My wife, she's... overweight. (1 Viewer)

[cockroach]

Lol at 50% of married people cheating.

It's about how many get divorced. And we know infidelity had to do with many of the divorces. But also know that a lot of people still chose to stay together. And some never getting caught in their transgressions. So not an outlandish figure at all, IMO.

I wonder how many people get divorced without one or both of the individuals ever cheating. I mean...I guess we have to provide a definition for cheating. Does cheating mean having sex with another person (without partner's consent) outside of your partner before your are divorced and before you are separated? If it is during the separation does that count as cheating?

IDK... I'm sure there are lots of people that get divorced and never cheat... but I would expect the percentage to be pretty high in the other direction. People are so afraid to be alone that they often attempt to establish new relationships before getting out of old ones.

 

[cockroach]

Did she break any of her vows?

Isn't there vows to honor and comfort? I think comfort was slang for "get off sexually" back then. So that's a broken vow. I doubt he feels very honored either.

Not sure if you are agreeing with me or our wires got crossed.

But that was my point exactly.

Just pointing out some specific ones. I totally agree agree with your premise and am annoyed by the "in sickness and health" type posts. Dude might go insane and club her in the head with a scotch bottle after she gets a second helping of some mashed potatoes and gravy some day. Not worth it.

 

[pats3in4]

Vegasman, you *should* be hand-wringing at the idea of breaking your vow. It's your word, your promise to your wife. It's not something to be taken lightly and obviously you are taking it very seriously. Good for you.

But at some point if you feel you're married in name only, but not in spirit, and this has been going on for quite some time with no end in sight, breaking that vow could be the best thing for everyone. You cannot be good for anyone else unless you're good to yourself first. Your children will notice you are a shell of the man you want to be, despite your best attempts at hiding it. Life wasn't meant to be lived by putting on a smile for everyone around you while you suffer inside.

Yes, divorce can be expensive. But you cannot take the money with you when you die. I'd rather die broke and happy than rich and miserable. I'd rather die having showed my best side to my children, not some facade they saw through anyway. I want to show them what a normal relationship between loving couples should be, not a dysfunctional one they're likely to repeat...or resent.

This post is kind of a pet peeve of mine. Not saying you feel the following or don't because I am only basing it on this one post. You may have commented on this further back in the thread.

But, I truly hate the idea that it is framed like he is breaking his vow.

Did she break any of her vows?

I hear about/see so many instances where women basically get married and allow things to go to ####...but their fall back is that their man cheated on them and thus that makes him the devil. He is the one without any morals or ethics or loses the high ground.

Again...not saying this is where you are at.

What's the pet peeve?

He made a vow. She made a vow. He owns his own vow, not hers. He's contemplating breaking it via divorce. That's something to be taken very seriously.

Then I went on to validate that breaking that vow can be the right thing to do, all things considered.

 

[SoylentGreen]

The closest fbg situation to yours here was Bogart's. I'd like to hear his thoughts on this if it hasn't already happened.

I believe bogart has been divorced for a few years now.

Well I mean that he might have some insight after pulling the trigger, he had a non responsive wife, and kids.

I went through this a few years back. We had our kid just over a year into the marriage, and post-partum depression and weight gain followed. Health issues for mom and kid led to some form of anxiety disorder for mom, which combined with everything else took sex off the table from her perspective. She went to therapy, we went to therapy, we talked about it a lot, went to a different therapist - no change. Sex and intimacy just weren't an option for her.

Eventually, I think after our third different couples therapist, she told me to go ahead and fulfill my needs elsewhere - she just didn't want to know about it and it couldn't be anywhere near our social circle. Ashleymadison.com actually worked for me and I hooked up a couple of times, but she then checked my phone and freaked out and said that was now off the table. Back to yet another couples therapist, still no change. By this point, obviously, divorce was on my mind. I went back to ashleymadison and resumed my activities, was just more careful. While the strange was fun (damn there are some freaks out there!), I never felt good about it and was always conflicted, not sleeping well, etc. Unless it was a family event, our social lives became completely separate. She ate dinner sitting in bed every night, I ate in front of the tv or with the kid. We hardly spoke, living basically as roommates taking turns parenting.

The conflict for me was similar to what OP is talking about here - both financial considerations as well as wanting to be a good parent and "stay in it for the kid" vs. modeling a horrible relationship for my child. I didn't want my child to think that's all they should expect from a marriage, and that really was what helped push me in the direction of a divorce. The financial part did suck - even though we avoided court and managed to decide everything via a mediator, I was still hit with alimony and child support, even with 50% custody.

I'm not gonna lie - the first couple of years kinda sucked. Due to the support payments I was stuck in a small apartment for almost three years, while my ex stayed in our house for 9 months and then ended up shacking up with a "friend" she'd had for some time in a nice house. And more importantly it was really hard on the kid. I'm a super involved dad, get to work from home, volunteer in school, coach sports, etc. So everything that my child was struggling with was right in front of me. A lot of crying at night, "why can't you just get back together?" - all of the terrible and heartbreaking things you would expect, quite frankly.

But over time it's gotten better. The ex is now married to that "friend", and seems to be much better. I've been with and lived with my lady for a few years now, and she's a much better fit for me and I'm so much happier - and a few years in we still have sex all the time! The ex and I mostly get along (and now that she's married no more alimony!), and while there are still tough issues that come up on occasion we've been able to work through it. There is no doubt that this has all had an impact on my child, and a long term one. But I think there would have been other issues had we stayed together. There really is no way to know for sure, but I'm confident that by maintaining my involvement and relationship that my child will end up fine.

I have thought about whether we could have worked it out, and I suppose it may have been possible. But I think the more likely outcome was that we would have spent another 10-15 years in a miserable marriage before finally getting divorced anyway when the child was grown, which is just way too much of what little time we have on this earth to give up.

 

[comfortably numb]

The closest fbg situation to yours here was Bogart's. I'd like to hear his thoughts on this if it hasn't already happened.

I believe bogart has been divorced for a few years now.

Well I mean that he might have some insight after pulling the trigger, he had a non responsive wife, and kids.

I went through this a few years back. We had our kid just over a year into the marriage, and post-partum depression and weight gain followed. Health issues for mom and kid led to some form of anxiety disorder for mom, which combined with everything else took sex off the table from her perspective. She went to therapy, we went to therapy, we talked about it a lot, went to a different therapist - no change. Sex and intimacy just weren't an option for her.

Eventually, I think after our third different couples therapist, she told me to go ahead and fulfill my needs elsewhere - she just didn't want to know about it and it couldn't be anywhere near our social circle. Ashleymadison.com actually worked for me and I hooked up a couple of times, but she then checked my phone and freaked out and said that was now off the table. Back to yet another couples therapist, still no change. By this point, obviously, divorce was on my mind. I went back to ashleymadison and resumed my activities, was just more careful. While the strange was fun (damn there are some freaks out there!), I never felt good about it and was always conflicted, not sleeping well, etc. Unless it was a family event, our social lives became completely separate. She ate dinner sitting in bed every night, I ate in front of the tv or with the kid. We hardly spoke, living basically as roommates taking turns parenting.

The conflict for me was similar to what OP is talking about here - both financial considerations as well as wanting to be a good parent and "stay in it for the kid" vs. modeling a horrible relationship for my child. I didn't want my child to think that's all they should expect from a marriage, and that really was what helped push me in the direction of a divorce. The financial part did suck - even though we avoided court and managed to decide everything via a mediator, I was still hit with alimony and child support, even with 50% custody.

I'm not gonna lie - the first couple of years kinda sucked. Due to the support payments I was stuck in a small apartment for almost three years, while my ex stayed in our house for 9 months and then ended up shacking up with a "friend" she'd had for some time in a nice house. And more importantly it was really hard on the kid. I'm a super involved dad, get to work from home, volunteer in school, coach sports, etc. So everything that my child was struggling with was right in front of me. A lot of crying at night, "why can't you just get back together?" - all of the terrible and heartbreaking things you would expect, quite frankly.

But over time it's gotten better. The ex is now married to that "friend", and seems to be much better. I've been with and lived with my lady for a few years now, and she's a much better fit for me and I'm so much happier - and a few years in we still have sex all the time! The ex and I mostly get along (and now that she's married no more alimony!), and while there are still tough issues that come up on occasion we've been able to work through it. There is no doubt that this has all had an impact on my child, and a long term one. But I think there would have been other issues had we stayed together. There really is no way to know for sure, but I'm confident that by maintaining my involvement and relationship that my child will end up fine.

I have thought about whether we could have worked it out, and I suppose it may have been possible. But I think the more likely outcome was that we would have spent another 10-15 years in a miserable marriage before finally getting divorced anyway when the child was grown, which is just way too much of what little time we have on this earth to give up.

it's amazing what cures a woman's lack of desire for sex.....a new man.

Could you imagine that.

I thought men were the only sleezeballs?

ETA: Glad things are better for all.

 

[cockroach]

We need to hear about some of these AshleyMadison hookups... stat!.

 

[SoylentGreen]

We need to hear about some of these AshleyMadison hookups... stat!.

Don't have time for too many details right now, but they included:

• A girl in her early-20s, so 10-15 years younger than I was. It's amazing how much tighter everything is at that age.

• A woman that made clear beforehand that she was primarily interested in "having sex in an uncomfortable place". No, not the back seat of a Volkswagen.

• A woman who claimed she hadn't had sex in over 10 years, since seeing her boyfriend die in motorcycle accident. It sounded like a lot of pressure so I almost backed off, but she was all tatted up which I was kind of in to (and hadn't really experienced), so I went through with it. She started shaking and crying after her first O, like it really was 10 years of pressure being released. Pretty intense. Two weeks later we get together and she shows me her new tattoo - my initials on her arm and the Gaelic words for something like "you have awakened me"! You'd think that would have had me running, but her new-found enthusiasm was too much to pass up so I kept going back for a couple of months before I finally broke it off.

 

[comfortably numb]

We need to hear about some of these AshleyMadison hookups... stat!.

Don't have time for too many details right now, but they included:

• A girl in her early-20s, so 10-15 years younger than I was. It's amazing how much tighter everything is at that age.

• A woman that made clear beforehand that she was primarily interested in "having sex in an uncomfortable place". No, not the back seat of a Volkswagen.

• A woman who claimed she hadn't had sex in over 10 years, since seeing her boyfriend die in motorcycle accident. It sounded like a lot of pressure so I almost backed off, but she was all tatted up which I was kind of in to (and hadn't really experienced), so I went through with it. She started shaking and crying after her first O, like it really was 10 years of pressure being released. Pretty intense. Two weeks later we get together and she shows me her new tattoo - my initials on her arm and the Gaelic words for something like "you have awakened me"! You'd think that would have had me running, but her new-found enthusiasm was too much to pass up so I kept going back for a couple of months before I finally broke it off.

Wait...so there really are women on AM?

 

[SoylentGreen]

Wait...so there really are women on AM?

There was an in-depth data analysis linked in the AM thread that revealed there were millions of men trying to hook up with what turned out to be around 9,700 actual women users on the site.

I saw on the news recently that AM's business is growing again. That's insane considering everything that came out about the real numbers of women, fake profiles, and of course the data breach.

 

[SIDA!]

Wait...so there really are women on AM?

There was an in-depth data analysis linked in the AM thread that revealed there were millions of men trying to hook up with what turned out to be around 9,700 actual women users on the site.

I saw on the news recently that AM's business is growing again. That's insane considering everything that came out about the real numbers of women, fake profiles, and of course the data breach.

Men need #####. No matter how unrealistic the odds are.

You could probably ask men to play Russian roulette with a blender on the other side of a gloryhole and some dudes would still risk the chance for some poon.

 

[Thorn]

We need to hear about some of these AshleyMadison hookups... stat!.

Don't have time for too many details right now, but they included:

• A girl in her early-20s, so 10-15 years younger than I was. It's amazing how much tighter everything is at that age.

• A woman that made clear beforehand that she was primarily interested in "having sex in an uncomfortable place". No, not the back seat of a Volkswagen.

• A woman who claimed she hadn't had sex in over 10 years, since seeing her boyfriend die in motorcycle accident. It sounded like a lot of pressure so I almost backed off, but she was all tatted up which I was kind of in to (and hadn't really experienced), so I went through with it. She started shaking and crying after her first O, like it really was 10 years of pressure being released. Pretty intense. Two weeks later we get together and she shows me her new tattoo - my initials on her arm and the Gaelic words for something like "you have awakened me"! You'd think that would have had me running, but her new-found enthusiasm was too much to pass up so I kept going back for a couple of months before I finally broke it off.

 

[Chaka]

We need to hear about some of these AshleyMadison hookups... stat!.

Don't have time for too many details right now, but they included:

• A girl in her early-20s, so 10-15 years younger than I was. It's amazing how much tighter everything is at that age.

• A woman that made clear beforehand that she was primarily interested in "having sex in an uncomfortable place". No, not the back seat of a Volkswagen.

• A woman who claimed she hadn't had sex in over 10 years, since seeing her boyfriend die in motorcycle accident. It sounded like a lot of pressure so I almost backed off, but she was all tatted up which I was kind of in to (and hadn't really experienced), so I went through with it. She started shaking and crying after her first O, like it really was 10 years of pressure being released. Pretty intense. Two weeks later we get together and she shows me her new tattoo - my initials on her arm and the Gaelic words for something like "you have awakened me"! You'd think that would have had me running, but her new-found enthusiasm was too much to pass up so I kept going back for a couple of months before I finally broke it off.

Probably as authentic as an issue of Penthouse Letters.

 

[Rirruto]

<p>

We need to hear about some of these AshleyMadison hookups... stat!.

Don't have time for too many details right now, but they included:

• A girl in her early-20s, so 10-15 years younger than I was. It's amazing how much tighter everything is at that age.

• A woman that made clear beforehand that she was primarily interested in "having sex in an uncomfortable place". No, not the back seat of a Volkswagen.

• A woman who claimed she hadn't had sex in over 10 years, since seeing her boyfriend die in motorcycle accident. It sounded like a lot of pressure so I almost backed off, but she was all tatted up which I was kind of in to (and hadn't really experienced), so I went through with it. She started shaking and crying after her first O, like it really was 10 years of pressure being released. Pretty intense. Two weeks later we get together and she shows me her new tattoo - my initials on her arm and the Gaelic words for something like "you have awakened me"! You'd think that would have had me running, but her new-found enthusiasm was too much to pass up so I kept going back for a couple of months before I finally broke it off.

https://youtu.be/yuedZ1Y_dU4

 

[Don't Noonan]

Met with a lawyer last week.

It was a pretty depressing/sobering day.

Financially I'm probably screwed. And if she, or her mom, gets defensive/angry/vindictive I'm probably screwed in respect to the kids.

Life.

:(

Sorry to hear that. How old are the kids now? What did your lawyer recommend?

Oldest is not yet 10.Prior to moving out draft and sign a non-abandonment agreement and attempt to work out the details of the division of assets, custody, child suport, etc. as much as possible. Draft a separation agreement ourselves and hire him to review it or hire him to draft it, up to me.

Biggest advice was to talk and work things out as much as possible ourselves. Avoid court/trial as much as possible. Each issue that goes to trial (custody, division of assets, child support/alimony) could cost $5-10k if it goes that far.

My buddy is in the middle of a divorce and has spent over $100k on lawyers so far. And they aren't done yet.

Wow

 

[Invaded?]

Moved out a couple months ago.

Right decision.

 

[shadyridr]

Need more info

 

[sbonomo]

 

[kentric]

Made a huge mistake the other day.  Picked up the wife with my 9 y.o. daughter and when my wife came off the train I said to myself, "mommy got chunky".  I call her mommy or hon and she calls me daddy or honey.  Unfortunately, I said it loud enough for my daughter to hear and she immediately said I was bad for saying it.  I told her I didn't mean to say it out loud and that she shouldn't mention it to her mother.  Sure enough, the minute my wife opens the car door I hear, "mommy, daddy said you were chubby".  I said that I didn't say she was chubby (I said she was chunky) but it didn't go over well.

 

[Statcruncher]

I'm sure the wife got a good chuckle out of it and will never think of it again.

 

[sbonomo]

Made a huge mistake the other day.  Picked up the wife with my 9 y.o. daughter and when my wife came off the train I said to myself, "mommy got chunky".  I call her mommy or hon and she calls me daddy or honey.  Unfortunately, I said it loud enough for my daughter to hear and she immediately said I was bad for saying it.  I told her I didn't mean to say it out loud and that she shouldn't mention it to her mother.  Sure enough, the minute my wife opens the car door I hear, "mommy, daddy said you were chubby".  I said that I didn't say she was chubby (I said she was chunky) but it didn't go over well.

shark move, since the cat is out of the bag get her a gym membership.  

 

[STEADYMOBBIN 22]

My wife is a month into her annual no carb diet, complimented with no exercise.



I just wish she would at least walk. 

 

[boots11234]

My wife is a month into her annual no carb diet, complimented with no exercise.



I just wish she would at least walk. 

Why don't you both get a Fitbit and challenge each other 

 

[Sabertooth]

My wife is a month into her annual no carb diet, complimented with no exercise.



I just wish she would at least walk. 

How much weight has she dropped?  She staying in ketosis?

 

[James Daulton]

Moved out a couple months ago.

Right decision.

We need details brother.

 

[kentric]

How much weight has she dropped?  She staying in ketosis?

Ketosis?  That in Indiana?

 

[Invaded?]

We need details brother.

Not sure what there is to say.  Moved out, got a place, worked out temporary shared custody and finances.

I'm happier than I have been in a long time.  Tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders (cue jokes).

I'm smiling and enjoying myself, talking to women, hanging out with friends, and enjoying the time I do have with my kids tremendously.

 

[AAABatteries]

Made a huge mistake the other day.  Picked up the wife with my 9 y.o. daughter and when my wife came off the train I said to myself, "mommy got chunky".  I call her mommy or hon and she calls me daddy or honey.  Unfortunately, I said it loud enough for my daughter to hear and she immediately said I was bad for saying it.  I told her I didn't mean to say it out loud and that she shouldn't mention it to her mother.  Sure enough, the minute my wife opens the car door I hear, "mommy, daddy said you were chubby".  I said that I didn't say she was chubby (I said she was chunky) but it didn't go over well.

How long a train ride was this?

 

[kentric]

How long a train ride was this?

The actual train was a pickup and 5 minute ride home.  The train crash.... about a week.

 

[James Daulton]

Not sure what there is to say.  Moved out, got a place, worked out temporary shared custody and finances.

I'm happier than I have been in a long time.  Tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders (cue jokes).

I'm smiling and enjoying myself, talking to women, hanging out with friends, and enjoying the time I do have with my kids tremendously.

This is exactly what I was curious about.  Would you be miserable and think you'd made a mistake, or the opposite.  I Hope everything works out for the best for you and your family.

 

[matuski]

I figured out what motivates my wife.. beach vacations.  Suddenly there are nothing but beachbody dvd's playing on our TV, she is going to the gym everyday... the drinking lessened. I kept waiting for it to fall off, but since booking on Christmas Day, she has been a machine.  All I did was book Maroma in July.

She is back down to baby #2 weight and dropping.

 

[kentric]

I figured out what motivates my wife.. beach vacations.  Suddenly there are nothing but beachbody dvd's playing on our TV, she is going to the gym everyday... the drinking lessened. I kept waiting for it to fall off, but since booking on Christmas Day, she has been a machine.  All I did was book Maroma in July.

She is back down to baby #2 weight and dropping.

Awesome news.  Wish it was the same with my wife.  Unfortunately, she sees bikini beach bodies and her solution is to buy a one-piece suit with a wrap.

 

[jwb]

Not sure what there is to say.  Moved out, got a place, worked out temporary shared custody and finances.

I'm happier than I have been in a long time.  Tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders (cue jokes).

I'm smiling and enjoying myself, talking to women, hanging out with friends, and enjoying the time I do have with my kids tremendously.

Curious if she's starting to lose weight now, since being single is in her future? 

 

[Invaded?]

Curious if she's starting to lose weight now, since being single is in her future? 

She's never been bigger.  Seriously, she's gained weight.  She does the kid thing when she has the kids and from what I can tell when she doesn't have the kids she just sits at her moms house and eats food.

 

[Invaded?]

Who knew sex was fun?

 

[Wrighteous Ray]

She's never been bigger.  Seriously, she's gained weight.  She does the kid thing when she has the kids and from what I can tell when she doesn't have the kids she just sits at her moms house and eats food.

This is depressing.

 

[James Daulton]

Who knew sex was fun?

Some Of Us Tried To Tell You!

 

[GOB]

Who knew sex was fun?

Your mom. 

 

[sbonomo]

Who knew sex was fun?

so we need some details here....random bar fly, casual meeting in the safeway, gal that has had her eye on you for years

 

[Invaded?]

so we need some details here....random bar fly, casual meeting in the safeway, gal that has had her eye on you for years

So here's the thing.  Everything the guys say in the dating thread is true.  If you are a halfway decent looking guy and have some text game / a sense of humor, the sky is the limit.  It's super easy to meet good looking chicks on Tinder, etc.  The only limiting factors are time and energy.

 

[Johnny Rock]

So here's the thing.  Everything the guys say in the dating thread is true.  If you are a halfway decent looking guy and have some text game / a sense of humor, the sky is the limit.  It's super easy to meet good looking chicks on Tinder, etc.  The only limiting factors are time and energy.

Bring it on over to the online dating thread. 

 

[Vegasman]

Been a long time...

Thanks to all that tried to to help me. Two years hence my first post here.

After an affair with a much hotter woman, and way too much alcohol I tried a few things:Getting my drinking under control. Open discussions. Stoic philosophy. Therapy. again. Other things (everything I could think of and what was suggested by you guys)

I still drink and wife is still fat. But stoic philosophy helped a bit. Not a lot, but some. Got used to how things are. It isn't great but tolerable and maybe that's all I can hope for. Spend a lot of time on my own. Making the best I can. Focusing on my reactions and what I can control.

That's all I can do and its enough. Barely.

 

[Otis]

Sounds like a hard way to go through life. No other options?  

 

[DocHolliday]

Sounds like a hard way to go through life. No other options?  

Otis is on the money.   Seems like a rough way to live out your life.   divorce is coming.  Why wait?

 

[Fantasysports1]

This could have been avoided. If you went for a girl who was fit she at least had the lifestyle and probably wouldn't have let herself get fatter.

Diet and exercise. She needs to eat more vegetables and low calorie dense foods. She should be eating clean meals. Also she should be exercising more.

 

[ChiefD]

Been a long time...

Thanks to all that tried to to help me. Two years hence my first post here.

After an affair with a much hotter woman, and way too much alcohol I tried a few things:Getting my drinking under control. Open discussions. Stoic philosophy. Therapy. again. Other things (everything I could think of and what was suggested by you guys)

I still drink and wife is still fat. But stoic philosophy helped a bit. Not a lot, but some. Got used to how things are. It isn't great but tolerable and maybe that's all I can hope for. Spend a lot of time on my own. Making the best I can. Focusing on my reactions and what I can control.

That's all I can do and its enough. Barely.

Maybe your drinking is as repulsive to her as her size is to you.

Could be the shoe is on the other foot in her mind: "he doesn't care enough to stop drinking so why should i care about my weight."

 

[xulf]

This could have been avoided. If you went for a girl who was fit she at least had the lifestyle and probably wouldn't have let herself get fatter.

Diet and exercise. She needs to eat more vegetables and low calorie dense foods. She should be eating clean meals. Also she should be exercising more.

Your insight is phenomenal. 

 

[Vegasman]

Maybe your drinking is as repulsive to her as her size is to you.

Could be the shoe is on the other foot in her mind: "he doesn't care enough to stop drinking so why should i care about my weight."

Could be. Who knows what people think?

I am down to 2 drinks per day, right before bed. Never day drinking, or even at weddings and parties.

For her part she has tried working out and gives me daily updates. Of course eating off others plates and snacking to unmentioned.

So part of it is that we each have issues. Working on them in theory but in reality intractable.

Kids, money, NY law all are issues. As is my past behavior. 

I have a great job and make a very good salary for NY. So may get soaked in an area where I can't afford it. 2 kids one in HS one in 3rd grade so money woes may last a long time. 

Believe me there are many structural, societal and personal issues. And it is SOOOO easy just to stay the course and be ambivalent as opposed to taking the risk. 

TLDR I am a chicken.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Could be. Who knows what people think?

I am down to 2 drinks per day, right before bed. Never day drinking, or even at weddings and parties.

For her part she has tried working out and gives me daily updates. Of course eating off others plates and snacking to unmentioned.

So part of it is that we each have issues. Working on them in theory but in reality intractable.

Kids, money, NY law all are issues. As is my past behavior. 

I have a great job and make a very good salary for NY. So may get soaked in an area where I can't afford it. 2 kids one in HS one in 3rd grade so money woes may last a long time. 

Believe me there are many structural, societal and personal issues. And it is SOOOO easy just to stay the course and be ambivalent as opposed to taking the risk. 

TLDR I am a chicken.

Has anyone suggested faking your own death and moving to Belize?

 

[Sabertooth]

Not sure what there is to say.  Moved out, got a place, worked out temporary shared custody and finances.

I'm happier than I have been in a long time.  Tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders (cue jokes).

I'm smiling and enjoying myself, talking to women, hanging out with friends, and enjoying the time I do have with my kids tremendously.

Hey-0! 

 

[Godsbrother]

Could be. Who knows what people think?

I am down to 2 drinks per day, right before bed. Never day drinking, or even at weddings and parties.

For her part she has tried working out and gives me daily updates. Of course eating off others plates and snacking to unmentioned.

So part of it is that we each have issues. Working on them in theory but in reality intractable.

Kids, money, NY law all are issues. As is my past behavior. 

I have a great job and make a very good salary for NY. So may get soaked in an area where I can't afford it. 2 kids one in HS one in 3rd grade so money woes may last a long time. 

Believe me there are many structural, societal and personal issues. And it is SOOOO easy just to stay the course and be ambivalent as opposed to taking the risk. 

TLDR I am a chicken.

Everyone has issues.  Do your best to improve things but also focus on the good stuff in your life.  There are a lot of people in the world worse off.