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Favorite Movie Monologue (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter dhockster
- Start date
Here is another from that movie: 
Long Ball Larry
Footballguy
Took a charter flight on a DC-10 to London. Landed at Heathrow. Took a cab to the city center. Don't let people lie to you: hostels are for the ugly. I'm staying in Home House, the most beautiful hotel in the world. Called a friend from school who was selling hash, but she wasn't in. Met a couple of Brits who take me to, of all places, Camden Street. I flirt a bit at the Virgin Megastore, buy some CDs, then follow some girls with pink hair. I wandered around trying to get laid, until it started to rain, then went back to Home House. Ministry of Sound is dead, so I go to Remform - but it's Gay Night. I find the one hetero girl in the place and we dry hump on the dance floor. We cab it back to Home House. I strip her clothes off, suck her toes, and we ####. I hung out for four or five days. Met the world's biggest DJ, Paul Oakenfold. Kept missing the Changing of the Guards. Wrote my mom a postcard I never sent. Bought some speed from an Italian junkie who was trying to sell me a stolen bike. Smoked a lot of hash that had too much tobacco in it. Saw the Tate. Saw Big Ben. Ate a lot of weird English food. It rained a lot, it was expensive, and I'm jonesing... So, I split for Amsterdam. The Dutch all know English, so I didn't have to speak any Dutch - which was a relief. I cruise the Red Light District. Visit a sex show. Visit a sex museum. Smoke a lot of hash. I meet a Dutch TV actress and we drink absinthe at a bar called Absinthe. The museums were cool, I guess. Lots of Van Goghs and the Vermeers were intense. Wandered around. Bought a lot of pastries. Ate some intense waffles. We bought some coke and I cruised the Red Light District, until I found some blonde with big #### that reminds me of Lara. I gave her a hundred guilders. In the end, she pulls me out, and I cum between her ####, even though I'm wearing a rubber. Afterward we made small-talk about AIDS, her Moroccan pimp, and herself. I wake to the sound of a wino singing. It's 8 AM and hot as blazes. I pretend to ice-skate around Central Station, while someone plays the sax. Trade songs with a Kiwi girl... Then split for Paris by train. Wander the Champs-Elysees. Climb the Eiffel Tower for only seven francs, because the ticket machine was broken. Got the hang of the Metro, took it everywhere. Went to a Ford model party and hooked up with a Romanian model named Karina. She chugs my #### at the Mariott Champs-Elysees, which is good. We played billiards, went shopping. I think she gave me mono. Drove a Ferrari that belonged to a member of the Saudi royal family. Made out with a Dutch model in front of the Louvre. Saw the Arc de Triomphe and almost became road-kill crossing the street... "Oakie" invites me to Dublin, so I catch an Aer Lingus flight and stay at the Morrison. Dublin rocks like you can't imagine. Oakenfold lets me spin some discs with him. Irish girls are as small as leprechauns. I swap hickeys with a drunk woman. After groping my abs and calling me "Mr. L.A.", she strips for me in the bath room of the club. Sneak into the Guinness factory and steal some stout so good my #### goes hard... I fly to Barcelona, which was a low-rent bust. Too many fat American students. Too many lame meat markets. I dropped acid at the Sagrada Familia, which was a trip to say the least. Cruise up the coast to the Museo Gala Dali, but had no more acid, which sucked. Some girl from Camden calls me on my cell, so I let her listen to the church bells in Cadaques. Canta Cruz is beautiful, but there are no girls here, just old hippies... So, I went to Switzerland where I, ironically, couldn't find anyone who had the time. Took the Glacier Express up the Schilthorn, which is beautiful in a way I can't describe... Euro Pass into Italy and ended up in Venice, where I met a hot girl who looks like Rachael Leigh Cook and speaks better English than I do. She's living for a year on only five dollars a day. We gondola around, buy some masks. She think's I'm a capitalist, because my hotel room costs more for one night than she's spending her entire trip. But she doesn't mind it so much when I pay the bills... I ditch her and hook up with a couple who obviously want a 3-some. Too much tension there, but the doofus offers to drive me to Rome, an offer I jump at. Traffic is bad and we're stopped for hours without moving. The wife turns out to be a freak. The guy starts to wig out on me. It's like a Polanski film... We stop for a while in Florence, where I see some big dome. A bomb goes off and I lose the weird couple, which is probably for the best... Ended up in Rome, which is big and hot and dirty. It was just like L.A., but with ruins. I went to the Vatican, which was ridiculously opulent. Stood for two hours to get into the Sistine Chapel, which - now that it's been cleaned - looks fake. I meet two under-age Italian girls who I try to talk into ####### each other while I jack off onto them. Bored, I buy them some ice cream instead. My hotel has a gym, so I work out. I bump into some guy from Camden who says he knows me, but I'm sure that he's a , so I lose him. I try to fart and instead #### my pants. Back in my hotel room, I masturbate and have a pain in my groin. That night, I dream about a beautiful girl, half in water, stretching her lean body. She asks me if I like it and I tell her she can clean fish with it. I don't know what it means, but I wake well-rested, masturbate in the shower, and check out... I make my way back to London and hang out in Piccadilly Circus. Hmm. Palakon. I swap shirts with some upper-crusty Cambridge chick. Hers was an Agnes B., mine a Costume Nationale. She acts stuffy and prudish, but is really wild underneath it all. She barely looks at my abs, though she wants to. The next day, I drop some acid and get lost in the subway for a full day and can't find my way out. I meet a cute girl who lets me jack off onto her as long as no cum gets onto her Paul Smith coat. We get stoned while listening to Michael Jackson records and the next morning I wake up talking to myself. I have a big bump on my head from flailing in my sleep. I get my stuff and barely make my plane back to the United States... I no longer know who I am and I feel like the ghost of a total stranger.
SIDA!
Footballguy
Great list.
Before I opened the thread, the True Romance scene entered my mind though I think the Glengary Glen Ross scene is better.
NorvilleBarnes
Footballguy
First thing that came to mind: "Put that coffee down!"
joffer
Footballguy
from the Movie Category Draft:
1. Cloris Leachman in The Last Picture Show
2. Robert Shaw in Jaws
3. Christopher Walken in Pulp Fiction
4. Peter Finch in Network
5. Charlie Chaplin in The Great Dictator
6. "People Will Come" from Field of Dreams
7. George C. Scott in Patton
8. Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross
9. "Greed is Good" from Wall Street
10. RL Ermy in Full Metal Jacket
11. The Breakfast Club
12. On the Waterfront
13. Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood
14. Robert Duvall in Apocalypse Now
15. Blade Runner
16. Good Will Hunting
17. Harvey Keitel in Reservoir Dogs
18. American Psycho
19. Talk Radio
20. The Third Man
21. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
22. Slingblade '
23. Braveheart
24. Colossus: The Forbin Project
25. Independence Day
1. Cloris Leachman in The Last Picture Show
2. Robert Shaw in Jaws
3. Christopher Walken in Pulp Fiction
4. Peter Finch in Network
5. Charlie Chaplin in The Great Dictator
6. "People Will Come" from Field of Dreams
7. George C. Scott in Patton
8. Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross
9. "Greed is Good" from Wall Street
10. RL Ermy in Full Metal Jacket
11. The Breakfast Club
12. On the Waterfront
13. Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood
14. Robert Duvall in Apocalypse Now
15. Blade Runner
16. Good Will Hunting
17. Harvey Keitel in Reservoir Dogs
18. American Psycho
19. Talk Radio
20. The Third Man
21. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
22. Slingblade '
23. Braveheart
24. Colossus: The Forbin Project
25. Independence Day
Insein
Footballguy
Mr. Pink: I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips, that's ####ed up. That ain't my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government ####s in the ### on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball. And as for this non-college bull#### I got two words for that: learn to ####in' type, 'cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent you're in for a big ####in' surprise.
The General
Footballguy
Al Pacino's "Any Given Sunday" inches speech was pretty great.
Tarantino has written a bunch that are on the list.
The ending of "Unforgiven" is probably my favorite scene.
Tarantino has written a bunch that are on the list.
The ending of "Unforgiven" is probably my favorite scene.
Insomniac
Footballguy
The Godfather: Part II (1974)
Hyman Roth: There was this kid I grew up with; he was younger than me. Sorta looked up to me, you know. We did our first work together, worked our way out of the street. Things were good, we made the most of it. During Prohibition, we ran molasses into Canada... made a fortune, your father, too. As much as anyone, I loved him and trusted him. Later on he had an idea to build a city out of a desert stop-over for GI's on the way to the West Coast. That kid's name was Moe Greene, and the city he invented was Las Vegas. This was a great man, a man of vision and guts. And there isn't even a plaque, or a signpost or a statue of him in that town! Someone put a bullet through his eye. No one knows who gave the order. When I heard it, I wasn't angry; I knew Moe, I knew he was head-strong, talking loud, saying stupid things. So when he turned up dead, I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we've chosen; I didn't ask who gave the order, because it had nothing to do with business!
Hyman Roth: There was this kid I grew up with; he was younger than me. Sorta looked up to me, you know. We did our first work together, worked our way out of the street. Things were good, we made the most of it. During Prohibition, we ran molasses into Canada... made a fortune, your father, too. As much as anyone, I loved him and trusted him. Later on he had an idea to build a city out of a desert stop-over for GI's on the way to the West Coast. That kid's name was Moe Greene, and the city he invented was Las Vegas. This was a great man, a man of vision and guts. And there isn't even a plaque, or a signpost or a statue of him in that town! Someone put a bullet through his eye. No one knows who gave the order. When I heard it, I wasn't angry; I knew Moe, I knew he was head-strong, talking loud, saying stupid things. So when he turned up dead, I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we've chosen; I didn't ask who gave the order, because it had nothing to do with business!
Insein
Footballguy
So many good ones from the Godfather trilogy.
"I believe in America. America has made my fortune. And I raised my daughter in the American fashion. I gave her freedom but I taught her never to dishonor her family. She found a "boy friend," not an Italian. She went to the movies with him. She stayed out late. I didn't protest. Two months ago he took her for a drive, with another boy friend. They made her drink whiskey and then they tried to take advantage of her. She resisted. She kept her honor. So they beat her. Like an animal. When I went to the hospital her nose was broken. Her jaw was shattered, held together by wire. She couldn't even weep because of the pain. But I wept. Why did I weep? She was the light of my life. A beautiful girl. Now she will never be beautiful again."
"I believe in America. America has made my fortune. And I raised my daughter in the American fashion. I gave her freedom but I taught her never to dishonor her family. She found a "boy friend," not an Italian. She went to the movies with him. She stayed out late. I didn't protest. Two months ago he took her for a drive, with another boy friend. They made her drink whiskey and then they tried to take advantage of her. She resisted. She kept her honor. So they beat her. Like an animal. When I went to the hospital her nose was broken. Her jaw was shattered, held together by wire. She couldn't even weep because of the pain. But I wept. Why did I weep? She was the light of my life. A beautiful girl. Now she will never be beautiful again."
Insein
Footballguy
You talk about vengeance. Is vengeance going to bring your son back to you or my boy to me? I forgo the vengeance of my son. But my youngest son had to leave this country because of this Sollozzo business. So now I have to make arrangements to bring him back safely cleared of all these false charges. But Im a superstitious man. And if some unlucky accident should befall him, if he should be shot in the head by a police officer, or if should hang himself in his jail cell, or if hes struck by a bolt of lightning then Im going to blame some of the people in this room and that, I do not forgive. But, that aside, let say that I swear, on the souls of my grandchildren, that I will not be the one to break the peace we have made here today.
timschochet
Footballguy
The Hiroshima monologue is great, but for me, this one is even better:
Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down the pond chasin' bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow you whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', an' down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's just too many captains on this island. $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.
Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down the pond chasin' bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow you whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', an' down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's just too many captains on this island. $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.
coyote5
Footballguy
That's cool. And I think some of the other ones posted are better. But this one's my favorite. Love the movie, and in context I still get goosebumps from the scene.For some reason I never liked this one.
timschochet
Footballguy
Looking for the "Nest Egg" monologue from Lost In America. Can't find it.
Good Posting Judge
Footballguy
Binky The Doormat
Footballguy
"such a fine line between stupid and clever" - Spinal Tap
Ditkaless Wonders
Footballguy
Josie Maran
Footballguy
Todem
Footballguy
Best ever! Along with is speech at the town council meeting.
You all know me. Know how I earn my living. I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't going to be easy....bad fish.Not like going down to pond chasing blue gills and tommy cods. This shark...swallow you whole! A little shaking, a little tenderizing and down you go. Now we got do it quick and get back all your tourists and put your businesses on a paying basis. But it's not going to be pleasant! I value my neck for a lot more than 3,000 bucks Chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him and kill him for ten. Now you got make up your minds. Do you want to stay alive and ante up? Or play it cheap and be welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.
Thank you very much Mr. Quint. we will...ugh take it under advisement.
Mr. Mayor, Chief......ladies and gentlemen.
Last edited by a moderator:
Charlie Steiner
Footballguy
You came to see a race today. To see someone win. It happened to be me. But I want you to do more than just watch a race. I want you to take part in it. I want to compare faith to running in a race. It's hard. It requires concentration of will, energy of soul. You experience elation when the winner breaks the tape - especially if you've got a bet on it. But how long does that last? You go home. Maybe you're dinner's burnt. Maybe you haven't got a job. So who am I to say, "Believe, have faith," in the face of life's realities? I would like to give you something more permanent, but I can only point the way. I have no formula for winning the race. Everyone runs in her own way, or his own way. And where does the power come from, to see the race to its end? From within. Jesus said, "Behold, the Kingdom of God is within you. If with all your hearts, you truly seek me, you shall ever surely find me." If you commit yourself to the love of Christ, then that is how you run a straight race.
dhockster
Footballguy
"I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure."
SeaDogStat
Footballguy
Does this count as a monologue? It's seems short in print, but more "monologue-ish" when I hear it...
The Principal, from Billy Madison*
The Principal, from Billy Madison*
* - movie listed so I don't get the herpes
STBootleg
Footballguy
I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that.
bshell27
Footballguy
saintsfan
Footballguy
Here is Spielberg's words on the Jaws speech.
Steven Spielberg: I owe three people a lot for this speech. You’ve heard all this, but you’ve probably never heard it from me. There’s a lot of apocryphal reporting about who did what on Jaws and I’ve heard it for the last three decades, but the fact is the speech was conceived by Howard Sackler, who was an uncredited writer, didn’t want a credit and didn’t arbitrate for one, but he’s the guy that broke the back of the script before we ever got to Martha’s Vineyard to shoot the movie.
I hired later Carl Gottlieb to come onto the island, who was a friend of mine, to punch up the script, but Howard conceived of the Indianapolis speech. I had never heard of the Indianapolis before Howard, who wrote the script at the Bel Air Hotel and I was with him a couple times a week reading pages and discussing them.
Howard one day said, “Quint needs some motivation to show all of us what made him the way he is and I think it’s this Indianapolis incident.” I said, “Howard, what’s that?” And he explained the whole incident of the Indianapolis and the Atomic Bomb being delivered and on its way back it was sunk by a submarine and sharks surrounded the helpless sailors who had been cast adrift and it was just a horrendous piece of World War II history. Howard didn’t write a long speech, he probably wrote about three-quarters of a page.
But then, when I showed the script to my friend John Milius, John said “Can I take a crack at this speech?” and John wrote a 10 page monologue, that was absolutely brilliant, but out-sized for the Jaws I was making! (laughs) But it was brilliant and then Robert Shaw took the speech and Robert did the cut down. Robert himself was a fine writer, who had written the play The Man in the Glass Booth. Robert took a crack at the speech and he brought it down to five pages. So, that was sort of the evolution just of that speech.
Quint: I’d love to read the 10 page Milius version.
Steven Spielberg: I don’t think it exists. I know I don’t have it. I’ve been asked for it, everybody has been wanting to see it and John doesn’t have it because in those days we didn’t have computers, we didn’t have hard drives, it was just on pieces of paper!
I remember just saying, “Hey, this is a movie! Somebody someday should do a movie just about the Indianapolis.”
But the other lucky thing about the shark not working was that we all did have a chance to hone the script and do improvisations and then Carl Gottlieb took the improvisations that I tape recorded and transcribed them, then he structured scenes and then we’d all collaborate with Carl on cutting the scenes down, making them short enough to still put into the movie and let the movie have its own narrative pace.
Steven Spielberg: I owe three people a lot for this speech. You’ve heard all this, but you’ve probably never heard it from me. There’s a lot of apocryphal reporting about who did what on Jaws and I’ve heard it for the last three decades, but the fact is the speech was conceived by Howard Sackler, who was an uncredited writer, didn’t want a credit and didn’t arbitrate for one, but he’s the guy that broke the back of the script before we ever got to Martha’s Vineyard to shoot the movie.
I hired later Carl Gottlieb to come onto the island, who was a friend of mine, to punch up the script, but Howard conceived of the Indianapolis speech. I had never heard of the Indianapolis before Howard, who wrote the script at the Bel Air Hotel and I was with him a couple times a week reading pages and discussing them.
Howard one day said, “Quint needs some motivation to show all of us what made him the way he is and I think it’s this Indianapolis incident.” I said, “Howard, what’s that?” And he explained the whole incident of the Indianapolis and the Atomic Bomb being delivered and on its way back it was sunk by a submarine and sharks surrounded the helpless sailors who had been cast adrift and it was just a horrendous piece of World War II history. Howard didn’t write a long speech, he probably wrote about three-quarters of a page.
But then, when I showed the script to my friend John Milius, John said “Can I take a crack at this speech?” and John wrote a 10 page monologue, that was absolutely brilliant, but out-sized for the Jaws I was making! (laughs) But it was brilliant and then Robert Shaw took the speech and Robert did the cut down. Robert himself was a fine writer, who had written the play The Man in the Glass Booth. Robert took a crack at the speech and he brought it down to five pages. So, that was sort of the evolution just of that speech.
Quint: I’d love to read the 10 page Milius version.
Steven Spielberg: I don’t think it exists. I know I don’t have it. I’ve been asked for it, everybody has been wanting to see it and John doesn’t have it because in those days we didn’t have computers, we didn’t have hard drives, it was just on pieces of paper!
I remember just saying, “Hey, this is a movie! Somebody someday should do a movie just about the Indianapolis.”
But the other lucky thing about the shark not working was that we all did have a chance to hone the script and do improvisations and then Carl Gottlieb took the improvisations that I tape recorded and transcribed them, then he structured scenes and then we’d all collaborate with Carl on cutting the scenes down, making them short enough to still put into the movie and let the movie have its own narrative pace.
Disc Shark
Footballguy
Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a ####### big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of ####### fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the #### you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing ####### junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, ####ed up brats you spawned to replace yourself.
Choose your future.
Choose life.
Choose your future.
Choose life.
pats3in4
Footballguy
Uncle Andy teaching Shane how to...umm, yeah...
(Found the transcript, but not sure if posting it would fly)
(Found the transcript, but not sure if posting it would fly)
B Maverick
Footballguy
Didnt see this posted and not sure if this is long enough but a good one...
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
Gladiator to avoid the herpes
And hopefully its not to late but my previous post had Bull Durham, Independence Day, and the American President
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the TRUE emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
Gladiator to avoid the herpes
And hopefully its not to late but my previous post had Bull Durham, Independence Day, and the American President
Insein
Footballguy
Why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family and have some real problems, jackass. What were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or for comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? [makes motorboat noises] You motor-boating son of a #####, you old sailor, you! Where is she? She still in the house?
The Hardline
Footballguy
#### you. #### you, pal. Listen to you trying to pass the buck again. I'm the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to attend a wake? Who tried to win back an ex- girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one? You wanna blame somebody, blame yourself.
(beat, as DANTE) "I'm not even supposed to be here today."
(whips stuff at DANTE)
You sound like an #######. Whose choice was it to be here today? Nobody twisted your arm. You're here today of your own violation, my friend. But you'd like to believe that the weight of the world rests on your shoulders-that the store would crumble if Dante wasn't here. Well, I got news for you, jerk: This store would survive without you. Without me either. All you do is overcompensate for having what's basically a monkey's job: You push ####### buttons. Any moron can waltz in here and do our jobs, but you're obsessed with making it seem so much more ####### important, so much more epic than it really is. You work in a convenience store, Dante. And badly, I might add. And I work in a ####ty video store. Badly, as well.
(beat)
You know, that guy Jay's got it right-he has no delusions about what he does. Us? We like to make ourselves seem so much better than the people that come in here, just looking to pick up a paper or-God forbid-cigarettes. We look down on them, as it we're so advanced. Well, if we're so ####### advanced, then what are we doing working here?
(beat, as DANTE) "I'm not even supposed to be here today."
(whips stuff at DANTE)
You sound like an #######. Whose choice was it to be here today? Nobody twisted your arm. You're here today of your own violation, my friend. But you'd like to believe that the weight of the world rests on your shoulders-that the store would crumble if Dante wasn't here. Well, I got news for you, jerk: This store would survive without you. Without me either. All you do is overcompensate for having what's basically a monkey's job: You push ####### buttons. Any moron can waltz in here and do our jobs, but you're obsessed with making it seem so much more ####### important, so much more epic than it really is. You work in a convenience store, Dante. And badly, I might add. And I work in a ####ty video store. Badly, as well.
(beat)
You know, that guy Jay's got it right-he has no delusions about what he does. Us? We like to make ourselves seem so much better than the people that come in here, just looking to pick up a paper or-God forbid-cigarettes. We look down on them, as it we're so advanced. Well, if we're so ####### advanced, then what are we doing working here?
Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
No.FreeBaGeL said:
bshell27
Footballguy
MikeIke
Footballguy
"You see, I never planned it like this. My dumb dad got me this short wave radio set so I could just speak to my friends back east, but I couldn't reach anybody, I thought I was talking to nobody. I imagined that nobody was listening. Maybe I imagined one person out there, anyway one day I woke up and I realized I was never going to be normal and so I said #### it, I said so be it and Happy Harry Hard-on was born. I never meant to hurt anyone, honestly I never meant to hurt anyone. I'm sorry, Malcolm. I never said "Don't do it" I'm sorry. Um...anyway I'm done, stick a fork in me, it's been grand. This is Happy Harry Hard-on saying sayonara, over and out.
You hear about some kid who did something stupid, something desperate. What possessed him. How could he do such a terrible thing? It's really quite simple actually. Consider the life of a teenager. You have parents, teachers telling you what to do. You have movies, magazines, and TV telling you what to do. But you know what you have to do. Your job, your purpose, is to get accepted, get a cute girlfriend, and think up something great to do with the rest of your life. What if you're confused and can't imagine a career? What if you're funny-looking and you can't get a girlfriend? You see no one wants to hear it, but the terrible secret is that being young is sometimes less fun than being dead.
Suicide is wrong, but the interesting thing about it is how uncomplicated it seems. There you are, you got all these problems swarming around your brain, and here is one simple, one incredibly simple solution. I'm just surprised it doesn't happen every day around here. No now they're going to say I said offing yourself is simple, but no, no, no, no, it's not simple. It's like everything else: you have to read the fine print. For instance, assuming there is a heaven--who would ever wanna go there, y'know? I mean think about it, sitting on this cloud, you know it's nice, it's quiet, there's no teachers, there's no parents, but guess what? There's nothing to do. ####ing boring. Another thing to remember about suicide is that it is not a pretty picture. First of all, you #### your shorts, you know. So there you are dead, people are weeping over you, crying, girls you never spoke to are saying, "Why? Why? Why?" and you have a load in your shorts. That's the way I see it. Sue me. Now, they're saying I shouldn't think stuff like this. They're saying something is wrong with me, that I should be ashamed. Well, I'm sick of being ashamed. Aren't you?
I don't mind being dejected and rejected, but I'm not going to be ashamed about it. At least pain is real. You look around and you see nothing is real, but the pain is real. You know, even this show isn't real. This isn't me; I'm using a voice disguiser. I'm a phoney #### just like my Dad, just like anybody. You see, the real me is just as worried as the rest of you. They say I'm disturbed. Well, of course I'm disturbed. I mean we're all disturbed, and if we're not, why not? Doesn't this blend of blindness and blandness want to make you do something crazy? Then why not do something crazy? It makes a helluva lot of sense than blowing your ####ing brains out you know. Go nuts, go crazy, get creative! You got problems? You just chuck'em, nuke'em! They think you're moody? Make'em think you're crazy, make'em think you might snap! They think you got attitude? You show'em some real attitude! Come on, go nuts, get crazy. Hey no more Mr. Nice Guy. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, oh god!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, oh yes!"
From Pump Up the Volume
You hear about some kid who did something stupid, something desperate. What possessed him. How could he do such a terrible thing? It's really quite simple actually. Consider the life of a teenager. You have parents, teachers telling you what to do. You have movies, magazines, and TV telling you what to do. But you know what you have to do. Your job, your purpose, is to get accepted, get a cute girlfriend, and think up something great to do with the rest of your life. What if you're confused and can't imagine a career? What if you're funny-looking and you can't get a girlfriend? You see no one wants to hear it, but the terrible secret is that being young is sometimes less fun than being dead.
Suicide is wrong, but the interesting thing about it is how uncomplicated it seems. There you are, you got all these problems swarming around your brain, and here is one simple, one incredibly simple solution. I'm just surprised it doesn't happen every day around here. No now they're going to say I said offing yourself is simple, but no, no, no, no, it's not simple. It's like everything else: you have to read the fine print. For instance, assuming there is a heaven--who would ever wanna go there, y'know? I mean think about it, sitting on this cloud, you know it's nice, it's quiet, there's no teachers, there's no parents, but guess what? There's nothing to do. ####ing boring. Another thing to remember about suicide is that it is not a pretty picture. First of all, you #### your shorts, you know. So there you are dead, people are weeping over you, crying, girls you never spoke to are saying, "Why? Why? Why?" and you have a load in your shorts. That's the way I see it. Sue me. Now, they're saying I shouldn't think stuff like this. They're saying something is wrong with me, that I should be ashamed. Well, I'm sick of being ashamed. Aren't you?
I don't mind being dejected and rejected, but I'm not going to be ashamed about it. At least pain is real. You look around and you see nothing is real, but the pain is real. You know, even this show isn't real. This isn't me; I'm using a voice disguiser. I'm a phoney #### just like my Dad, just like anybody. You see, the real me is just as worried as the rest of you. They say I'm disturbed. Well, of course I'm disturbed. I mean we're all disturbed, and if we're not, why not? Doesn't this blend of blindness and blandness want to make you do something crazy? Then why not do something crazy? It makes a helluva lot of sense than blowing your ####ing brains out you know. Go nuts, go crazy, get creative! You got problems? You just chuck'em, nuke'em! They think you're moody? Make'em think you're crazy, make'em think you might snap! They think you got attitude? You show'em some real attitude! Come on, go nuts, get crazy. Hey no more Mr. Nice Guy. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, oh god!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, oh yes!"
From Pump Up the Volume
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Officer Pete Malloy
Footballguy
That’s just the attitude we don’t need. Sure, Mohawk has beaten us twelve years in a row. Sure, they’re terrific athletes. They’ve got the best equipment that money can buy. Hell, every team they’re sending over here has their own personal masseuse, not masseur, masseuse. But it doesn’t matter. Do you know that every Mohawk competitor has an electrocardiogram, blood and urine tests every 48 hours to see if there’s any change in his physical condition? Do you know that they use the most sophisticated training methods from the Soviet Union, East and West Germany, and the newest Olympic power Trinidad-Tobago? But it doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t matter. IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER. I tell you, IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! —And even, and even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win! Even if we play so far over our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days. Even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field. Even if every man, woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn’t matter, because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk ’cause they’ve got all the money! It just doesn’t matter if we win or we lose. IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER. IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER!…
FreeBaGeL
Footballguy
Brony
Footballguy
Kids are starving in India and you're walking around with a sombrero full of peanuts.
dhockster
Footballguy
The delivery of this speech is one of the reasons I think Bill Murray is a comedic God.
matttyl
Footballguy
Ricky Slade: Here's scenario B for you Bob, see how you feel about this one. Now I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but I think I'm starting to get under Ruiz's skin as well, OK? It all started with the whole Red Dragon, or the Welsh guy, whatever, they can play it down all they want but you know 200 grand's a lot of ####### money! It's a ####### lot of money! OK? 200 grand is definitely a lot of ####### money! And now I've got Ruiz calling me ####### Fruit-Pie the ####### magician! Tellin' me that I can't ####### call my main man Max, who ####### sent me out on the ####### operation? And what about the Welsh guy? He's ####### scat all over, they ####### disappear and talk! And you haven't noticed this either but when he's not ####### looking at me or you're ####### doing whatever, I've got ####### Jimmy in the mirror with his #### too. It's ####### coming at me from here, I don't know where it is! It might be coming this way, it might be coming that way, but the ####### ####'s coming and I'm not gonna be late for the ####### dance man, I'm not gonna be ####### late for the dance on this one.
Bobby: You're not getting a gun.
-Made
D in the D
Footballguy
Fast Eddie Felson:
You know, I got a hunch, fat man. I got a hunch it's me from here on in. One ball, corner pocket. I mean, that ever happen to you? You know, all of a sudden you feel like you can't miss? 'Cause I dreamed about this game, fat man. I dreamed about this game every night on the road. Five ball. You know, this is my table, man. I own it.
Al Capone:
A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms. Enthusiasms, enthusiasms... What are mine? What draws my admiration? What is that which gives me joy? Baseball! A man stands alone at the plate. This is the time for what? For individual achievement. There he stands alone. But in the field, what? Part of a team. Teamwork... Looks, throws, catches, hustles. Part of one big team. Bats himself the live-long day, Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and so on. If his team don't field... what is he? You follow me? No one. Sunny day, the stands are full of fans. What does he have to say? I'm goin' out there for myself. But... I get nowhere unless the team wins.
You know, I got a hunch, fat man. I got a hunch it's me from here on in. One ball, corner pocket. I mean, that ever happen to you? You know, all of a sudden you feel like you can't miss? 'Cause I dreamed about this game, fat man. I dreamed about this game every night on the road. Five ball. You know, this is my table, man. I own it.
Al Capone:
A man becomes preeminent, he's expected to have enthusiasms. Enthusiasms, enthusiasms... What are mine? What draws my admiration? What is that which gives me joy? Baseball! A man stands alone at the plate. This is the time for what? For individual achievement. There he stands alone. But in the field, what? Part of a team. Teamwork... Looks, throws, catches, hustles. Part of one big team. Bats himself the live-long day, Babe Ruth, Ty Cobb, and so on. If his team don't field... what is he? You follow me? No one. Sunny day, the stands are full of fans. What does he have to say? I'm goin' out there for myself. But... I get nowhere unless the team wins.
rockaction
Footballguy
The Hustler was just simply great in all respects. Don't like Newman, will always love that movie.
Socrates11
Footballguy
Some people bag on Blue Chips but to me it's a pretty decent flick, and as a fan of college basketball/sports the last big scene with Nolte just gives me chills no matter how many times I see it.
-----
"l don't know what we gave these kids.
You know. they asked for things.
we gave it to them.
l mean. you guys asked me to win.
and l gave that to you. Right?
And the alumni are all jerking off
over this win.
which is the only time the alumni
ever jerk off. right. is when we win.
Because this ain't about education!
lt ain't much about winning.
and it sure as hell ain't
much about basketball!
lt's about money!
Just ####### money!
That's what it's about. Ed.
And l bought into it.
l bought into it bigtime.
l'm a big part of the problem.
(Happy/rich alumni booster goes off, gets escorted out)
There goes Happy.
heading for the cash machine.
Oh. yeah. he's gonna get himself
a middle linebacker.
That guy's got the best players
money can buy!
The best players money can buy!
You know. l'll tell you
something else.
You know. someplace--
Someplace in America right now.
there's some 10-year-old kid.
He's out there on that playground.
And he's playing.
He's dribbling between his legs.
He's going left. he's going right.
He's already above the rim.
he's stuffing it home.
You know what's gonna happen to
this kid? Five minutes from now.
he's gonna be surrounded by agents
and corporate sponsors and coaches.
l mean. people like me
just drooling over this kid
because he holds our future
employment in his hands.
l mean. that's what we've made
this game.
That's what we've done.
You know. the best coaching job
l ever did.
that wasn't tonight.
lt was last season.
You know. when we were 14 and 15.
We had a losing season.
But ####### it. those kids.
they gave me their heart!
They gave me everything they had!
They played up to the maximum
of their ability!
They gave it everything!
And. you know. it wasn't good enough.
Wasn't good enough for me.
Wasn't good enough for you.
Wasn't good enough for anybody!
That's pathetic.
l mean. it's really pathetic.
l've become what l despise.
l cheated my profession.
Cheated myself.
l cheated basketball.
There's two words l didn't think
would ever come out of my mouth.
l didn't think l'd ever be able
to say them.
l quit.
-----
"l don't know what we gave these kids.
You know. they asked for things.
we gave it to them.
l mean. you guys asked me to win.
and l gave that to you. Right?
And the alumni are all jerking off
over this win.
which is the only time the alumni
ever jerk off. right. is when we win.
Because this ain't about education!
lt ain't much about winning.
and it sure as hell ain't
much about basketball!
lt's about money!
Just ####### money!
That's what it's about. Ed.
And l bought into it.
l bought into it bigtime.
l'm a big part of the problem.
(Happy/rich alumni booster goes off, gets escorted out)
There goes Happy.
heading for the cash machine.
Oh. yeah. he's gonna get himself
a middle linebacker.
That guy's got the best players
money can buy!
The best players money can buy!
You know. l'll tell you
something else.
You know. someplace--
Someplace in America right now.
there's some 10-year-old kid.
He's out there on that playground.
And he's playing.
He's dribbling between his legs.
He's going left. he's going right.
He's already above the rim.
he's stuffing it home.
You know what's gonna happen to
this kid? Five minutes from now.
he's gonna be surrounded by agents
and corporate sponsors and coaches.
l mean. people like me
just drooling over this kid
because he holds our future
employment in his hands.
l mean. that's what we've made
this game.
That's what we've done.
You know. the best coaching job
l ever did.
that wasn't tonight.
lt was last season.
You know. when we were 14 and 15.
We had a losing season.
But ####### it. those kids.
they gave me their heart!
They gave me everything they had!
They played up to the maximum
of their ability!
They gave it everything!
And. you know. it wasn't good enough.
Wasn't good enough for me.
Wasn't good enough for you.
Wasn't good enough for anybody!
That's pathetic.
l mean. it's really pathetic.
l've become what l despise.
l cheated my profession.
Cheated myself.
l cheated basketball.
There's two words l didn't think
would ever come out of my mouth.
l didn't think l'd ever be able
to say them.
l quit.
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Josie Maran
Footballguy
heckmanm
Footballguy
Henry V
WESTMORELAND
O that we now had here
But one ten thousand of those men in England
That do no work to-day!
KING HENRY V
What's he that wishes so?
My cousin Westmoreland? No, my fair cousin:
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires:
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England:
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more, methinks, would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made
And crowns for convoy put into his purse:
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names.
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.
WESTMORELAND
O that we now had here
But one ten thousand of those men in England
That do no work to-day!
KING HENRY V
What's he that wishes so?
My cousin Westmoreland? No, my fair cousin:
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires:
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England:
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more, methinks, would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made
And crowns for convoy put into his purse:
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names.
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.
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Todem
Footballguy
Wheezer34
Footballguy
From "There Will Be Blood":
DANIEL PLAINVIEW: "Those areas, they've been drilled...Yes, it's called drainage, Eli. See, I own everything around it, so, of course, I get what's underneath it...Do you understand, Eli? That's more to the point. Do you understand? I drink your water. I drink it up every day. I drink the blood of Lamb from Bandy's tract...Because you're not the chosen brother, Eli. 'Twas Paul who was chosen. He found me and told me about your land. You're just a fool...I did what your brother couldn't...I broke you and beat you. It was Paul told me about you. He's the prophet. He's the smart one. He knew what was there and he found me to take it out of the ground. Know what the funny thing is? Listen, listen, listen. I paid him $10,000 cash in hand. Just like that. He has his own company now. Prosperous little business. Three wells producing, $5,000 a week. Stop crying, you sniveling ###. Stop your nonsense. You're just the afterbirth, Eli...that slithered out on your mother's filth..They should have put you in a glass jar on the mantelpiece. Where were you when Paul was suckling at his mother's teat? Where were you? Who was nursing you, poor Eli? One of Bandy's sows? That land has been had. Nothing you can do about it. It's gone. It's had. You lose....Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy. Drained dry. I'm so sorry. Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's the straw, you see? (He holds his finger up) Watch it. (He walks back a few steps) Now my straw reaches acroooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake. I... drink... your... milkshake! (slurping sound) I drink it up!") When Eli responded: "Don't bully me, Daniel!", Daniel threw him down the bowling alley, while shouting after him: ("Did you think your song and dance and your superstition would help you, Eli? I am the Third Revelation! I am who the Lord has chosen. Because I'm smarter than you. I'm older...I'm not a false prophet, you sniveling boy! I am the Third Revelation! I am the Third Revelation! I told you I would eat you...I told you I would eat you up!"
DANIEL PLAINVIEW: "Those areas, they've been drilled...Yes, it's called drainage, Eli. See, I own everything around it, so, of course, I get what's underneath it...Do you understand, Eli? That's more to the point. Do you understand? I drink your water. I drink it up every day. I drink the blood of Lamb from Bandy's tract...Because you're not the chosen brother, Eli. 'Twas Paul who was chosen. He found me and told me about your land. You're just a fool...I did what your brother couldn't...I broke you and beat you. It was Paul told me about you. He's the prophet. He's the smart one. He knew what was there and he found me to take it out of the ground. Know what the funny thing is? Listen, listen, listen. I paid him $10,000 cash in hand. Just like that. He has his own company now. Prosperous little business. Three wells producing, $5,000 a week. Stop crying, you sniveling ###. Stop your nonsense. You're just the afterbirth, Eli...that slithered out on your mother's filth..They should have put you in a glass jar on the mantelpiece. Where were you when Paul was suckling at his mother's teat? Where were you? Who was nursing you, poor Eli? One of Bandy's sows? That land has been had. Nothing you can do about it. It's gone. It's had. You lose....Drainage! Drainage, Eli, you boy. Drained dry. I'm so sorry. Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's the straw, you see? (He holds his finger up) Watch it. (He walks back a few steps) Now my straw reaches acroooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake. I... drink... your... milkshake! (slurping sound) I drink it up!") When Eli responded: "Don't bully me, Daniel!", Daniel threw him down the bowling alley, while shouting after him: ("Did you think your song and dance and your superstition would help you, Eli? I am the Third Revelation! I am who the Lord has chosen. Because I'm smarter than you. I'm older...I'm not a false prophet, you sniveling boy! I am the Third Revelation! I am the Third Revelation! I told you I would eat you...I told you I would eat you up!"
Frostillicus
Footballguy
I was raised by my grandparents. When I was seven my grandpa took me fishing on one of those day-charter deals with his friends. We wound up hitting into a reef and the boat went down. My grandfather took me and put me inside this little life raft for safety. Everyone else was just kind of swimming around trying to stay up and suddenly all these sharks just started swarming and then they tried to protect me but by morning they were all gone. So I floated out there for two days until those coast guard helicopters finally spotted me. I thought I was safe but suddenly this shark just leapt up and bit my leg. Six people went into the water and one little girl came out. The sharks took the rest. They took my grandfather. That's why I really hate sharks.
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