At what age should baths with a parent stop? UPDATE in Post 368 (1 Viewer)

[Patriotsfatboy1]

Sure are some crazy assumptions in here.

My wife probably takes a bath with the kids once a week. I probably once a month.

I know that the co sleeping thing is controversial here in the states. I can understand that and can see the concerns that some may have. Wasn't something we planned on ahead of time. Just turned out to something that works for us.

But this backlash about bathing with a small child and how they are going to start comparing their boyfriends penis to their dad's or how they after somehow less self reliant (not sure I know of any infant or young toddler that can bathe themselves) is completely shocking to me.

Some of my friends take baths with their kids. Some don't. Don't think either is right or wrong. I do find it funny that non parents think one way or the other. If there is one thing I have learned in my first 2.5 years of parenting it's that each kids is diffweren't and each family dynamic is different and what works for some doesn't work for others

Not trying to be dickish.

What about cosleeping "works" for you? And you feel this benefit outweighs the potential (no matter how small) of seriously harming your child?

What are the benefits of climbing into the tub with your kid?

We didn't cosleep when the kids were still infants, but we do now. There's 2 adults, a 4 year old, a 7 year old and 2 dogs (maybe more depending on if we're fostering any dogs at the time) in a side by side queen and full mattress. Its always been so much easier just putting the kids too bed that way that we just stuck with it. My wife and I would hardly have sex if we had the room all to ourselves anyways so it doesn't affect that aspect of our marriage. I have no idea when it will end or how it affects my kids long term and I really don't care.

I'm sure it is "much easier". I would be much easier if I let my child eat candy for dinner too, or not bathe him regularly, or let him write on the walls with crayons, etc. Doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

To each his own I guess. Who am I, or anyone else, to question how you raise you children? I probably do things in raising my children that may seem weird to some. I can't think of any though.

What's so wrong about it? Eating candy for dinner is obvious. Not seeing what's so obviously wrong about letting a 7 and 4 year sleep with us.

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

 

[Scoresman]

what advantage is there to sitting naked in the bath as opposed to sitting outside the bathtub?

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

what advantage is there to sitting naked in the bath as opposed to sitting outside the bathtub?

You don't pitch a tent.

 

[NutterButter]

We didn't cosleep when the kids were still infants, but we do now. There's 2 adults, a 4 year old, a 7 year old and 2 dogs (maybe more depending on if we're fostering any dogs at the time) in a side by side queen and full mattress. Its always been so much easier just putting the kids too bed that way that we just stuck with it. My wife and I would hardly have sex if we had the room all to ourselves anyways so it doesn't affect that aspect of our marriage. I have no idea when it will end or how it affects my kids long term and I really don't care.

Different strokes I guess. I couldn't wait to put the kids to bed so my wife and I could have alone time (not just for the sexors either). Being honest, you actually prefer this arrangement to sleeping in the room with just your wife? Assume the kids are fine in their own room.

Not sure what I'd prefer. I don't have much of a relationship (physical or otherwise) with my wife so there's nothing that this sleeping arraignment affects. Some might say that if this sleeping arraignment didn't exist, then my relationship with my wife would be better but I don't believe that's the case. So its just easier to lay down with the both of them when its bed time (both go to sleep at same time), possibly read them a story depending on the time and just lay with them for say 10 minutes while they go to sleep. This routine will actually be apart of my memories of raising them.

 

[shadyridr]

what advantage is there to sitting naked in the bath as opposed to sitting outside the bathtub?

The fiberglass barrier between the child and parent is known to decrease the bonding experience. Its science.

 

[NutterButter]

We didn't cosleep when the kids were still infants, but we do now. There's 2 adults, a 4 year old, a 7 year old and 2 dogs (maybe more depending on if we're fostering any dogs at the time) in a side by side queen and full mattress. Its always been so much easier just putting the kids too bed that way that we just stuck with it. My wife and I would hardly have sex if we had the room all to ourselves anyways so it doesn't affect that aspect of our marriage. I have no idea when it will end or how it affects my kids long term and I really don't care.

I'm sure it is "much easier". I would be much easier if I let my child eat candy for dinner too, or not bathe him regularly, or let him write on the walls with crayons, etc. Doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

To each his own I guess. Who am I, or anyone else, to question how you raise you children? I probably do things in raising my children that may seem weird to some. I can't think of any though.

What's so wrong about it? Eating candy for dinner is obvious. Not seeing what's so obviously wrong about letting a 7 and 4 year sleep with us.

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

Kids go to sleep about that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time. I go to sleep usually around 11.

 

[Wildcat]

Sure are some crazy assumptions in here.

My wife probably takes a bath with the kids once a week. I probably once a month.

I know that the co sleeping thing is controversial here in the states. I can understand that and can see the concerns that some may have. Wasn't something we planned on ahead of time. Just turned out to something that works for us.

But this backlash about bathing with a small child and how they are going to start comparing their boyfriends penis to their dad's or how they after somehow less self reliant (not sure I know of any infant or young toddler that can bathe themselves) is completely shocking to me.

Some of my friends take baths with their kids. Some don't. Don't think either is right or wrong. I do find it funny that non parents think one way or the other. If there is one thing I have learned in my first 2.5 years of parenting it's that each kids is diffweren't and each family dynamic is different and what works for some doesn't work for others

Not trying to be dickish.

What about cosleeping "works" for you? And you feel this benefit outweighs the potential (no matter how small) of seriously harming your child?

What are the benefits of climbing into the tub with your kid?

We didn't cosleep when the kids were still infants, but we do now. There's 2 adults, a 4 year old, a 7 year old and 2 dogs (maybe more depending on if we're fostering any dogs at the time) in a side by side queen and full mattress. Its always been so much easier just putting the kids too bed that way that we just stuck with it. My wife and I would hardly have sex if we had the room all to ourselves anyways so it doesn't affect that aspect of our marriage. I have no idea when it will end or how it affects my kids long term and I really don't care.

I'm sure it is "much easier". I would be much easier if I let my child eat candy for dinner too, or not bathe him regularly, or let him write on the walls with crayons, etc. Doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

To each his own I guess. Who am I, or anyone else, to question how you raise you children? I probably do things in raising my children that may seem weird to some. I can't think of any though.

What's so wrong about it? Eating candy for dinner is obvious. Not seeing what's so obviously wrong about letting a 7 and 4 year sleep with us.

Lack of intimacy with your spouse for one. You mentioned earlier "My wife and I would hardly have sex if we had the room all to ourselves anyways". To me that speaks volumes. Could one or both of you use co-sleeping as a way to prevent intimacy? If you say intimacy with your spouse isn't important, you couldn't be more wrong. Did you conceive your 4 year old with your then 3-year old in the bed with you?

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

 

[ClownCausedChaos2]

"Hello, Dad? Remember the other day when you said how you wished that we'd done more together? How long are you going to be home?"

 

[shadyridr]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

Agreed. There is some bizarre stuff in this thread.

 

[NutterButter]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

 

[Scoresman]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

start hiding money.

 

[Insein]

Sure are some crazy assumptions in here.

My wife probably takes a bath with the kids once a week. I probably once a month.

I know that the co sleeping thing is controversial here in the states. I can understand that and can see the concerns that some may have. Wasn't something we planned on ahead of time. Just turned out to something that works for us.

But this backlash about bathing with a small child and how they are going to start comparing their boyfriends penis to their dad's or how they after somehow less self reliant (not sure I know of any infant or young toddler that can bathe themselves) is completely shocking to me.

Some of my friends take baths with their kids. Some don't. Don't think either is right or wrong. I do find it funny that non parents think one way or the other. If there is one thing I have learned in my first 2.5 years of parenting it's that each kids is diffweren't and each family dynamic is different and what works for some doesn't work for others

Not trying to be dickish.

What about cosleeping "works" for you? And you feel this benefit outweighs the potential (no matter how small) of seriously harming your child?

What are the benefits of climbing into the tub with your kid?

We didn't cosleep when the kids were still infants, but we do now. There's 2 adults, a 4 year old, a 7 year old and 2 dogs (maybe more depending on if we're fostering any dogs at the time) in a side by side queen and full mattress. Its always been so much easier just putting the kids too bed that way that we just stuck with it. My wife and I would hardly have sex if we had the room all to ourselves anyways so it doesn't affect that aspect of our marriage. I have no idea when it will end or how it affects my kids long term and I really don't care.

I'm sure it is "much easier". I would be much easier if I let my child eat candy for dinner too, or not bathe him regularly, or let him write on the walls with crayons, etc. Doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

To each his own I guess. Who am I, or anyone else, to question how you raise you children? I probably do things in raising my children that may seem weird to some. I can't think of any though.

What's so wrong about it? Eating candy for dinner is obvious. Not seeing what's so obviously wrong about letting a 7 and 4 year sleep with us.

Dependency. They will have a harder time adjusting to you not being there for wvery little thing when they're older. Again its your kids though.

 

[NutterButter]

Sure are some crazy assumptions in here.

My wife probably takes a bath with the kids once a week. I probably once a month.

I know that the co sleeping thing is controversial here in the states. I can understand that and can see the concerns that some may have. Wasn't something we planned on ahead of time. Just turned out to something that works for us.

But this backlash about bathing with a small child and how they are going to start comparing their boyfriends penis to their dad's or how they after somehow less self reliant (not sure I know of any infant or young toddler that can bathe themselves) is completely shocking to me.

Some of my friends take baths with their kids. Some don't. Don't think either is right or wrong. I do find it funny that non parents think one way or the other. If there is one thing I have learned in my first 2.5 years of parenting it's that each kids is diffweren't and each family dynamic is different and what works for some doesn't work for others

Not trying to be dickish.

What about cosleeping "works" for you? And you feel this benefit outweighs the potential (no matter how small) of seriously harming your child?

What are the benefits of climbing into the tub with your kid?

We didn't cosleep when the kids were still infants, but we do now. There's 2 adults, a 4 year old, a 7 year old and 2 dogs (maybe more depending on if we're fostering any dogs at the time) in a side by side queen and full mattress. Its always been so much easier just putting the kids too bed that way that we just stuck with it. My wife and I would hardly have sex if we had the room all to ourselves anyways so it doesn't affect that aspect of our marriage. I have no idea when it will end or how it affects my kids long term and I really don't care.

I'm sure it is "much easier". I would be much easier if I let my child eat candy for dinner too, or not bathe him regularly, or let him write on the walls with crayons, etc. Doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

To each his own I guess. Who am I, or anyone else, to question how you raise you children? I probably do things in raising my children that may seem weird to some. I can't think of any though.

What's so wrong about it? Eating candy for dinner is obvious. Not seeing what's so obviously wrong about letting a 7 and 4 year sleep with us.

Lack of intimacy with your spouse for one. You mentioned earlier "My wife and I would hardly have sex if we had the room all to ourselves anyways". To me that speaks volumes. Could one or both of you use co-sleeping as a way to prevent intimacy? If you say intimacy with your spouse isn't important, you couldn't be more wrong. Did you conceive your 4 year old with your then 3-year old in the bed with you?

I touched on this. Its pretty much a lost cause. 14 years from now, my youngest is leaving for college and I'll probably be leaving the house with her. My wife and I don't fight. We get along fine. We're just not marriage compatible.

 

[NutterButter]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

start hiding money.

She makes more than me. If anything, I'd be getting alimony.

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

It sounds like your life revolves around your kids. They need to start getting some independence. It is part of growing up to realize that they can do things for themselves.

While you are showing love to your kids, you are not showing them a healthy adult love life. You are also placating a child and possibly playing into their fears. I am assuming that they have a problem getting up in the middle of the night alone due to fear.

 

[NutterButter]

Sure are some crazy assumptions in here.

My wife probably takes a bath with the kids once a week. I probably once a month.

I know that the co sleeping thing is controversial here in the states. I can understand that and can see the concerns that some may have. Wasn't something we planned on ahead of time. Just turned out to something that works for us.

But this backlash about bathing with a small child and how they are going to start comparing their boyfriends penis to their dad's or how they after somehow less self reliant (not sure I know of any infant or young toddler that can bathe themselves) is completely shocking to me.

Some of my friends take baths with their kids. Some don't. Don't think either is right or wrong. I do find it funny that non parents think one way or the other. If there is one thing I have learned in my first 2.5 years of parenting it's that each kids is diffweren't and each family dynamic is different and what works for some doesn't work for others

Not trying to be dickish.

What about cosleeping "works" for you? And you feel this benefit outweighs the potential (no matter how small) of seriously harming your child?

What are the benefits of climbing into the tub with your kid?

We didn't cosleep when the kids were still infants, but we do now. There's 2 adults, a 4 year old, a 7 year old and 2 dogs (maybe more depending on if we're fostering any dogs at the time) in a side by side queen and full mattress. Its always been so much easier just putting the kids too bed that way that we just stuck with it. My wife and I would hardly have sex if we had the room all to ourselves anyways so it doesn't affect that aspect of our marriage. I have no idea when it will end or how it affects my kids long term and I really don't care.

I'm sure it is "much easier". I would be much easier if I let my child eat candy for dinner too, or not bathe him regularly, or let him write on the walls with crayons, etc. Doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

To each his own I guess. Who am I, or anyone else, to question how you raise you children? I probably do things in raising my children that may seem weird to some. I can't think of any though.

What's so wrong about it? Eating candy for dinner is obvious. Not seeing what's so obviously wrong about letting a 7 and 4 year sleep with us.

Dependency. They will have a harder time adjusting to you not being there for wvery little thing when they're older. Again its your kids though.

We haven't noticed that in other scenarios. My oldest has been fine sleeping over her friends' houses. And she's only 7 so I'm not concerned.

 

[TheWalkmen]

what advantage is there to sitting naked in the bath as opposed to sitting outside the bathtub?

I'm pretty sure I already answered this. My son is 13 months old, he likes to try to stand in the tub and whatnot. It's easier to keep him from falling, as he's done before, fron inside the rub. Additionally, to wash him from outside the tub it requires getting on your knees and leaning over the tub. It's a pain in the ###. It's also a pain in the ### to get in the tub, but sometimes when I'd rather not lean over a tub for 10 minutes I get in. It's a bunch easier to wash him from inside the tub. Does this make too much sense?

 

[gianmarco]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

Different rooms complicates things? You realize most children sleep in their own rooms, especially by age 7, right? How does it "complicate things" by being in a different room?

 

[Scoresman]

what advantage is there to sitting naked in the bath as opposed to sitting outside the bathtub?

I'm pretty sure I already answered this. My son is 13 months old, he likes to try to stand in the tub and whatnot. To wash him from outside the tub it requires getting on your knees and leaning over the tub. It's a pain in the ###. It's also a pain in the ### to get in the tub, but sometimes when I'd rather not lean over a tub for 10 minutes I get in. It's a bunch easier to wash him from inside the tub.Does this make too much sense?

it makes sense but if it were me in that situation I'd probably offset the convenience of being in the tub with having my junk waved in the face of my child and having my child share a bath full of my taint juice.

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

i have a 2.5 year old and a 5 month old. Taking a bath with one or both of them is a highlight of my time with them. What the help are you guys afraid of?

Oh man.

 

[Insein]

what advantage is there to sitting naked in the bath as opposed to sitting outside the bathtub?

I'm pretty sure I already answered this. My son is 13 months old, he likes to try to stand in the tub and whatnot. To wash him from outside the tub it requires getting on your knees and leaning over the tub. It's a pain in the ###. It's also a pain in the ### to get in the tub, but sometimes when I'd rather not lean over a tub for 10 minutes I get in. It's a bunch easier to wash him from inside the tub.Does this make too much sense?

it makes sense but if it were me in that situation I'd probably offset the convenience of being in the tub with having my junk waved in the face of my child and having my child share a bath full of my taint juice.

Junk waving aside, its more of an inconvenience to have to undress and get a full bath ready for a full sized adult that is colder than normally acceptable to not overheat the kids than it is to just lean down and wash them while making sure they don't stand up or fall.

 

[TheWalkmen]

what advantage is there to sitting naked in the bath as opposed to sitting outside the bathtub?

I'm pretty sure I already answered this. My son is 13 months old, he likes to try to stand in the tub and whatnot. To wash him from outside the tub it requires getting on your knees and leaning over the tub. It's a pain in the ###. It's also a pain in the ### to get in the tub, but sometimes when I'd rather not lean over a tub for 10 minutes I get in. It's a bunch easier to wash him from inside the tub.Does this make too much sense?

it makes sense but if it were me in that situation I'd probably offset the convenience of being in the tub with having my junk waved in the face of my child and having my child share a bath full of my taint juice.

Well, if you have a juicy taint, and if you wave your schlong in front of your kids face, you probably shouldn't get in.

 

[NutterButter]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

It sounds like your life revolves around your kids. They need to start getting some independence. It is part of growing up to realize that they can do things for themselves.

While you are showing love to your kids, you are not showing them a healthy adult love life. You are also placating a child and possibly playing into their fears. I am assuming that they have a problem getting up in the middle of the night alone due to fear.

For my wife definitely. For me, probably not enough. I love them to death, but I view them as just apart of my life and not its entirety. They are very needy on us for attention, but certainly not b/c of me. They didn't go to daycare but instead were watched by my mother-in-law during the day when they were younger so I think they got very comfortable with that individual attention. My oldest has gotten better as she's been in montessori school since she was 3. My youngest just started so we'll see how that goes. You're right though, they're not going to be getting the view of a healthy adult love life from my wife and I. Its just not going to happen. At this age, I don't think they have much of a clue, but it was surely become apparent as they get older. Not much I can do about that since that ship has sailed. I don't see it coming back. Not sure about the middle of the night waking up. A lot of times, its your typical childhood nightmares.

 

[Scoresman]

what advantage is there to sitting naked in the bath as opposed to sitting outside the bathtub?

I'm pretty sure I already answered this. My son is 13 months old, he likes to try to stand in the tub and whatnot. To wash him from outside the tub it requires getting on your knees and leaning over the tub. It's a pain in the ###. It's also a pain in the ### to get in the tub, but sometimes when I'd rather not lean over a tub for 10 minutes I get in. It's a bunch easier to wash him from inside the tub.Does this make too much sense?

it makes sense but if it were me in that situation I'd probably offset the convenience of being in the tub with having my junk waved in the face of my child and having my child share a bath full of my taint juice.

Well, if you have a juicy taint, and if you wave your schlong in front of your kids face, you probably shouldn't get in.

unless you're taking a shower before getting in the tub, you've got at least some level of nastiness going on down there. And putting two people in one tub, one of them not potty trained, that bath water is foul at best. Nobody in that situation is getting "bathed".

 

[Wildcat]

I touched on this. Its pretty much a lost cause. 14 years from now, my youngest is leaving for college and I'll probably be leaving the house with her. My wife and I don't fight. We get along fine. We're just not marriage compatible.

Why wait 14 years? I was in a similar situation when my son was 6 (without the co-sleeping). We were just living together. No love or intimacy. I got out.

 

[NutterButter]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

Different rooms complicates things? You realize most children sleep in their own rooms, especially by age 7, right? How does it "complicate things" by being in a different room?

It complicates things in the sense that there's only 1 of me and 2 of them. So if they both go to bed at 8:30, I can only sit with one of them. So its just a lot easier to lay with them both in the master bed. Yes, my wife could lay with one of them, but then it will become "why is mommy laying with her and not me type of scenario". And for her to lay with them as well, that's just one more thing she thinks she needs to do which will stress her out more. My wife is very stressed out about a lot of things. I'm the opposite. So its just easier. Yeah, its strange. I know, but if its easier and I don't see any issues, then I'm doing what's easy. Good times.

 

[RUSF18]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

Different rooms complicates things? You realize most children sleep in their own rooms, especially by age 7, right? How does it "complicate things" by being in a different room?

It complicates things in the sense that there's only 1 of me and 2 of them. So if they both go to bed at 8:30, I can only sit with one of them. So its just a lot easier to lay with them both in the master bed. Yes, my wife could lay with one of them, but then it will become "why is mommy laying with her and not me type of scenario". And for her to lay with them as well, that's just one more thing she thinks she needs to do which will stress her out more. My wife is very stressed out about a lot of things. I'm the opposite. So its just easier. Yeah, its strange. I know, but if its easier and I don't see any issues, then I'm doing what's easy. Good times.

Yowza.

 

[NutterButter]

I touched on this. Its pretty much a lost cause. 14 years from now, my youngest is leaving for college and I'll probably be leaving the house with her. My wife and I don't fight. We get along fine. We're just not marriage compatible.

Why wait 14 years? I was in a similar situation when my son was 6 (without the co-sleeping). We were just living together. No love or intimacy. I got out.

B/c the alternative doesn't seem any better. I just don't see myself ever getting into another relationship. Financially, we'll be certainly worse off. I won't see my kids nearly as much and I love seeing my kids. If we were fighting a lot or if it was just a really unbearable environment, I would certainly be gone, but the upsides of staying far out weigh the downsides.

 

[Patriotsfatboy1]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

It sounds like your life revolves around your kids. They need to start getting some independence. It is part of growing up to realize that they can do things for themselves.

While you are showing love to your kids, you are not showing them a healthy adult love life. You are also placating a child and possibly playing into their fears. I am assuming that they have a problem getting up in the middle of the night alone due to fear.

For my wife definitely. For me, probably not enough. I love them to death, but I view them as just apart of my life and not its entirety. They are very needy on us for attention, but certainly not b/c of me. They didn't go to daycare but instead were watched by my mother-in-law during the day when they were younger so I think they got very comfortable with that individual attention. My oldest has gotten better as she's been in montessori school since she was 3. My youngest just started so we'll see how that goes. You're right though, they're not going to be getting the view of a healthy adult love life from my wife and I. Its just not going to happen. At this age, I don't think they have much of a clue, but it was surely become apparent as they get older. Not much I can do about that since that ship has sailed. I don't see it coming back. Not sure about the middle of the night waking up. A lot of times, its your typical childhood nightmares.

I am not a child psychologist, but it sounds like there are multiple red flags from my perspective:

- "They are very needy on us for attention, but certainly not b/c of me". Are you doing anything to reduce the neediness?

- "they got very comfortable with that individual attention". Well no sh!t. You give them nothing but attention.

- You have an empty love life. You are staying with your wife for the kids. How is that not just living for the kids?

- "Not sure about the middle of the night waking up. A lot of times, its your typical childhood nightmares". Kids should not be having that many nightmares. Is more attention-seeking behavior?

I am sure that there are more hidden gems there, but this seems sad to me.

 

[the moops]

All you guys showering with your not so young kids...did your parents do the same with you?

My kids are still very young. And no, I can't remember my parents bathing with me

 

[gianmarco]

what advantage is there to sitting naked in the bath as opposed to sitting outside the bathtub?

I'm pretty sure I already answered this. My son is 13 months old, he likes to try to stand in the tub and whatnot. It's easier to keep him from falling, as he's done before, fron inside the rub. Additionally, to wash him from outside the tub it requires getting on your knees and leaning over the tub. It's a pain in the ###. It's also a pain in the ### to get in the tub, but sometimes when I'd rather not lean over a tub for 10 minutes I get in. It's a bunch easier to wash him from inside the tub.Does this make too much sense?

You should check out these bathtubs they make for kids: Baby bathtub inventions

They help keep your kid from standing and falling. Plus, 10 minutes to bathe a kid? I mean, if you want them to have bath time and have fun and spend 10 minutes in there, that's fine. But you don't need to be leaning over the tub during that whole time. Grab a chair or a stool and sit next to them and make sure they don't injure themselves while playing. But scrubbing and washing a 13 month old? 2-3 minutes, tops.

 

[Soulfly3]

All you guys showering with your not so young kids...did your parents do the same with you?

My kids are still very young. And no, I can't remember my parents bathing with me

looking back, do you wish they did?

 

[Limp Ditka]

All you guys showering with your not so young kids...did your parents do the same with you?

My kids are still very young. And no, I can't remember my parents bathing with me

Then why in the hell are you doing it?

 

[Wildcat]

I touched on this. Its pretty much a lost cause. 14 years from now, my youngest is leaving for college and I'll probably be leaving the house with her. My wife and I don't fight. We get along fine. We're just not marriage compatible.

Why wait 14 years? I was in a similar situation when my son was 6 (without the co-sleeping). We were just living together. No love or intimacy. I got out.

B/c the alternative doesn't seem any better. I just don't see myself ever getting into another relationship. Financially, we'll be certainly worse off. I won't see my kids nearly as much and I love seeing my kids. If we were fighting a lot or if it was just a really unbearable environment, I would certainly be gone, but the upsides of staying far out weigh the downsides.

Fair enough. I can certainly see both sides.

 

[TheWalkmen]

what advantage is there to sitting naked in the bath as opposed to sitting outside the bathtub?

I'm pretty sure I already answered this. My son is 13 months old, he likes to try to stand in the tub and whatnot. To wash him from outside the tub it requires getting on your knees and leaning over the tub. It's a pain in the ###. It's also a pain in the ### to get in the tub, but sometimes when I'd rather not lean over a tub for 10 minutes I get in. It's a bunch easier to wash him from inside the tub.Does this make too much sense?

it makes sense but if it were me in that situation I'd probably offset the convenience of being in the tub with having my junk waved in the face of my child and having my child share a bath full of my taint juice.

Well, if you have a juicy taint, and if you wave your schlong in front of your kids face, you probably shouldn't get in.

unless you're taking a shower before getting in the tub, you've got at least some level of nastiness going on down there. And putting two people in one tub, one of them not potty trained, that bath water is foul at best. Nobody in that situation is getting "bathed".

I'm sorry your taint gets so dirty so quickly. I wouldn't get in a tub with anyone if I were that unclean.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

Do you guys make fart bubbles in there? That seems like it could be fun (until things go horribly wrong).

 

[jamny]

Good luck NutterButter. Sad to hear the situation you're in.

 

[NutterButter]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

It sounds like your life revolves around your kids. They need to start getting some independence. It is part of growing up to realize that they can do things for themselves.

While you are showing love to your kids, you are not showing them a healthy adult love life. You are also placating a child and possibly playing into their fears. I am assuming that they have a problem getting up in the middle of the night alone due to fear.

For my wife definitely. For me, probably not enough. I love them to death, but I view them as just apart of my life and not its entirety. They are very needy on us for attention, but certainly not b/c of me. They didn't go to daycare but instead were watched by my mother-in-law during the day when they were younger so I think they got very comfortable with that individual attention. My oldest has gotten better as she's been in montessori school since she was 3. My youngest just started so we'll see how that goes. You're right though, they're not going to be getting the view of a healthy adult love life from my wife and I. Its just not going to happen. At this age, I don't think they have much of a clue, but it was surely become apparent as they get older. Not much I can do about that since that ship has sailed. I don't see it coming back. Not sure about the middle of the night waking up. A lot of times, its your typical childhood nightmares.

I am not a child psychologist, but it sounds like there are multiple red flags from my perspective:

- "They are very needy on us for attention, but certainly not b/c of me". Are you doing anything to reduce the neediness?

- "they got very comfortable with that individual attention". Well no ####. You give them nothing but attention.

- You have an empty love life. You are staying with your wife for the kids. How is that not just living for the kids?

- "Not sure about the middle of the night waking up. A lot of times, its your typical childhood nightmares". Kids should not be having that many nightmares. Is more attention-seeking behavior?

I am sure that there are more hidden gems there, but this seems sad to me.

They just know that when I say I'm busy or for them to go play, that I mean it. I've been very firm with them in the past and they know what to expect from me. Like I said too, we didn't give them the attention. It was the mother-in-law that gave them the individual attention 9 hours a day.

Its not living for my kids b/c there's not too much that I'm giving up. I do pretty much what I want to do within the confines of fulfilling my responsibilities as a parent. I'm a big mountain biker. Watch sports. Watch a crap load of tv shows.

I'm pretty much a single dad that is roommates with his kids mother.

 

[Insein]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

Different rooms complicates things? You realize most children sleep in their own rooms, especially by age 7, right? How does it "complicate things" by being in a different room?

It complicates things in the sense that there's only 1 of me and 2 of them. So if they both go to bed at 8:30, I can only sit with one of them. So its just a lot easier to lay with them both in the master bed. Yes, my wife could lay with one of them, but then it will become "why is mommy laying with her and not me type of scenario". And for her to lay with them as well, that's just one more thing she thinks she needs to do which will stress her out more. My wife is very stressed out about a lot of things. I'm the opposite. So its just easier. Yeah, its strange. I know, but if its easier and I don't see any issues, then I'm doing what's easy. Good times.

Great way to live.

 

[fatguyinalittlecoat]

NutterButter -- for how long has your relationship been like this?

 

[gianmarco]

What time does everyone go to bed there? When my kids were that age, they were in bed by 8 and there is no way in heck I am going to bed that early.

About that time. I don't fall asleep with them. Just lay with them for 10 minutes while they go to sleep. Being a 36 year old going on 60, I have no problem laying down for a short period of time.

So, why not just lay down with them in their bed for a bit, read to them and then leave after 10 minutes? Then, you go back to watching TV or whatever and you go to your bed when you are done for the night.

So they'd be in the same bed in the same room or in different rooms? Different rooms obviously complicates things. Then there's the waking up in the middle of the night. I'm still not seeing any downside other than the intimacy with my wife which is pretty much a lost cause anyhow. Even if we had a good relationship which we don't, there's no way my wife is having sex with me at like 9pm on a weekday; she's borderline asleep herself at that time.

Different rooms complicates things? You realize most children sleep in their own rooms, especially by age 7, right? How does it "complicate things" by being in a different room?

It complicates things in the sense that there's only 1 of me and 2 of them. So if they both go to bed at 8:30, I can only sit with one of them. So its just a lot easier to lay with them both in the master bed. Yes, my wife could lay with one of them, but then it will become "why is mommy laying with her and not me type of scenario". And for her to lay with them as well, that's just one more thing she thinks she needs to do which will stress her out more. My wife is very stressed out about a lot of things. I'm the opposite. So its just easier. Yeah, its strange. I know, but if its easier and I don't see any issues, then I'm doing what's easy. Good times.

Do you realize how nutty that sounds? First of all, what do you think parents with 3+ kids do? You realize that not every child can have individualized attention at all times. What about single parents with 2 kids? Do you think they all sleep in one bed or all have one room?

You have so many options here.

1) One kid goes to sleep at 8:30 and another at 8:40. If it's an issue as to why one stays up later (which should just be the older one by default), then flip flop every night so it's even.

2) Start with both kids in one room if need be then bring them both to bed after you've spent some time with them.

3) Teach the older one to help put the younger one to bed, then you can spend time with both while teaching some responsibility and letting them learn to not have constant attention from you or your wife.

4) Get your wife involved (I know, crazy) and you can similarly flip flop every night so they each get you every other night.

 

[IC FBGCav]

I touched on this. Its pretty much a lost cause. 14 years from now, my youngest is leaving for college and I'll probably be leaving the house with her. My wife and I don't fight. We get along fine. We're just not marriage compatible.

Why wait 14 years? I was in a similar situation when my son was 6 (without the co-sleeping). We were just living together. No love or intimacy. I got out.

B/c the alternative doesn't seem any better. I just don't see myself ever getting into another relationship. Financially, we'll be certainly worse off. I won't see my kids nearly as much and I love seeing my kids. If we were fighting a lot or if it was just a really unbearable environment, I would certainly be gone, but the upsides of staying far out weigh the downsides.

What happens when she finds someone else? You won't have a choice but to leave. Hate to be blunt but both of you are not going to stay celibate for 14 years.

 

[boots11234]

Whole lot a crazy shizzit going on in this thread: taint, dirty taint, schlong, bathing with kids, loveless marriage, sleeping with kids,tents, breast feeding, wow. I think it is Weird and don't know anyone who does this.

ETA: Fart bubbles

 

[NutterButter]

Good luck NutterButter. Sad to hear the situation you're in.

Thanks. Its really not that bad. Sure, it would be ideal to have picked a more compatible wife, but on the bright side, she makes good coin, she doesn't nag me, she doesn't spend a lot on herself, she's a very good mother, she's fairly attractive, she's intelligent, she's a good person. There are a lot of people that are a lot worse off. It might even sound like she's great wife material, but we just don't fit and its not just b/c I'm so large.

 

[Homer J Simpson]

Depends on how hot the kid is.

POTD

 

[Insein]

Whole lot a crazy shizzit going on in this thread: taint, dirty taint, schlong, bathing with kids, loveless marriage, sleeping with kids,tents, breast feeding, wow. I think it is Weird and don't know anyone who does this.

Its a PSA. This is happens when you bathe with your kids.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

FBG kids have iPhones at 7. iPhones have cameras. Do you really want a picture of your junk going around Thomas Edison elementary?

This is a page for Homer J Simpson. Homer J Simpson to the white courtesy iPhone.

 

[koby925]

a 3yr old watching me scrub the hell out of my taint in the shower?

I just can't see myself doing it.

Why are you scrubbing the hell out of your taint?

 

[Notorious T.R.E.]

Sure are some crazy assumptions in here.

My wife probably takes a bath with the kids once a week. I probably once a month.

I know that the co sleeping thing is controversial here in the states. I can understand that and can see the concerns that some may have. Wasn't something we planned on ahead of time. Just turned out to something that works for us.

But this backlash about bathing with a small child and how they are going to start comparing their boyfriends penis to their dad's or how they after somehow less self reliant (not sure I know of any infant or young toddler that can bathe themselves) is completely shocking to me.

Some of my friends take baths with their kids. Some don't. Don't think either is right or wrong. I do find it funny that non parents think one way or the other. If there is one thing I have learned in my first 2.5 years of parenting it's that each kids is diffweren't and each family dynamic is different and what works for some doesn't work for others

Not trying to be dickish.

What about cosleeping "works" for you? And you feel this benefit outweighs the potential (no matter how small) of seriously harming your child?

What are the benefits of climbing into the tub with your kid?

We didn't cosleep when the kids were still infants, but we do now. There's 2 adults, a 4 year old, a 7 year old and 2 dogs (maybe more depending on if we're fostering any dogs at the time) in a side by side queen and full mattress. Its always been so much easier just putting the kids too bed that way that we just stuck with it. My wife and I would hardly have sex if we had the room all to ourselves anyways so it doesn't affect that aspect of our marriage. I have no idea when it will end or how it affects my kids long term and I really don't care.

Oof.