Fantasy Football - Footballguys Forums
Nathan R. Jessep

Wooing my neighbor: I came. I hugged. I wooed. Now moving on.

Recommended Posts

Buy her kids some driveway chalk and give it to them as a present little kids love that s*** 

Edited by belljr
  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I recommend having sex with her as soon as possible. 

I'm serious.  What happens if you actually get to know her and realize you're not a fan of her personality?   

 

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, Buttonhook said:

I recommend having sex with her as soon as possible. 

I'm serious.  What happens if you actually get to know her and realize you're not a fan of her personality?   

 

Good question. I'll cut bait and move, if necessary. 

Edited by Nathan R. Jessep
  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, johnnycakes said:

I'm a patient. 

An English Patient?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Since you live next door to her, Colonel, I have an idea.

Have one of your buddies dress up in black clothes and ski mask, and break into her home late night when you know she's there.  Wait until you hear some screaming and commotion and then come barging through the door your friend unlocked for you.  Engage in some mock fighting with the intruder and then let him escape out the door or window.  Her emotions will be on such a roller coaster that she'll naturally be attracted to the man who just saved her.

Granted, her kids will be traumatized and your friend may get shot if she has a gun, but it'll all be worth it for you.  Banging probability:  100%.

 

 

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Whenever you see her, walk around with a big smile and keep one hand down the front of your pants.  Intense eye contact is a must.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's about biology bro.

She's a female woman and is deprived of male ferimons, so you gotta be the stud to replace that shiz.  You gotta scent her property, maybe the hole hood with cornel stank.

Run around real late like after 10, and pee on her stuff.  Doors, car handles, mail box, trees, any pets if you can catch them.  Drink much of beers first.  Then it will smell like you, like on discovery Channel.

Then her brain will produce chemicals and stuff and she'll be all hot for you.  

It's scientific. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Given that she's your neighbor and a single mom, I think I would take things slow. If she's annoying or it just doesn't work out for any reason, you still have to see her all the time. Don't have sex with her until the second date imo.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hot, two kids but single?  Ask her how the kid's father died.  If she replies, "he isn't dead" , walk away.  You don't want need other people's problems. 

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Do you have a deck?  Piss off the back of it.  You'll be in like Flynn...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 minutes ago, Sheriff Bart said:

Hot, two kids but single?  Ask her how the kid's father died.  If she replies, "he isn't dead" , walk away.  You don't want need other people's problems. 

Oh I am anxious to hear her story. Already have a plan for that conversation, in fact. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

7 pages?  You two go out yet?  Please update the title when there's an update here...tia.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, RokNRole said:

If he nails the next door neighbor what's his exit strategy down the line?

Who cares?

  • Like 6

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Best of luck, keep us updated.

Only thing I would add is that single moms don't have a full dance card, so you aren't dealing from weakness. I doubt that she is inundated with offers from serious men with their own children. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, massraider said:

Best of luck, keep us updated.

Only thing I would add is that single moms don't have a full dance card, so you aren't dealing from weakness. I doubt that she is inundated with offers from serious men with their own children. 

so you're saying there's a chance?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 minutes ago, RokNRole said:

If he nails the next door neighbor what's his exit strategy down the line?

Collect the insurance money after she burns down his house and build another one far, far away.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, Nathan R. Jessep said:

so you're saying there's a chance?

Yeah, mostly they just get offers for NSA sex from jokers like me trying to shoplift the pooty.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Next door?  Easy.  Buy walkie talkies and give her one.  Things should progress from there.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're still nervous, practice with the other neighbor on the opposite side of you. Clean their gutters, grind your junk on their door knob, grab their boob until you're comfortable with performing easily with the hot single mommy.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, Frostillicus said:

Next door?  Easy.  Buy walkie talkies and give her one.  Things should progress from there.

And if ya'lls on a budget - tin cans and string. Imagine the pillow talk!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

got home early today, she's not home :wall: 

but it's not dark yet, so not giving up hope

also, she doesn't have gutters :lmao: 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Chemical X said:

give her a Samsung tablet, then cash the fat stacks.

I do happen to be the proud owner of one of those :thumbup: 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 minutes ago, Nathan R. Jessep said:

got home early today, she's not home :wall: 

but it's not dark yet, so not giving up hope

also, she doesn't have gutters :lmao: 

Take some mail

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Send one of your kids next door with a note:

Quote

Hi, would you like to go out some time? 

Yes:? 

No:?

 

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Instead of stealing her mail, write her a letter yourself and deliver it. Don't put a return address on it and say it ended up in your mailbox by mistake. And by write, I mean cut some letters out of a magazine and glue them to the paper. Just let her know you've been "noticing" her and you'll "bump into her one night". Maybe put a lock of your hair in as a gift.

Edited by Cliff Clavin
  • Like 5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am no expert, but you gotta figure not a lot of dudes wanna become instadad to 2 kids, even if they have their pvvn kids.  so, have the mindset that she is damaged goods with low self esteem.  then ask if she wants to come over to watch Kung Fu.   you're welcome.

Edited by Chemical X
ask her what club she dances at!
  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:lol: I'm not getting the low self-esteem vibe from her thus far, which makes me more curious about her story. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Sheriff Bart said:

I've heard good things about cat shirts attracting hot chicks. 

Damn. I thought it was wolves. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tell her you're taking your kids to see a kids movie. Ask her if her family would like to go too.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, bueno said:

Tell her you're taking your kids to see a kids movie. Ask her if her family would like to go too.

could be a fun outing if initial in-depth talks go well

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 minutes ago, bueno said:

Tell her you're taking your kids to see a kids movie. Ask her if her family would like to go too.

Make sure it's a rainy day

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, TheAristocrat said:

I assume that this will delay further trial transcript updates in the Making a Murderer thread.

haha i damn sure hope it does! ;) I'm halfway through the next day already, just haven't had time this week to continue

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, belljr said:

Make sure it's a rainy day

Shouldn't be a problem. :lol: No BS. ZERO percent chance of rain today? Still got rain this evening. SMH.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, Nathan R. Jessep said:

could be a fun outing if initial in-depth talks go well

She will like you more if you show you're a great dad.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Colonel, switch your wi-fi network name to "Will you go out with me,[her name]?"

The next time her internet goes down, she'll pull up the list of available wi-fi networks to reconnect.  Nestled amongst the list she'll find the mysterious network name, and her interest (and potentially her nipples) will be peaked.

Granted, she'll hope it's your better looking neighbor, but worth a shot anyway.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, bueno said:

She will like you more if you show you're a great dad.

I do know this and I concur. I've been told this by other female friends, and they say I am an exceptional dad, so at least I have that going for me.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
39 minutes ago, Sheriff Bart said:

I've heard good things about cat shirts attracting hot chicks. 

so maybe wear this while I'm installing some new gutters for her?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 minutes ago, bueno said:

She will like you more if you show you're a great dad.

Shouldnt relationships be built on honesty?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.