At what age should baths with a parent stop? UPDATE in Post 368 (1 Viewer)

[Insein]

a 3yr old watching me scrub the hell out of my taint in the shower?

I just can't see myself doing it.

Why are you scrubbing the hell out of your taint?

To get rid of the hooker juice. Duh.

 

[NutterButter]

I touched on this. Its pretty much a lost cause. 14 years from now, my youngest is leaving for college and I'll probably be leaving the house with her. My wife and I don't fight. We get along fine. We're just not marriage compatible.

Why wait 14 years? I was in a similar situation when my son was 6 (without the co-sleeping). We were just living together. No love or intimacy. I got out.

B/c the alternative doesn't seem any better. I just don't see myself ever getting into another relationship. Financially, we'll be certainly worse off. I won't see my kids nearly as much and I love seeing my kids. If we were fighting a lot or if it was just a really unbearable environment, I would certainly be gone, but the upsides of staying far out weigh the downsides.

What happens when she finds someone else? You won't have a choice but to leave. Hate to be blunt but both of you are not going to stay celibate for 14 years.

If she does, good for her and at that point we'll go our separate ways.

As far as celibacy, I most likely will unless something just falls into my lap. She doesn't have any sex drive. Part of the reason we don't have any. So I think there's a solid chance.

 

[Zow]

I've seen CPS and criminal cases started with less facts than a parent admitting to bathing naked with his child (in what I would assume is a normal-sized house shower/bathtub type deal which the average adult male barely fits in).

 

[seahawk 17]

I wouldn't take a bath with my kids just because of the poop/pee factor. I don't see anything wrong with people taking showers with their kids. The only time it becomes an issue according to Parents Magazine is when the opposite sex child becomes to interested in the sexual organs of the other parent.

 

[Sarnoff]

i have a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old. Taking a bath with one or both of them is a highlight of my time with them. What the help are you guys afraid of?

Zero surprise you're one of these people.

Yup, zero

 

[Scoresman]

what advantage is there to sitting naked in the bath as opposed to sitting outside the bathtub?

I'm pretty sure I already answered this. My son is 13 months old, he likes to try to stand in the tub and whatnot. To wash him from outside the tub it requires getting on your knees and leaning over the tub. It's a pain in the ###. It's also a pain in the ### to get in the tub, but sometimes when I'd rather not lean over a tub for 10 minutes I get in. It's a bunch easier to wash him from inside the tub.Does this make too much sense?

it makes sense but if it were me in that situation I'd probably offset the convenience of being in the tub with having my junk waved in the face of my child and having my child share a bath full of my taint juice.

Well, if you have a juicy taint, and if you wave your schlong in front of your kids face, you probably shouldn't get in.

unless you're taking a shower before getting in the tub, you've got at least some level of nastiness going on down there. And putting two people in one tub, one of them not potty trained, that bath water is foul at best. Nobody in that situation is getting "bathed".

I'm sorry your taint gets so dirty so quickly. I wouldn't get in a tub with anyone if I were that unclean.

Would you lick your own taint at any point other than just having taken a shower? Because a small child being in a bath with a parent is essentially doing that.

 

[HughHoney]

Sure are some crazy assumptions in here.

My wife probably takes a bath with the kids once a week. I probably once a month.

I know that the co sleeping thing is controversial here in the states. I can understand that and can see the concerns that some may have. Wasn't something we planned on ahead of time. Just turned out to something that works for us.

But this backlash about bathing with a small child and how they are going to start comparing their boyfriends penis to their dad's or how they after somehow less self reliant (not sure I know of any infant or young toddler that can bathe themselves) is completely shocking to me.

Some of my friends take baths with their kids. Some don't. Don't think either is right or wrong. I do find it funny that non parents think one way or the other. If there is one thing I have learned in my first 2.5 years of parenting it's that each kids is diffweren't and each family dynamic is different and what works for some doesn't work for others

Not trying to be dickish.

What about cosleeping "works" for you? And you feel this benefit outweighs the potential (no matter how small) of seriously harming your child?

What are the benefits of climbing into the tub with your kid?

We didn't cosleep when the kids were still infants, but we do now. There's 2 adults, a 4 year old, a 7 year old and 2 dogs (maybe more depending on if we're fostering any dogs at the time) in a side by side queen and full mattress. Its always been so much easier just putting the kids too bed that way that we just stuck with it. My wife and I would hardly have sex if we had the room all to ourselves anyways so it doesn't affect that aspect of our marriage. I have no idea when it will end or how it affects my kids long term and I really don't care.

I'm sure it is "much easier". I would be much easier if I let my child eat candy for dinner too, or not bathe him regularly, or let him write on the walls with crayons, etc. Doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

To each his own I guess. Who am I, or anyone else, to question how you raise you children? I probably do things in raising my children that may seem weird to some. I can't think of any though.

What's so wrong about it? Eating candy for dinner is obvious. Not seeing what's so obviously wrong about letting a 7 and 4 year sleep with us.

Dependency. They will have a harder time adjusting to you not being there for wvery little thing when they're older. Again its your kids though.

We haven't noticed that in other scenarios. My oldest has been fine sleeping over her friends' houses. And she's only 7 so I'm not concerned.

You let a 7 year old sleep at other peoples houses? Some guys won't even let them shower alone at that age.

 

[NutterButter]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

Different rooms complicates things? You realize most children sleep in their own rooms, especially by age 7, right? How does it "complicate things" by being in a different room?

It complicates things in the sense that there's only 1 of me and 2 of them. So if they both go to bed at 8:30, I can only sit with one of them. So its just a lot easier to lay with them both in the master bed. Yes, my wife could lay with one of them, but then it will become "why is mommy laying with her and not me type of scenario". And for her to lay with them as well, that's just one more thing she thinks she needs to do which will stress her out more. My wife is very stressed out about a lot of things. I'm the opposite. So its just easier. Yeah, its strange. I know, but if its easier and I don't see any issues, then I'm doing what's easy. Good times.

Do you realize how nutty that sounds? First of all, what do you think parents with 3+ kids do? You realize that not every child can have individualized attention at all times. What about single parents with 2 kids? Do you think they all sleep in one bed or all have one room?

You have so many options here.

1) One kid goes to sleep at 8:30 and another at 8:40. If it's an issue as to why one stays up later (which should just be the older one by default), then flip flop every night so it's even.

2) Start with both kids in one room if need be then bring them both to bed after you've spent some time with them.

3) Teach the older one to help put the younger one to bed, then you can spend time with both while teaching some responsibility and letting them learn to not have constant attention from you or your wife.

4) Get your wife involved (I know, crazy) and you can similarly flip flop every night so they each get you every other night.

These are all solid suggestions. I don't see it happening in my case, but solid nonetheless. It would be something that I'd tackle if my wife and I would collectively address it and be consistent with the approach we'd choose, but she doesn't work that way so I just stick with the status quo.

 

[RUSF18]

This thread is seriously impacting my love of the Nutter Butter cookie.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

FBG kids have iPhones at 7. iPhones have cameras. Do you really want a picture of your junk going around Thomas Edison elementary?

Free advertising, yo!

 

[NutterButter]

You let a 7 year old sleep at other peoples houses? Some guys won't even let them shower alone at that age.

She brings a long a wireless webcam so we can keep an eye on her at all times. Kidding.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

FBG kids have iPhones at 7. iPhones have cameras. Do you really want a picture of your junk going around Thomas Edison elementary?

This is a page for Homer J Simpson. Homer J Simpson to the white courtesy iPhone.

Thanks for the assist GB.

 

[Rick James]

love these kind of threads. they allow me to add more names to my "Do not listen to their Marriage or Parenting advice" list.

 

[baymen]

what advantage is there to sitting naked in the bath as opposed to sitting outside the bathtub?

I'm pretty sure I already answered this. My son is 13 months old, he likes to try to stand in the tub and whatnot. To wash him from outside the tub it requires getting on your knees and leaning over the tub. It's a pain in the ###. It's also a pain in the ### to get in the tub, but sometimes when I'd rather not lean over a tub for 10 minutes I get in. It's a bunch easier to wash him from inside the tub.Does this make too much sense?

it makes sense but if it were me in that situation I'd probably offset the convenience of being in the tub with having my junk waved in the face of my child and having my child share a bath full of my taint juice.

Well, if you have a juicy taint, and if you wave your schlong in front of your kids face, you probably shouldn't get in.

Juicy taint

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

So you guys that are bathing: are you going straight up nuts to butts in there or what?

I love this thread.

 

[NutterButter]

NutterButter -- for how long has your relationship been like this?

Probably started on a downward path when my first child was about 1. Got nuclear when the kids were 2 and 4. Has slowly gotten better since then and has stabilized to this point.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

a 3yr old watching me scrub the hell out of my taint in the shower?

I just can't see myself doing it.

Why are you scrubbing the hell out of your taint?

no tp out on the lawn

 

[seahawk 17]

Off topic and stolen from another thread, but my FF team next year will be called Taint Butter.

 

[NutterButter]

love these kind of threads. they allow me to add more names to my "Do not listen to their Marriage or Parenting advice" list.

Don't worry, you'll be getting none from me except my thoughts on college education and my recommendation to have kids in general b/c the highs are pretty amazing and far exceed the lows. Good luck with the marriage side of the equation; I've got nothing there.

 

[shadyridr]

This thread is seriously impacting my love of the Nutter Butter cookie.

an avatar of sperm wasnt enough?

 

[shader]

Sure are some crazy assumptions in here.

My wife probably takes a bath with the kids once a week. I probably once a month.

I know that the co sleeping thing is controversial here in the states. I can understand that and can see the concerns that some may have. Wasn't something we planned on ahead of time. Just turned out to something that works for us.

But this backlash about bathing with a small child and how they are going to start comparing their boyfriends penis to their dad's or how they after somehow less self reliant (not sure I know of any infant or young toddler that can bathe themselves) is completely shocking to me.

Some of my friends take baths with their kids. Some don't. Don't think either is right or wrong. I do find it funny that non parents think one way or the other. If there is one thing I have learned in my first 2.5 years of parenting it's that each kids is diffweren't and each family dynamic is different and what works for some doesn't work for others

Not trying to be dickish.

What about cosleeping "works" for you? And you feel this benefit outweighs the potential (no matter how small) of seriously harming your child?

What are the benefits of climbing into the tub with your kid?

We didn't cosleep when the kids were still infants, but we do now. There's 2 adults, a 4 year old, a 7 year old and 2 dogs (maybe more depending on if we're fostering any dogs at the time) in a side by side queen and full mattress. Its always been so much easier just putting the kids too bed that way that we just stuck with it. My wife and I would hardly have sex if we had the room all to ourselves anyways so it doesn't affect that aspect of our marriage. I have no idea when it will end or how it affects my kids long term and I really don't care.

I'm sure it is "much easier". I would be much easier if I let my child eat candy for dinner too, or not bathe him regularly, or let him write on the walls with crayons, etc. Doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

To each his own I guess. Who am I, or anyone else, to question how you raise you children? I probably do things in raising my children that may seem weird to some. I can't think of any though.

What's so wrong about it? Eating candy for dinner is obvious. Not seeing what's so obviously wrong about letting a 7 and 4 year sleep with us.

Dependency. They will have a harder time adjusting to you not being there for wvery little thing when they're older. Again its your kids though.

Any proof for this?

 

[Mister Martie]

Man, NB, you sound like a defeated man here. Hope everything works out for the best.

 

[the moops]

So you guys that are bathing: are you going straight up nuts to butts in there or what?

I love this thread.

I think it is pretty odd that the immediate route a lot of you folks take is sexual in nature.

 

[TLEF316]

This is the best, worst and weirdest thread of the past few months.

Just incredibly strange stuff all around. Planning to stay together for the kids for 14 year? Jesus.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Where does nutterbutter whack it? I'll hang up and listen.

 

[gianmarco]

I touched on this. Its pretty much a lost cause. 14 years from now, my youngest is leaving for college and I'll probably be leaving the house with her. My wife and I don't fight. We get along fine. We're just not marriage compatible.

Why wait 14 years? I was in a similar situation when my son was 6 (without the co-sleeping). We were just living together. No love or intimacy. I got out.

B/c the alternative doesn't seem any better. I just don't see myself ever getting into another relationship. Financially, we'll be certainly worse off. I won't see my kids nearly as much and I love seeing my kids. If we were fighting a lot or if it was just a really unbearable environment, I would certainly be gone, but the upsides of staying far out weigh the downsides.

Also, no offense, but just because you aren't fighting doesn't mean you're not doing your kids a disservice by staying in a completely loveless marriage which it sounds like you're in. They don't have to see fighting to realize what's going on. And worst, this is what your children will grow up knowing as what a marriage "should be". You've already stated that you can't even adapt behaviors that would be better and more normal for them just because your wife isn't wired that way. That's sad and unfortunately is likely negatively impacting your kids.

Aside from doing it for yourself, you probably owe it to your children to seriously consider an alternative to your current situation (i.e. divorce). At a minimum, if you haven't done so already, I think some counseling (even if just for you) would be HIGHLY beneficial. Based on your children's constant need for attention and inability to even sleep in another room, your children might benefit from it as well.

 

[jamny]

love these kind of threads. they allow me to add more names to my "Do not listen to their Marriage or Parenting advice" list.

Don't worry, you'll be getting none from me except my thoughts on college education and my recommendation to have kids in general b/c the highs are pretty amazing and far exceed the lows. Good luck with the marriage side of the equation; I've got nothing there.

Well, your story makes me happy we never had kids. I think the stress on her could have sent us down the same road.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

So you guys that are bathing: are you going straight up nuts to butts in there or what?

I love this thread.

I think it is pretty odd that the immediate route a lot of you folks take is sexual in nature.

Not saying it's sexual but it's not like we can both sit face to face, indian style in my tub. We'd have to be like a bobsled team in there.

 

[the moops]

So you guys that are bathing: are you going straight up nuts to butts in there or what?

I love this thread.

I think it is pretty odd that the immediate route a lot of you folks take is sexual in nature.

Not saying it's sexual but it's not like we can both sit face to face, indian style in my tub. We'd have to be like a bobsled team in there.

well that's cause you are fat

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

So you guys that are bathing: are you going straight up nuts to butts in there or what?

I love this thread.

I think it is pretty odd that the immediate route a lot of you folks take is sexual in nature.

Not saying it's sexual but it's not like we can both sit face to face, indian style in my tub. We'd have to be like a bobsled team in there.

well that's cause you are fat

It wasn't that funny the first time you posted it.

 

[DA RAIDERS]

bobsled team

 

[tikigods]

 

[NutterButter]

Man, NB, you sound like a defeated man here. Hope everything works out for the best.

Yeah, defeated is an appropriate description. When my kids go to college, I feel the next phase of my life has the opportunity to begin. What that phase entails, I don't know. But I'll have the opportunity to follow whatever path I choose and that freedom will be nice. Until then, I just want to be the best dad I can be and enjoy these years I have with them b/c they really are great kids.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

So you guys that are bathing: are you going straight up nuts to butts in there or what?

I love this thread.

I think it is pretty odd that the immediate route a lot of you folks take is sexual in nature.

Not saying it's sexual but it's not like we can both sit face to face, indian style in my tub. We'd have to be like a bobsled team in there.

well that's cause you are fat

Way to avoid the question, Herschel.

Also, do you go back and take a shower after? Are you soaping up in the tub?

 

[Godsbrother]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

start hiding money.

and pillows.

 

[the moops]

I do take a shower afterwards. It is to get the kids clean, not me. I typically will only take a bath with the infant. The older one prefers to shower these days

 

[Scoresman]

So you guys that are bathing: are you going straight up nuts to butts in there or what?

I love this thread.

I think it is pretty odd that the immediate route a lot of you folks take is sexual in nature.

Not saying it's sexual but it's not like we can both sit face to face, indian style in my tub. We'd have to be like a bobsled team in there.

well that's cause you are fat

Way to avoid the question, Herschel.

Also, do you go back and take a shower after? Are you soaping up in the tub?

He should be taking a shower BEFORE, not after. Why subject an infant child to the horrors of your ###/taint/ball funk like that? It gets in the bath water and it's not a like a baby knows not to drink it.

 

[Zow]

Man, NB, you sound like a defeated man here. Hope everything works out for the best.

Yeah, defeated is an appropriate description. When my kids go to college, I feel the next phase of my life has the opportunity to begin. What that phase entails, I don't know. But I'll have the opportunity to follow whatever path I choose and that freedom will be nice. Until then, I just want to be the best dad I can be and enjoy these years I have with them b/c they really are great kids.

Honest question: have you considered approaching your wife about the idea of you getting the green light to get some strange? It sounds like you two just simply aren't attracted to one another so I wouldn't think her jealousy would be that high. It also sounds like you two don't fight so one can presume you don't hate each other. She's therefore gotta understand how daunting and depressing it must be for you to get none and know you won't for at least another 14 years.

If someone told me today that I couldn't have sex for the next 14 straight years I'd become so demotivated and demasculinized.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

So you guys that are bathing: are you going straight up nuts to butts in there or what?

I love this thread.

I think it is pretty odd that the immediate route a lot of you folks take is sexual in nature.

Not saying it's sexual but it's not like we can both sit face to face, indian style in my tub. We'd have to be like a bobsled team in there.

well that's cause you are fat

Way to avoid the question, Herschel.

Also, do you go back and take a shower after? Are you soaping up in the tub?

He should be taking a shower BEFORE, not after. Why subject an infant child to the horrors of your ###/taint/ball funk like that? It gets in the bath water and it's not a like a baby knows not to drink it.

Really he should be taking a shower before and after. And be cleanly shaved.

 

[NutterButter]

I touched on this. Its pretty much a lost cause. 14 years from now, my youngest is leaving for college and I'll probably be leaving the house with her. My wife and I don't fight. We get along fine. We're just not marriage compatible.

Why wait 14 years? I was in a similar situation when my son was 6 (without the co-sleeping). We were just living together. No love or intimacy. I got out.

B/c the alternative doesn't seem any better. I just don't see myself ever getting into another relationship. Financially, we'll be certainly worse off. I won't see my kids nearly as much and I love seeing my kids. If we were fighting a lot or if it was just a really unbearable environment, I would certainly be gone, but the upsides of staying far out weigh the downsides.

Also, no offense, but just because you aren't fighting doesn't mean you're not doing your kids a disservice by staying in a completely loveless marriage which it sounds like you're in. They don't have to see fighting to realize what's going on. And worst, this is what your children will grow up knowing as what a marriage "should be". You've already stated that you can't even adapt behaviors that would be better and more normal for them just because your wife isn't wired that way. That's sad and unfortunately is likely negatively impacting your kids.

Aside from doing it for yourself, you probably owe it to your children to seriously consider an alternative to your current situation (i.e. divorce). At a minimum, if you haven't done so already, I think some counseling (even if just for you) would be HIGHLY beneficial. Based on your children's constant need for attention and inability to even sleep in another room, your children might benefit from it as well.

I agree. I just don't think the alternative will be better for them at least not at this age. I honestly don't see either of us getting back into a relationship. So if we went the divorce route, we'd just be two single divorced parent; not a much prettier picture. To get a divorce would have some significant financial ramifications. Both kids go to an expensive montessori school that everyone loves and we wouldn't be able to afford that having to support two residencies. We've gone to counseling, but we sat there a few times and talked about our problems and truth be told, a lot of the problems are things my wife needs to address, but I didn't see that happening so I stopped with the counseling.

 

[Godsbrother]

I touched on this. Its pretty much a lost cause. 14 years from now, my youngest is leaving for college and I'll probably be leaving the house with her. My wife and I don't fight. We get along fine. We're just not marriage compatible.

Why wait 14 years? I was in a similar situation when my son was 6 (without the co-sleeping). We were just living together. No love or intimacy. I got out.

B/c the alternative doesn't seem any better. I just don't see myself ever getting into another relationship. Financially, we'll be certainly worse off. I won't see my kids nearly as much and I love seeing my kids. If we were fighting a lot or if it was just a really unbearable environment, I would certainly be gone, but the upsides of staying far out weigh the downsides.

Also, no offense, but just because you aren't fighting doesn't mean you're not doing your kids a disservice by staying in a completely loveless marriage which it sounds like you're in. They don't have to see fighting to realize what's going on. And worst, this is what your children will grow up knowing as what a marriage "should be". You've already stated that you can't even adapt behaviors that would be better and more normal for them just because your wife isn't wired that way. That's sad and unfortunately is likely negatively impacting your kids.

Aside from doing it for yourself, you probably owe it to your children to seriously consider an alternative to your current situation (i.e. divorce). At a minimum, if you haven't done so already, I think some counseling (even if just for you) would be HIGHLY beneficial. Based on your children's constant need for attention and inability to even sleep in another room, your children might benefit from it as well.

I agree. I just don't think the alternative will be better for them at least not at this age. I honestly don't see either of us getting back into a relationship. So if we went the divorce route, we'd just be two single divorced parent; not a much prettier picture. To get a divorce would have some significant financial ramifications. Both kids go to an expensive montessori school that everyone loves and we wouldn't be able to afford that having to support two residencies. We've gone to counseling, but we sat there a few times and talked about our problems and truth be told, a lot of the problems are things my wife needs to address, but I didn't see that happening so I stopped with the counseling.

Well if she does leave you for another guy you'll probably have to get used to the idea that your kids are sleeping with them.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

This thread is good, but needs more pedo jokes.

 

[NutterButter]

Well if she does leave you for another guy you'll probably have to get used to the idea that your kids are sleeping with them.

 

[NutterButter]

Man, NB, you sound like a defeated man here. Hope everything works out for the best.

Yeah, defeated is an appropriate description. When my kids go to college, I feel the next phase of my life has the opportunity to begin. What that phase entails, I don't know. But I'll have the opportunity to follow whatever path I choose and that freedom will be nice. Until then, I just want to be the best dad I can be and enjoy these years I have with them b/c they really are great kids.

Honest question: have you considered approaching your wife about the idea of you getting the green light to get some strange? It sounds like you two just simply aren't attracted to one another so I wouldn't think her jealousy would be that high. It also sounds like you two don't fight so one can presume you don't hate each other. She's therefore gotta understand how daunting and depressing it must be for you to get none and know you won't for at least another 14 years.

If someone told me today that I couldn't have sex for the next 14 straight years I'd become so demotivated and demasculinized.

You talking about a pro or a night on the town?

 

[gianmarco]

I touched on this. Its pretty much a lost cause. 14 years from now, my youngest is leaving for college and I'll probably be leaving the house with her. My wife and I don't fight. We get along fine. We're just not marriage compatible.

Why wait 14 years? I was in a similar situation when my son was 6 (without the co-sleeping). We were just living together. No love or intimacy. I got out.

B/c the alternative doesn't seem any better. I just don't see myself ever getting into another relationship. Financially, we'll be certainly worse off. I won't see my kids nearly as much and I love seeing my kids. If we were fighting a lot or if it was just a really unbearable environment, I would certainly be gone, but the upsides of staying far out weigh the downsides.

Also, no offense, but just because you aren't fighting doesn't mean you're not doing your kids a disservice by staying in a completely loveless marriage which it sounds like you're in. They don't have to see fighting to realize what's going on. And worst, this is what your children will grow up knowing as what a marriage "should be". You've already stated that you can't even adapt behaviors that would be better and more normal for them just because your wife isn't wired that way. That's sad and unfortunately is likely negatively impacting your kids.

Aside from doing it for yourself, you probably owe it to your children to seriously consider an alternative to your current situation (i.e. divorce). At a minimum, if you haven't done so already, I think some counseling (even if just for you) would be HIGHLY beneficial. Based on your children's constant need for attention and inability to even sleep in another room, your children might benefit from it as well.

I agree. I just don't think the alternative will be better for them at least not at this age. I honestly don't see either of us getting back into a relationship. So if we went the divorce route, we'd just be two single divorced parent; not a much prettier picture. To get a divorce would have some significant financial ramifications. Both kids go to an expensive montessori school that everyone loves and we wouldn't be able to afford that having to support two residencies. We've gone to counseling, but we sat there a few times and talked about our problems and truth be told, a lot of the problems are things my wife needs to address, but I didn't see that happening so I stopped with the counseling.

Living with two happier divorced parents + cheaper school >>>>> Living with two chronically depressed/defeated loveless parents + more expensive school.

You think it doesn't matter at this age but it absolutely does. In fact, it's much easier to do and better for them the earlier on it is. You are much more likely to be negatively affecting them with your current situation than if you both went separate ways and went on with your lives and got happier. THAT is how you can be a great parent for them.

Look at it this way: Would you want either of your kids to spend 15-20 yrs of their lives being completely miserable and living with someone they don't love anymore? No one would want that for their kids. But that's what you're patterning for them. And, when they grow up, it wouldn't be unexpected for them to wish that their parents were happier and had decided to separate sooner rather than "suck it up" for their sake.

If you can't look out for yourself and take care of yourself and learn to be happy yourself then you can't completely fulfill the parent you can be for your kids. Much of what they learn is what they see and partake in, not just what they are told. 2 divorced but happy parents will always be better than 2 defeated and loveless married parents. By staying and accepting defeat, that's what you're teaching your children to do and that it's ok to do that.

 

[RUSF18]

This thread is seriously impacting my love of the Nutter Butter cookie.

an avatar of sperm wasnt enough?

Have you ever had Nutter Butters???

 

[[icon]]

I don't think bathing with an infant is that big of a deal.... 2..3...4......7(!) year olds are a very different story, however.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

i have a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old. Taking a bath with one or both of them is a highlight of my time with them. What the help are you guys afraid of?

Zero surprise you're one of these people.

Yup, zero

Think the kids are gluten free yet?

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

So, I clicked to open the new posts in this thread, and the first thing I read was: "So somehow my 17 year old's 3 year old..."

I then realized that I had accidentally opened the broken laptop thread. Imagine my relief.

 

[koby925]

A lot of Taintal Obsession in this thread