think someone is now, you'll find a dozen in the coming months that blow her out of the water..and never hold out for a girl that hasn't responded. Hot chicks with great profiles get way more emails than you can imagine. Just getting your email read can be an amazing achievement.
It means we can't see it until you give us permission.'proninja said:What do the requests for sharing mean?Edit: I wouldn't recommend using this unless you're already pretty long winded like me'proninja said:
coyote5
Footballguy
I still can't access it - just sent a request again'proninja said:It should be fixed nowIt means we can't see it until you give us permission.'proninja said:What do the requests for sharing mean?Edit: I wouldn't recommend using this unless you're already pretty long winded like me'proninja said:
ChainsawU
Footballguy
sig worthy
ChainsawU
Footballguy
Apr 6, 2006
Hot Chick Bios [by Bill Burr on MySpace]
Okay now that I've #####ed about city nicknames, Im going to tackle the controversial topic: Hot Chick My Space Bios. Can you tell Im in a 'down' period creatively? Out of all the bad bios, these are my favorites and usually go something like this:
Mmmm...where do I start? I guess I'm a really laid back person but I'm also very aggressive. I'm really quiet and shy but can sometimes be soooooo loud!!!!.I love to laugh and I'm only into REAL people. Cause at this point, I don't have time for bull####. I'm just on here to meet REAL people. So like if your fake than you can just keep it moving cause I'm ####### real and I can't handle the bull####. Oh and even though you can see one of my ##### lips in my my space photo, don't be coming on here like some kind of pervert saying all kinds of ICKY stuff. (Like OMG...Ewww!!!!) And I don't accept people who just say ADD ME. If like you have a question and like are really interested in me then like I'll answer you but the rest of you sickos can like take a hike because I'm REAL. I mean WTF? Just because I have on three pounds of makeup and I'm bent over at the waist, looking back at you between legs, doesn't mean that I don't like to read. OK? So like enough of that..k?..ANYWAY!!!!! My friends are all like really hot...etc
All these gorgeous girls are always talking about how real they are. They sound like bimbo versions of the RZA. I think these girls are being unrealistic. If you're going to be the hot girl who doesn't have to stand in line at the club, then you are going to have to deal with perverts like me, writing you ####ed up #### on my space. That's how the world works. The Ying and the Yang. You can't have your cake and eat it. Actually, you should eat the cake. Because the fatter you get, the realer people are going to be with you. So if you're on here just to meet real people, gain 20 pounds and put on a flannel. At that point, you are going to start meeting real people. And youre going to stand outside the club getting real cold. And your feet are going to really hurt. There's going to be so much real #### happening to you, you're not going to need to be on my space anymore.
Despite how irritating these bios are, these girls look so good you still have to email them. At the moment I am in a hotel room in Tampa trying to kill a day before my show tonight. So Im looking at these gorgeous girls my space pages. You see one loser after another leaving a kiss ### comment. Thousands of them. The chances are, they aren't going to write back to you anyway, so why waste your time being nice? In my boredom, I've found that the only way to get them to write back, is if you semi-insult them. You can't be nice, cause they hear "You're beautiful" more than I hear, "Dude, look how white your legs are." Here are three comments I've left in the last couple of weeks. One of the following, was successful in actually receiving a terse response.
1. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
2. I think blondes are kind of played out.
3. You are so hot. I wish you were a little more Asian.
The first person to guess the winning comment will receive a Limited Addition Bill Burr Refrigerator Magnet. It will probably get lost in the mail but that doesn't mean I didn't send it or that I never had one to begin with.
7:23 PM
Hot Chick Bios [by Bill Burr on MySpace]
Okay now that I've #####ed about city nicknames, Im going to tackle the controversial topic: Hot Chick My Space Bios. Can you tell Im in a 'down' period creatively? Out of all the bad bios, these are my favorites and usually go something like this:
Mmmm...where do I start? I guess I'm a really laid back person but I'm also very aggressive. I'm really quiet and shy but can sometimes be soooooo loud!!!!.I love to laugh and I'm only into REAL people. Cause at this point, I don't have time for bull####. I'm just on here to meet REAL people. So like if your fake than you can just keep it moving cause I'm ####### real and I can't handle the bull####. Oh and even though you can see one of my ##### lips in my my space photo, don't be coming on here like some kind of pervert saying all kinds of ICKY stuff. (Like OMG...Ewww!!!!) And I don't accept people who just say ADD ME. If like you have a question and like are really interested in me then like I'll answer you but the rest of you sickos can like take a hike because I'm REAL. I mean WTF? Just because I have on three pounds of makeup and I'm bent over at the waist, looking back at you between legs, doesn't mean that I don't like to read. OK? So like enough of that..k?..ANYWAY!!!!! My friends are all like really hot...etc
All these gorgeous girls are always talking about how real they are. They sound like bimbo versions of the RZA. I think these girls are being unrealistic. If you're going to be the hot girl who doesn't have to stand in line at the club, then you are going to have to deal with perverts like me, writing you ####ed up #### on my space. That's how the world works. The Ying and the Yang. You can't have your cake and eat it. Actually, you should eat the cake. Because the fatter you get, the realer people are going to be with you. So if you're on here just to meet real people, gain 20 pounds and put on a flannel. At that point, you are going to start meeting real people. And youre going to stand outside the club getting real cold. And your feet are going to really hurt. There's going to be so much real #### happening to you, you're not going to need to be on my space anymore.
Despite how irritating these bios are, these girls look so good you still have to email them. At the moment I am in a hotel room in Tampa trying to kill a day before my show tonight. So Im looking at these gorgeous girls my space pages. You see one loser after another leaving a kiss ### comment. Thousands of them. The chances are, they aren't going to write back to you anyway, so why waste your time being nice? In my boredom, I've found that the only way to get them to write back, is if you semi-insult them. You can't be nice, cause they hear "You're beautiful" more than I hear, "Dude, look how white your legs are." Here are three comments I've left in the last couple of weeks. One of the following, was successful in actually receiving a terse response.
1. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
2. I think blondes are kind of played out.
3. You are so hot. I wish you were a little more Asian.
The first person to guess the winning comment will receive a Limited Addition Bill Burr Refrigerator Magnet. It will probably get lost in the mail but that doesn't mean I didn't send it or that I never had one to begin with.
7:23 PM
Holy smokes... not sure what happened, but since yesterday have had some decent responses on OKCupid. Most notably, a very attractive 23-year old blonde, 5'10" slim, who likes older men (I'm 40+) 
I sent her a message yesterday and she replied. We've exchanged a few, she sent me a text, and we are supposed to meet up for a milkshake (she doesn't drink) later today. OMG! OMG! Just be cool, dude...
Also had another 23-year old message me out of the blue yesterday, and that practically never happens from any woman. She's not interested in anything romantic, but liked my profile and thought she would enjoy talking to me. She's Latina, and says she has friends who like older men, so there's still a potential hookup in there somewhere.
Also started e-mailing with another attractive blonde today, 35, who enjoys fantasy football!
I sent her a message yesterday and she replied. We've exchanged a few, she sent me a text, and we are supposed to meet up for a milkshake (she doesn't drink) later today. OMG! OMG! Just be cool, dude...Also had another 23-year old message me out of the blue yesterday, and that practically never happens from any woman. She's not interested in anything romantic, but liked my profile and thought she would enjoy talking to me. She's Latina, and says she has friends who like older men, so there's still a potential hookup in there somewhere.
Also started e-mailing with another attractive blonde today, 35, who enjoys fantasy football!
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Major
Footballguy
Holy smokes... not sure what happened, but since yesterday have had some decent responses on OKCupid. Most notably, a very attractive 23-year old blonde, 5'10" slim, who likes older men (I'm 40+)
Major
Footballguy
If she writes back, she's likely interested. She's probably fielding through 100+ messages daily so relax. Seems like you need to cast a larger net and/or not care as much. When I don't care if the girl likes me, I normally end up having teh secks.
Major
Footballguy
I don't know the proper protocol on these sites. I've only went out on two iDates so definitely no expert. If and when I hit a dry streak, I'll probably try one of the free sites and offer better advice. As for your question about the number, it really depends on circumstance and what feels right. Some girls are easy and you can tell they're DTF so don't waste time - get their number and text them. Others need to massaged a bit and don't like to be pressured. Be careful though, you don't want to take too long and lose the initial spark. Use your best judgement. Maybe invite them over to play Black Ops.
Major
Footballguy
condoms are so last year
So we met up at the place and had a couple of milkshakes. She was really attractive, blonde and blue-eyed. She was very tall though... I'm 6'0" and I felt like she was a little taller than me. She had some weird boots on so maybe they made her a little taller. Anyway, she seemed maybe a little socially awkward, but not in a bad way. More in a slightly geeky way which is more in my wheelhouse than some high-maintenance type. We seemed to hit it off pretty well, had similar senses of humor, laughed a lot, etc.The whole thing lasted about an hour and a half and she said she had to go. So we walked until we were going in different directions, and I gave her a little hug and thanked her for coming out and said I had a nice time. She said she did too and that we'll have to figure out something else to do sometime. So the whole way home I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next. Should I send her a text or note on OKCupid reiterating that I had a good time? What should I say? And as I was pulling in the garage, I received the following text from her:Holy smokes... not sure what happened, but since yesterday have had some decent responses on OKCupid. Most notably, a very attractive 23-year old blonde, 5'10" slim, who likes older men (I'm 40+)
identikit
Footballguy
Awesome!So we met up at the place and had a couple of milkshakes. She was really attractive, blonde and blue-eyed. She was very tall though... I'm 6'0" and I felt like she was a little taller than me. She had some weird boots on so maybe they made her a little taller. Anyway, she seemed maybe a little socially awkward, but not in a bad way. More in a slightly geeky way which is more in my wheelhouse than some high-maintenance type. We seemed to hit it off pretty well, had similar senses of humor, laughed a lot, etc.The whole thing lasted about an hour and a half and she said she had to go. So we walked until we were going in different directions, and I gave her a little hug and thanked her for coming out and said I had a nice time. She said she did too and that we'll have to figure out something else to do sometime. So the whole way home I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next. Should I send her a text or note on OKCupid reiterating that I had a good time? What should I say? And as I was pulling in the garage, I received the following text from her:Holy smokes... not sure what happened, but since yesterday have had some decent responses on OKCupid. Most notably, a very attractive 23-year old blonde, 5'10" slim, who likes older men (I'm 40+)
Das Boot
Footballguy
I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you.So we met up at the place and had a couple of milkshakes. She was really attractive, blonde and blue-eyed. She was very tall though... I'm 6'0" and I felt like she was a little taller than me. She had some weird boots on so maybe they made her a little taller. Anyway, she seemed maybe a little socially awkward, but not in a bad way. More in a slightly geeky way which is more in my wheelhouse than some high-maintenance type. We seemed to hit it off pretty well, had similar senses of humor, laughed a lot, etc.The whole thing lasted about an hour and a half and she said she had to go. So we walked until we were going in different directions, and I gave her a little hug and thanked her for coming out and said I had a nice time. She said she did too and that we'll have to figure out something else to do sometime. So the whole way home I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next. Should I send her a text or note on OKCupid reiterating that I had a good time? What should I say? And as I was pulling in the garage, I received the following text from her:Holy smokes... not sure what happened, but since yesterday have had some decent responses on OKCupid. Most notably, a very attractive 23-year old blonde, 5'10" slim, who likes older men (I'm 40+)
Major
Footballguy
Nice. Make sure you don't blow it and text her back too soon. I'd wait about 3-4 weeks before you respond.So we met up at the place and had a couple of milkshakes. She was really attractive, blonde and blue-eyed. She was very tall though... I'm 6'0" and I felt like she was a little taller than me. She had some weird boots on so maybe they made her a little taller. Anyway, she seemed maybe a little socially awkward, but not in a bad way. More in a slightly geeky way which is more in my wheelhouse than some high-maintenance type. We seemed to hit it off pretty well, had similar senses of humor, laughed a lot, etc.The whole thing lasted about an hour and a half and she said she had to go. So we walked until we were going in different directions, and I gave her a little hug and thanked her for coming out and said I had a nice time. She said she did too and that we'll have to figure out something else to do sometime. So the whole way home I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next. Should I send her a text or note on OKCupid reiterating that I had a good time? What should I say? And as I was pulling in the garage, I received the following text from her:Holy smokes... not sure what happened, but since yesterday have had some decent responses on OKCupid. Most notably, a very attractive 23-year old blonde, 5'10" slim, who likes older men (I'm 40+)
PinkydaPimp
Footballguy
I just want to tell you both good luck. We're all counting on you.So we met up at the place and had a couple of milkshakes. She was really attractive, blonde and blue-eyed. She was very tall though... I'm 6'0" and I felt like she was a little taller than me. She had some weird boots on so maybe they made her a little taller. Anyway, she seemed maybe a little socially awkward, but not in a bad way. More in a slightly geeky way which is more in my wheelhouse than some high-maintenance type. We seemed to hit it off pretty well, had similar senses of humor, laughed a lot, etc.The whole thing lasted about an hour and a half and she said she had to go. So we walked until we were going in different directions, and I gave her a little hug and thanked her for coming out and said I had a nice time. She said she did too and that we'll have to figure out something else to do sometime. So the whole way home I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next. Should I send her a text or note on OKCupid reiterating that I had a good time? What should I say? And as I was pulling in the garage, I received the following text from her:Holy smokes... not sure what happened, but since yesterday have had some decent responses on OKCupid. Most notably, a very attractive 23-year old blonde, 5'10" slim, who likes older men (I'm 40+)
Also had another 23-year old message me out of the blue yesterday, and that practically never happens from any woman. She's not interested in anything romantic, but liked my profile and thought she would enjoy talking to me. She's Latina, and says she has friends who like older men, so there's still a potential hookup in there somewhere.
Also started e-mailing with another attractive blonde today, 35, who enjoys fantasy football!
Nice. Make sure you don't blow it and text her back too soon. I'd wait about 3-4 weeks before you respond.So we met up at the place and had a couple of milkshakes. She was really attractive, blonde and blue-eyed. She was very tall though... I'm 6'0" and I felt like she was a little taller than me. She had some weird boots on so maybe they made her a little taller. Anyway, she seemed maybe a little socially awkward, but not in a bad way. More in a slightly geeky way which is more in my wheelhouse than some high-maintenance type. We seemed to hit it off pretty well, had similar senses of humor, laughed a lot, etc.The whole thing lasted about an hour and a half and she said she had to go. So we walked until we were going in different directions, and I gave her a little hug and thanked her for coming out and said I had a nice time. She said she did too and that we'll have to figure out something else to do sometime. So the whole way home I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next. Should I send her a text or note on OKCupid reiterating that I had a good time? What should I say? And as I was pulling in the garage, I received the following text from her:Holy smokes... not sure what happened, but since yesterday have had some decent responses on OKCupid. Most notably, a very attractive 23-year old blonde, 5'10" slim, who likes older men (I'm 40+)
Well I had to go see my neighbor for a little while, so I didn't text her back right away. It was probably about 25 minutes later I texted her:
followed by:
About an hour and 10 minutes later (10 min ago) she sent me a reply:
Wow. And just now as I was typing this post:
Wow, so what's the play here? What do I do? Help!!
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davidbostonsbicepsfan
Footballguy
I probably wouldn't call her kid anymore.Nice. Make sure you don't blow it and text her back too soon. I'd wait about 3-4 weeks before you respond.So we met up at the place and had a couple of milkshakes. She was really attractive, blonde and blue-eyed. She was very tall though... I'm 6'0" and I felt like she was a little taller than me. She had some weird boots on so maybe they made her a little taller. Anyway, she seemed maybe a little socially awkward, but not in a bad way. More in a slightly geeky way which is more in my wheelhouse than some high-maintenance type. We seemed to hit it off pretty well, had similar senses of humor, laughed a lot, etc.The whole thing lasted about an hour and a half and she said she had to go. So we walked until we were going in different directions, and I gave her a little hug and thanked her for coming out and said I had a nice time. She said she did too and that we'll have to figure out something else to do sometime. So the whole way home I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do next. Should I send her a text or note on OKCupid reiterating that I had a good time? What should I say? And as I was pulling in the garage, I received the following text from her:Holy smokes... not sure what happened, but since yesterday have had some decent responses on OKCupid. Most notably, a very attractive 23-year old blonde, 5'10" slim, who likes older men (I'm 40+)followed by:About an hour and 10 minutes later (10 min ago) she sent me a reply:Wow. And just now as I was typing this post:Wow, so what's the play here? What do I do? Help!!
Her: I think I'm technically under 5'11" but taller than 5'10" so I use them kinda interchangeably. Oh well.
Me: Haha, it's ok either way. I think you're beautiful.
Her: Thank you! I think you are very cute as well.
Me: Thanks! Maybe I should stop over after basketball
haha, kidding!
Her: Silly. You'd have to get by my tough little watch dog first.
Me: Not to mention take a shower. I'd better stop for doggie treats on the way home.
Her: Haha
Gonna let it drop now until she texts me again. Playing basketball from 8-10pm tonight so that will help.
Me: Haha, it's ok either way. I think you're beautiful.
Her: Thank you! I think you are very cute as well.
Me: Thanks! Maybe I should stop over after basketball
haha, kidding!Her: Silly. You'd have to get by my tough little watch dog first.
Me: Not to mention take a shower. I'd better stop for doggie treats on the way home.
Her: Haha
Gonna let it drop now until she texts me again. Playing basketball from 8-10pm tonight so that will help.
Das Boot
Footballguy
Uh oh, I hope she doesn't have a Yorkie.Her: I think I'm technically under 5'11" but taller than 5'10" so I use them kinda interchangeably. Oh well.Me: Haha, it's ok either way. I think you're beautiful.Her: Thank you! I think you are very cute as well.Me: Thanks! Maybe I should stop over after basketball
PinkydaPimp
Footballguy
you should be smashin by tomorrow at the latest.Her: I think I'm technically under 5'11" but taller than 5'10" so I use them kinda interchangeably. Oh well.Me: Haha, it's ok either way. I think you're beautiful.Her: Thank you! I think you are very cute as well.Me: Thanks! Maybe I should stop over after basketball
Major
Footballguy
Dude, you totally blew that. Neg down?Her: I think I'm technically under 5'11" but taller than 5'10" so I use them kinda interchangeably. Oh well.
Me: Haha, it's ok either way. I think you're beautiful.
Her: Thank you! I think you are very cute as well.
Me: Thanks! Maybe I should stop over after basketball
Her: Silly. You'd have to get by my tough little watch dog first.
Me: Not to mention take a shower. I'd better stop for doggie treats on the way home.
Her: Haha
Gonna let it drop now until she texts me again. Playing basketball from 8-10pm tonight so that will help.
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skillz
Footballguy
I did eharmony last year and had success. Gonna switch to OK Cupid this year. Setting up my profile now. What do you guys put down in the "What are you looking for" section?. I assume casual sex is going to be something to avoid and, if need be, that will take care of itself if the gal is into me, right?
Any other tips for using OK Cupid? Stu- I know you've said it is your favorite place to use for i-dating.
Thanks guys,
Any other tips for using OK Cupid? Stu- I know you've said it is your favorite place to use for i-dating.
Thanks guys,
skillz
Footballguy
What about the questions on OK Cupid? Do you answer them all privately or not? I don't want to seem like I am hiding something but I also don't want women knowing that I am really looking for something short-term instead of long-term. Is it best to answer some publically and some privately so the women know a bit about me from the answers but don't know everything about my desire for seeing them on a short-term basis rather than long-term. I'd rather get them out and on a date to figure all that out vs. getting screened or filtered out by someone I could click with due to the answers she sees.
Sarnoff
Footballguy
Women will scan every possible piece of publicly available information about you before the first date. Only answer publicly what you're absolutely comfortable with any chick seeing. You can answer a bunch privately to improve matching, but keep the public stuff tightly controlled and only if every one paints you in the best possible light.
