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General Malaise

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I graduated from high school a little over 25 years ago. 

A couple years later, something happened which has haunted me - not much, but a little - ever since. 

One of my college roommates and I had been arguing about something.  I have no idea what, and it wasn't anything serious, but we were kind of on the outs. 

Then he came home one day and was absolutely ecstatic.  A girl he knew was in playboy. Not the centerfold, but not a special edition either.  The actual playboy magazine. Girls of the ACC or SEC or Big Ten or something like that.  

He proudly showed us all and said I know her. And it was clearly a huge moment to him.  

And there, in the same photoshoot, of the same magazine, was a name and a face that I recognized.  I wasn't 100 percent sure how i knew her, but i definitely knew her. Maybe from high school. 

So here's my roommate, already upset with me, showing off one of the most exciting things that had happened to him in his young life, and I'm like hey I know a girl in there too i think.  I couldn't just let him have his moment.  But it really was my moment too. I was pretty sure anyways.  

Tonight i happened to remember who it was. Just a random word association. But i looked her up IRL, and it was definitely her. And i looked up that issue, and it was just as certainly her.  FWIW, searching her name alone didn't find it - so I doubt it's come back to haunt her. And i found her name, not her picture.  I probably could find her picture but I wasn't really creeping on her, I'd thought of it before and I was pretty sure but I'm unexpectedly happy to close the loop.  

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2 minutes ago, Dan Lambskin said:

A girl that worked at my hometown hooters was in playboy 

Really? You can't just let Fred have this moment? It was one of the most exciting things that happened to him in his young life.

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45 minutes ago, Bob Sacamano said:

Really? You can't just let Fred have this moment? It was one of the most exciting things that happened to him in his young life.

My 8th grade English teacher was in playboy the year before.  A friend of mine got expelled from bringing the issue to school.  

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I impregnated a penthouse pet of the year.  

Actually actually true.   

Suck it, Fred.

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Would love some links here.

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I'm sure I told my Playboy centerfold story before...older sister of HS classmate. He had the big blowout graduation party with everclear punch and a swimming pool...music blasting, everybody hammered, getting pushed into the pool, etc...like a cheesey 80s movie. Then...and I could be misremembering...but the needle scratched to a halt music stopped and everything got quiet while the older sister wordlessly walked out of the house in a too small bikini straight to the diving board- perfect splashless dive in, and then out of the pool (tossing wet hair back in slowmotion) and wordlessly back into the house. Every guy there was staring slackjawed...like a cheesey 80s movie...and then...the record skidded back on and it was back to the drunken mayhem.

A few months later, my idiot college roommate from Wisconsin who never left the dorm room to even dip his toes in NYC and who only had one friend...back in WI who would sign each other up for idiotic magazines as a joke for one issue before cancelling. One of them was Playboy...and it just so happened to be that girl's issue...and Vanna White. I read the articles.

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5 hours ago, -fish- said:

I impregnated a penthouse pet of the year.  

Actually actually true.   

Suck it, Fred.

:hifive:  

 

in the late 80's, early 90's, i was involved in a thursday night, "legs contest".  it was initially held in a club, under the beverly center.  eventually, the beverly center, asked us, to not do that promotion anymore.  it was too profitable to quit, so we moved it to a ridiculous theater, on wilshire.  the "talent" was straight out of the various magazines of ill repute.  i have some pics buried somewhere.  one of which, is me. hammered, on stage, with the penthouse, pet of the year. @shuke   i'll try and find them.  @-fish-  i wasn't dumb enough, to impregnate any of them. ;)  maybe we're eskimo brothers!! 

Edited by DA RAIDERS
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9 hours ago, shuke said:

Would love some links here.

Shhhh....we don’t need you know who shutting this thread down

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4 hours ago, DA RAIDERS said:

in the late 80's, early 90's, i was involved in a thursday night, "legs contest". 

Best or most?

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9 hours ago, El Floppo said:

Then...and I could be misremembering...

I'm pretty sure you are remembering that scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High

The only thing missing is your visit with Mr. Hand.

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3 minutes ago, Man of Constant Sorrow said:

I'm pretty sure you are remembering that scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High

The only thing missing is your visit with Mr. Hand.

Well, he didn't say anything about the girl surprising him in the bathroom while he was polishing the bishop. I guess we can just assume that part.

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5 minutes ago, Man of Constant Sorrow said:

I'm pretty sure you are remembering that scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High

The only thing missing is your visit with Mr. Hand.

It was more "you shave your ###" group insanity caddy shack, but yeah. And aloha...I mentioned the articles.

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What struck me most was how all sound and motion froze in those moments she went to the pool and back...and then instantly clicked back on. 

And as far as I know, nobody got impregnated...other than the watermelon with everclear.

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4 minutes ago, El Floppo said:

...

And as far as I know, nobody got impregnated...other than the watermelon with everclear.

Did you cut a hole in it?

The wall thread would crucify you if not.

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14 hours ago, Bob Sacamano said:

Really? You can't just let Fred have this moment? It was one of the most exciting things that happened to him in his young life.

I think you can just say life now because my old life really hasn't been that exciting either

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15 minutes ago, wikkidpissah said:

My Albq housekeeper was Tool Girl in Easyriders

Sweet. A multitasker. 🛠️

Did she charge extra for house repair work?

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Gaskets tight & farkles shiny by the time she left. I hated when she moved north to be close to her sons in stir, my muy bonita Latina chubby mature

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8 hours ago, DA RAIDERS said:

I impregnated a penthouse pet of the year.  

Actually actually true.   

Suck it, Fred.

 

8 hours ago, DA RAIDERS said:

:hifive:  

 

in the late 80's, early 90's, i was involved in a thursday night, "legs contest".  it was initially held in a club, under the beverly center.  eventually, the beverly center, asked us, to not do that promotion anymore.  it was too profitable to quit, so we moved it to a ridiculous theater, on wilshire.  the "talent" was straight out of the various magazines of ill repute.  i have some pics buried somewhere.  one of which, is me. hammered, on stage, with the penthouse, pet of the year. @shuke   i'll try and find them.  @-fish-  i wasn't dumb enough, to impregnate any of them. ;)  maybe we're eskimo brothers!! 

Lemme know if you guys need any tips on how NOT to impregnate a female.  

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1 hour ago, General Malaise said:

 

Lemme know if you guys need any tips on how NOT to impregnate a female.  

It's 50/50 that you impregnated her, through some long-distance albino osmosis the melatonin-havers will never understand.

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14 hours ago, El Floppo said:

I'm sure I told my Playboy centerfold story before...older sister of HS classmate. He had the big blowout graduation party with everclear punch and a swimming pool...music blasting, everybody hammered, getting pushed into the pool, etc...like a cheesey 80s movie. Then...and I could be misremembering...but the needle scratched to a halt music stopped and everything got quiet while the older sister wordlessly walked out of the house in a too small bikini straight to the diving board- perfect splashless dive in, and then out of the pool (tossing wet hair back in slowmotion) and wordlessly back into the house. Every guy there was staring slackjawed...like a cheesey 80s movie...and then...the record skidded back on and it was back to the drunken mayhem.

A few months later, my idiot college roommate from Wisconsin who never left the dorm room to even dip his toes in NYC and who only had one friend...back in WI who would sign each other up for idiotic magazines as a joke for one issue before cancelling. One of them was Playboy...and it just so happened to be that girl's issue...and Vanna White. I read the articles.

Kym Paige?

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6 minutes ago, General Malaise said:

Kym Paige?

Anna Clark

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5 hours ago, El Floppo said:

Anna Clark

:eek:

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On 11/20/2019 at 9:47 AM, General Malaise said:

 

Lemme know if you guys need any tips on how NOT to impregnate a female.  

Let me know if anybody has access to a time machine.

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Creamhorn Liveporn!!!

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On 11/20/2019 at 11:47 AM, General Malaise said:

 

Lemme know if you guys need any tips on how NOT to impregnate a female.  

On this note, had The Big Snips done today.  Been wanting to for a while.  First two attempts to numb me were unsuccessful and therefore I felt the entire procedure.  It wasn’t as bad as the time the dentist couldn’t numb my mouth and yanked multiple teeth when I was young, but it was pretty close.  
 

Resistance to anesthetic is not my favorite thing about myself. 

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1 hour ago, Henry Ford said:

On this note, had The Big Snips done today.  Been wanting to for a while.  First two attempts to numb me were unsuccessful and therefore I felt the entire procedure.  It wasn’t as bad as the time the dentist couldn’t numb my mouth and yanked multiple teeth when I was young, but it was pretty close.  
 

Resistance to anesthetic is not my favorite thing about myself. 

I suggest, frozen peas (not to eat) and tight support shorts

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13 minutes ago, RedmondLonghorn said:

I suggest, frozen peas (not to eat) and tight support shorts

Thank you.  I’ve been using Lima beans and the shorts.  

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4 hours ago, Henry Ford said:

On this note, had The Big Snips done today.  Been wanting to for a while.  First two attempts to numb me were unsuccessful and therefore I felt the entire procedure.  It wasn’t as bad as the time the dentist couldn’t numb my mouth and yanked multiple teeth when I was young, but it was pretty close.  
 

Resistance to anesthetic is not my favorite thing about myself. 

jeezus criminy man.  

just reading that makes me clinch up in pain.

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22 minutes ago, Binky The Doormat said:

jeezus criminy man.  

just reading that makes me clinch up in pain.

I told him beforehand about how I react to anesthetic.  He didn’t believe me.
 

At one point my whole body clenched up and I said “That... that one really hurts.”  

”You shouldn’t be able to feel what I’m doing right now.”

I agreed with him, which I think he appreciated. 
 

 

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Best part of the whole thing: 

afterwards when discussing when I could go back to work he asked what I do for a living. 
 

“I’m a medical malpractice lawyer.”

 

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3 hours ago, kevzilla said:

Doing way too much work for way too little appreciation. I'll be at the bar.

We appreciate you.  Like a fine wine you just get better with age.  Also, your nose is better than your legs.  

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4 hours ago, kevzilla said:

Doing way too much work for way too little appreciation.

Hey! Me too!

Found out today that the client who has maintained radio silence for about 9 months on our project, even though I have been screaming "Fire!" in that particular theater since week #1, finally provided some feedback.  One guess on whether it was positive or negative.  Months and months of work likely straight down the drain, because no one bothered to look very closely at provided documentation prior to executing a contract.

I skipped the bar, because I didn't think they'd have had enough alcohol for me to stop feeling angry about it.

Edited by 5-ish Finkle
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6 hours ago, Henry Ford said:

Thank you.  I’ve been using Lima beans and the shorts.  

On the bright side, you found a use for lima beans :barf:

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Saw Jo Jo Rabbitt tonight.  Funniest movie about Nazis since The Producers.  

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This ####### moment brought to you by belljr.

I had a Costco cash card we received as part of our vacation package.

I ordered my wife's Christmas present from Costco with the cash card literally sitting next to me and forgot all about it....

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59 minutes ago, belljr said:

This ####### moment brought to you by belljr.

I had a Costco cash card we received as part of our vacation package.

I ordered my wife's Christmas present from Costco with the cash card literally sitting next to me and forgot all about it....

Sounds like Daddy needs a Christmas present too.

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Do any of you participate in any Reddit threads? OMG, what a bunch of whiny sensitive btches. Either that or the FFA had turned me into a mean innerweb bully troll. F those dweebs. 😛

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Daughter, who got cut from the JV sqad last year down to Freshmen, made the Varsity team at TC Williams HS, the biggest public HS in Virginia.  Basketball team is a perennial playoff contender, so this was no easy feat. Also, as I've talked about in here before, she was born without her right hand (looks just like Shaquem Griffen).

A couple of days ago I posted an awesome photo in the facebooks someone took at her first varsity scrimmage, of her attempting a three point shot.  Which is somewhat unusual because she generally has played as a Big.  But she's trying to develop her shooting game.  I'll try and find an image hosting website to put the picture up. 

She also had a blocked shot that was called jump ball because she held onto it.  Great moment.  And had a great fast break where she ran the floor with the little guard who passed it to her for the basket.

Overall, I'm a pretty proud dad (I don't know if I posted about it last year, but when she didn't make the JV sqad as a freshmen, she cried (for what felt like) all night, before picking herself up, dusting off, and playing her best for the freshmen team (although she wasn't totally mature about it - I had to fish her end of season MVP trophy out of the trash). 

So it's a big deal for her to make varsity this year.  Any playing time she gets is just icing on the cake. 

edit to tag @jhib.  A link to a picture of her shooting is on the next page, GB.

Edited by Sweet J
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