Getting Remarried - Finances? (1 Viewer)

[dancingbones]

Getting remarried soon, and we want to keep our finances separate. I'll be 48 & she'll be 49 this year, and we have both been married before. We realize that some things will have to be combined due to the fact that we're married, but we do a great job of managing our money as it is, and would like to keep it that way.

Question for those of you who have gone down this road. What are some of the things we should be paying attention to? I realize we'll likely have to hire either a lawyer or a good accountant/ tax person to make everything legal - but want to get as much education going in so we're not paying someone $200/hr to tell us things we can figure out on our own.

Things we know we want to figure out:

1) a prenup to protect our individual assets/property that we already have

2) how to best structure our home (we own it now as tenants in common, wondering about changing to joint tenants)

3) how to set up our life insurance beneficiaries so that it makes sense to accomplish what we want to do (make sure that if one of us survives the other, the survivor gets the house & 1/2 the debt, while the estate of the person who dies pays their 1/2 of the debt & cashes out on 1/2 on whatever value the house has)

4) things like figuring out who can contribute to IRAs (currently each max out our individaul IRAs, but think the limit as a married couple is less)

5) figure out HSA accounts - we each have one & she uses hers as a tax deferred savings plan, while I use mine to basically pay for needed medical care for myself & my 2 kids. Getting married changes the amount we can each contribute to our plans, i think.

6) how to protect our individual assets in the event that one of us gets hit by a bus but NOT killed (don't want the assets of one to be forced to go to the healthcare of the other).

7) what other things should we be thinking about?

Any input from those who have gone down the same road would be welcomed.

Thank,

dbones

 

[Da Guru]

Sounds easier just to keep doing what you have been doing.

 

[RedmondLonghorn]

I am no expert, but it sounds like you are really thinking about all of the angles.

But I will say that my wife and I are friends with some couples that do this and from what we can tell, it creates at least as many problems as it solves.

I think you can mutually protect yourselves with a pre-nuptuial agreement without dealing with all of the hassles of keeping the post-marriage finances completely separate. That is the approach I'd pursue.

 

[Dentist]

www.noremarriage.com

 

[TheWalkmen]

You should just do a fake ceremony.

 

[dancingbones]

That is basically what we want to do, but I'm not sure about what legally happens automatically when you get married in terms of combining finances.

For example, she has some $$ from an inheritance that is hers and she'd like to protect. Simple prenup seems fine to protect against divorce, but does that shield her assets in the event I get hit by a bus & wrack up huge medical bills?

Looking for what areas we need to be aware of going in.

Another example, I have 2 kids & if I die, I want my $$ to go to them (retirement accounts, savings, etc.) and not her (but still take care of my share of our joint debt & make sure she can easily keep the house that we own jointly).

We currently have that accomplished by owning the house as joint tenants (if one of us dies, the other needs to buy the other one out). We have that covered with life insurance that names the other as the beneficiary in an amount that covers the debt & then the survivor would have to refinance the house in their name only (I think that is how it works with tenants in common). Looking for a way to simplify this while still making sure that if I die, my kids get the value of 1/2 of our joint investment (our home).

 

[Yankee23Fan]

Fool me once shame on me. Fool me twice and you won't fool me again.

 

[MC Gas Money]

Best way to keep costs low is to skip the marriage completely

 

[irish eyes]

If you are worried about all that why bother getting married. Keep relationship as is problem solved.

 

[Jack White]

Why not cohabitate and skip the piece of paper from the state?

 

[dancingbones]

You should just do a fake ceremony.

We talked about that this morning! Going through everything & then simply not filing the paperwork with the county. Decided we didn't want to go that route, but would like to simulate that financially if we can.

Anyone know if you pay more taxes as a married couple or as 2 single people? We don't make standard FBG $$$, but pull in about $150k/yr combined (2/3 of that from me).

 

[eoMMan]

Why not cohabitate and skip the piece of paper from the state?

Yeah, this. Why even get married?

 

[dancingbones]

Why not cohabitate and skip the piece of paper from the state?

Yeah, this. Why even get married?

We plan on spending our lives together, and want our relationship status to reflect that.

Plus, didn't realize what a big deal the news that we were engaged would have on my boys (11 & 14), but they really love the idea of having a step-mom, and it seems to have provided some stability that I think they didn't know was there. So, in short, we're getting married to set ourselves up to spend the rest of our lives together and provide the best family environment for my (our) kids.

 

[coyote5]

That is basically what we want to do, but I'm not sure about what legally happens automatically when you get married in terms of combining finances.

For example, she has some $$ from an inheritance that is hers and she'd like to protect. Simple prenup seems fine to protect against divorce, but does that shield her assets in the event I get hit by a bus & wrack up huge medical bills?

Looking for what areas we need to be aware of going in.

Another example, I have 2 kids & if I die, I want my $$ to go to them (retirement accounts, savings, etc.) and not her (but still take care of my share of our joint debt & make sure she can easily keep the house that we own jointly).

We currently have that accomplished by owning the house as joint tenants (if one of us dies, the other needs to buy the other one out). We have that covered with life insurance that names the other as the beneficiary in an amount that covers the debt & then the survivor would have to refinance the house in their name only (I think that is how it works with tenants in common). Looking for a way to simplify this while still making sure that if I die, my kids get the value of 1/2 of our joint investment (our home).

What happens 15 years from now when you get hit by a bus and mortgage rates are up 50%? You two are in love but not in love enough that you want to make sure the other one is financially covered? Buy enough insurance to cover the mortgage plus any other mutual debts you ####### tightwads!

 

[coyote5]

It's weird to me that you would buy only enough insurance to cover your portion of the debt. :woosh:

 

[spOOfy]

as others have said, not sure why you are getting married. what "benefit" are you trying to get from the marriage itself?

also, what's the plan if one of you gets hit by a bus? cut and run?

 

[spOOfy]

i see now you answered the benefit part. good enough. good luck with everything.

 

[dancingbones]

That is basically what we want to do, but I'm not sure about what legally happens automatically when you get married in terms of combining finances.

For example, she has some $$ from an inheritance that is hers and she'd like to protect. Simple prenup seems fine to protect against divorce, but does that shield her assets in the event I get hit by a bus & wrack up huge medical bills?

Looking for what areas we need to be aware of going in.

Another example, I have 2 kids & if I die, I want my $$ to go to them (retirement accounts, savings, etc.) and not her (but still take care of my share of our joint debt & make sure she can easily keep the house that we own jointly).

We currently have that accomplished by owning the house as joint tenants (if one of us dies, the other needs to buy the other one out). We have that covered with life insurance that names the other as the beneficiary in an amount that covers the debt & then the survivor would have to refinance the house in their name only (I think that is how it works with tenants in common). Looking for a way to simplify this while still making sure that if I die, my kids get the value of 1/2 of our joint investment (our home).

What happens 15 years from now when you get hit by a bus and mortgage rates are up 50%? You two are in love but not in love enough that you want to make sure the other one is financially covered? Buy enough insurance to cover the mortgage plus any other mutual debts you ####### tightwads!

Good point & something to consider for sure. That's why I was wondering about switching to joint tenancy on the deed & debts, so that the survivor wouldn't have to get a new mortgage & go through all of that hassle, especially while dealing with the death of their partner.

 

[Yankee23Fan]

Congrats by the way.

Sit down with a lawyer who does both family law and estate planning. A prenup is just the first step and really isn't the be all end all. And even with a prenup you can overturn it by your simple day to day interactions if you aren't careful. So if you want to get all the paperwork in order it pays to talk to someone who does it and gives you information on all the pitfalls and how to effectively manage what you want. You are going to want to gameplan stuff like life insurance, pensions, investments, college for the kids, and a whole slew of things that most people don't think about enough when going through this.

ETA - and now that I read the actual list you put in the first post you are ahead me. I hate being that guy.

 

[eoMMan]

You should just do a fake ceremony.

We talked about that this morning! Going through everything & then simply not filing the paperwork with the county. Decided we didn't want to go that route, but would like to simulate that financially if we can.Anyone know if you pay more taxes as a married couple or as 2 single people? We don't make standard FBG $$$, but pull in about $150k/yr combined (2/3 of that from me).

Regarding taxes, it depends on your particular situation.

Let's say both of you file really simple tax returns that are basically a w-2 for each of you....then no, the tax rates are basically the same as single.

However, if you have a lot more going on (itemizing, various deductions on page 1, etc.), then it could really sway one way or the other.

 

[dancingbones]

It's weird to me that you would buy only enough insurance to cover your portion of the debt. :woosh:

It is what we set up as somewhat jaded previously divorced single people who didn't want to pay for more insurance than we needed - with the thought of providing some assurances to the other for the home we bought & rehabbed together.

 

[DocHolliday]

Congrats.

Skip the marriage. Your live-in GF can still act as a strong motherly figure to your boys. Are they goin to call her Mom?

Good luck.

 

[dancingbones]

Congrats by the way.

Sit down with a lawyer who does both family law and estate planning. A prenup is just the first step and really isn't the be all end all. And even with a prenup you can overturn it by your simple day to day interactions if you aren't careful. So if you want to get all the paperwork in order it pays to talk to someone who does it and gives you information on all the pitfalls and how to effectively manage what you want. You are going to want to gameplan stuff like life insurance, pensions, investments, college for the kids, and a whole slew of things that most people don't think about enough when going through this.

ETA - and now that I read the actual list you put in the first post you are ahead me. I hate being that guy.

Thank you! We're excited about it.

I think it is probably a good lawyer that we need more than an accountant - but most likely will be both, I think.

 

[dancingbones]

Congrats.

Skip the marriage. Your live-in GF can still act as a strong motherly figure to your boys. Are they goin to call her Mom?

Good luck.

They have a great Mom already, so they'll keep calling her what they always have.

i think they definitely like saying "stepmom" rather than, "my dad's girlfriend" though!

ETA: thanks for the congrats as well!

 

[Bucky86]

Yeah, I'd definitely get insurance that covers more than just your current debts. If you really want to spend the rest of your lives together than you should want to make sure she is well taken care in the event something happens to you and no longer has your income to help off-set expenses.

 

[Yankee23Fan]

Getting remarried soon, and we want to keep our finances separate. I'll be 48 & she'll be 49 this year, and we have both been married before. We realize that some things will have to be combined due to the fact that we're married, but we do a great job of managing our money as it is, and would like to keep it that way.

Question for those of you who have gone down this road. What are some of the things we should be paying attention to? I realize we'll likely have to hire either a lawyer or a good accountant/ tax person to make everything legal - but want to get as much education going in so we're not paying someone $200/hr to tell us things we can figure out on our own.

Things we know we want to figure out:

1) a prenup to protect our individual assets/property that we already have

2) how to best structure our home (we own it now as tenants in common, wondering about changing to joint tenants)

3) how to set up our life insurance beneficiaries so that it makes sense to accomplish what we want to do (make sure that if one of us survives the other, the survivor gets the house & 1/2 the debt, while the estate of the person who dies pays their 1/2 of the debt & cashes out on 1/2 on whatever value the house has)

4) things like figuring out who can contribute to IRAs (currently each max out our individaul IRAs, but think the limit as a married couple is less)

5) figure out HSA accounts - we each have one & she uses hers as a tax deferred savings plan, while I use mine to basically pay for needed medical care for myself & my 2 kids. Getting married changes the amount we can each contribute to our plans, i think.

6) how to protect our individual assets in the event that one of us gets hit by a bus but NOT killed (don't want the assets of one to be forced to go to the healthcare of the other).

7) what other things should we be thinking about?

Any input from those who have gone down the same road would be welcomed.

Thank,

dbones

1. Prenups can be complicated in actual practice. Make sure you understand how you are supposed to act if you want it to be iron clad. Comingling assets even to go grocery shopping can have negative effects on a prenup.

2. Changing a deed might be a step. But you need to do some more research into it before just doing it. What are your state's marital laws as they relate to property? In New Jersey no matter what the deed says if a husband and wife live in a house as their primary marital residence there are equity rights to the property. You need to understand all the potential for that. Also, title insurance might only protect you as the owner on the policy which could be a problem so you want to check your title policy on that. Adding someone to a deed while the house is mortgaged is a technical violation of a mortgage that can subject it to being called due. It very rarely if ever happens, but get information on that as well.

3. Life insurance if going to be your primary focal point initially. You need to sit down and verify all assets and debts for both of you and then structure a life insurance policy to cover what you want to cover. And then discuss who the backup beneficiaries are, if any.

4. Good there. Keep digging and figure that out. You also have the option of starting an entrirely new investement account of some kind that is joint that you both pay into in order to accomplish what you want.

5. I would talk to an accountant on this one specifically. The health care laws are a beast to get through.

6. Pre nup would help. But when you start comingling other things like the house you will have problems there on this point. An estate planning attorney should be able to help. You might find that now is the time to create trusts and divest yourself of assets in your specific name to shield as much as possible for health care purposes and MediCaid.

7. Auto insurance; have you run each other's credit to see who has what debt that they might not know of; college planning for the kids; the terms of your respective prior divorces and what you need to do and can't do to stay in compliance with them, if any; when you talk to the accountant get your answers for joint filing on income taxes because that will be necessary to figure out the prenup; if you are going to do an intricate prenup get a true grasp of the household bills down to the penny and budget accordingly; go to your bank(s) or a new bank and figure out what checking accounts are available for a joint fund if you are going to go that route; are you going to share credit card accounts; you will want a power of attorney and those kind of estate documents in place to ensure there are no problems given that it is a second marriage; talk to your former spouses if you are on speaking terms about the care of th children if you haven't done that already;

You can go down a pretty substantial rabbit hole if you want. And every state has unique rules and laws to consider. Get an attorney and an accountant. I would get an attorney that does family law and estate planning so that you can lay everything out in a big picture and work from there. YMMV.

 

[dancingbones]

You should just do a fake ceremony.

We talked about that this morning! Going through everything & then simply not filing the paperwork with the county. Decided we didn't want to go that route, but would like to simulate that financially if we can.Anyone know if you pay more taxes as a married couple or as 2 single people? We don't make standard FBG $$$, but pull in about $150k/yr combined (2/3 of that from me).

Regarding taxes, it depends on your particular situation.

Let's say both of you file really simple tax returns that are basically a w-2 for each of you....then no, the tax rates are basically the same as single.

However, if you have a lot more going on (itemizing, various deductions on page 1, etc.), then it could really sway one way or the other.

Yeah, it is of the more complicated variety.

I'm pretty much all W2 at $100K, and she is $50K of self employed, rental income, and investment income (both for US & Canada).

I think the only way we're going to be able to know which way is best is to pay someone to do it both ways. She has an accountant that she uses, but I've been able to do simple TurboTax so far - I think that will probably have to change.

 

[Yankee23Fan]

You should just do a fake ceremony.

We talked about that this morning! Going through everything & then simply not filing the paperwork with the county. Decided we didn't want to go that route, but would like to simulate that financially if we can.Anyone know if you pay more taxes as a married couple or as 2 single people? We don't make standard FBG $$$, but pull in about $150k/yr combined (2/3 of that from me).

Regarding taxes, it depends on your particular situation.

Let's say both of you file really simple tax returns that are basically a w-2 for each of you....then no, the tax rates are basically the same as single.

However, if you have a lot more going on (itemizing, various deductions on page 1, etc.), then it could really sway one way or the other.

Yeah, it is of the more complicated variety.

I'm pretty much all W2 at $100K, and she is $50K of self employed, rental income, and investment income (both for US & Canada).

I think the only way we're going to be able to know which way is best is to pay someone to do it both ways. She has an accountant that she uses, but I've been able to do simple TurboTax so far - I think that will probably have to change.

It absolutely will, and the Canada thing is now another problem. You need to know what property laws are in Canada to deal with this. You are up to 2 attorneys and 1 accountant.

 

[ChiefD]

Start hiding money.

And sleep with her sister.

 

[dancingbones]

Getting remarried soon, and we want to keep our finances separate. I'll be 48 & she'll be 49 this year, and we have both been married before. We realize that some things will have to be combined due to the fact that we're married, but we do a great job of managing our money as it is, and would like to keep it that way.

Question for those of you who have gone down this road. What are some of the things we should be paying attention to? I realize we'll likely have to hire either a lawyer or a good accountant/ tax person to make everything legal - but want to get as much education going in so we're not paying someone $200/hr to tell us things we can figure out on our own.

Things we know we want to figure out:

1) a prenup to protect our individual assets/property that we already have

2) how to best structure our home (we own it now as tenants in common, wondering about changing to joint tenants)

3) how to set up our life insurance beneficiaries so that it makes sense to accomplish what we want to do (make sure that if one of us survives the other, the survivor gets the house & 1/2 the debt, while the estate of the person who dies pays their 1/2 of the debt & cashes out on 1/2 on whatever value the house has)

4) things like figuring out who can contribute to IRAs (currently each max out our individaul IRAs, but think the limit as a married couple is less)

5) figure out HSA accounts - we each have one & she uses hers as a tax deferred savings plan, while I use mine to basically pay for needed medical care for myself & my 2 kids. Getting married changes the amount we can each contribute to our plans, i think.

6) how to protect our individual assets in the event that one of us gets hit by a bus but NOT killed (don't want the assets of one to be forced to go to the healthcare of the other).

7) what other things should we be thinking about?

Any input from those who have gone down the same road would be welcomed.

Thank,

dbones

1. Prenups can be complicated in actual practice. Make sure you understand how you are supposed to act if you want it to be iron clad. Comingling assets even to go grocery shopping can have negative effects on a prenup.

2. Changing a deed might be a step. But you need to do some more research into it before just doing it. What are your state's marital laws as they relate to property? In New Jersey no matter what the deed says if a husband and wife live in a house as their primary marital residence there are equity rights to the property. You need to understand all the potential for that. Also, title insurance might only protect you as the owner on the policy which could be a problem so you want to check your title policy on that. Adding someone to a deed while the house is mortgaged is a technical violation of a mortgage that can subject it to being called due. It very rarely if ever happens, but get information on that as well.

3. Life insurance if going to be your primary focal point initially. You need to sit down and verify all assets and debts for both of you and then structure a life insurance policy to cover what you want to cover. And then discuss who the backup beneficiaries are, if any.

4. Good there. Keep digging and figure that out. You also have the option of starting an entrirely new investement account of some kind that is joint that you both pay into in order to accomplish what you want.

5. I would talk to an accountant on this one specifically. The health care laws are a beast to get through.

6. Pre nup would help. But when you start comingling other things like the house you will have problems there on this point. An estate planning attorney should be able to help. You might find that now is the time to create trusts and divest yourself of assets in your specific name to shield as much as possible for health care purposes and MediCaid.

7. Auto insurance; have you run each other's credit to see who has what debt that they might not know of; college planning for the kids; the terms of your respective prior divorces and what you need to do and can't do to stay in compliance with them, if any; when you talk to the accountant get your answers for joint filing on income taxes because that will be necessary to figure out the prenup; if you are going to do an intricate prenup get a true grasp of the household bills down to the penny and budget accordingly; go to your bank(s) or a new bank and figure out what checking accounts are available for a joint fund if you are going to go that route; are you going to share credit card accounts; you will want a power of attorney and those kind of estate documents in place to ensure there are no problems given that it is a second marriage; talk to your former spouses if you are on speaking terms about the care of th children if you haven't done that already;

You can go down a pretty substantial rabbit hole if you want. And every state has unique rules and laws to consider. Get an attorney and an accountant. I would get an attorney that does family law and estate planning so that you can lay everything out in a big picture and work from there. YMMV.

TY.

We're in MN, btw.

Interesting bit about how combining finances can muddle a prenup. Something I hadn't known about until brought up here.

House & all house related debt is in both of our names from the start, so nothing to add - except that I don't know how or if being married changes things. Sounds like there is no way we're gonna be able to get this done without paying a professional, but all good stuff to know. The only debt either of us has is our joint home debt, and each of us has some retirement assets (she more than I), our own savings accounts, our own checking accounts, and we have one joint checking account that we contribute to & pay all house related stuff from.

One wrinkle is that we financed a rehab of our primary home by a HELOC on her rental property (HELOC in both our names, but rental property in her name only). So, our joint debt includes that.

Again, probably stuff we need an attorney to sort out.

 

[Yankee23Fan]

You can exempt stuff from a prenup obviously. But yeah you guys need a professional or two if you want to go the route of keeping some stuff separate.

The financing one property in one name to pay for another in another name is the kind of stuff that kills prenups.

 

[dancingbones]

You should just do a fake ceremony.

We talked about that this morning! Going through everything & then simply not filing the paperwork with the county. Decided we didn't want to go that route, but would like to simulate that financially if we can.Anyone know if you pay more taxes as a married couple or as 2 single people? We don't make standard FBG $$$, but pull in about $150k/yr combined (2/3 of that from me).

Regarding taxes, it depends on your particular situation.

Let's say both of you file really simple tax returns that are basically a w-2 for each of you....then no, the tax rates are basically the same as single.

However, if you have a lot more going on (itemizing, various deductions on page 1, etc.), then it could really sway one way or the other.

Yeah, it is of the more complicated variety.

I'm pretty much all W2 at $100K, and she is $50K of self employed, rental income, and investment income (both for US & Canada).

I think the only way we're going to be able to know which way is best is to pay someone to do it both ways. She has an accountant that she uses, but I've been able to do simple TurboTax so far - I think that will probably have to change.

It absolutely will, and the Canada thing is now another problem. You need to know what property laws are in Canada to deal with this. You are up to 2 attorneys and 1 accountant.

I can see the $$$ flowing in the wrong direction here!

 

[James Daulton]

You're the hedonism dude, yes?

 

[dancingbones]

You're the hedonism dude, yes?

This place has the memory of an elephant!

 

[johnnycakes]

That is basically what we want to do, but I'm not sure about what legally happens automatically when you get married in terms of combining finances.

For example, she has some $$ from an inheritance that is hers and she'd like to protect. Simple prenup seems fine to protect against divorce, but does that shield her assets in the event I get hit by a bus & wrack up huge medical bills?

Looking for what areas we need to be aware of going in.

Another example, I have 2 kids & if I die, I want my $$ to go to them (retirement accounts, savings, etc.) and not her (but still take care of my share of our joint debt & make sure she can easily keep the house that we own jointly).

We currently have that accomplished by owning the house as joint tenants (if one of us dies, the other needs to buy the other one out). We have that covered with life insurance that names the other as the beneficiary in an amount that covers the debt & then the survivor would have to refinance the house in their name only (I think that is how it works with tenants in common). Looking for a way to simplify this while still making sure that if I die, my kids get the value of 1/2 of our joint investment (our home).

.

For retirement accounts... change your beneficiary before you get married... after you are married, she will be entitled to one-half of anything that goes into your retirment account UNLESS she waives that in writing with the fiduciary.

for assets not jointly held and not in a retirment account... if you want those to go to your kids and not your wife, you will most likely need an attorney to do some trust planning... even with the house, I would place that in trust rather than fooling around with tenancy in common.

 

[johnnycakes]

You're the hedonism dude, yes?

This dude has hedonism without ever leaving town.

 

[dancingbones]

That is basically what we want to do, but I'm not sure about what legally happens automatically when you get married in terms of combining finances.

For example, she has some $$ from an inheritance that is hers and she'd like to protect. Simple prenup seems fine to protect against divorce, but does that shield her assets in the event I get hit by a bus & wrack up huge medical bills?

Looking for what areas we need to be aware of going in.

Another example, I have 2 kids & if I die, I want my $$ to go to them (retirement accounts, savings, etc.) and not her (but still take care of my share of our joint debt & make sure she can easily keep the house that we own jointly).

We currently have that accomplished by owning the house as joint tenants (if one of us dies, the other needs to buy the other one out). We have that covered with life insurance that names the other as the beneficiary in an amount that covers the debt & then the survivor would have to refinance the house in their name only (I think that is how it works with tenants in common). Looking for a way to simplify this while still making sure that if I die, my kids get the value of 1/2 of our joint investment (our home).

.

For retirement accounts... change your beneficiary before you get married... after you are married, she will be entitled to one-half of anything that goes into your retirment account UNLESS she waives that in writing with the fiduciary.

for assets not jointly held and not in a retirment account... if you want those to go to your kids and not your wife, you will most likely need an attorney to do some trust planning... even with the house, I would place that in trust rather than fooling around with tenancy in common.

Thanks. This is the type of stuff I know very little to nothing about.

 

[Jack White]

Why not cohabitate and skip the piece of paper from the state?

Yeah, this. Why even get married?

We plan on spending our lives together, and want our relationship status to reflect that.

Plus, didn't realize what a big deal the news that we were engaged would have on my boys (11 & 14), but they really love the idea of having a step-mom, and it seems to have provided some stability that I think they didn't know was there. So, in short, we're getting married to set ourselves up to spend the rest of our lives together and provide the best family environment for my (our) kids.

Those are legitimate reasons to get state married if you feel strongly about them.

I would never get state married again, but I have no problem with those who do.

Just think long and hard about this: do I really need to get the state involved to achieve my aims? If you conclude you do, go for it and be merry!

 

[dancingbones]

Why not cohabitate and skip the piece of paper from the state?

Yeah, this. Why even get married?

We plan on spending our lives together, and want our relationship status to reflect that.

Plus, didn't realize what a big deal the news that we were engaged would have on my boys (11 & 14), but they really love the idea of having a step-mom, and it seems to have provided some stability that I think they didn't know was there. So, in short, we're getting married to set ourselves up to spend the rest of our lives together and provide the best family environment for my (our) kids.

Those are legitimate reasons to get state married if you feel strongly about them.

I would never get state married again, but I have no problem with those who do.

Just think long and hard about this: do I really need to get the state involved to achieve my aims? If you conclude you do, go for it and be merry!

It is a very good point, and something to think & talk through. Thanks.

 

[James Daulton]

You're the hedonism dude, yes?

This place has the memory of an elephant!

I will only consent to this marriage if it yields more exotic tales like you've spun in the past.

 

[dancingbones]

You're the hedonism dude, yes?

This place has the memory of an elephant!

I will only consent to this marriage if it yields more exotic tales like you've spun in the past.

I'm now very happily monogamous, so you'll have to rely on Arizona Ron for the exotic tales.

 

[AAABatteries]

You're the hedonism dude, yes?

This place has the memory of an elephant!

I will only consent to this marriage if it yields more exotic tales like you've spun in the past.

I'm now very happily monogamous, so you'll have to rely on Arizona Ron for the exotic tales.

Just curious - does the new wife-to-be know about the swinging? If so, what was her reaction?

 

[dancingbones]

You're the hedonism dude, yes?

This place has the memory of an elephant!

I will only consent to this marriage if it yields more exotic tales like you've spun in the past.

I'm now very happily monogamous, so you'll have to rely on Arizona Ron for the exotic tales.

Just curious - does the new wife-to-be know about the swinging? If so, what was her reaction?

Yes, she knows it all - we were friends all through that period of my life (have known her for almost 20 yrs).

She has no problems that that was how it was, and no question that that is not how she wants it to be.

 

[RedmondLonghorn]

You're the hedonism dude, yes?

This place has the memory of an elephant!

I will only consent to this marriage if it yields more exotic tales like you've spun in the past.

I'm now very happily monogamous, so you'll have to rely on Arizona Ron for the exotic tales.

Just curious - does the new wife-to-be know about the swinging? If so, what was her reaction?

Yes, she knows it all - we were friends all through that period of my life (have known her for almost 20 yrs).

She has no problems that that was how it was, and no question that that is not how she wants it to be.

I am glad somebody else brought this up. I was thinking about asking the same questions.

My less than scientific research tells me that a very high proportion of couples that do the swinging thing end up being divorced a few years later.

So I was wondering if you have seen the same thing? Also, do you think the non-monogamy was a symptom of something wrong with your relationship or was it the actual cause of the problems.

 

[ffjunk]

Go away on vacation. Get your picture taken at a church and then send it out telling everyone you couldn't wait and eloped. Wala problem solved.

 

[MC Gas Money]

Big props if you can do the fake ceremony without her knowing Its fake

 

[Steve Tasker]

You should just do a fake ceremony.

We talked about that this morning! Going through everything & then simply not filing the paperwork with the county. Decided we didn't want to go that route, but would like to simulate that financially if we can.Anyone know if you pay more taxes as a married couple or as 2 single people? We don't make standard FBG $$$, but pull in about $150k/yr combined (2/3 of that from me).

Regarding taxes, it depends on your particular situation.

Let's say both of you file really simple tax returns that are basically a w-2 for each of you....then no, the tax rates are basically the same as single.

However, if you have a lot more going on (itemizing, various deductions on page 1, etc.), then it could really sway one way or the other.

Yeah, it is of the more complicated variety.

I'm pretty much all W2 at $100K, and she is $50K of self employed, rental income, and investment income (both for US & Canada).

I think the only way we're going to be able to know which way is best is to pay someone to do it both ways. She has an accountant that she uses, but I've been able to do simple TurboTax so far - I think that will probably have to change.

I'm not sure it matters so much as to how complicated your taxes are, but more of the disparity between your income. In my experience, generally married taxpayers where one earns significantly more than the other are better off filing jointly. That is not the case in every scenario and it can vary; impossible to say without numbers.

 

[the moops]

We plan on spending our lives together, and want our relationship status to reflect that.

What was your plan with the first marriage?

 

[James Daulton]

We plan on spending our lives together, and want our relationship status to reflect that.

What was your plan with the first marriage?

Party!

(Duh)

 

[MC Gas Money]

We plan on spending our lives together, and want our relationship status to reflect that.

What was your plan with the first marriage?

Everyone knows the first one is practice and you really give it a go on the second