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The Lawyer Thread Where We Stop Ruining Other Threads (5 Viewers)

You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......

 
Yankee23Fan said:
You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......
Click to expand...
That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?

 
Henry Ford said:
Yankee23Fan said:
You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......
Click to expand...
That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?
Click to expand...
I really don't know. I find myself contemplating many things as my fast twitch muscles make my torso start to turn with the power from my lower legs while my shoulders compact themselves and my hands grip the bat even tighter to control the force by which it is being swung. I already see the fat guy holding a beer in the 10th row of the upper deck in left who is going to spill his beer trying to catch this thing in about 4.3 seconds....

 
Henry Ford said:
Yankee23Fan said:
You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......
Click to expand...
That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?
Click to expand...
I say door number 2.

 
Yankee23Fan said:
Henry Ford said:
Yankee23Fan said:
You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......
Click to expand...
That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?
Click to expand...
I really don't know. I find myself contemplating many things as my fast twitch muscles make my torso start to turn with the power from my lower legs while my shoulders compact themselves and my hands grip the bat even tighter to control the force by which it is being swung. I already see the fat guy holding a beer in the 10th row of the upper deck in left who is going to spill his beer trying to catch this thing in about 4.3 seconds....
Click to expand...
By "fat guy holding a beer" do you mean "Motion for Sanctions"? Or is that going too far?

 
Really, the first thing is clearly going to be calling opposing counsel and playing that voicemail for him. Maybe it's worth just stopping by and listening to it together, so you can get his whole reaction.

 
Henry Ford said:
Yankee23Fan said:
Henry Ford said:
Yankee23Fan said:
You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......
Click to expand...
That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?
Click to expand...
I really don't know. I find myself contemplating many things as my fast twitch muscles make my torso start to turn with the power from my lower legs while my shoulders compact themselves and my hands grip the bat even tighter to control the force by which it is being swung. I already see the fat guy holding a beer in the 10th row of the upper deck in left who is going to spill his beer trying to catch this thing in about 4.3 seconds....
Click to expand...
By "fat guy holding a beer" do you mean "Motion for Sanctions"? Or is that going too far?
Click to expand...
I don't get who would be sanctioned and why.

 
Thorn said:
Henry Ford said:
Yankee23Fan said:
Henry Ford said:
Yankee23Fan said:
You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......
Click to expand...
That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?
Click to expand...
I really don't know. I find myself contemplating many things as my fast twitch muscles make my torso start to turn with the power from my lower legs while my shoulders compact themselves and my hands grip the bat even tighter to control the force by which it is being swung. I already see the fat guy holding a beer in the 10th row of the upper deck in left who is going to spill his beer trying to catch this thing in about 4.3 seconds....
Click to expand...
By "fat guy holding a beer" do you mean "Motion for Sanctions"? Or is that going too far?
Click to expand...
I don't get who would be sanctioned and why.
Click to expand...
The contractor. Some states - don't know about his - contacting another party's expert regarding the case and attempting to intimidate him/her is a sanctionable offense for either the lawyer or the party. It's considered "witness intimidation."

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Henry Ford said:
Thorn said:
Henry Ford said:
Yankee23Fan said:
Henry Ford said:
Yankee23Fan said:
You know how you've won a case against a contractor who did a crappy job?

When your adversary calls you to tell you that his client not did not nothing wrong but will have an experts report showing just how perfect the job was so the complaint should be dismissed. You tell your adversary, ah no, but feel free to get your report because I already have mine. And your adversary tells you well, I don't know who you used but we have the most repsected guy in the industry who will support our side of these events. And you tell your advery well have at it.

And you come to find out that the perfect expert that your adversary thinks he has.... is actually the one you already have. So you let your adversary know this. Adversary is, of course, speechless. And then the best part - the contractor calls my expert to yell at him for being my expert. By voicemail. Which, of course, is recorded.

This is the sweet spot of litigation. Right here. The fastball is sitting there all juicy, the wind is blowing out, the hot chicks in the corner of my eye are giving me that biting their lower lip a little look, and the sound of the universe is a collection of awesomeness. Now, I just need to swing.......
Click to expand...
That's spectacular. So will you just go ahead and crush them the usual way, or will you first poison the judge by filing for an order from the court to keep the contractor from contacting your expert directly and use the harassing voicemail as evidence?
Click to expand...
I really don't know. I find myself contemplating many things as my fast twitch muscles make my torso start to turn with the power from my lower legs while my shoulders compact themselves and my hands grip the bat even tighter to control the force by which it is being swung. I already see the fat guy holding a beer in the 10th row of the upper deck in left who is going to spill his beer trying to catch this thing in about 4.3 seconds....
Click to expand...
By "fat guy holding a beer" do you mean "Motion for Sanctions"? Or is that going too far?
Click to expand...
I don't get who would be sanctioned and why.
Click to expand...
The contractor. Some states - don't know about his - contacting another party's expert regarding the case and attempting to intimidate him/her is a sanctionable offense for either the lawyer or the party. It's considered "witness intimidation."
Click to expand...
Interesting. I don't think a non-lawyer can be sanctioned in my state.

 
I doubt sanctions would come. And given I just finished an appearance on a dog of case that isnt going to pay I think I am just going to savoir the possibilities on this one for now and count some chickens. Just because I can.

 
Yankee23Fan said:
I doubt sanctions would come. And given I just finished an appearance on a dog of case that isnt going to pay I think I am just going to savoir the possibilities on this one for now and count some chickens. Just because I can.
Click to expand...
"Motion to Strike Opposing Counsel In The Face"

 
Henry Ford said:
Yankee23Fan said:
I doubt sanctions would come. And given I just finished an appearance on a dog of case that isnt going to pay I think I am just going to savoir the possibilities on this one for now and count some chickens. Just because I can.
Click to expand...
"Motion to Strike Opposing Counsel In The Face"
Click to expand...
Not his fault. Nice guy. We've been on the opposite side of the table a few times. It's his client that is a putz.

 
I'm in Florida. I'm getting a real estate attorney/lawyer to change the deed on our house (long story short, house is just in my wife's name and it's in her maiden name.....we need it changed to show us both and with her correct, new name).

How much? $2,000?

 
eoMMan said:
I'm in Florida. I'm getting a real estate attorney/lawyer to change the deed on our house (long story short, house is just in my wife's name and it's in her maiden name.....we need it changed to show us both and with her correct, new name).

How much? $2,000?
Click to expand...
If I got paid $2000 for every deed I write I would have more money than Bill Gates. And I'm not kidding.

If it costs you more than $150 find someone else. Unless there are like 10 people on the deed and the title call is 5 pages long, it is almost no work. I charge 100-150 plus the recording which is usually 50 unless, again, there are more than the usual number of pages.

 
Apropros of Judge Smails' post, the company I left a year ago had its IPO this week, and the stock that the company repurchased from me is now selling for about 40% more than what I was paid (not to mention the options I let expire and would have been in-the-money by about 180%).

That said, I don't regret leaving for even a second.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Yankee23Fan said:
eoMMan said:
I'm in Florida. I'm getting a real estate attorney/lawyer to change the deed on our house (long story short, house is just in my wife's name and it's in her maiden name.....we need it changed to show us both and with her correct, new name).

How much? $2,000?
Click to expand...
If I got paid $2000 for every deed I write I would have more money than Bill Gates. And I'm not kidding.

If it costs you more than $150 find someone else. Unless there are like 10 people on the deed and the title call is 5 pages long, it is almost no work. I charge 100-150 plus the recording which is usually 50 unless, again, there are more than the usual number of pages.
Click to expand...
I charge $200 plus recording! :moneybag:

 
krista4 said:
Apropros of Judge Smails' post, the company I left a year ago had its IPO this week, and the stock that the company repurchased from me is now selling for about 40% more than what I was paid (not to meant the options I let expire and would have been in-the-money by about 180%).

That said, I don't regret leaving for even a second.
Click to expand...
I'm going to have a really tough decision to make. Expect the offer to come in the next 2 days and I'll have 2 weeks in Cabo to ponder it. Tequila will help.

 
Asking this for a friend:

If you get subpoenaed for documents and you don't comply, how much trouble can you actually get in?

:unsure:

 
Judge Smails said:
krista4 said:
Apropros of Judge Smails' post, the company I left a year ago had its IPO this week, and the stock that the company repurchased from me is now selling for about 40% more than what I was paid (not to meant the options I let expire and would have been in-the-money by about 180%).

That said, I don't regret leaving for even a second.
Click to expand...
I'm going to have a really tough decision to make. Expect the offer to come in the next 2 days and I'll have 2 weeks in Cabo to ponder it. Tequila will help.
Click to expand...
They will give you two weeks to decide? That's awesome. Did the offer come in?

My situation was a bit different from yours, I think. I hated my company and my job by the time I left; it was truly a miserable existence. Whatever extra money I might have made (which is unknown at this point anyway as I likely would have been subject to a lock-up for a while) was not worth it.

 
If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.

 
Ramsay Hunt Experience said:
bigbottom said:
http://abovethelaw.com/2014/06/if-you-dont-hate-pharrell-yet-biglaw-firm-makes-happy-music-video/#more-324545

I apologize in advance on behalf of:

1) Biglaw

2) The City of Houston

3) The legal profession

4) Music

5) Dancing
Click to expand...
6) Law puns (don't be that guy).

Also, in the embarrassing song/video category everybody is playing runner-up to Nixon Peabody.
Click to expand...
Link to the delicious song RHE is referencing (though I imagine many of you have already heard it in all its glory).

 
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
Henry Ford said:
If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.
Click to expand...
God #### it.
Click to expand...
You had the all clear for the junk kick.
Click to expand...
I haven't seen him in person yet since he caved.
Click to expand...
More time to practice
Click to expand...
This is the problem with being good at briefing the issues.

 
Henry Ford said:
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
Henry Ford said:
If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.
Click to expand...
God #### it.
Click to expand...
You had the all clear for the junk kick.
Click to expand...
I haven't seen him in person yet since he caved.
Click to expand...
More time to practice
Click to expand...
This is the problem with being good at briefing the issues.
Click to expand...
The curse of being good. Happens to me all the time.

 
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
Henry Ford said:
If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.
Click to expand...
God #### it.
Click to expand...
You had the all clear for the junk kick.
Click to expand...
I haven't seen him in person yet since he caved.
Click to expand...
More time to practice
Click to expand...
This is the problem with being good at briefing the issues.
Click to expand...
The curse of being good. Happens to me all the time.
Click to expand...
In this case, it cost me and the client a chance to poison the judge in this trial - we'd severed a single issue to be tried before everything else, and the outcome would have severely prejudiced the judge against them in the rest of the case. They conceded, and now all of that is probably going to waste.Once the other side realized what it looked like on paper, they just gave up the issue.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Henry Ford said:
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
Henry Ford said:
If this case I just filed three pre-trial memos for doesn't go to trial, I think I should be allowed to kick opposing counsel in the junk.
Click to expand...
God #### it.
Click to expand...
You had the all clear for the junk kick.
Click to expand...
I haven't seen him in person yet since he caved.
Click to expand...
More time to practice
Click to expand...
This is the problem with being good at briefing the issues.
Click to expand...
The curse of being good. Happens to me all the time.
Click to expand...
In this case, it cost me and the client a chance to poison the judge in this trial - we'd severed a single issue to be tried before everything else, and the outcome would have severely prejudiced the judge against them in the rest of the case. They conceded, and now all of that is probably going to waste.
Click to expand...
Well that sucks.

 
But conceding now means my client gets his back surgery paid for before he gets any worse. And with appeals, it could otherwise have been a year.

 
I take small comfort in the fact that many years ago, when I needed a job badly, the attorney on the other side interviewed me, told me he wanted to hire me but had to talk to his partners, and then never contacted me or took my calls again.

 
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
Also, now I don't have to say the word "seaman" 1000 times next week in front of a female judge.
Click to expand...
So now it's a little bit less of a win then.
Click to expand...
"Your honor, I'd like to spend a little time talking to you about seamen."
Click to expand...
Already entertaining and we haven't even gotten started.
Click to expand...
"An employer has been required by written law to care for his seamen since at least 1160 CE, when the Roles D'Oleron described in great detail the employer's relationship with his seamen. Eleanor of Aquitane demonstrated her love of seamen by promulgating these laws."
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Henry Ford said:
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
NCCommish said:
Henry Ford said:
Also, now I don't have to say the word "seaman" 1000 times next week in front of a female judge.
Click to expand...
So now it's a little bit less of a win then.
Click to expand...
"Your honor, I'd like to spend a little time talking to you about seamen."
Click to expand...
Already entertaining and we haven't even gotten started.
Click to expand...
"An employer has been required by written law to care for his seamen since at least 1160 CE, when the Roles D'Oleron described in great detail the employer's relationship with his seamen. Eleanor of Aquitane demonstrated her love of seamen by promulgating these laws."
Click to expand...
That Eleanor was quite the little minx.

 
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