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41 minutes ago, 5-ish Finkle said:

Just realized that yesterday was my "11 month anniversary" of being without full-time employment.  Not sure if I should be pleased or disgusted that I didn't even notice.

That said, now I think I'm going to nip on down to the corner store and shoot myself.

I'm hiring personal trainers in Minnesota still

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1 minute ago, RedmondLonghorn said:

 

1 hour ago, Henry Ford said:

Wait, your remodel is behind schedule and over budget?!?  I have to say, I've never heard of such a thing.

I know, right?

It was news to me that this could happen as well.

 

"budget" ... "schedule"

 

things I heard about in grad-school.

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35 minutes ago, Sweet J said:

For some reason, I put the following in the Trump thread, where it really doesn't belong:

About a month ago, my son was extremely unhappy with my parenting, I was frustrated with him for being a idiot teen (16 years old), and the two of use were arguing, and the boy took a run at me.  It was a complete dumpster fire of a pigf^ck.  We ended up destroying half of the TV room.  He was determined to pin me, and I had to put him down without really hurting him; at 6'1" and 165 pounds, this was NOT easy. In the moment, I was really questioning sending him to BJJ class.  At one point, it actually went through my mind that I might need to arm-bar him as the only way to keep him from getting the best of me.  Thank god for what little bit of old man strength and tenacity I have left.  If this was 6 months in the future, it may have gone different.  He eventually got too exhausted to keep it up, and I sent him to his room while we both cooled down.  

Anyway, we had a LOT to work out in the ensuing weeks, and are getting back to a good place, but it's been tough (yes, there were consequences, yes we spoke a great deal about the incident).  Lots of discussions about where I as a father derive my authority (not by physical size/strength) and he was grounded for long time (just now coming off).  Things been decent.  But man, a tough few nights for a while.  Raising kids right it hard. 

I got in a bit of a wrestling match with my 16 year old when I tried to take away his phone and he wouldn't give it to me. I couldn't get it out of his hands and I stopped before things got to anything resembling violent. Still, not my proudest moment as a parent.

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7 minutes ago, El Floppo said:

I could beat the #### out of my son.

My 7 year old daughter likes to tell me she's stronger than me sometimes. I then challenge her to an arm wrestling contest, whip her, and then tell her to try again another day.

I'm a good dad too though. I then tell her that her daddy is stronger than her, which means I can protect her when she can't and that I'm always there to keep her safe. 

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22 minutes ago, GroveDiesel said:

My 7 year old daughter likes to tell me she's stronger than me sometimes. I then challenge her to an arm wrestling contest, whip her, and then tell her to try again another day.

I'm a good dad too though. I then tell her that her daddy is stronger than her, which means I can protect her when she can't and that I'm always there to keep her safe. 

:shrug:

that's great. I'm pretty much just brainstorming how I can make a fight club happen with Jr, and how I can video it for posterity.

 

eta: fwiw, I'm pretty sure your 7yo daughter got beat the #### out of my son.

eta2: weird autocorrect... daughter COULD beat the ####...

Edited by El Floppo
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21 minutes ago, Uruk-Hai said:

I tried my father when I was 16. I was taller than him and full of myself; he had a weight edge on me, old man strength (I thought at the time - he was only 36!), and the ability to invoke dad-fear. It did not go well for me - he grabbed my collar, jacked me up against my car, and held me about a foot off the ground for while I crumbled. Never even tried to hit me (I can only recall two times in my entire life where he even spanked me). Told me to stop acting like an idiot. Then he gave me $20 and told to go for a drive to cool off.

 

Yeah, it was kind of close to this.  From his point of view, it probably seemed like I easily handled him.  From my point of view, it was soooo difficult.  The only way to keep him from getting me to the ground at one point was to swing him (maybe picking him off his feet, it went so fast) and slam him into a cabinet/bookshelf kind of thing (the contents of which rained down on us). I think that took some of the air out of him, and he gassed out soon after.  But for me, it was a FINAL desperation move to keep from going down.  He'll never know how close he came.  Similarly, said something like "get your ### up to your room," as he was glowering at me.  The talk the next day was cathartic. 

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7 minutes ago, RedmondLonghorn said:

I got in a bit of a wrestling match with my 16 year old when I tried to take away his phone and he wouldn't give it to me. I couldn't get it out of his hands and I stopped before things got to anything resembling violent. Still, not my proudest moment as a parent.

 

Right!  It's so funny how quick a situation can get away from you.  

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12 minutes ago, El Floppo said:

fwiw- I re-re-re-reached out to my group on Friday. will follow up again today... maybe some of that hinted at free-lance work is available.

Much appreciated.

 

14 minutes ago, kevzilla said:

@5-ish Finkle I went 20 months. Stay strong. 

Thanks.  And I hear you.  Trying my best, since I really have no other choice I suppose. :) I've had some freelance off and on over the course(in an "on" period again right now, for the next few weeks), so I haven't been complete bereft of income.  Unfortunately it's been a far, far cry from a year ago. 

 

16 minutes ago, mr roboto said:

I'm hiring personal trainers in Minnesota still

If I was remotely qualified I'd probably take you up on it, or at least have a serious discussion about it. 

Edited by 5-ish Finkle
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One last thing:  I'm horrified at how much my kids have overtaken me physically.  He's bigger and stronger than I ever was (although I'm still taller).  My son easily out sprints me.  He easily has me on any sort of distance running.  Same with pushups, sit-ups, burbees/squats, pull ups.  Really anything that has to do with physical activity.  Except probably basketball.  He'll have to wait probably another 5 years for that.  My daughter, at 13, is ALMOST in the exact same place with being better than me, and she's only got one hand! 

 

### #### it's hard getting old.  They are like a constant reminder of my mortality. 

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Just got a call from my kids' school district.  School cancelled on Wednesday after 300 teachers just called out for leave in observance of international women's day.  I had no idea this was a thing. 

Edited by Sweet J
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1 minute ago, Sweet J said:

 

One last thing:  I'm horrified at how much my kids have overtaken me physically.  He's bigger and stronger than I ever was (although I'm still taller).  My son easily out sprints me.  He easily has me on any sort of distance running.  Same with pushups, sit-ups, burbees/squats, pull ups.  Really anything that has to do with physical activity.  Except probably basketball.  He'll have to wait probably another 5 years for that.  My daughter, at 13, is ALMOST in the exact same place with being better than me, and she's only got one hand! 

 

### #### it's hard getting old.  They are like a constant reminder of my mortality. 

:oldunsure: your daughter only has one hand?

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50 minutes ago, Sweet J said:

For some reason, I put the following in the Trump thread, where it really doesn't belong:

About a month ago, my son was extremely unhappy with my parenting, I was frustrated with him for being a idiot teen (16 years old), and the two of use were arguing, and the boy took a run at me.  It was a complete dumpster fire of a pigf^ck.  We ended up destroying half of the TV room.  He was determined to pin me, and I had to put him down without really hurting him; at 6'1" and 165 pounds, this was NOT easy. In the moment, I was really questioning sending him to BJJ class.  At one point, it actually went through my mind that I might need to arm-bar him as the only way to keep him from getting the best of me.  Thank god for what little bit of old man strength and tenacity I have left.  If this was 6 months in the future, it may have gone different.  He eventually got too exhausted to keep it up, and I sent him to his room while we both cooled down.  

Anyway, we had a LOT to work out in the ensuing weeks, and are getting back to a good place, but it's been tough (yes, there were consequences, yes we spoke a great deal about the incident).  Lots of discussions about where I as a father derive my authority (not by physical size/strength) and he was grounded for long time (just now coming off).  Things been decent.  But man, a tough few nights for a while.  Raising kids right it hard. 

 

 

 

It is a tough situation (been there) but it sounds like you are making the best of it. 

I second the notion that raising kids is hard.  What I didn't realize was how it gets harder the older they get.  Having 3 teenagers is no picnic.

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3 minutes ago, Sweet J said:

 

Just got a call from my kids' school district.  School cancelled on Wednesday after 300 teachers just called out for leave in observance of international women's day.  I had no idea this was a thing. 

I would beat the #### out of my son if that happened.

 

 

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I've always play wrestled with my older boys and now do the same with my daughter.  I'm usually cast as some sort of monster and play the part well with accentuated growls and scary faces.  The other night, I had both Coop and Hazel down, taking turns rasberrying (sp?) their bellies.  We noticed K-man sitting on the chair playing on his phone and made a secret pact that we'd sneak-attack him.  I acted like I was going to the kitchen then lunged for him.  I surrendered like the French about 4 seconds in when I felt him bow-up and rebuke my attack.  He's 14.  He's lean and mean and a lot stronger than I thought.  He'll be taller than me soon and I'm just going to continue to play very very nice with him.  

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7 minutes ago, Thorn said:

:oldunsure: your daughter only has one hand?

I'm sure we are facebook friends, and you've probably seen the pictures but just never noticed it.  My go to is that her aura is so engaging it's easy to overlook the fact that she doesn't have a hand.  There have been times when she meets people for the first time, and like an hour in, you can tell they all a sudden notice it, or even say something.  It's not like she tries to hide it.  I think people don't notice because she's so comfortable in her skin.  Thank the lord. 

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11 minutes ago, Sweet J said:

 

Yeah, it was kind of close to this.  From his point of view, it probably seemed like I easily handled him.  From my point of view, it was soooo difficult.  The only way to keep him from getting me to the ground at one point was to swing him (maybe picking him off his feet, it went so fast) and slam him into a cabinet/bookshelf kind of thing (the contents of which rained down on us). I think that took some of the air out of him, and he gassed out soon after.  But for me, it was a FINAL desperation move to keep from going down.  He'll never know how close he came.  Similarly, said something like "get your ### up to your room," as he was glowering at me.  The talk the next day was cathartic. 

Mine never got to the physical stuff yours did, other than Dad grabbing me and lifting me up. It started because I was working a night job I hated and I called in sick even though I wasn't. He asked me why I wasn't at work and I told him I didn't feel like going. He said I needed to grow up and accept my responsibilities. I said something like "#### you. If you're feeling froggy, jump outside and I'll be waiting". Then I went out, slamming every door I could find on the way. Next thing I heard was the jangle of his damned dad-belt-key-ring coming at a high rate of speed. I was already beaten. 

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1 minute ago, Sweet J said:

I'm sure we are facebook friends, and you've probably seen the pictures but just never noticed it.  My go to is that her aura is so engaging it's easy to overlook the fact that she doesn't have a hand.  There have been times when she meets people for the first time, and like an hour in, you can tell they all a sudden notice it, or even say something.  It's not like she tries to hide it.  I think people don't notice because she's so comfortable in her skin.  Thank the lord. 

We are, and I can't believe I never noticed.

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3 minutes ago, General Malaise said:

I've always play wrestled with my older boys and now do the same with my daughter.  I'm usually cast as some sort of monster and play the part well with accentuated growls and scary faces.  The other night, I had both Coop and Hazel down, taking turns rasberrying (sp?) their bellies.  We noticed K-man sitting on the chair playing on his phone and made a secret pact that we'd sneak-attack him.  I acted like I was going to the kitchen then lunged for him.  I surrendered like the French about 4 seconds in when I felt him bow-up and rebuke my attack.  He's 14.  He's lean and mean and a lot stronger than I thought.  He'll be taller than me soon and I'm just going to continue to play very very nice with him.  

 

The changes that happen between 14 and 16 are mind-boggling.  I had NO idea and was not prepared in the slightest.  It's crazy man!

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2 minutes ago, RedmondLonghorn said:

No, it isn't.

I have 4, plus a tween (about to be 12).

And I am raising three of them in a "co-parenting" situation with a narcissist with a victim complex.

 

Thoughts and prayers

and good bourbon and tunes for those moments when all is well

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9 minutes ago, Uruk-Hai said:

Mine never got to the physical stuff yours did, other than Dad grabbing me and lifting me up. It started because I was working a night job I hated and I called in sick even though I wasn't. He asked me why I wasn't at work and I told him I didn't feel like going. He said I needed to grow up and accept my responsibilities. I said something like "#### you. If you're feeling froggy, jump outside and I'll be waiting". Then I went out, slamming every door I could find on the way. Next thing I heard was the jangle of his damned dad-belt-key-ring coming at a high rate of speed. I was already beaten. 

 

My son is a couple inches taller than me and outweighs me by 50 lbs.  He was a good HS wrestler at 185lb and heavyweight (when needed) and has over a year and a half of 10-12 hrs/wk of brazilian jui-jitsu.  He helps teach local police in self-defense.  

I don't even try.   

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6 minutes ago, Binky The Doormat said:

My son is a couple inches taller than me and outweighs me by 50 lbs.  He was a good HS wrestler at 185lb and heavyweight (when needed) and has over a year and a half of 10-12 hrs/wk of brazilian jui-jitsu.  He helps teach local police in self-defense.  

I don't even try.   

Sounds like you did a great job, dad. :thumbup:

 

 

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25 minutes ago, Sweet J said:

The changes that happen between 14 and 16 are mind-boggling.  I had NO idea and was not prepared in the slightest.  It's crazy man!

do you have some ideas of what's underlying his anger towards you?

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11 minutes ago, mr. furley said:

do you have some ideas of what's underlying his anger towards you?

I think there are a lot of factors that go into it.  I'm a hot head, my mother and father were both hot-heads, his mom (my wife) is.  He's got a lot of fiery genes that are coursing through his veins.  Then add to that cocktail whatever 16 year old hormones he's got flowing, and then add to that the occasional bad examples of my wife and I handling our anger with each other during fights.  And that cap it off with his frustration at me for the latest indignancy -- limiting (or even at times taking away) his video game time, which he sees as a completely unfair unilateral violation of all that is holy in the world.

The video games this is a fight that we've been having for the last 12 months or so, and I keep meaning to start a thread about it.  His argument is that if he gets decent grades, has some good friends, is successful in sports, and works 5 hours a week or so (really, everything we've asked him to do), he should be able to play video games whenever he wants (the night in question, I was telling him to go to bed at midnight because I didn't want him staying up until ungodly hours playing).  I sometimes think taking away the games is like trying limit a kid's heroin use.

So that's probably most of it.  But there may be more. 

Edited by Sweet J
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58 minutes ago, Binky The Doormat said:

My son is a couple inches taller than me and outweighs me by 50 lbs.  He was a good HS wrestler at 185lb and heavyweight (when needed) and has over a year and a half of 10-12 hrs/wk of brazilian jui-jitsu.  He helps teach local police in self-defense.  

I don't even try.   

My kid's a couple of inches taller than me, works in a warehouse all day lifting stuff, and has recently been doing a bunch of kickboxing stuff in the garage with a  heavy bag.  

I'm not afraid of him though because all I'd have to do is throw a spider bee at him.

Edited by Reg Lllama of Brixton
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1 minute ago, Reg Lllama of Brixton said:

My kid's a couple of inches taller than me, works in a warehouse all day lifting stuff, and has recently been doing a bunch of kickboxing stuff in the garage with a  heavy bag.  

I'm not afraid of him though because all I'd have to do is throw a spider at him.

:lmao:

I'm now hoping that you walk around with a caged spider in your pocket at all times.

Edited by General Malaise
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6 minutes ago, Sweet J said:

I think there are a lot of factors that go into it.  I'm a hot head, my mother and father were both hot-heads, his mom (my wife) is.  He's got a lot of fiery genes that are coursing through his veins.  Then add to that cocktail whatever 16 year old hormones he's got flowing, and then add to that the occasional bad examples of my wife and I handling our anger with each other during fights.  And that cap it off with his frustration at me for the latest indignancy -- limiting (or even at times taking away) his video game time, which he sees as a completely unfair unilateral violation of all that is holy in the world.

The video games this is a fight that we've been having for the last 12 months or so, and I keep meaning to start a thread about it.  His argument is that if he gets decent grades, has some good friends, is successful in sports, and works 5 hours a week or so (really, everything we've asked him to do), he should be able to play video games whenever he wants (the night in question, I was telling him to go to bed at midnight because I didn't want him staying up until ungodly hours playing).  I sometimes think taking away the games is like trying limit a kid's heroin use.

So that's probably most of it.  But there may be more. 

really dreading the teen years.

 

I remember being that age, and pretty much anything my dad said to me would make me bristle. my dad was the nicest ####### guy you could imagine- with nothing but best wishes, actions and love for me and my brother. I knew all of this even as I continuously raged towards him. and we're not a family of hot-heads- pretty much the opposite... could only imagine what you're going through.

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6 minutes ago, Reg Lllama of Brixton said:

My kid's a couple of inches taller than me, works in a warehouse all day lifting stuff, and has recently been doing a bunch of kickboxing stuff in the garage with a  heavy bag.  

I'm not afraid of him though because all I'd have to do is throw a spider at him.

But can he lift a boom box over his head?

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1 hour ago, El Floppo said:

:shrug:

that's great. I'm pretty much just brainstorming how I can make a fight club happen with Jr, and how I can video it for posterity.

 

eta: fwiw, I'm pretty sure your 7yo daughter got beat the #### out of my son.

eta2: weird autocorrect... daughter COULD beat the ####...

Maybe, but if a smoke alarm went off, my daughter would tap our in about 0.00002 seconds.

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My son is 6'3'' 180ish. So he has 2-3 inches on me, I have about 40lbs on him. I think he's only been punched once or twice in his life, (no, not by me) so I don't think he'd stand a chance against me. 

Me and my old man went at it few times. He'd always take me. Dad fear is real. 

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21 minutes ago, Reg Lllama of Brixton said:

My kid's a couple of inches taller than me, works in a warehouse all day lifting stuff, and has recently been doing a bunch of kickboxing stuff in the garage with a  heavy bag.  

I'm not afraid of him though because all I'd have to do is throw a spider at him.

I just pictured Tanner Jr yelling OH MY STARS! after being spidered

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8 minutes ago, Sweet J said:

I think there are a lot of factors that go into it.  I'm a hot head, my mother and father were both hot-heads, his mom (my wife) is.  He's got a lot of fiery genes that are coursing through his veins.  Then add to that cocktail whatever 16 year old hormones he's got flowing, and then add to that the occasional bad examples of my wife and I handling our anger with each other during fights.  And that cap it off with his frustration at me for the latest indignancy -- limiting (or even at times taking away) his video game time, which he sees as a completely unfair unilateral violation of all that is holy in the world.

The video games this is a fight that we've been having for the last 12 months or so, and I keep meaning to start a thread about it.  His argument is that if he gets decent grades, has some good friends, is successful in sports, and works 5 hours a week or so (really, everything we've asked him to do), he should be able to play video games whenever he wants (the night in question, I was telling him to go to bed at midnight because I didn't want him staying up until ungodly hours playing).  I sometimes think taking away the games is like trying limit a kid's heroin use.

So that's probably most of it.  But there may be more. 

tl;dr - no kid wants to fight his dad but if pushed too far will have a go

as a guy who grew up in a toxic household, lorded over by a really big, strong dad with a really angry mean streak and a penchant for outbursts.. you model what you see your old man doing.

at some point you get tired of the constant hammering. the constant threats. the belittling. the challenges to your developing understanding of who you are. 

at 16 it's a whole lot of too much to handle. 

speaking from my experience.. maybe not directly applicable but it feels similar'ish.. there's a breaking point. if he "gets decent grades, has some good friends, is successful in sports and works a little bit..." and he's doing "everything" you've asked him to do but you're cracking down on him playing video games... it might be time to loosen the reins a little. 

again, from my perspective, it's enough that he's gotta worry about being in sports, and studying, and girls, and his friends, and college and whether his parents are getting divorced.. and how confusing and stressful that is when he has no control over it at all. on top of all that he has his parents attacking him over video games when he's a good kid. it's a bridge too far. you're taking away his outlet.

he's responding the only way he knows how. the way you and your wife have shown him. 

i'd guess what he really wants is to stop taking the heat because you and the wife aren't getting along.

 

my old man would explode (and i mean, really go off the ####### reservation) and when i bowed up, he would lose it even more. how dare i challenge his authority. how dare i respond with an elevated voice, or with balled fists. how dare i have the nerve to....... treat him the same as he was treating me.  i never had the opportunity to be upset, or mad about a punishment, to question, to have an opinion or make my own decisions. i wasn't a bad kid. just treated like one. at some point i got the gumption to try and stop it. that changed our relationship irreparably but it had to happen. don't let it go so far that you lose your kid.

it took 35 years + and a visit to therapy before it hit him "he's me. i made him this way." instead of the constant refrain of "you're just a bad kid, you have no respect, my old man would never let me get away with talking to him like this, i never talked back...". we grew up watching this maniac rampage around the house, exploding over everything but never more angry or desirous for confrontation than when i spoke up.  then questioning how i could be so disrespectful to him as to fight and challenge and be loud in return.

we haven't spoken in a couple years now because i won't allow someone that horrible around my kids anymore. don't let that happen to you guys.

 

 

 

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26 minutes ago, Sweet J said:

I think there are a lot of factors that go into it.  I'm a hot head, my mother and father were both hot-heads, his mom (my wife) is.  He's got a lot of fiery genes that are coursing through his veins.  Then add to that cocktail whatever 16 year old hormones he's got flowing, and then add to that the occasional bad examples of my wife and I handling our anger with each other during fights.  And that cap it off with his frustration at me for the latest indignancy -- limiting (or even at times taking away) his video game time, which he sees as a completely unfair unilateral violation of all that is holy in the world.

The video games this is a fight that we've been having for the last 12 months or so, and I keep meaning to start a thread about it.  His argument is that if he gets decent grades, has some good friends, is successful in sports, and works 5 hours a week or so (really, everything we've asked him to do), he should be able to play video games whenever he wants (the night in question, I was telling him to go to bed at midnight because I didn't want him staying up until ungodly hours playing).  I sometimes think taking away the games is like trying limit a kid's heroin use.

So that's probably most of it.  But there may be more. 

If he plays online with his buddies you're not just limiting gaming but limiting his ability to socialize with his friends. I know if either of my kids buddies aren't online they self limit their playing time since they get bored quickly.  If their buddies are online it's a different story.

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40 minutes ago, Sweet J said:

I think there are a lot of factors that go into it.  I'm a hot head, my mother and father were both hot-heads, his mom (my wife) is.  He's got a lot of fiery genes that are coursing through his veins.  Then add to that cocktail whatever 16 year old hormones he's got flowing, and then add to that the occasional bad examples of my wife and I handling our anger with each other during fights.  And that cap it off with his frustration at me for the latest indignancy -- limiting (or even at times taking away) his video game time, which he sees as a completely unfair unilateral violation of all that is holy in the world.

The video games this is a fight that we've been having for the last 12 months or so, and I keep meaning to start a thread about it.  His argument is that if he gets decent grades, has some good friends, is successful in sports, and works 5 hours a week or so (really, everything we've asked him to do), he should be able to play video games whenever he wants (the night in question, I was telling him to go to bed at midnight because I didn't want him staying up until ungodly hours playing).  I sometimes think taking away the games is like trying limit a kid's heroin use.

So that's probably most of it.  But there may be more. 

Son's argument seems pretty reasonable IMO

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