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MikeIke

Time for an Update

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How are things between the two of you going? How's your knowledge of BPD coming along?

Thanks for asking, though there hasn't really been much change on that front. Her therapist is talking about getting her into dialectical behavior therapy but doesn't do it herself. I'm not real clear on what that type of therapy entails, I'll have to read up on it. But, man, with everything that's going on there just isn't enough time. Plus now I have selling my house and finding a new one to worry about. There just isn't enough time in the day :loco:

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It sounds overwhelming but you seem to have the type of personality to take most things in stride. That's commendable. Here's hoping things between you two continue to improve steadily even if it's slowly. :thumbup:

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Do you have any idea how the affair started, how long the affiar lasted in total, and how many times she actually cheated?

It sounds like it is going to be a tough road but you're already making progress! Congrats.

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Man, first JonnyCakes' thread and now this one, this is a terrible start to the day. Best of luck to you as well.

Link?
ChinaCakes Edited by MikeIke

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Do you have any idea how the affair started, how long the affiar lasted in total, and how many times she actually cheated?It sounds like it is going to be a tough road but you're already making progress! Congrats.

Long story that had a 14-page thread back in July. Sorry you missed it but I'm not gonna go through it all again. The affair lasted for about a month and when she went to break it off with him he didn't like that so he raped her.

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Thanks for the update, Mike. Sorry I missed the initial post back in September, but I had all kinds of things going on back then and I missed a lot of what' happening here. but it sounds like you're at least taking a rational approach to the situation. Best wishes and I hope things work out for the best for you.

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Do you have any idea how the affair started, how long the affiar lasted in total, and how many times she actually cheated?It sounds like it is going to be a tough road but you're already making progress! Congrats.

Long story that had a 14-page thread back in July. Sorry you missed it but I'm not gonna go through it all again. The affair lasted for about a month and when she went to break it off with him he didn't like that so he raped her.
Oh, I didn't miss the original. Quite the opposite! I got ZERO work done for those few days! :thumbup: I just don't remember if you ever got her to fully tell the truth and fess up or the level of detail you were able to ascertain about the whole ordeal.

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Oh, OK. Glad I was able to provide you with some entertainment. She's told me that it happened 3 times and I think I believe her. At this point the number of times doesn't really matter - it was more than just one drunken mistake it was a conscious choice to continue cheating.

See now, you're getting me :hot: thinking about it. Think I'll pick up some Scotch on the way home tonight. :banned:

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Hang in there GB. You're definitely the higher, tougher road. I pray you'll reap the benefits of your hard work. :thumbup:

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Yeah. You're putting a lot of energy into this. I hope you get the result you're looking for. You are more man than me, especially with guys doing "drive by's".

I would probably end up in jail.

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Yeah. You're putting a lot of energy into this. I hope you get the result you're looking for. You are more man than me, especially with guys doing "drive by's".I would probably end up in jail.

I'll just say I've had a recurring fantasy where this guy comes to my house and I'm waiting with my Smith & Wesson. I wouldn't hesitate for a second.

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Oh, OK. Glad I was able to provide you with some entertainment. She's told me that it happened 3 times and I think I believe her. At this point the number of times doesn't really matter - it was more than just one drunken mistake it was a conscious choice to continue cheating. See now, you're getting me :hot: thinking about it. Think I'll pick up some Scotch on the way home tonight. :banned:

Sorry, Mike. But the bolded sentence is exactly what I was getting at when I asked the question. There is a difference between one time druken cheating and an affair. Although not much. And both are very wrong..... not sure where I am going with this.

Also, sorry about the :hot: . But you get a night of scotch out of it!

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Oh, OK. Glad I was able to provide you with some entertainment. She's told me that it happened 3 times and I think I believe her. At this point the number of times doesn't really matter - it was more than just one drunken mistake it was a conscious choice to continue cheating. See now, you're getting me :hot: thinking about it. Think I'll pick up some Scotch on the way home tonight. :banned:

Sorry, Mike. But the bolded sentence is exactly what I was getting at when I asked the question. There is a difference between one time druken cheating and an affair. Although not much. And both are very wrong..... not sure where I am going with this.

Also, sorry about the :hot: . But you get a night of scotch out of it!

I know GB, I'm only at the point I am after 3+ months of therapy. You're correct there is a difference. But being out of whack on her meds contributed to her bad decisions and she's faithful* about taking her meds every day now. There's been a big change in her personality lately. I'm just hoping for the best.

*Hah! Interesting choice of words, there.

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My wife talked to the detective the other day and it doesn't sound good for the case against RaperRapper. The rape kit came back and did indeed have DNA. However, the hospital didn't note any bruising (I'm not sure how, the next morning her thighs and butt had bruises all over) or genital trauma. RaperRapper has lawyered up, and at this point it's mostly a case of he said-she said. The detective said she'd bring the case to the prosecutor but not to be surprised if they decline to press charges.

My wife is pretty angry about this - she doesn't want him to get away with it. I understand that it would be difficult to prove the charge in a court of law and can see why they would decline to press charges. Also, if it went to trial the defense attorney would be brutal toward my wife - she made a lot of bad choices during the month leading up to the attack and would look really bad under cross-examination. Still, I'd like to see him in jail.

Also, they have been unable to serve him with the temporary restraining order. He gave the cops a fake address and apparently until he's been served the order doesn't go into effect. There was a hearing before the judge on Wednesday that he was supposed to attend, but of course he didn't show up so they made a continuance until December. All in all, it's been a frustrating week as far as the legal system goes.

My wife and I are doing pretty well lately. We're getting along, working on trying to get the house ready to sell, and having a lot of good :pickle: . She's been taken off a bunch of the meds she was taking and her new meds are making a big difference in her personality. She's got more energy than she's had in a while and she's even lost 10 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I admit I still have some misgivings but I find myself pretty hopeful for the future.

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My wife talked to the detective the other day and it doesn't sound good for the case against RaperRapper. The rape kit came back and did indeed have DNA. However, the hospital didn't note any bruising (I'm not sure how, the next morning her thighs and butt had bruises all over) or genital trauma. RaperRapper has lawyered up, and at this point it's mostly a case of he said-she said. The detective said she'd bring the case to the prosecutor but not to be surprised if they decline to press charges.My wife is pretty angry about this - she doesn't want him to get away with it. I understand that it would be difficult to prove the charge in a court of law and can see why they would decline to press charges. Also, if it went to trial the defense attorney would be brutal toward my wife - she made a lot of bad choices during the month leading up to the attack and would look really bad under cross-examination. Still, I'd like to see him in jail.Also, they have been unable to serve him with the temporary restraining order. He gave the cops a fake address and apparently until he's been served the order doesn't go into effect. There was a hearing before the judge on Wednesday that he was supposed to attend, but of course he didn't show up so they made a continuance until December. All in all, it's been a frustrating week as far as the legal system goes.My wife and I are doing pretty well lately. We're getting along, working on trying to get the house ready to sell, and having a lot of good :pickle: . She's been taken off a bunch of the meds she was taking and her new meds are making a big difference in her personality. She's got more energy than she's had in a while and she's even lost 10 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I admit I still have some misgivings but I find myself pretty hopeful for the future.

Congrats on the last paragraph.

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My wife talked to the detective the other day and it doesn't sound good for the case against RaperRapper. The rape kit came back and did indeed have DNA. However, the hospital didn't note any bruising (I'm not sure how, the next morning her thighs and butt had bruises all over) or genital trauma. RaperRapper has lawyered up, and at this point it's mostly a case of he said-she said. The detective said she'd bring the case to the prosecutor but not to be surprised if they decline to press charges.My wife is pretty angry about this - she doesn't want him to get away with it. I understand that it would be difficult to prove the charge in a court of law and can see why they would decline to press charges. Also, if it went to trial the defense attorney would be brutal toward my wife - she made a lot of bad choices during the month leading up to the attack and would look really bad under cross-examination. Still, I'd like to see him in jail.Also, they have been unable to serve him with the temporary restraining order. He gave the cops a fake address and apparently until he's been served the order doesn't go into effect. There was a hearing before the judge on Wednesday that he was supposed to attend, but of course he didn't show up so they made a continuance until December. All in all, it's been a frustrating week as far as the legal system goes.My wife and I are doing pretty well lately. We're getting along, working on trying to get the house ready to sell, and having a lot of good :pickle: . She's been taken off a bunch of the meds she was taking and her new meds are making a big difference in her personality. She's got more energy than she's had in a while and she's even lost 10 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I admit I still have some misgivings but I find myself pretty hopeful for the future.

Wow. Sorry about the legal system issues. But :thumbup: on you and your wife working things out as well as you are! Must be tough.

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My wife talked to the detective the other day and it doesn't sound good for the case against RaperRapper. The rape kit came back and did indeed have DNA. However, the hospital didn't note any bruising (I'm not sure how, the next morning her thighs and butt had bruises all over) or genital trauma. RaperRapper has lawyered up, and at this point it's mostly a case of he said-she said. The detective said she'd bring the case to the prosecutor but not to be surprised if they decline to press charges.My wife is pretty angry about this - she doesn't want him to get away with it. I understand that it would be difficult to prove the charge in a court of law and can see why they would decline to press charges. Also, if it went to trial the defense attorney would be brutal toward my wife - she made a lot of bad choices during the month leading up to the attack and would look really bad under cross-examination. Still, I'd like to see him in jail.Also, they have been unable to serve him with the temporary restraining order. He gave the cops a fake address and apparently until he's been served the order doesn't go into effect. There was a hearing before the judge on Wednesday that he was supposed to attend, but of course he didn't show up so they made a continuance until December. All in all, it's been a frustrating week as far as the legal system goes.My wife and I are doing pretty well lately. We're getting along, working on trying to get the house ready to sell, and having a lot of good :pickle: . She's been taken off a bunch of the meds she was taking and her new meds are making a big difference in her personality. She's got more energy than she's had in a while and she's even lost 10 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I admit I still have some misgivings but I find myself pretty hopeful for the future.

Congrats on the last paragraph.
:goodposting:

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My wife talked to the detective the other day and it doesn't sound good for the case against RaperRapper. The rape kit came back and did indeed have DNA. However, the hospital didn't note any bruising (I'm not sure how, the next morning her thighs and butt had bruises all over) or genital trauma. RaperRapper has lawyered up, and at this point it's mostly a case of he said-she said. The detective said she'd bring the case to the prosecutor but not to be surprised if they decline to press charges.My wife is pretty angry about this - she doesn't want him to get away with it. I understand that it would be difficult to prove the charge in a court of law and can see why they would decline to press charges. Also, if it went to trial the defense attorney would be brutal toward my wife - she made a lot of bad choices during the month leading up to the attack and would look really bad under cross-examination. Still, I'd like to see him in jail.Also, they have been unable to serve him with the temporary restraining order. He gave the cops a fake address and apparently until he's been served the order doesn't go into effect. There was a hearing before the judge on Wednesday that he was supposed to attend, but of course he didn't show up so they made a continuance until December. All in all, it's been a frustrating week as far as the legal system goes.My wife and I are doing pretty well lately. We're getting along, working on trying to get the house ready to sell, and having a lot of good :pickle: . She's been taken off a bunch of the meds she was taking and her new meds are making a big difference in her personality. She's got more energy than she's had in a while and she's even lost 10 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I admit I still have some misgivings but I find myself pretty hopeful for the future.

Congrats on the last paragraph.
Sounds like she is in the "Manic" side of her Bi-polar swings, possibly? Just hope it lasts...GL to you, and hopefully they find that raperRapper guy dead in the gutter one day soon.

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Sounds like she is in the "Manic" side of her Bi-polar swings, possibly? Just hope it lasts...GL to you, and hopefully they find that raperRapper guy dead in the gutter one day soon.

Just the opposite, actually. Manic is when the trouble happens - she loses the ability to reason, delay gratification, or think of anyone but herself. Right now she seems to be in a good place - not manic or depressed. Hopefully it lasts.

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Sounds like she is in the "Manic" side of her Bi-polar swings, possibly? Just hope it lasts...GL to you, and hopefully they find that raperRapper guy dead in the gutter one day soon.

Just the opposite, actually. Manic is when the trouble happens - she loses the ability to reason, delay gratification, or think of anyone but herself. Right now she seems to be in a good place - not manic or depressed. Hopefully it lasts.
Good Luck man and I hope it works out for you

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Good luck, I really hope things get better fopr you and your family now that you and her are both getting some assistance.

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Glad to hear you're doing pretty well. Seems like you chose a healthy way to prioritize your life and set to work on making it a good life for you and your family. :thumbup:

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Do you have any idea how the affair started, how long the affiar lasted in total, and how many times she actually cheated?It sounds like it is going to be a tough road but you're already making progress! Congrats.

Long story that had a 14-page thread back in July. Sorry you missed it but I'm not gonna go through it all again. The affair lasted for about a month and when she went to break it off with him he didn't like that so he raped her.
Ugh, just reading this makes my stomach churn. So sorry you have to go through this and I admire your dedication to your family. I hope a tragic 'accident' befalls this punk.

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Things are pretty normal these days, though a few days ago she had forgotten to take one of her meds for a couple days. Things got a little ugly but she later apologized and recognized that she hadn't taken it, which caused her anger at something inconsequential.

For Christmas we got the hot tub fixed and she and the kids have been enjoying that. There's also a slight possibility of a three-way with her (female) friend but that's for another thread another day.

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Things are pretty normal these days, though a few days ago she had forgotten to take one of her meds for a couple days. Things got a little ugly but she later apologized and recognized that she hadn't taken it, which caused her anger at something inconsequential.

For Christmas we got the hot tub fixed and she and the kids have been enjoying that. There's also a slight possibility of a three-way with her (female) friend but that's for another thread another day.

:thumbup:

so... we're talking about tomorrow, friday, for that thread- yes? :popcorn:

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MikeIke, this is a great thread to provide a periodic update and I appreciate you doing this. Among the reasons I left my personality-disordered wife was my lack of faith that even if she acknowledged her disorder and said she is committed to addressing it, she would actually follow through long term with any treatment plan. You are now 3.5yrs (?) into such a treatment plan so it seems like the commitment is still there which is great to see. But clearly there are hiccups along the way (e.g. going off meds for periods of time) which I'm sure tests your resolve in staying. I hope she continues her treatment and further validates your decision to stay.

This far down the road in her treatment, do you see any true signs of any mental rewiring on her part, on how she views things or is she still very much the same person from years ago, but now both you and her are equipped with a better tool kit to deal with her issues?

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Pats, I think the biggest difference is the change in her meds. Back then she was going to some quack psychiatrist who had her on a ridiculous amount of meds. I think that contributed to her breakdown.

After the incident, my therapist suggested a different psychiatrist for her, and she got off the majority of those meds. She's been a lot better since then. And recently she didn't really go off her meds, it's just that she had a dosage change and forgot to start taking the new ones. It wasn't a decision she made, it was just an accident.

So yes, I think she has honestly changed. I still see flashes of instability in her, but she and I are better equipped to recognize and deal with them before they get out of control.

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MikeIke, that's great. Very happy for you. And for her. None of this improvement happens if she doesn't want it to happen, no matter how much you want to help. I hope her mental health continues to get better.

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On 12/31/2014 at 9:49 AM, MikeIke said:

For Christmas we got the hot tub fixed and she and the kids have been enjoying that. There's also a slight possibility of a three-way with her (female) friend but that's for another thread another day.

@MikeIke - did we ever get the 3-way update?

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20 hours ago, AAABatteries said:

@MikeIke - did we ever get the 3-way update?

:lol:

At one time the wife was up for it, but she changed her mind :kicksrock:. 

I still bring it up whenever she mentions the friend. "Oh yeah, glad she's doing well. How about that three-way?" Pisses her off. 

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