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If 62% of kids have given up on sports....what have we done wrong? (1 Viewer)

belljr said:
I'm pretty sure I would have fought that guy.   Nothing angers me more than this crap....
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I'm getting too old to even think about that, but I understand that sentiment. It just reinforcers my belief that it's not the kids, it's our generation that is letting them down. 

And as much as it goes against the trend these days, winning isn't the most important thing. It's obviously not what is wrong with sports. Especially with kids <12. But damn if they don't all love saying, "everyone gets a trophy" in that sarcastic tone like they're making an intelligent, thought out point.

 
Ugh, just got a call from my wife, who hands the phone to my 8-year old daughter.  She's obviously crying, and says that she "doesn't want to go to softball [practice] today".

I ask why not and she says that she doesn't like it.

We're only 3 weeks in, 1 game down.  My parents paid $200+ to sign up and another $75 for gear.  

I'm at work, about to head home and try to console her and convince her to not give up.

Anyone have suggestions?

 
nirad3 said:
Ugh, just got a call from my wife, who hands the phone to my 8-year old daughter.  She's obviously crying, and says that she "doesn't want to go to softball [practice] today".

I ask why not and she says that she doesn't like it.

We're only 3 weeks in, 1 game down.  My parents paid $200+ to sign up and another $75 for gear.  

I'm at work, about to head home and try to console her and convince her to not give up.

Anyone have suggestions?
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Ask her what she doesn't like about it, then brainstorm with her about what can be done to relieve the situation.

If she flat-out hates everything about the game and absolutely sucks at it.....let her quit.

 
nirad3 said:
Ugh, just got a call from my wife, who hands the phone to my 8-year old daughter.  She's obviously crying, and says that she "doesn't want to go to softball [practice] today".

I ask why not and she says that she doesn't like it.

We're only 3 weeks in, 1 game down.  My parents paid $200+ to sign up and another $75 for gear.  

I'm at work, about to head home and try to console her and convince her to not give up.

Anyone have suggestions?
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Pay your parents back the $275?

 
My kid quit football because he got tired of coaches kids playing QB RB WR and both sides of the ball when he could see the said coaches kid sucked. 

 
nirad3 said:
Ugh, just got a call from my wife, who hands the phone to my 8-year old daughter.  She's obviously crying, and says that she "doesn't want to go to softball [practice] today".

I ask why not and she says that she doesn't like it.

We're only 3 weeks in, 1 game down.  My parents paid $200+ to sign up and another $75 for gear.  

I'm at work, about to head home and try to console her and convince her to not give up.

Anyone have suggestions?
Click to expand...
Make her play. She made a commitment to the team and to play. We all do #### we don’t like because we have to.   

Worked for my daughter she said she wanted to play golf. I told her once I signed her up there was no quitting. Before the first practice she decided she didn’t want to play.  Tough.

fast forward two years. She loves the sport and has thanked me for not letting her quit.

Once you commit to something you see it through  to the end. If she doesn’t want to play next year fine but this year no choice. 

One caveat if the other kids are bullying her and you can’t resolve with coach then fine quit. 

 
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boots11234 said:
Make her play. She made a commitment to the team and to play. We all do #### we don’t like because we have to.   

Worked for my daughter she said she wanted to play golf. I told her once I signed her up there was no quitting. Before the first practice she decided she didn’t want to play.  Tough.

fast forward two years. She loves the sport and has thanked me for not letting her quit.

Once you commit to something you see it through  to the end. If she doesn’t want to play next year fine but this year no choice. 

One caveat if the other kids are bullying her and you can’t resolve with coach then fine quit. 
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Yeah, I didn't want to be forceful or anything but ended up explaining to her that there are things in life that will appear to be challenging at first, but will end up being rewarding in the end once you give effort.

She ended up going to practice Friday night... and then Saturday morning got her first hit, stole both 2nd and 3rd and came home for a run.  She was excited.

So we're back on track.  

E2A:  that being said, learned that every single Saturday is a double-header starting no later than 9am, with an 8am arrival time.  There goes Saturday morning football AND Friday nights for that matter, at least drinking beer-wise, for the next 6 weeks.  :lol:  

 
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nirad3 said:
Yeah, I didn't want to be forceful or anything but ended up explaining to her that there are things in life that will appear to be challenging at first, but will end up being rewarding in the end once you give effort.

She ended up going to practice Friday night... and then Saturday morning got her first hit, stole both 2nd and 3rd and came home for a run.  She was excited.

So we're back on track.  

E2A:  that being said, learned that every single Saturday is a double-header starting no later than 9am, with an 8am arrival time.  There goes Saturday morning football AND Friday nights for that matter, at least drinking beer-wise, for the next 6 weeks.  :lol:  
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It’s not easy to know what’s a blip and what’s a long-term trend in these matters.  Kids are hard to read, mostly because they probably don’t know themselves.  They are just reacting.

 
nirad3 said:
Yeah, I didn't want to be forceful or anything but ended up explaining to her that there are things in life that will appear to be challenging at first, but will end up being rewarding in the end once you give effort.
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Yea, I tell my kids i feel like quitting them every other week but somethin somethin it's illegal to abandon your kids under the age of 11?...ok...maybe it's not the same but I feel her pain

 
jonessed said:
It’s not easy to know what’s a blip and what’s a long-term trend in these matters.  Kids are hard to read, mostly because they probably don’t know themselves.  They are just reacting.
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It was a total (over) reaction, which this kid is totally prone to.  

I am not looking forward to the teen years.  It's gonna be brutal.

 
nirad3 said:
Ugh, just got a call from my wife, who hands the phone to my 8-year old daughter.  She's obviously crying, and says that she "doesn't want to go to softball [practice] today".

I ask why not and she says that she doesn't like it.

We're only 3 weeks in, 1 game down.  My parents paid $200+ to sign up and another $75 for gear.  

I'm at work, about to head home and try to console her and convince her to not give up.

Anyone have suggestions?
Click to expand...
I got confused here too. Is your daughter 8 years old and doesn't want to play? So like a 3rd grad kid?

Assuming I got this right and it's your 8 year old my opinion is I wouldn't force them to stay in because they will hate it and never try it again. My kids growing up tried and quit a few different sports until they figured it out in Jr high and stuck with what they liked. It sucks that it costs that much in your area as our cost for young kids trying sports is cheap. I'm just of the opinion if you force them to stay in at that young age you will lose them forever after this.

 
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My oldest (10...11 in December) is basically done with sports.  He’s not very athletic and not a sports fan but he still liked playing baseball and soccer 

this year he was pretty outclassed at baseball and next year he’d be moving up to the 11-13 group, so we agreed he could be done with baseball but wanted him to stick with soccer and school basketball 

so now with soccer, he’s in the u12 group and I think we have 16 kids for 9v9, which is on the larger side (had some teams consolidated last minute ) so kids have to sit but they have only been putting him in for about 5 minutes a game.  He’s probably the worst kid on the team, but he does his best and hustles when he’s out there, but the coaches have that win at all costs attitude, so he sits

im certainly no fan of let’s not keep score, but for a City rec league at that age group I’d still like to see equal playing time and not as big an emphasis on the winning and losing

 
Warhogs said:
I got confused here too. Is your daughter 8 years old and doesn't want to play? So like a 3rd grad kid?

Assuming I got this right and it's your 8 year old my opinion is I wouldn't force them to stay in because they will hate it and never try it again. My kids growing up tried and quit a few different sports until they figured it out in Jr high and stuck with what they liked. It sucks that it costs that much in your area as our cost for young kids trying sports is cheap. I'm just of the opinion if you force them to stay in at that young age you will lose them forever after this.
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Right, 8 and in 3rd grade.  I didn't want to be forceful, but wanted to use it as a life lesson that you can't just give up on things.  She played soccer for 3 years prior to this and wanted to give that up.  She just wasn't having any fun, which is the most important thing.  It seemed like she was having fun so far with softball, it was just an overreaction to having to go to practice that one day.  She's fine now.  

I'm all for her and her brother trying new things to find out what they like best.  It's just that she - at this point - hadn't given softball enough of a fair shake to really know one way or the other.  I told her in no uncertain terms that if, at the end of the season, she was unhappy with it... that we would definitely not do it again.  

 
nirad3 said:
Yeah, I didn't want to be forceful or anything but ended up explaining to her that there are things in life that will appear to be challenging at first, but will end up being rewarding in the end once you give effort.

She ended up going to practice Friday night... and then Saturday morning got her first hit, stole both 2nd and 3rd and came home for a run.  She was excited.

So we're back on track.  

E2A:  that being said, learned that every single Saturday is a double-header starting no later than 9am, with an 8am arrival time.  There goes Saturday morning football AND Friday nights for that matter, at least drinking beer-wise, for the next 6 weeks.  :lol:  
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Congratulations!  We all do stuff we don’t like in life. Plus it’s important to teach her to see things through. 

 
Dan Lambskin said:
My oldest (10...11 in December) is basically done with sports.  He’s not very athletic and not a sports fan but he still liked playing baseball and soccer 

this year he was pretty outclassed at baseball and next year he’d be moving up to the 11-13 group, so we agreed he could be done with baseball but wanted him to stick with soccer and school basketball 

so now with soccer, he’s in the u12 group and I think we have 16 kids for 9v9, which is on the larger side (had some teams consolidated last minute ) so kids have to sit but they have only been putting him in for about 5 minutes a game.  He’s probably the worst kid on the team, but he does his best and hustles when he’s out there, but the coaches have that win at all costs attitude, so he sits

im certainly no fan of let’s not keep score, but for a City rec league at that age group I’d still like to see equal playing time and not as big an emphasis on the winning and losing
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Rec league everybody should at least get to play a half. That’s BS.

 
Dan Lambskin said:
My oldest (10...11 in December) is basically done with sports.  He’s not very athletic and not a sports fan but he still liked playing baseball and soccer 

this year he was pretty outclassed at baseball and next year he’d be moving up to the 11-13 group, so we agreed he could be done with baseball but wanted him to stick with soccer and school basketball 

so now with soccer, he’s in the u12 group and I think we have 16 kids for 9v9, which is on the larger side (had some teams consolidated last minute ) so kids have to sit but they have only been putting him in for about 5 minutes a game.  He’s probably the worst kid on the team, but he does his best and hustles when he’s out there, but the coaches have that win at all costs attitude, so he sits

im certainly no fan of let’s not keep score, but for a City rec league at that age group I’d still like to see equal playing time and not as big an emphasis on the winning and losing
Click to expand...
I would talk to the coach.  If it's rec league the coach should be doing his best to makes the playing time as equal as possible.  If it's 16 kids he could literally create two separate line-ups and just change the whole team out at once.  I coach my son's soccer and while all the kids want to win I could frankly care less.  If my team goes out and plays the way they were taught in practice and gave 100% effort, then I'm happy win or lose.  At that age everything should be about development.  

 
This thread sparked a conversation with a friend, and I thought a story he shared fit in well here. They're not all bad coaches...

My friend coaches travel ball and whatnot, but also his sons' rec teams. His oldest is enormous and throws extremely hard. One game in a league of two age groups, his son -one of the best pitchers in the league and an "older" kid- was on the mound. The batter was small "younger" kid half his son's size. The batter was terrified. Despite the urging of the kid's coaches, he did not have the confidence to step into the batter's box. After ten seconds or so, as the kid was about to cry, no doubt extremely embarrassed, my buddy called time and took his son out early, putting in their slowest armed pitcher. 

Several parents seemed shocked, and questioned his decision. He told them that it's rec league and every kid deserves a chance to have fun. Dude gets it. 

 
Dan Lambskin said:
My oldest (10...11 in December) is basically done with sports.  He’s not very athletic and not a sports fan but he still liked playing baseball and soccer 

this year he was pretty outclassed at baseball and next year he’d be moving up to the 11-13 group, so we agreed he could be done with baseball but wanted him to stick with soccer and school basketball 

so now with soccer, he’s in the u12 group and I think we have 16 kids for 9v9, which is on the larger side (had some teams consolidated last minute ) so kids have to sit but they have only been putting him in for about 5 minutes a game.  He’s probably the worst kid on the team, but he does his best and hustles when he’s out there, but the coaches have that win at all costs attitude, so he sits

im certainly no fan of let’s not keep score, but for a City rec league at that age group I’d still like to see equal playing time and not as big an emphasis on the winning and losing
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Not sure if this exists in your area and/or the age groups, but if you don't mind the 'religious' aspect, Upward isn't a bad option. While their #1 goal is spreading the Gospel, the sports component is more what you are looking for, in that they do their best to evenly distribute talent across every team,  have rules about having to face an opponent with a similar skill level and equal playing time.  

 
bucksoh said:
That is your opinion and I can respect that to me seeing kids not play for two games is a far more egregious act.  Like I said if I wasn't so busy I would have replaced the coach this year.  But it needed to be said.  Would have been a travesty to see these kids go three games and not playing.
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Well I missed his last two games due to work and a wedding,. So I go to this game, former foster kid never even played a snap along with the other 18  players which makes three games in a roll where 19 kids never played a snap.  A fellow co worker talked to the.president and the president was supposed to step in and say something to the coaches according to the co-worker.  But clearly the president never did.

So after the. Game I walk over to ask the president if he has talked to the coaches about playing time seeing that there is a bunch of boys who haven't seen the field all season except for about 6 plays.  This ##### gets belligerent with me for asking that question.  So clearly I need to go over his head now so does anyone know the chain of command to go over the president of the football teams.  Any help is appreciated. TIA!

 
fightingillini said:
It's not just the parents in the stands, I think the coaches can ruin it for the kids.   I was umping a playoff game. Final inning, the game was tied, and the bases were loaded for the home team.  The worst hitter was coming to the plate.  This kid was really bad.  Easy strikeout.  They had to put him in the game since in little league, everyone had to play.  So before the kid comes to the plate, the coach whispers something in his ear.  Kid steps in.  The pitcher begins to wind up.  During the wind up, the kid at the plate falls out of the batters box.  The pitcher stops his motion.  Then all hell broke loose.  The coach began to yell as me and the other ump..."THAT WAS A BALK!"  and ended up screaming at us.  It was complete BS.  After about 10 minutes of abuse we took from the coach, we ended up calling the balk, and the other coach began to yell at us.  We told the other coach to just file a protest, and that we would vouch that the kid's actions were clearly intentional and was instructed to do so by the other coach.  The protest was sustained, the game continued at the same point a few days later.  The terrible kid struck out and the other team won in extra innings.  I couldn't believe a coach would actually do something like that just to win a game.  The coach was eventually banned from coaching any sport in my town's park district.

So I agree that parents and coaches have really screwed it up for kids.
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If this was Little League then there is no balk.  This would be an illegal pitch and should be called a ball...…..unless you deemed the action of the batter was intentional (and a non-baseball action unlike squaring to bunt early) and caused the stoppage by the pitcher.  Then it would be a dead ball and nothing awarded with a warning to the batter to not do that again. 

I only went in to the rule explanation because more often that not (especially in baseball) much of the problems with the umps is that nobody really knows the rules on these strange plays.  Everyone thinks they know the rules and are very adamant about being right and trying to bully the ump into the call.  This happens a lot and can be settled down in many cases by just making a strong call initially and confidently because it will sometimes get the complainer to doubt themselves.  If you can site the rule reference that helps too...….(even if it isn't the right rule..hahaha).

 
Dan Lambskin said:
My oldest (10...11 in December) is basically done with sports.  He’s not very athletic and not a sports fan but he still liked playing baseball and soccer 

this year he was pretty outclassed at baseball and next year he’d be moving up to the 11-13 group, so we agreed he could be done with baseball but wanted him to stick with soccer and school basketball 

so now with soccer, he’s in the u12 group and I think we have 16 kids for 9v9, which is on the larger side (had some teams consolidated last minute ) so kids have to sit but they have only been putting him in for about 5 minutes a game.  He’s probably the worst kid on the team, but he does his best and hustles when he’s out there, but the coaches have that win at all costs attitude, so he sits

im certainly no fan of let’s not keep score, but for a City rec league at that age group I’d still like to see equal playing time and not as big an emphasis on the winning and losing
Click to expand...


Dickies said:
I would talk to the coach.  If it's rec league the coach should be doing his best to makes the playing time as equal as possible.  If it's 16 kids he could literally create two separate line-ups and just change the whole team out at once.  I coach my son's soccer and while all the kids want to win I could frankly care less.  If my team goes out and plays the way they were taught in practice and gave 100% effort, then I'm happy win or lose.  At that age everything should be about development.  
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If this is like the AYSO soccer in my area they sub every quarter.  With 7 subs that means there are 28 subs for the entire game.  So if everyone sits once that is 16 subs leaving an additional 12 subs remaining.  So at least 12 kids have to sit twice no matter what.  So only 4 kids can play more than half the game.  The problem here is that there are too many kid on one team. 

 
My oldest just turned 5. He finished his first season of soccer. It was fine, he said he liked it.

Just this week a friend of ours invited us to a soccer get-together that spontaneously formed at a park in their neighborhood. Apparently one of the neighborhood dads recruited a few kids to play with him and his kids and it’s become a nightly event that has grown into multiple games for different age groups.

We took our son one night and he loved it. The next night our three year old got in on the action and we went every night last week. My son asked if this could be his new soccer team because he likes it so much more than the league he was in. 

It got me thinking, growing up I always had a lot more fun going to open gyms/parks/driveways and playing pickup games than I did playing on school teams or other organized teams. It was just fun. All the practice, bureaucracy, and pressure were absent. You played when you wanted, no commitments. Maybe part of the problem is sports have become overly structured and just aren’t as much fun as they used to be.

 
sublimeone said:
My oldest just turned 5. He finished his first season of soccer. It was fine, he said he liked it.

Just this week a friend of ours invited us to a soccer get-together that spontaneously formed at a park in their neighborhood. Apparently one of the neighborhood dads recruited a few kids to play with him and his kids and it’s become a nightly event that has grown into multiple games for different age groups.

We took our son one night and he loved it. The next night our three year old got in on the action and we went every night last week. My son asked if this could be his new soccer team because he likes it so much more than the league he was in. 

It got me thinking, growing up I always had a lot more fun going to open gyms/parks/driveways and playing pickup games than I did playing on school teams or other organized teams. It was just fun. All the practice, bureaucracy, and pressure were absent. You played when you wanted, no commitments. Maybe part of the problem is sports have become overly structured and just aren’t as much fun as they used to be.
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It also made for better all around players.  You had to figure out stuff on your own and grew instincts for the game you were playing.  As a travel ball coach, one of the biggest missing skills from all the players I see is the total lack of the "feel" of the game.  For baseball this is best shown in baserunning.  Since kids rarely play on their own anymore they rely too much on the coach to tell them when to run or what to do.  There is no instinct to the game.  It's a real shame. 

 
Gally said:
It also made for better all around players.  You had to figure out stuff on your own and grew instincts for the game you were playing.  As a travel ball coach, one of the biggest missing skills from all the players I see is the total lack of the "feel" of the game.  For baseball this is best shown in baserunning.  Since kids rarely play on their own anymore they rely too much on the coach to tell them when to run or what to do.  There is no instinct to the game.  It's a real shame. 
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we played "runner on base" (aka pickle or hotbox ...been discussed here)  for hours when we had 3 of us - mixed in with some "pitcher's hand - ghost runners" individual team games.  

 
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