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Random Stories of Daily Life Thread (1 Viewer)

ChiefD

ChiefD

Footballguy
So I'm at the DMV yesterday getting my drivers license renewed. I'm sitting there doing some serious people watching, and after a little while my number is called. I go up to the counter and get the old guy who's been there for about 62 years. I think this guy may have given me my original drivers test 30 years ago.

So anyway, it's time to get my picture taken for my new license, and he tells me to back up to the screen so he can take my picture. I glance to my right, and there is a dad getting his license, and has two little girls with him - probably 5 and 7 years old or so. 

So I line up and assume my pose for the picture, and all of a sudden I hear this from the smaller girl:

Her: Hi there. What are you doing?

Her: Are you getting your picture taken?

Me: (trying hard not to bust out laughing, since old DMV guy will surely snap the photo while I am in big laughter. so I say nothing)

Her: How are you today?

Me: (about ready to bust my seams laughing. guy still hasn't taken pic yet. must have a slow trigger finger after all these years)

DMV guy:  :blackdot:

Me: Busts out laughing finally. 

Looked at the dad, and he's laughing and giving me the old "sorry about that".

I look at the girl and say: "Thank you for making me smile for my drivers license photo."

Her: "You're welcome."

Me as I'm walking out the door:   :lol:

 
I am turning left to head west coming off of the highway yesterday. Two left turn lanes. Looooooooong wait at this light and it is a very short light. I am the third car in the left lane. We finally get a green arrow. Two cars in front of me slowly start to go because the woman that was turning left to head north is stopped in the intersection. Why is she stopped you may ask? Because her light turned red. The car behind her is also in the intersection. I am now at the crosswalk and do not continue any further. The 4 cars wanting to turn left are all honking like crazy. The woman blocking everything is yelling at the people honking at her that she cant go because she has a red light and refuses to go, she actually has the nerve to give them the double bird. Now our green arrow turns red and the east and westbound traffic get their green. Only the westbound traffic can now go. The eastbound traffic is stuck because of the 6 cars in the intersection. Somebody from that lane starts honking now too and has of course also entered the intersection. 

Finally moron lady gets her green arrow and goes. Car behind her gets to go, as do 5 cars behind them. Then we finally get our green arrow again. The 4 cars that are in the intersection go and the jerk that was in the eastbound lane that decided to enter the intersection of course hits the gas to now cut off me and the car to my right, so yep, you guessed it, I get stuck again. 

I hate people. 

 
That wasn't even the dumbest thing I saw yesterday too. On my way to get gas and I notice the house that is next to it has a half cut lawn and see the lawnmower sitting in the yard. As I am swiping my card at the gas station I see a woman walk up to the pump ahead of me with a gas can. I figure this is probably the woman that ran out of gas mid cut and walked over here for some gas(which is mostly correct). I can see she is struggling. Constantly typing, putting her card in and out, etc. Next thing you know she calls her husband and I can hear her ask for the PIN number on their debit card. She tries again and I hear her say that didnt work, can you just come over and help me.

He does. The card wont work. My guess is it got locked somehow because she tried too many pins. Here is the following exchange...

Man: Why dont you just try on of your other cards?
Woman: I dont have my purse on me.
M:lets go home and get it.
W:It's in the car.

Man notices car in the parking lot and realizes his wife drove from literally one house away. 

M:why didnt you just go get your purse?
W: I didnt want to leave the gas can.
M: Why didnt you just take it with you?
W: Because I already had the nozzle in it.(points to tipped over gas can with nozzle in it)
M: Why did you park over there instead of just pulling up to the pump?
W:I didnt want to block the whole pump just for a gas can.
M(ready to kill himself): You still block the pump. Somebody else cant use it while you are using it.
W: I didnt know that, this is my first time doing this you know.
M:Getting gas? You get gas every week.
W: not for the lawnmower.
M: Get your purse. 

 
parasaurolophus said:
Man: Why dont you just try on of your other cards?
Woman: I dont have my purse on me.
M:lets go home and get it.
W:It's in the car.

Man notices car in the parking lot and realizes his wife drove from literally one house away. 

M:why didnt you just go get your purse?
W: I didnt want to leave the gas can.
M: Why didnt you just take it with you?
W: Because I already had the nozzle in it.(points to tipped over gas can with nozzle in it)
M: Why did you park over there instead of just pulling up to the pump?
W:I didnt want to block the whole pump just for a gas can.
M(ready to kill himself): You still block the pump. Somebody else cant use it while you are using it.
W: I didnt know that, this is my first time doing this you know.
M:Getting gas? You get gas every week.
W: not for the lawnmower.
M: Get your purse. 
Click to expand...
:lmao:   :lmao:

That's freaking hilarious.  I like to think my wife wouldn't do something like this, but it isn't outside the realm of possibility.  She has never once mowed a lawn or filled a gas can in her life.

 
So we're at a nice bar/restaurant the other day celebrating my brother's engagement with he and his fiancee.  We're talking about our upcoming trip to WV and discussing when we're going to leave, arrive, etc.

Me: I think we should leave early to beat the Baltimore traffic.
Bro: Yeah, if we leave at 6:00 we should be fine as long as we can get around the beltway by 7.
Wife: Do we really have to go through Baltimore?  I figured we'd just go through Maryland.
Me:  :mellow:  
Bro: :unsure:
Wife: What?

:doh: :lmao:  

 
parasaurolophus said:
That wasn't even the dumbest thing I saw yesterday too. On my way to get gas and I notice the house that is next to it has a half cut lawn and see the lawnmower sitting in the yard. As I am swiping my card at the gas station I see a woman walk up to the pump ahead of me with a gas can. I figure this is probably the woman that ran out of gas mid cut and walked over here for some gas(which is mostly correct). I can see she is struggling. Constantly typing, putting her card in and out, etc. Next thing you know she calls her husband and I can hear her ask for the PIN number on their debit card. She tries again and I hear her say that didnt work, can you just come over and help me.

He does. The card wont work. My guess is it got locked somehow because she tried too many pins. Here is the following exchange...

Man: Why dont you just try on of your other cards?
Woman: I dont have my purse on me.
M:lets go home and get it.
W:It's in the car.

Man notices car in the parking lot and realizes his wife drove from literally one house away. 

M:why didnt you just go get your purse?
W: I didnt want to leave the gas can.
M: Why didnt you just take it with you?
W: Because I already had the nozzle in it.(points to tipped over gas can with nozzle in it)
M: Why did you park over there instead of just pulling up to the pump?
W:I didnt want to block the whole pump just for a gas can.
M(ready to kill himself): You still block the pump. Somebody else cant use it while you are using it.
W: I didnt know that, this is my first time doing this you know.
M:Getting gas? You get gas every week.
W: not for the lawnmower.
M: Get your purse. 
Click to expand...
:lol:

 
ChiefD said:
So I'm at the DMV yesterday getting my drivers license renewed. I'm sitting there doing some serious people watching, and after a little while my number is called. I go up to the counter and get the old guy who's been there for about 62 years. I think this guy may have given me my original drivers test 30 years ago.

So anyway, it's time to get my picture taken for my new license, and he tells me to back up to the screen so he can take my picture. I glance to my right, and there is a dad getting his license, and has two little girls with him - probably 5 and 7 years old or so. 

So I line up and assume my pose for the picture, and all of a sudden I hear this from the smaller girl:

Her: Hi there. What are you doing?

Her: Are you getting your picture taken?

Me: (trying hard not to bust out laughing, since old DMV guy will surely snap the photo while I am in big laughter. so I say nothing)

Her: How are you today?

Me: (about ready to bust my seams laughing. guy still hasn't taken pic yet. must have a slow trigger finger after all these years)

DMV guy:  :blackdot:

Me: Busts out laughing finally. 

Looked at the dad, and he's laughing and giving me the old "sorry about that".

I look at the girl and say: "Thank you for making me smile for my drivers license photo."

Her: "You're welcome."

Me as I'm walking out the door:   :lol:
Click to expand...
I like the story, and am not trying to give a hard time here...  but what was funny about the girl asking you how you are doing?

 
I was at the schoolyard shooting hoops with my 8 year old son on Saturday. Nobody else was there except another family (mom, dad, and two boys appx 10 & 4 years old). They were riding their bikes. The schoolyard is huge mind you. So 10 year old kid decided it would be funny to ride (slowly thank God) into my son. He did it on purpose. Knocked my son over. His father saw the whole thing. I screamed "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" and then yelled at the father too "WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?" Father came over apologizing profusely and scolded his kid. The kid starts crying and the father took him and left still apologizing. The mother stayed with the other son and was apologizing as well and asking if my son was all right. My son seemed fine. Then 5 minutes pass by and he says his wrist was hurting and he starts crying. Then he tells me it was his fault he shouldve got out of his way and he thought I was yelling at him. This part broke my heart. I told him it absolutely was NOT his fault and the stupid kid was entirely at fault. His wrist started feeling better. The mother just stood there while he cried saying "I wish I had ice". The whole thing was freaking weird.

 
wilked said:
I like the story, and am not trying to give a hard time here...  but what was funny about the girl asking you how you are doing?
Click to expand...
Have you ever had a 5 year old talk to you? Imagine that voice as you are trying to be serious while you are taking a drivers license photo that you will have to live with for the next 5 years as this little girl is trying to strike up a conversation.

I thought it was funny. I apologize for not amusing you, Pesci.  :)

 
Last edited by a moderator:
"Kids need exercise more than they need ice cream. So when I worked as an ice cream man, driving an ice cream truck, I would try to drive fast enough that the kid couldn't catch me, but not so fast that he'd give up right away. Some kids will chase you for eight or nine blocks."

 
"Uncle Joe was the preacher of the family. He used to tell us we were going to hell if we didn't repent. After we all repented, he said we were going to hell if we didn't buy him a new car. After we said we weren't going to buy him a new car, he said we were going to hell if we didn't get him a big glass of lemonade anytime he asked for one. I think we got him two glasses of lemonade, and that seemed to satisfy him. But then, right before he died, he told us we were all going to hell anyway."

 
Fonzie takes Howard to court after Fonzie's pigeon cage falls through the roof of his apartment during a blizzard. Fonzie claims the weight of the snow caused the roof to collapse while Howard claims it was the pigeon cage.

 
Last edited by a moderator:
Took my kids and a couple others to chick e cheese today for 8yos birthday. #7 if you're curious. After we had cake and chocolate covered strawberries I took the strawberries to the guard guy and the cashier. Later the cashier lets my 6yo "buy" a whistle with his tickets. I see this taking place and I give her this look and said "I gave you a strawberry!" She said he's just so cute and that's what he wanted!!

btw: cashier was 1 of 27 children. They shared the same father but their were 7 mothers involved. I don't know if any of the mothers had children by any other fathers. 

 
I was a couple minutes late to work today because my english bulldog had to poop for the second time this morning. Two times! She never goes twice in the morning. Is she drinking some Metamucil while I'm at work?

 
shadyridr said:
I was at the schoolyard shooting hoops with my 8 year old son on Saturday. Nobody else was there except another family (mom, dad, and two boys appx 10 & 4 years old). They were riding their bikes. The schoolyard is huge mind you. So 10 year old kid decided it would be funny to ride (slowly thank God) into my son. He did it on purpose. Knocked my son over. His father saw the whole thing. I screamed "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" and then yelled at the father too "WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?" Father came over apologizing profusely and scolded his kid. The kid starts crying and the father took him and left still apologizing. The mother stayed with the other son and was apologizing as well and asking if my son was all right. My son seemed fine. Then 5 minutes pass by and he says his wrist was hurting and he starts crying. Then he tells me it was his fault he shouldve got out of his way and he thought I was yelling at him. This part broke my heart. I told him it absolutely was NOT his fault and the stupid kid was entirely at fault. His wrist started feeling better. The mother just stood there while he cried saying "I wish I had ice". The whole thing was freaking weird.
Click to expand...
that's effed up.

 
Took the day off from work today bc I'm returning my car off lease and someone had to come inspect it, the window given was 8am-12pm. I have two little children which would lead to a more detailed inspection, on top of parking the car on the street of a very urban area for the last 3 years... Needless to say, I've been worried that they were going to slap me with a $3k damage fee on return since I have no intention of leasing the same brand. 

Sunday, I washed it, emptied it, removed all evidence of children, scrubbed the leather, vacuumed, etc. Car is as clean as it has been since I first got it. Monday I took a spot next to a huge tree that has a low gate and a small garden on the left side, where there is the most significant damage to try and conceal it. 

Inspector calls me at 10:15 and says he'll be by in 15 minutes... Now, parking in my neighborhood is a mother####er, so when he called I let him know not to worry about it and he can park in front of my buildings garage (garage is one spot and spoken for going on at least 15 years :kicksrock: ). He gets there, parks, I crack a few jokes, and he gets to it. We're shooting the #### the whole time. 

Going very well as he isn't getting very detailed at all. Last thing he notices right as he is about to wrap up is my mirror has a crack in it - mirror is $1200 alone with a blinker and camera in it. He says for someone parking on the street in nyc I've done an amazing job keeping it clean, says he'll pretend he didn't see the mirror. Fills out the report as $0 in damage and wishes me well. I hand him a $50, he looks at me slightly confused, puts it in his pocket, thanks me, and wishes me a nice day again.

Anyways, $0 owed on the lease return :pickle:

 
ChiefD said:
Have you ever had a 5 year old talk to you? Imagine that voice as you are trying to be serious while you are taking a drivers license photo that you will have to live with for the next 5 years as this little girl is trying to strike up a conversation.

I thought it was funny. I apologize for not amusing you, Pesci.  :)
Click to expand...
We have a neighbor girl who is maybe 7. She talks and makes conversation like an adult and is very outgoing. I always find it hilarious. 

 
fantasycurse42 said:
Took the day off from work today bc I'm returning my car off lease and someone had to come inspect it, the window given was 8am-12pm. I have two little children which would lead to a more detailed inspection, on top of parking the car on the street of a very urban area for the last 3 years... Needless to say, I've been worried that they were going to slap me with a $3k damage fee on return since I have no intention of leasing the same brand. 

Sunday, I washed it, emptied it, removed all evidence of children, scrubbed the leather, vacuumed, etc. Car is as clean as it has been since I first got it. Monday I took a spot next to a huge tree that has a low gate and a small garden on the left side, where there is the most significant damage to try and conceal it. 

Inspector calls me at 10:15 and says he'll be by in 15 minutes... Now, parking in my neighborhood is a mother####er, so when he called I let him know not to worry about it and he can park in front of my buildings garage (garage is one spot and spoken for going on at least 15 years :kicksrock: ). He gets there, parks, I crack a few jokes, and he gets to it. We're shooting the #### the whole time. 

Going very well as he isn't getting very detailed at all. Last thing he notices right as he is about to wrap up is my mirror has a crack in it - mirror is $1200 alone with a blinker and camera in it. He says for someone parking on the street in nyc I've done an amazing job keeping it clean, says he'll pretend he didn't see the mirror. Fills out the report as $0 in damage and wishes me well. I hand him a $50, he looks at me slightly confused, puts it in his pocket, thanks me, and wishes me a nice day again.

Anyways, $0 owed on the lease return :pickle:
Click to expand...
LOOK AT ME I CARRY $50 BILLS IN MY PAJAMA PANTS!!!!!

 
andyjayhawker said:
We have a neighbor girl who is maybe 7. She talks and makes conversation like an adult and is very outgoing. I always find it hilarious. 
Click to expand...
Kids are funny... I have a 5 year old myself. But it takes more then a 'how are you doing' to get me erupting with laughter. 

 
Just got back from vacation with my 19 year old son - wife and other son had to work.  We watched The Departed and he really liked it.  On our drive home he asks me to search Youtube and play song from soundtrack where Van Morrison sings chorus to "Comfortably Numb".  He asks me when that version came out, I look it up, and tell him "best I can tell, 2007."  He proceeds to argue with me that there is no way that can be true as Jim Morrison died "back in the 70s".  It took me 10 minutes to explain to him that Jim Morrison and Van Morrison were two different people. 

 
I'm getting new tires.  I've been here for 3 hours so far.  I work from home and can work anywhere with wifi so it doesn't matter.   The tire shop has decent free coffee and a good internet connection.   I may work here next time I run out of coffee.

 
Went to Wal-Mart this morning at 7 am to get some OFF. 

Walked in, and all the workers were pleasant and normal. They all said "Good morning", and followed up with things like "Can I help you with anything?" and "Have a great weekend." It was really strange. First time I think I have ever seen one happy Wal-Mart employee, let alone the 5 or 6 I came into contact with.

It was nice.

 
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