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Son's friend always tries to hold his hands (1 Viewer)

shadyridr

shadyridr

Footballguy
My son is in the second grade. He became really good friends with this one kid. My wife told me months ago when they play in the schoolyard the kid tries to hold his hands. I think it makes my son uncomfortable because he always pulls his hand away. Today I witnessed it first hand. I was taking a walk to the store with both of them and multiple times he tried grabbing his hand. And both times my son pulled it away. I asked him about it later and he did admit it made him uncomfortable so my wife and I told him he should tell his friend next time he tries to do it that it makes him feel uncomfortable and nobody should make him feel like that. Anything else we should do? Talk to the parents or leave it alone for now?

Sorry for the weird thread. 

 
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Does the kid have a sister?  Could be a safety thing or maybe he has a sibling that his parents encourage to hold hands.  Seems really innocent for 7 year olds IMO.

If this was freshman year of high school, then maybe you might want to say something.

 
Doctor Detroit said:
Does the kid have a sister?  Could be a safety thing or maybe he has a sibling that his parents encourage to hold hands.  Seems really innocent for 7 year olds IMO.

If this was freshman year of high school, then maybe you might want to say something.
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Yeah, at that age I wouldn't consider it too weird.

 
Doctor Detroit said:
Does the kid have a sister?  Could be a safety thing or maybe he has a sibling that his parents encourage to hold hands.  Seems really innocent for 7 year olds IMO.

If this was freshman year of high school, then maybe you might want to say something.
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 He has two younger sisters. It definitely seemed like a safety or comfort thing but still made my son feel uncomfortable.

 
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Age isnt the point.

The point is that someone is doing something physical that makes your kid uncomfortable. As a parent you need to encourage that speaking up and as a parent you need to back it up with action so the child knows that they feel protected when someone touches them inappropriately. Even something as simple as hand holding.

 
Dope said:
Age isnt the point.

The point is that someone is doing something physical that makes your kid uncomfortable. As a parent you need to encourage that speaking up and as a parent you need to back it up with action so the child knows that they feel protected when someone touches them inappropriately. Even something as simple as hand holding.
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My thoughts exactly and why we told him to speak up. 

 
shadyridr said:
My thoughts exactly and why we told him to speak up. 
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Right. You dont know what next time might be. Always keep that particular street wide-open for speaking up.

And to answer the original question, approach the parents. I'm a big believer in a conflict, adults speak to adults, not to other children.

Also, husbands talk to husbands and wives talk to wives.

That's not a sexist thing, that's a respect thing.

 
I don't know if there's necessarily a conflict. The friend could just be doing it subconsciously. Once my son speaks up if it still doesn't stop then it becomes a conflict and ill be sure to say something or have my wife tell his mother. 

At least that's the approach I was gonna take. 

 
Dope said:
Age isnt the point.

The point is that someone is doing something physical that makes your kid uncomfortable. As a parent you need to encourage that speaking up and as a parent you need to back it up with action so the child knows that they feel protected when someone touches them inappropriately. Even something as simple as hand holding.
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Touches them inappropriately seems like an inappropriate term to hang on a seven year old. Geez! . And what is "back it up with action?" I'm guessing that you are about 28 years old?

My suggestion, have an appropriate conversation with both kids.

 
If the neighbors wife punches my kid in the throat I'm just gonna wait until her husband gets home.  Because that's just a respect thing. 

 
Mister CIA said:
Touches them inappropriately seems like an inappropriate term to hang on a seven year old. Geez! . And what is "back it up with action?" I'm guessing that you are about 28 years old?

My suggestion, have an appropriate conversation with both kids.
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Without getting into an argument, inappropriate just means something that makes Shady's son uncomfortable.

Back it up with action means that if the boy tells you something (this boy wanting to hold my hands all the time makes me feel weird) don't ignore it.

You can't have an appropriate conversation with just one adult or with just one child's parents. Take the time out and talk to the parents of your son's BEST FRIEND as a group.

And no, I'm not 28, I'm 50. Did you think when I said "back it up with action" I meant something negative? Who sounds like they're 28?

 
I really get uncomfortable when someone tries to shake my hand -- I mean "touch me inappropriately." Next time someone tries it, I'll have my wife talk to their wife.

 
Ignoramus said:
I really get uncomfortable when someone tries to shake my hand -- I mean "touch me inappropriately." Next time someone tries it, I'll have my wife talk to their wife.
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Gorsuch would probably prefer an aside with Melania and Ivanka about DJT's inappropriate handshakes.

 
a little girl at my daughter's school liked to hold her hand in 4k. my daughter doesn't like people touching her or forcing her to do things if she doesn't have input. 

we told our daughter to tell the other girl that she didn't like not being asked to hold hands first.

they're in kindergarten now and are best friends

:shrug:

don't overthink it

eta: there wasn't a sitdown meeting with anyone. it wasn't a dramatic presentation. no teachers involved. she came home one day and said "Eva always want to hold my hand! i don't like it!".  so i told her "tell her you want her to ask first".  10 seconds later. done.

 
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Dope said:
shadyridr said:
My thoughts exactly and why we told him to speak up. 
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Right. You dont know what next time might be. Always keep that particular street wide-open for speaking up.

And to answer the original question, approach the parents. I'm a big believer in a conflict, adults speak to adults, not to other children.

Also, husbands talk to husbands and wives talk to wives.

That's not a sexist thing, that's a respect thing.
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Too much.

It's not a big deal. The kids can work it out themselves. I'm sure shadyridr will follow up with his son to see how it went (he brought the hand holding up in another thread a few weeks or months back, obviously bothers him a lot.)

You want to be careful what you deem important enough to bring up to another parent. Folks tend to be hyper sensitive about their own kids & this truly is NBD behavior for 2nd graders.

 
BobbyLayne said:
Too much.

It's not a big deal. The kids can work it out themselves. I'm sure shadyridr will follow up with his son to see how it went (he brought the hand holding up in another thread a few weeks or months back, obviously bothers him a lot.)
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I did?

 
shadyridr said:
BobbyLayne said:
Too much.

It's not a big deal. The kids can work it out themselves. I'm sure shadyridr will follow up with his son to see how it went (he brought the hand holding up in another thread a few weeks or months back, obviously bothers him a lot.)
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I did?
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I suppose it's possibly another user name similar to yours has a 7 y.o. son & was concerned about his kids friend holding hands. I only recently realized I had a guy from GA named Shady or Shader confused with you.

  :lmao:  

Before I opened the thread I on my cell I knew the story & OP (or thought I did.) :shrug:  Maybe it was someone else.

i have an eight y.o. & I kinda think you might be overthinking it. At that age kids are just mimicking / modeling behavior from home. It's cool what you told your son - I've had similar conversations with my third grader, "it's OK to tell your friend you don't like it when they ______." But unless something persists I tend to hang back & let kids work things out themselves. 

 
I remember this episode..

The Beaver:  Gee, Wally! I don't like it when Bobby tries to hold my hand.  I mean... like, we're gonna be in the 3rd grade next year and people are looking at us all funny and stuff.

Wally: Oh, Beav!  Knock it off.  I think its kinda cute.

Eddie Haskell: C'mon Beav, we know you're really into it.  Maybe Bobby can dress up like the little queen he is..

Ward Cleaver:  That's enough boys.  Beaver, tell Bobby to keep his hands to himself or I'll punch his Dad in the throat.

June Cleaver:  And I can talk to his Mom too.  That's the respectful thing to do.  Well... this explains why Bobby is always so well dressed.

Ward Cleaver:  June, do you think I was too hard on the Beaver?

June Cleaver:  Don't flatter yourself, Big Boy.

 
DropKick said:
I remember this episode..

The Beaver:  Gee, Wally! I don't like it when Bobby tries to hold my hand.  I mean... like, we're gonna be in the 3rd grade next year and people are looking at us all funny and stuff.

Wally: Oh, Beav!  Knock it off.  I think its kinda cute.

Eddie Haskell: C'mon Beav, we know you're really into it.  Maybe Bobby can dress up like the little queen he is..

Ward Cleaver:  That's enough boys.  Beaver, tell Bobby to keep his hands to himself or I'll punch his Dad in the throat.

June Cleaver:  And I can talk to his Mom too.  That's the respectful thing to do.  Well... this explains why Bobby is always so well dressed.

Ward Cleaver:  June, do you think I was too hard on the Beaver?

June Cleaver:  Don't flatter yourself, Big Boy.
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Now we can shut it down.

:lmao:

 
DropKick said:
I remember this episode..

The Beaver:  Gee, Wally! I don't like it when Bobby tries to hold my hand.  I mean... like, we're gonna be in the 3rd grade next year and people are looking at us all funny and stuff.

Wally: Oh, Beav!  Knock it off.  I think its kinda cute.

Eddie Haskell: C'mon Beav, we know you're really into it.  Maybe Bobby can dress up like the little queen he is..

Ward Cleaver:  That's enough boys.  Beaver, tell Bobby to keep his hands to himself or I'll punch his Dad in the throat.

June Cleaver:  And I can talk to his Mom too.  That's the respectful thing to do.  Well... this explains why Bobby is always so well dressed.

Ward Cleaver:  June, do you think I was too hard on the Beaver?

June Cleaver:  Don't flatter yourself, Big Boy.
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Lots of great in here.

 
BobbyLayne said:
I suppose it's possibly another user name similar to yours has a 7 y.o. son & was concerned about his kids friend holding hands. I only recently realized I had a guy from GA named Shady or Shader confused with you.

  :lmao:  

Before I opened the thread I on my cell I knew the story & OP (or thought I did.) :shrug:  Maybe it was someone else.

i have an eight y.o. & I kinda think you might be overthinking it. At that age kids are just mimicking / modeling behavior from home. It's cool what you told your son - I've had similar conversations with my third grader, "it's OK to tell your friend you don't like it when they ______." But unless something persists I tend to hang back & let kids work things out themselves. 
Click to expand...
Maybe you should venture on over to the pot smokers thread. 

 
BobbyLayne said:
I suppose it's possibly another user name similar to yours has a 7 y.o. son & was concerned about his kids friend holding hands. I only recently realized I had a guy from GA named Shady or Shader confused with you.

  :lmao:  

Before I opened the thread I on my cell I knew the story & OP (or thought I did.) :shrug:  Maybe it was someone else.

i have an eight y.o. & I kinda think you might be overthinking it. At that age kids are just mimicking / modeling behavior from home. It's cool what you told your son - I've had similar conversations with my third grader, "it's OK to tell your friend you don't like it when they ______." But unless something persists I tend to hang back & let kids work things out themselves. 
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Definitely someone else. This is the first time I ever mentioned it. Strange coincidence if so. 

 
shadyridr said:
Definitely someone else. This is the first time I ever mentioned it. Strange coincidence if so. 
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Hey, my bad pard.

Anyway, GL GB. There's no manual on being a great dad. We're all just doing the best we can & much of the time we have to make calls on the fly. You're def super involved & conscientious - 90% of the job is showing up.

 
Dope said:
Right. You dont know what next time might be. Always keep that particular street wide-open for speaking up.

And to answer the original question, approach the parents. I'm a big believer in a conflict, adults speak to adults, not to other children.

Also, husbands talk to husbands and wives talk to wives.

That's not a sexist thing, that's a respect thing.
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How about "hey Jimmy, I like playing with you and having you on my kickball team, but I don't want to hold hands, OK?".

Way too early to be getting parents involved.

 
DropKick said:
I remember this episode..

The Beaver:  Gee, Wally! I don't like it when Bobby tries to hold my hand.  I mean... like, we're gonna be in the 3rd grade next year and people are looking at us all funny and stuff.

Wally: Oh, Beav!  Knock it off.  I think its kinda cute.

Eddie Haskell: C'mon Beav, we know you're really into it.  Maybe Bobby can dress up like the little queen he is..

Ward Cleaver:  That's enough boys.  Beaver, tell Bobby to keep his hands to himself or I'll punch his Dad in the throat.

June Cleaver:  And I can talk to his Mom too.  That's the respectful thing to do.  Well... this explains why Bobby is always so well dressed.

Ward Cleaver:  June, do you think I was too hard on the Beaver?

June Cleaver:  Don't flatter yourself, Big Boy.
Click to expand...
:lmao:  

 
Mister CIA said:
Touches them inappropriately seems like an inappropriate term to hang on a seven year old. Geez! . And what is "back it up with action?" I'm guessing that you are about 28 years old?

My suggestion, have an appropriate conversation with both kids.
Click to expand...
IMO you're assigning too much weight to the term "inappropriate". Any touching that isn't wanted is inappropriate by definition. 

 
Ignoramus said:
I really get uncomfortable when someone tries to shake my hand -- I mean "touch me inappropriately." Next time someone tries it, I'll have my wife talk to their wife.
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Be sure to punch her in the throat first. 

 
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BobbyLayne said:
(he brought the hand holding up in another thread a few weeks or months back, obviously bothers him a lot.)
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i thought this very same thing.  someone else definitely brought it up.

 
Tell your son that next time he should gently guide his hand down to his lap, then make eye contact and wink. 

Should clear up any confusion as to the motive behind the hand holding immediately. 

 
I guess I am old school...second grade boys holding hands isn't normal...just have your son tell the kid to knock it off...it's pretty simple...no need to make it more than it is... 

 
Boston said:
I guess I am old school...second grade boys holding hands isn't normal...just have your son tell the kid to knock it off...it's pretty simple...no need to make it more than it is... 
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how old?

they're 7. they aren't thinking of hand holding in remotely the same way as you are.

in kindergarten many kids are required to hold hands when lining up.. for the bathroom.. the bus.. lunch, etc.  

who ####### cares :shrug:

 
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